Loving Mercy

by Dena Christy

  Her scolding of herself didn’t really do the trick, but since this was her idea, she thought she better get it done and over with. Deep down she knew what she was afraid of.

  It was what she had always been afraid of. She was scared that his reasons for leaving were because of her. That she had been the catalyst that had sent her father out the door. That she hadn’t been good enough, that having her as his daughter was such a disappointment to him that he couldn’t stand the thought of staying.

  In her head, in the logical part of her brain, she knew that her fear wasn’t rational. But then, sometimes emotions weren't rational, and this fear lived inside the hard emotional wound that had been caused when she’d been old enough to know what a father was and to wonder why she didn’t have one.

  The only way to get over this fear was to move through it. If what she feared was true, at least she’d know. If she was the reason he’d left, then she wouldn’t have to wonder about it anymore and she could go about working through it. But sitting in her car, staring at the bar wouldn’t give her the answers she was seeking.

  With her resolve in place, she got out of her car and shut the door firmly behind her. A cold wind blew through the parking lot, and she clutched her coat tighter around her.

  Fortunately, the sidewalk was clear of snow, so her progress to the door was quick. The cold was forcing her to move faster than she wanted, for what felt like the millionth time since she’d called the bar to arrange this meeting with Dwight, she wondered what the hell she was thinking. Her life, while not perfect, had been moving along just fine without her knowing why her father had split all those years ago. Did she really think it was going to improve upon knowing why she’d had to grow up without him?

  As she walked into the bar, she knew why she was here. Her mother would have wanted her to know what happened, and her mother had done the best she could to provide Mercy with everything she needed. She owed it to the woman who’d sacrificed a lot for her sake to find out why she’d had to make them.

  She walked in the bar, and her eyes zeroed in on Alex, who was behind the bar. He looked up and smiled at her, and the unsettled feeling inside her melted away. Looking at him, she realized that it didn’t matter what Dwight said, that as long as Alex was in her life nothing could touch her.

  She ignored the small whisper in the back of her mind that told her that it couldn’t last. She was focusing on getting through this meeting with Dwight and she turned her head toward him as he walked to where she was standing.

  She looked at him, searching for some part of herself that she could see echoed in his face, but there was nothing. So much of her face belonged to her mother, but she’d thought there must be some parts of it that came from him, but as she studied him, she couldn’t see how it was possible.

  “Mercy. I’m so glad you agreed to talk.” He smiled at her, and as she looked in his eyes she thought for a second that she could see a calculating look. She blinked and it was gone as if she’d imagined the whole thing.

  “Why don’t we sit, and you can tell me why you left my mother holding the bag all those years ago.” If he thought she was going to make this easy for him, he was in for a rude awakening.

  He must have realized that he was playing to a hostile crowd because the smile fell off his face to be replaced by a serious look. He swept his arm over to indicate that she find a table, and she moved away from the spot where she stood toward the booths that were lined up along the bank of windows at the front of the bar.

  She took off her coat and hung it on the hook that was fixed to the side of her seat and slid inside the booth. She took off her purse and set it on the seat beside her.

  Dwight slid in beside her, and within moments a shadow fell across the table and Alex was there. She wished for a moment that he could be with her while she did this, so she could have the comfort of his presence. But he had to work, and she was a big girl. She could handle whatever Dwight had to say and if her worst fears were realized, then she could turn to Alex at home tonight to help her put the pieces back together.

  Dwight gave Alex a resentful look as if he didn’t want his intrusion on this moment with her. But Alex didn’t even acknowledge him, since his eyes were on her, and there was reassurance in his smile. He must know how tough this was for her, and she could see the hint of pride in his eyes as he looked at her. It made a warm feeling bloom inside her.

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “I’ll just have tea, please.” Her stomach wouldn’t be able to handle food and she didn’t know how long she was going to be staying here.

