I had a simple dress on, the one I had been given by the lady in South Pass so I didn’t have to worry about spoiling my expensive outfits and making Patrick angry. Gavin brought the horses out and I saddled Fire Cracker with the military saddle, while Gavin saddled his own horse. I could tell Bandit was getting excited as he ran in circles and wagged his tail. Even Fire Cracker seemed excited, tossing his head and anxious to be on his way.
Gavin helped me up, even though I could have done it on my own. Then he was swinging up on his own black stud and we were heading down the trail that led to the beach.
The moon shimmered against the water, as the waves crashed, throwing up white foam. Once we approached the damp sand, I let Fire Cracker have his head, and both horses bolted forward, with Bandit keeping up behind. As each wave crashed and receded, we rode closer to the water and were soon running in the surf, with the salt water splashing up in our faces. I laughed with the sheer joy and freedom I was feeling at the time.
When the horses were spent, we began to walk slowly back in the direction of McGovern Court. My dress was soaked in salt water, and Gavin looked sopping as well.
“Maybe we should wait until our clothes dry a bit, before returning,’ Gavin suggested. “We cannot track water in the house or we will be found out. If your wet, sandy clothes are discovered, Patrick will know you managed to escape.”
“You are probably right,” I said, as I dismounted, and began leading Fire Cracker behind me. “There’s enough of a breeze, it shouldn’t take too long,” I projected.
“I have been enjoying the time I have spent with you every night, secreting you away to visit your dog,” Gavin said, reaching out to grab my hand.
“Yes, it has been fun, and risky if Patrick ever found out.”
“There is not much he can do to you. I don’t know why you worry so much.”
“He has threatened things that would be undesirable, if I don’t cooperate fully,” I told him.
“And what kind of undesirable threats has he devised?”
“A virginity test, for one, performed by him!”
“I cannot believe he would stoop so low!”
“He frightens me, Gavin. He said if I wasn’t his sister he wouldn’t mind taking my virginity himself. He may decide to do it, just to make me unfit for any acceptable marriage.”
“He wouldn’t! Your parents would disown him if he tried a stunt like that.”
“How could I prove it? He would blame it on me, saying I had dabbled with men all my life.”
“If he does that, I will step up and marry you,” Gavin offered, stopping me and causing me to face him.
“Oh, he would hate that even more! Then I would be here to taunt him for the rest of his life if I became your wife. I would defiantly go out of my way to make him miserable, if that ever happened,” I promised Gavin.
It dawned on me that might have been the reason Patrick didn’t want me getting involved with Gavin. He had already told me how happy he would be when I finally got married and left.
“Wouldn’t you enjoy being married to me, regardless?”
“I don’t wish to be married to anyone, Gavin. I am going to stay for the Ball, but during the confusion, when people are leaving, you are going to help me escape, like you promised me you would do.”
“Did I promise you that?”
“You certainly did! You cannot back out now!”
“Only I don’t want you to escape, Helen! I want you to remain. I think I am falling in love with you. Say you will marry me instead.”
“I can’t, Gavin. I don’t want to be a member of this family! Look how Patrick turned out. Look at his wife and children. No one in this family seems happy, not even you, Gavin!”
“If you stayed it would make me happy,” he insisted.
“Patrick said you would try to convince me to marry you. He must know you well.”
“That is unfair! It is not like I was making some diabolical plan to persuade you to marry me. The request truly comes from the heart.”
“The same way Patrick’s request did when he asked Loretta to marry him? It is all in the game of finding the proper wife, or husband, and you know it!”
“You cannot compare me to Patrick. He and I are nothing alike!”
“I don’t know either of you. It is just that Patrick’s dark side has come out to make me doubt any member of this family. I don’t know if you have a dark side or not, yet.”
“I would think you would trust me by now, Helen,” he muttered.
