The Reluctant Journal of Henry K. Larsen

by Susin Nielsen

  I could feel my eyes start to sting, and I had to dig my fingernails into my palms. “Thank you,” I said.

  Mr. Atapattu shrugged. “It was either spend some money on this trip, or spend it on some very expensive vitamin supplements I saw on the Home Shopping Network.”

  We all piled into the van. Mr. Atapattu put the key in the ignition. And suddenly I pictured Jesse, sitting on the mantelpiece. He’d loved the GWF more than anyone. Even in his darkest days, he would sit with the rest of us and watch “Saturday Night Smash-Up.”

  I couldn’t leave him by himself on today of all days.

  “I forgot something,” I said just as Mr. Atapattu was about to pull away.

  So I ran back upstairs and brought down the shoebox. Mom started to protest: What if the van got broken into, what if the border guards asked questions? But Dad squeezed her hand, and she took a deep breath, and I climbed into the back with my brother.

  We had so much fun in Seattle. We arrived at lunchtime, and it was a sunny day, so we ate our sandwiches outside before going up the Space Needle. Later on, we visited the Pike Street Market. Then it was time to hit the stadium.

  I was worried that they wouldn’t let Jesse in. I’d slipped him into my backpack, and security guards were checking everyone’s bags. But when the security guard looked into mine, all he said was, “New shoes?”

  “Yes,” I lied. He waved me through.

  It was an awesome night. Our seats were good, in the thirtieth row. They had big-screen TV’s so you could see everything up close and personal. Farley had even brought homemade signs to wave. His said “VLAD THE IMPALER IS #1!” Mine said “THE GREAT DANE IS #2!” Farley thought that was hilarious.

  My mom was thrilled when El Toro hit the ring. Best of all, he had a rematch with Jack Knife, and this time El Toro whipped his butt. He flipped Jack Knife right over the ropes and out of the ring! And my dad went mental when the Twister took on the Thompson Twins and won.

  At the break, Karen took us to one of the shops in the stadium and said, “You can each spend fifty bucks.”

  “We can’t spend your money –” I started.

  “Yes, we can!” said Farley as he raced into the shop.

  “Suresh Atapattu isn’t the only one who can treat his friends,” Karen said to me. She’d sat beside Mr. Atapattu on the way down, which was a big mistake. They’d argued about everything: his driving, which lane to choose at the border, which route to take into the city, where to park when we arrived. So if she needed us to spend her money to even out some invisible playing field, who was I to argue?

  Farley bought a Vlad the Impaler T-shirt and a Vlad the Impaler poster. I bought a Great Dane hoodie and lunch box. I told Karen why I wanted the lunch box. “Do you think your parents will approve?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “It’s better than a shoebox.”

  The second half of the show was even better than the first, especially when the Great Dane hit the ring. I went nuts. And guess who his opponent was? Vlad the Impaler! Farley and I both went nuts!! (And so did my dad, which was a little embarrassing. Grown men really shouldn’t pump their fists in the air and go, “Whoooooooooooo!”)

  It was a spectacular match. Best of all, the Great Dane won! And he did it with no underhanded tricks or illegal moves (although he did rub his butt in Vlad’s face when he was lying on the mat, groaning in defeat, but, really, who could blame him?).

  For tonight, at least, the underdog won.

  I went to my session with Cecil last Friday. He looked pretty happy to see me. I told him the story I told Karen. I told him without once using Robot-Voice. He said he was proud of me for sharing such a painful memory.

  I also told him about Jodie, and the letter. I even brought in the sand dollar and let him hold it.

  “Holy Moly,” he said. “It’s so smooth.”

  Then he helped me write a letter to her. He actually had a lot of good advice. He even gave me a stamp.

  When it was time for me to go, he said, “By the way, I’ve watched a couple episodes of ‘Saturday Night Smash-Up.’ ”

  “And?”

  “It’s pretty addictive,” he said.

  He still needs a haircut. And new socks. But other than that? Cecil’s not such a bad guy.

  Going back to school was hard.

  Farley met me at the front doors on my first day. “I think word’s leaked out.”

  “About …?”

  “About your brother. They didn’t hear it from me,” he added quickly. “Or Alberta. But you were talking about your brother in the bathroom.… Maybe someone looked it up on the Web?”

  Barf. “How do you know people know?”

  “A couple of kids have asked me about it. Ambrose asked me yesterday.”

  “And what did you say?”

  “I said he should ask you.”

  I sighed. “Gee, thanks.”

  We entered the school. I could tell right away from the looks I got that Farley was right. People knew. But I think Farley must’ve talked to the Reach For The Top kids because, whenever I walked into a classroom, one of them would come and sit beside me right away. Like in Socials, Jerome sits beside me all the time now. He’s a man of few words. “Hey,” he’ll say as he slips into the seat beside me.

  “Hey,” I’ll say back.

  In Enriched English, Farley, Ambrose, and Parvana form a little triangle around me. In Enriched Math, Farley and Shen flank me on either side. It’s a little obvious, but you know what? It’s also appreciated. And after just two weeks, I notice that the glances and whispers are starting to ease up.

