Broken Forever

by Lonnie Doris

  “Man, that’s a lot of disrespect coming out of your mouth. Where I come from, that shit wouldn’t fly.”

  “Ah kid, you have a lot to learn. These women—” he motions around the room “—they’re here for you and every other rich fucker in this room.”

  Rich motions for a young, bleached blonde to come over to us. He hugs her around the waist with one arm and turns her toward me. “This is Tommy Kirkman, my new star. Tommy, this is Samantha. Enjoy,” he says with a wink as he turns and walks away, leaving us alone.

  “Well, Tommy Kirkman, I can’t wait to get to know you a little better,” she purrs as she holds up a small baggie.

  “I’ve never done that before.”

  “I’ll teach you, handsome.” Samantha takes my hand and leads me toward the nearest bathroom.

  I don’t hesitate. I follow behind her, holding on to her hand. I’m no longer the person I used to be. I lost that when I lost Maddie. I’ve never partied like this before. I come from a small, God-fearing town. Sure, we drank, but drugs never came into the picture.

  Once we reach the bathroom, she pulls me in and shuts the door behind us.

  “I’m getting ready to change your life.” She smiles up at me, rubbing her hands down my chest.

  I don’t respond. I stand there, gazing down at her. I’m ready for her to change my life. Maybe the drugs will numb me. Feeling nothing has got to be better than anything I’m feeling right now.

  Two

  Samantha

  I pull my car into the parking space assigned to me. Rich has asked me to come into the office today, and it’s not very often that he summons me here. I’m surprised he hasn’t given away the space with as rarely as I put in an appearance these days. I’m responsible for the ladies we bring to parties to entertain Rich’s clients. I don’t need to show up at the office to get that job done.

  He asked me to “tame” Tommy Kirkman some months back. Rich brought me in to get Tommy’s mind off some chick who died before he moved out here. Although I was told never to mention the girl.

  Tommy was almost at the point of no return. Rich was freaking out because Tommy has amazing potential and could be the next rock god. I’ve made great progress with him; we’ve been having a great time together. Not to mention, the sex is incredible. But if I don’t put an end to this façade now, someone is going to get hurt—most likely me.

  That’s not good for business.

  Not to mention, if Rich finds out I’m growing attached to Tommy, he definitely will not be happy with me.

  Vanessa, Rich’s secretary, leads me back to his office.

  “Thanks, Vanessa. That’ll be all.” Rich cues her to leave, and she shuts the door behind herself. “Samantha, we have a problem. And you know I detest problems.” He smirks.

  “Yes. I think Tommy is getting too attached to me.”

  “What are you going to do about it?” He gets up from his desk and walks over to me, placing his finger under my chin.

  “I’ll handle it,” I say, but I don’t move away from his touch. I know better than to go against Rich. If he wants to touch me, he gets to. I don’t just work for him; he owns me. I know I’ve let him down. He trusted me with his new talent, and I blew it.

  “That’s my girl.” He leans in and kisses me deeply.

  I hear the door open.

  I freeze in my spot, staring into Tommy Kirkman’s chocolate-brown eyes. Fuck! Rich set me up. With a gasp, I glare at Rich. Tommy still hasn’t said a word, so I open my mouth to speak. Tommy stops me with his own words.

  “Don’t. Just don’t.” Then he turns and walks away.

  I attempt to go after him when Rich grabs me around my waist, jerking me back to him.

  “Let him go, sweetheart.” He kisses my forehead. “It wasn’t him I was worried about getting too attached. It was you.”

  “What?” How could Rich have picked up on that? “What makes you say that?”

  “Samantha, don’t you think I know when my best girl isn’t thinking straight? I’m not mad. Tommy is a great kid. You did what I needed you to do. Let’s move on to the next event.” Rich walks back to his desk, takes his seat, and looks at some dates on his calendar.

  I sit down in the chair in front of his desk and pull out my own calendar and notepad. “I believe five girls at this weekend’s yacht party will be enough. Since my schedule has now opened up, I’ll go too.”

  Back to business as usual, as if Tommy Kirkman never existed.

  Three

  Tommy

  Ten years later…

  Once I got out of the funk of losing Maddie and committed to this life, everything changed. Thanks to Rich, and with a lot of help from Samantha, I realized I have a life to live. Granted, I’m finding it easier to live that life with the help of drugs and women.

  I just didn’t want to get tied down to Samantha, and I felt that was where it was leading. Or at least, where she was wanting it to lead. That’s when I went to Rich for help. He explained to me that Samantha was supposed to help me heal and embrace this opportunity. I should have been pissed at him, but honestly, it worked.

  He set it up for me to “walk in” on them kissing. I thought that was a little extreme, but again, Rich had his reasoning, and it made sense. Although, I will never forget the look on Samantha’s face. Her eyes were filled with shock and sadness. She was an incredible woman, but just not one I wanted to fall in love with. There is only one woman I will ever love, and she is gone. No one will ever replace her or that feeling.

  The road is filled with groupies, or Tommy’s Dolls, as I like to refer to them. A new girl in my bed almost every night. All the drugs and alcohol I can force my body to take. I’ll pay for it later in life, but now… Why not live?