“You have been a good friend, Gavin, but I am not attracted to this kind of life. I don’t care about my inheritance. I just want to escape the trap of someone else controlling my life. I have only known you for a few weeks. How can you expect me to decide something like that? I spent more time with Wawee‘ne, than I have with you. Had he not been a wild Indian I wouldn’t have minded becoming his wife. He wanted me to become his wife.”
“You want to marry an Indian while turning everyone else down?”
Gavin looked shocked.
“No. The fact that he is an Indian is why I can’t marry him either, but I became very fond of him while we were together. It is hard to forget him. If I won’t marry a man I think I love, I would never marry a man I barely know!”
“You have to marry someday, Helen. A woman needs a man to care for her and love her. If there is no one else at the Ball that suits your fancy, will you consider me?”
“I told you, I don’t plan to stay after the Ball. Besides I don’t need anyone to care for me or love me,” I insisted, but deep down inside, I wanted the love part. I wanted someone who knew how to love me like Wawee’ne had.
“There must be some way I can persuade you,” Gavin said, placing his arms around me.
“You are a very nice person, and you have shown your loyalty to me.”
“You forgot to mention how I attended to the pain Patrick inflicted on you. You trusted me enough to allow me to touch you and sooth you. I would always be there to pamper you, Helen.”
Gavin pulled me closer in his arms. His head lowered, and his lips met mine. I remembered the one kiss he had given me, that first night he had come into my room. Up until now, he had not attempted to kiss me again. I knew there were many times he looked like he wanted to. I was torn between not wanting to alienate Gavin, and trying to convince him I could never marry him. I didn’t want him to start to get angry at me, the way Patrick did when I did not go along with his plans, so I allowed Gavin to kiss me. Once he realized I was not going to refuse his kiss, the kiss deepened, and he was pulling me down in the sand with him, expanding the kiss.
“Gavin…”
I wanted to tell him kissing him did not mean I was going to consider marrying him. However, he was too caught up in having me complying with his wishes. He wouldn’t release me. I didn’t want to fight against him. I just wanted him to come to his senses.
“Gavin, please…” I gasped, trying to pull away.
His mouth went back to smothering mine, so I could not speak, and my breath started to speed in my realization that I was getting myself into something I may not be able to get out of. I heard Gavin’s breath quicken too, but for entirely different reasons.
“Remember the night we watched Patrick and Megan?” he whispered in my ear, as he released my mouth. “I so much wanted that to be us. I still want it to be us.”
“It can never be us,” I insisted.
In answer, he pulled me closer.
“It could be,” he claimed, as he started pushing his hand up under my skirt.
“Gavin! Don’t do this! You said you would never force yourself on me!”
Bandit started barking, and Gavin seemed oblivious to my words.”
“You must stop this at once,” I cried, pushing against Gavin’s chest.
I had no other choice. I ordered Bandit to attack and he did, grabbing Gavin’s wrist and wresting him off of me.
“You rotten little mutt!” Gavin bellowed. �
��I have been protecting you! It is because of me you have not been shot!”
I staggered to my feet, and as Gavin stepped towards me, Fire Cracker lunged forward and stood between the two of us.
“I trusted you, Gavin!” I screamed. “How could you try to betray me like this?”
“I need you, Helen! Why can’t you just agree to marry me?”
“Never!” I cried, as I leaped up on Fire Cracker’s back without even using the stirrup. Fire Cracker caught my own distress. He began galloping at top speed, only there was no place to go but along the shore, and where would that lead? While I desperately wanted to escape this demented family, I didn’t know my way around New York. I had no money, no supplies, no way to survive. I had planned to collect things, once I was permitted to leave my room, so I could prepare for a journey back to familiar territory. Now I didn’t know what to do? I couldn’t trust Gavin or Patrick. I felt abandoned by both.
Gavin caught up with me, jumping from his horse and pulling me to the ground beside him.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said as I started to struggle, and Bandit’s hackles rose. “I’m sorry for what I tried to do. It was a despicable thing for me to even contemplate. I just couldn’t control my feelings for you.