  I asked Dad to drive me to Alberta’s house the day before I started back at school. Cricket answered the door.

  “Alberta, it’s that guy you sucked face with!” she shouted before running upstairs.

  Rude.

  Alberta came to the door. She scowled when she saw me. She was wearing a short-sleeved, red-and-white checked shirt, like a cowgirl would wear, over thick black tights.

  “I like your shirt,” I said. “Value Village?”

  She just kept scowling at me.

  “Alberta,” I said. “I’m sorry, about everything. I’m sorry I lied. I was scared you might not like me anymore if I told you the truth.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I forgive you,” she said. “But if you ever lie to me again …”

  “I won’t.”

  “Good.”

  Things are still a little awkward between us. But I called her on my cell phone from the van this morning anyway, to tell her where I was going.

  “Cool,” she said. Then, just before she hung up: “Hey, Henry. How many wrestlers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Duh, what’s a lightbulb?” There was a pause, followed by “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-HEEE-haw!”

  I’d like to say that everything is good between my parents, but that would be a lie. They argue, a lot. They try to keep their voices down, but I hear them. Sometimes I escape to Karen’s or Mr. Atapattu’s, just so I can breathe.

  I have to be really careful about what I say around Mom. A few nights ago she was making supper, and a song I liked came on the radio. I started to say “This band is killer,” but I stopped myself just in time and said, “This band is kil … ometers better than all the other bands out there.” And I rarely play on the PS3 anymore because most of the games involve shooting, which upsets her too much.

  It’s still better having her here than not. But it isn’t great. Mom says she needs to go back to Picton soon – to get a bunch of stuff and wrap up her sessions with Dr. Dumas. She says she’s coming back, but I don’t totally believe her.

  I’m not sure how my parents will feel when I tell them I’d like to move Jesse’s ashes into the Great Dane lunch box. It doesn’t have to be forever, but it’s a big step up from the shoebox. And I think Jesse would like it.

  On Monday I’m going to a suicide bereavement support group with Karen. She’s
convinced me to go just once, to see what it’s like. Cecil seemed really pleased when I told him about it. Going with Karen makes it seem doable.

  Today was a very good day. Tomorrow might not be so good. The anniversary of IT will be awful. The dread has been building inside me for weeks.

  But I also know that life goes on.

  Which reminds me.

  I’m going to have to ask Cecil for a new notebook.

  Praise for Word Nerd by Susin Nielsen:

  “This is a tender, often funny story with some really interesting characters. It will appeal to word nerds, but even more to anyone who has ever longed for acceptance or had to fight unreasonable parental restrictions.”

  – Starred Review, School Library Journal

  “Nielson … crafts a … compelling story. You want to dislike Ambrose, with his narrow interests (Scrabble), his dire peanut allergy, his social ineptitude, and his clingy relationship with his horrible mother, but you can’t.”

  – Recommended by CM Magazine

  “This novel is about finding the right path.… This is a good story with characters who are all outsiders to the affluent world of the setting in North Vancouver. The author describes very accurately how Ambrose and his mother survive on a meager salary and how concern for his safety makes his mother unreasonable and reactionary.”

  – Resource Links

  “… a beautifully drawn character.… [A] funny, wry tale, a tale that involves a lot of Scrabble (at the championship level), the reformation of an ex-con/druggie, and the coming-into-himself of a boy. And there’s a bit of love, too, actually.”

  – The Globe and Mail

  “Word Nerd moves as fast as a World Scrabble competition and has a game sense of humor … Susin Nielsen has done a fine job in bringing to life a first-class nerd whose very limitations make him a most extraordinary person who young readers will want to see more of.… Nielsen has a lovely comic touch in creating around Ambrose an interesting circle of adult friends who are every bit as unique as he is!”

  – Canadian Children’s Book News

  Praise for Dear George Clooney, Please Marry My Mom by Susin Nielsen:

  “Nielsen (Word Nerd) has created a narrator as sassy and candid as this memorable novel’s title.… Nielsen skillfully balances her story’s keen humor … with poignancy. Especially affecting are Violet’s struggles to accept her father’s new family.… ”

  – Starred Review, Publishers Weekly

  “This amusing but also touching novel deals with divorce and step families in a light-hearted way.”

  – The White Ravens 2011

  “Laugh-out-loud humor deftly mixes with insight into a troubled girl’s pain over her parents’ divorce, keeping readers involved on every page.… Nielsen has real talent for comedy, zoning in on just the right level of snark.… The narrative’s balance tips much more into comedy than drama, but it illuminates Violet’s psychological difficulties among the laughs. Best friends, stuck-up enemies, and a possible love interest for Violet spice up the story. A nifty almost-saw-it-coming ending puts everything right. This comic novel scores.”

  – Kirkus Reviews

  “Violet is a complex, appealing character whose intimate, lively first-person narrative, both droll and heartfelt, discusses classmate conflicts and crushes as well as her insecurities and her gradual acceptance of what she can and cannot control. Though she often faces challenges and situations with not-so-graceful aplomb, Violet’s growth and authentic range of emotions, from anger (including some cringe-worthy acting up) to healing and trust, ring true in this very engaging read.”

  – Booklist