  “And I’ll have coffee.” Dwight’s voice was sharp and Alex turned his head. Mercy could see there was a little animosity in Alex’s face before he smoothed it out. Perhaps Alex didn’t like the disruption that Dwight presented in her life any more than she did.

  Alex turned away to get their orders, and she directed her attention at the older man sitting across from her.

  “I don’t know why we had to do this here, with him spying like he’s afraid I’m going to do something.” Dwight’s face was sour when he glanced over in the direction that Alex had gone. “I don’t know why we couldn’t just meet at the old house where we could talk in private.”

  “That’s not happening. Here is where we’re meeting because you’re a stranger and there is no way I would invite a stranger into my home.”

  His eyes were sharp, and his mouth tightened. “I’m your father, not some stranger.”

  “You’re a stranger. Just because we have the same blood coursing through our veins doesn’t make you family.” And with that statement, a feeling settled over her, one that knew one thing for certain. She wasn’t afraid of what he was going to say because the baby in her belly was her family. And by extension, the man who’d made that baby with her was too. She needed nothing from the man sitting across from her. “And since I’m living at Alex’s place at the moment, there would be no way you could escape him anyway. So here is where we're meeting and you’ll just have to get over it.”

  “So you are living with him.” He said it so quietly that it was almost like he wasn’t speaking to her.

  “I am, and you have no right to have a problem with it. So why don’t we get on with this meeting and you tell me why my mother had to raise me without you.”

  She was going to have to wait for his answer because Alex brought over her tea and Dwight’s coffee. Once he set everything down, he put his hand on her shoulder for a moment. There was comfort in his touch, and she smiled gratefully up at him.

  He moved away, and she turned her attention back to Dwight.

  “You have to understand that I didn’t intend to leave you and your mother.” He licked his lips and took a sip of his coffee. There was a slightly nervous look in his eyes as if he knew that what he had to say in the next few minutes would be the deciding factor on whether she was going to want to speak to him again. He was right.

  “And yet that’s exactly what you did. You left my mother with a three-year-old, with a mortgage and bills. Do you know that she had to work two jobs just to keep a roof over our head?” And Mercy had a feeling that no matter what he said, it would never make up for the hard life her mother had when he left.

  His mouth tightened and his eyes hardened for a moment and it sent the hairs rising on the back of her neck. In that split second, she saw someone different from the repentant father he had shown her so far. And as she sat across from him she wondered if she was seeing the real Dwight for the first time.

  His face smoothed out, his eyes cleared and the remorseful man was back.

  “I understand that you’re angry and you have every right to be. I know your mother had a hard life with me gone, and I wouldn’t have done it to her or you if I’d had any other choice.”

  He took another sip of his coffee and she wondered if he was ever going to get to the point.

  “So you keep saying, but what could have compelled you to leave? You’re the one who
wanted the opportunity to talk to me and I’m giving it to you. But you’re going to have to be honest about why you left, because otherwise what is the point of all this?”

  “I left because when I was young, stupid and got mixed up with people I shouldn’t have. I don’t want to give you all the details because it’s not something you need to know. But my being with you and your mother put you both in danger and I had to leave to keep you safe. As hard as your mother’s life and your life was when I left, it was better than the alternative, which would be both of you having no life at all.”

  He wanted her to believe that he left because their lives were in danger? What the hell had he gotten into that would bring about such a threat to his family.

  She searched his eyes, and she could see no sign of deception. Actually, she could see nothing at all. It was like he had a wall up and was blocking all his emotions to keep them from showing.

  She wondered about it, but then didn’t she do the same thing? Maybe that was what she had inherited from him.

  “Why would we have been in danger? And if there was such a big threat against us, why are you here now? If you being around us was so toxic, why have you come back?”

  He sighed and set his cup down. “I crossed someone a long time ago. Someone dangerous, who never let go of a grudge or a slight. I had to disappear so he would leave you alone. I had to become a different man and pretend that Dwight Chambers was dead. This man is gone now, his lifestyle finally caught up with him and he’s gone. It’s safe now for me to come back. I had hoped that I would get to see your mother again, but I guess I’m too late for that.”