“When you said you didn’t plan to marry me or anyone, and then talked about loving that Indian, I was devastated. I didn’t want to let you slip away from me that way. I told you once that you should marry for love, not duty. I still mean it. If you actually love that Indian, like you say, you should find him and marry him. I misread your caring for me as a friend as the beginning of love I thought would grow.”
“You have spoiled everything, Gavin!” I hissed between clenched teeth. “Now I can never trust you!”
“I realize that. I realize I have ruined any chance for you to actually fall in love with me. Like Patrick, I guess I felt I could take anything I wanted. But you are like me, Helen. You are a non-conformist. You would never conform to conviction by marrying me, even if I was the one who took your virginity. You are the type of a person that would marry a wild Indian before giving into someone you can’t love.”
Only he was wrong. I had left Wawee’ne behind regardless of my feelings for him. I had found all sorts of reasons for not marrying him, the same way I was doing with Gavin now. Maybe I wasn’t the kind of person who could ever be a submitting wife or let a man love me. I had been confused about who I really was all my life. I felt even more confused now. I would not make any man a good wife, I told myself. I turned my attention to Gavin again.
“I realize now, even if that happened, Patrick would keep us apart out of spite. He is determined to have everything go as planned. Don’t try to run away, Helen. Wait until after the Ball. It will take time before offers of marriage reach you or your parents. You don’t have to escape on the night of the Ball. Once the Ball has been thrown, Patrick will have to let you out of your room, so young men can call on you. His excuse now is that you are ill, and need to be rested completely before the Ball. Afterward, he will have no excuse to keep you locked up. Then we can make plans. Then I will help you in any way you ask.”
“How can I trust you are telling me the truth?” I asked.
“You can’t, but I am begging you to,” he said. “You can’t just run off when you have no place to go. Come back to the house with me. Pretend like nothing has happened. Do whatever Patrick asks of you, so he won’t attempt a virginity test. I will stop coming at night, so we won’t have the risk of Patrick finding out and being displeased. It can work, Helen, if you will only give me a second chance to prove my loyalty to you.”
“I suppose I have no other choice,” I said at last.
I remembered how I had gone with Wawee’ne because I had no other choice. I thought about the path God was supposed to be leading me on, and I didn’t think the path I was stuck on now was supposed to be on God’s map. If I didn’t trust Gavin, there was no glimmer of hope for me. Even false hope was better than nothing, I decided.
“All right. I will trust you, Gavin. Only it is a very fragile trust. You must promise never to touch me again.”
“Does this mean you will not dance with me at your Ball?”
“Maybe one dance,” I murmured. “Only as soon as the Ball is over, and I am released from my room, you have to make good on your promise and help me escape McGovern Court.”
“I promise,” he said, standing up and pulling me to my feet.
Gavin helped me up on my horse, and we rode slowly back to the house.
“Your dog and horse are very protective,” Gavin mumbled as we made our way back.
“I hope Bandit didn’t do too much damage to your wrist, but there was nothing else I could think of to do to bring you to your senses. You may have gained Bandit’s trust too, only he will always remain loyal to me.”
“I deserved it. I’m sorry if I upset you, Helen. I merely wanted to love you. I was getting impatient, for fear you would find someone at the Ball or run to that Indian you claim you were attracted to, and decide to marry him after all.”
“Like I said. I don’t plan to get married. Not to old money or new money. That kind of society I can do without. And as for Wawee‘ne, he has probably already forgotten all about me. I turned him down, just like I am turning you down. He probably hates me for it.”
“No one could hate you, Helen. Only, what about your inheritance? Once you turn twenty-one, it will revert to you.”
“They will probably disown me, once I leave. I doubt there will be an inheritance.”
“You won’t know that until the time comes. Write me a letter when you turn twenty-one, and I will inform you of their decision.”
“We are here,” I said, as we approached the stable. “I think my dress is dry enough, and the sand has fallen off of it.”
“I’ll take you up to your room, so I can lock you in,” he offered.
Only when we reached my bedroom door, Patrick was standing there, waiting for us. The look in his eyes frightened me.
“Having a little midnight affair?” he asked with a sardonic smile. “I told you about Gavin, Helen. He cannot be trusted. What have the two of you been up to?”
“I wanted to ride my horse! You have cooped me up in my room, and I needed some fresh air! We rode in the surf, and I didn’t want to track water in the house, so I waited until my dress dried before returning.”
“Please don’t tell me you have done anything stupid,” Patrick said, eyeing Gavin with distrust in his expression, and I thought how close Gavin had come to doing something stupid.
“Actually, I tried to convince Helen to marry me,” Gavin admitted. “She refused my offer, which should make you happy, cousin. Don’t punish her on my account!”
“How did you manage to release her from her room?”
“Silly, man. You know very well a skeleton key will open any door in the house. You can’t possibly believe you are the only one with a key to Helen’s door!”
“Only you knew better than to disobey me,” Patrick reminded me, turning to give me a scathing glare.
“If you are threatening her with a virginity test, I will go straight to your parents, and not only will I describe how you have been mistreating your sister, threatening her with all sorts of improper punishments, but Helen and I will describe in detail, our witness of you activities with Megan. I am sure your wife suspected it, but when she hears that everyone knows about it, she will insist on moving to the summer cottage and taking the children with her, so she will not have to look at your distasteful face! I must admit, though, that Helen and I were rather entertained by the display. She got an unexpected education, thanks to you.”
The anger on Patrick’s face frightened me more now than before. He looked as though he wanted to pounce on Gavin and strangle him with his bare hands! Then he turned his look on me.
“You little twit! What kind of dishonest stories have you been spreading about me?”
“I witnessed the resu
lt of your treatment of Helen, Patrick. You might as well give up the act, and start being civil to your sister!” Gavin bellowed.
Patrick turned to me, knifing me with his displeasured eyes. “There is only a few days before the Ball, so I will let this pass. Soon you will be someone else’s problem. I should never have taken you out of your element and believed you could be made into something of value in the first place. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear,” he grumbled.
He turned from my door, and Gavin unlocked it for me.
“We should have confronted him from the very beginning,” Gavin insisted. “At least now, I believe your prison sentence is over.”
“I only hope Patrick does not try to think up some sort of revenge because of this,” I mumbled.
“He would be biting off his nose to spite his face if he did,” Gavin chuckled. “I do love you, Helen. I want you to remember that, no matter what happens. I will always remain your friend, and if you ever need anything…”
“I am sure I can count on you,” I told him, forgiving him, in spite of my anger at him earlier.
After all, I justified, he was only driven by the love he felt for me, in the same way Wawee’ne was driven by the love he had for me. The only difference was, I didn’t try to stop Wawee’ne. I knew then, Wawee’ne was the only man I ever wanted touching me, only I had waited too long to admit it to myself.
Yes, Gavin was very charming. I must have been falling for his charm from the beginning, in spite of Patrick’s warning. Only I had been so desperate to have one person in the household I could trust. The problem was, his charm was what blinded me. Was he still trying to blind me with it? I just hoped Gavin was now being honest with me, and this nightmare would soon be over.
The next few days was filled with preparations for the Ball. Patrick informed me he was taking me into town to get me more fashionable clothes, and a couple of ball gowns. He said once I found a husband, I would need a trousseau to bring with me after I was married, but we could shop for that later. It would entail several alluring nightgowns, along with dresses to wear on my honeymoon. Also, there would be special household supplies, like linens, towels, and blankets that suited my fancy to bring to my new home. Since I did not plan to accept any marriage proposals, I doubted that a trousseau would be needed.
Gedi Puniku- Cat Eyes Page 13