  Yeah, he was definitely too late for that, and Mercy couldn’t quite find it in herself to feel sorry for him. This all came down to choices he’d made, and while he may not have actively chosen to leave them at the start, the decisions he’d made to cross someone who shouldn’t have been crossed was definitely one that he had made.

  “And what exactly is it that you want from me?”

  “I just want the chance to get to know you again. And maybe make up for being gone all those years ago.”

  Mercy made a non-committal noise and took a sip of her tea. His coffee cup was empty, and she looked at it and him.

  “I should probably get back to work. I’m staying at the motel if you want to talk. And I’ll be working here too.”

  He stood up and took his empty cup with him as he went. He’d no sooner departed that Alex was there beside her.

  “Well, did he have a convincing story?”

  She set her teacup aside. “It seemed convincing, but I don’t know if it matters. The person who needed to hear it is gone.”

  And Mercy found that she didn’t feel any different now with knowing why he’d gone. And perhaps it didn’t matter anymore.

  A week had passed since Dwight’s first day, and Alex was glad that he wasn’t here. Something about that guy bugged him and he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. Mercy had said little about her meeting with him, and she appeared to not want to dwell on it, so he let it go. There were better things to occupy the time he had with Mercy than to talk about Dwight, anyway.

  Business at the bar was steady, and Alex chalked it up to the fact that the weather had turned a little warmer and most of the snow had melted. He knew it wouldn’t last, and so did most of the town’s folk, so they went about their days getting ready for the upcoming holidays. And a lot of them stopped here for a meal after shopping in Ridgeport.

  Honor was working today, and Alex enjoyed working with her a lot better than he did with Dwight.

  “So, what do you think of our new bartender?” Honor clipped her food order to the track on the pass-through and turned to Alex. She’d worked with Dwight for part of her shift on Saturday when Dwight had been working until early afternoon. Alex had been scheduled to relieve him for the evening rush and had thankfully not had to spend a lot of time with him.

  “I’m not that impressed. There’s something about him I don’t like.”

  “I know, he seems kind of slimy like he’s calculating in his head what he will say before he says it.” Honor pursed her lips for a second. “But then, do you think maybe our judgment is colored by our relationship with Mercy?”

  Alex shrugged. “That could be true, but it’s hard to separate him from what he did to her and her mother.”

  Honor nodded and went over to one of her tables as they motioned for her attention. Alex looked up and Luke walked into the bar with a serious look on his face. Alex hadn’t seen him since the night Nathan had broken into Mercy’s house, and he hoped for a second that the deputy had some good news for them. Mostly that Nathan had been caught and was on his way back to the council’s custody.

  “Hey, how’s it going? Can I get you something?” Alex smiled at Luke as he stepped up to the bar.

  “I’d love to get a coffee to go, but I have some official business to attend to first. Is Logan here?”

  “Yeah, he’s in his office.”

  Luke nodded. “Okay. You need to come too.”

  A frown pulled Alex’s eyebrows together as he followed Luke to Logan’s office. What could Luke want to talk to him and Logan about?

  Alex knocked on Logan’s door and when the alpha told him to come in he opened it.

  “Luke says he needs to talk to us.”

  Logan looked up and nodded at Luke. “Well, you better come in and sit down then.”

  Luke walked in first and took the chair across from Logan’s desk that was farthest away from the door. Alex came in next, shut the door behind him and took the remaining vacant seat.

  “Luke, what’s this all about? Do you have any information about Nathan? Has he been spotted?” Logan looked at Luke intently.

  “It’s funny you should say that because Nathan is the reason I’m here.”

  Alex’s heart picked up speed, and he turned to look at Luke.

  “Has he been found?” More than anything Alex wanted Mercy to be safe, so if Nathan had been found it was a relief for him. But it brought up a troubling question. What did that mean for their living arrangement if she no longer needed to be protected from Nathan?

  “Oh yes, he’s been found all right. He’s dead.” Luke’s face was grim as he delivered the news.

  A shock went through Alex and when he saw Logan sit back in his chair he knew that his alpha was just as taken aback by the news.

  “Do you know what happened to him?” Logan would want the answer to this question because he would need to be prepared to answer some tough questions from the council if Nathan had been murdered in his territory.

  Alex knew that he had had nothing to do with the man’s death, but what if Rafe had found him and made sure that he wasn’t a threat to Mercy or Honor again? He had almost beaten Nathan to death once. He had it in him to do it again.

  “From what we can tell so far, it looks like it was an accident. He’ll have to go to Ridgeport for an autopsy to know for sure, but based on the scene it looks like he fell and hit his head on a rock.”

  That was it? Nathan fell and hit his head on a rock, and now he was dead?

  “Where was he found?” There was a look in Logan’s eyes, and Alex suspected that he wanted to be sure of where Nathan had been found so that he could figure out if someone had helped him along in his accident.

  “A hiker found him in the woods in Eden Creek. From what we can tell he was there before the snowstorm. There were a lot of fallen leaves around where he was found, and we’re thinking that they were wet and that’s what caused him to slip and fall. He appears to have hit his head on a rock, hard enough to make a wound on the back of his head. Even if it didn’t kill him, the exposure would have. So we think he either died from the blow to the head or froze to death. But that will be for the coroner to find out.”

  A look of relief crossed Logan’s face, and Alex knew that it was because if Nathan died accidentally in Eden Creek, the council would be satisfied that no one had disobeyed their order th
at Nathan be taken alive.

  “Thanks for coming in and letting me know.” Logan stood and reached out his hand to Luke. Luke stood up and shook it.

  Alex stood too since the official business was over.

  “Come on, Luke. I’ll get you that coffee.” Alex turned toward the door.

  “Make sure it’s on the house.” Logan gave Alex a pointed look and he nodded. “And Luke, you should know that Roger's Caroline just sent in a bunch of fresh pies. You should have a slice with your coffee.”

  Luke grinned as he and Alex moved toward the door.

  “Maybe I will have that coffee here.”

  They walked back to the bar and Luke sat down, undid his heavy coat and set his gloves on the top of the bar.

  “What kind of pie do you want?”

  “Surprise me.”

  Alex put a coffee cup in front of Luke and poured the coffee in it. He went to the kitchen and got a slice of lemon meringue pie out of the fridge and put it on a plate. He brought it back through to the bar and set it in front of Luke.

  The deputy took a bite and closed his eyes for a moment, his enjoyment clear on his face.

  “That’s hitting the spot.” He took a sip of his coffee. “I’m sure Mercy will be relieved to hear that Nathan is no longer a problem. I feel like going to tell her neighbor, Mrs. Fowler, that the intruder she saw that night is now dead and won’t be coming back.”

  Luke rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his coffee and Alex suspected there was a story behind that look.

  “Has she been bugging you to find out if he’s still on the loose?” Alex topped up Luke’s coffee cup and Luke smiled his thanks at him.

  “I wish that was all it was. I could handle that. I’ve been back to Mercy’s place twice since then because of that woman.”

  Alex stiffened as he put the coffeepot back on its burner. “Is something going on with Mercy’s place?”

  “The only thing going on with Mercy’s place is that her neighbor is a lunatic.” Luke glanced around and a sheepish look came across his face. “I shouldn’t say that. She’s an older woman, and I think she’s lonely and nervous about living by herself. Her husband passed away last year, and that has made her worse. She’s always been a nuisance since she is a frequent caller. Most of those calls turn out to be nothing. The one time it turned out to be something was when Nathan had broken into Mercy’s house. I’m afraid having her suspicions about a prowler that night being confirmed have only made her worse.”