  Maddie will always have my heart. I don’t want to come close to anything that resembles what I felt for her. Ever. But I’m still a man, a very rich man, thanks to the investments I let Rich make for me.

  Tonight isn’t any different. My dolls are wall-to-wall in the backstage area. I’m making my way through the crowd to head back to my dressing room when I hear a heated commotion.

  I walk in the direction of a man’s booming voice.

  “You fucking tease! I should drag you out of here by your hair and fuck you proper.” I hear the unknown man yelling.

  Then I see her. She’s struggling to get away from the prick, managing to slap him before he grabs her again.

  “Leave me alone!” the beauty screams in his face before I seize him from behind and slam him into the wall.

  Everyone around us stops what they’re doing to watch the action unfold.

  “What the fuck are you doing, man?” I bellow into his face. I have no idea who this asshole is, but I sure as hell don’t need this kind of shit going on in my backstage area. I am already in the tabloids for my party-hard lifestyle.

  “She’s been teasing me all night,” he gasps back at me.

  I turn to look at the beauty he was just manhandling, while still holding him against the wall.

  “You okay, doll?” I ask, looking deep into her light-brown eyes.

  “Yeah, I’ll be all right,” she stammers back. I don’t believe her, though.

  I turn back to the asshole, pushing him a little harder against the wall. “Get the fuck out of my sight.” Then I release him and turn back to her.

  “What’s your name, doll?”

  “Lydia,” she whispers.

  She is gorgeous. Long dark hair, hazel eyes, and something innocent yet feisty peeking above the surface.

  I reach out my hand for her, and she places her tiny hand in mine. I lead her toward my dressing room.

  “Everyone out!” I bark at the guys who are hanging around.

  One by one, they scatter out the door. I close it behind them and turn back to Lydia.

  “Make yourself comfortable, doll. Would you like a drink or something?”

  She looks at me curiously. “No thanks.” She sits in one of the lounge chair
s as I pour myself a bourbon. I can sense she is nervous. She doesn’t seem to me to be a typical groupie. I’ve never seen her before, and most of these women go from city to city, following me or other bands.

  I feel her gaze on me as I turn back around.

  “Do you know that guy?” I ask as I plop down into the lounge chair next to where she is sitting.

  “No, he just approached me and started calling me a tease when I didn’t respond to his…” she shrugs “…flirting. If that is what you’d call what he did.”

  I sit there watching her for a moment as I drink down my bourbon. I can’t believe how beautiful this girl is. She is young—I’d say barely twenty-one if I had to guess.

  She has an innocence about her I can’t quite put my finger on. I feel a pull to her. I have to know her better. I have never wanted to “get to know” one of my dolls before.

  Part of me wants to ignore the draw to her, but the other part of me wants to figure it out.

  “Are you from here?”

  “No. I’m not from anywhere, really.”

  “What’s that mean? Everyone is from somewhere.”

  “My dad was in the military. We never stayed in one place too long. I became so accustomed to traveling a lot, that when my parents were killed, I just kept traveling. I like the gypsy lifestyle.”

  I could see the sadness in her eyes when she recalled her parents.

  “Do you want to join me for dinner after my set?”

  Whoa… Did I just ask her to dinner? I don’t do dates or dinner.

  “Sure, I’d like that,” she responds a little breathlessly, her hazel eyes staring deep into mine.

  Lydia stands just offstage with one of the roadies I asked to stay with her as I perform my set. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of—the asshole from earlier somehow still being here and trying to finish his assault on her, or her running away before I can take her to dinner.

  Once I sing my final note, I sprint off the stage, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the backstage area into my waiting limo.

  I open the back door for her and climb into the back seat behind her, closing the door.

  “What are you in the mood to eat, doll?”

  “I’m not picky, but Italian food is my favorite.”

  I’m not sure where I am taking this beauty, but I know it is going to be more than just dinner and sex.

  Four

  Lydia

  These last few months with Tommy have been better than anything I could have imagined. Since that first night when he saved me from that asshole, we’ve bonded and become so close. And the sex is incredible.

  I’m standing in the kitchen looking out the window at the ocean in the distance, and I can’t believe I’m really here. I didn’t have a plan right after my parents were killed in that car accident. I just knew I was sixteen, had inherited a decent sum of money from their life insurance policies, and didn’t want to go into the system.

  The night I met Tommy was the first concert I had ever been to. I was hoping for the fairy tale—guy meets girl, guy sweeps her off her feet, they live happily ever. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast. I wasn’t a virgin when I met Tommy. I lost that at a junior high party a couple years ago. He was my boyfriend for a while, and we had a lot of sex.

  I feel Tommy wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him. He has no idea I am only sixteen. I lied to him and told him I was twenty. It didn’t seem to bother him that I was only twenty. I’m sure he would lose his shit if he found out my real age.

  Being here with him is helping me for the time being, whether he knows he’s doing me a favor or not. The longer I stay here, the longer I don’t have to spend my money to live. Tommy has been taking care of everything for me. Plus, he has been giving me $500 a week. He says it’s because I do all the cooking and cleaning up. His way of showing me he appreciates me. So, I’ll ride it out here as long as I can, I suppose.

  “Hey, doll baby,” he says as he kisses my neck, causing me to melt further into him. “I have to go to the studio and rerecord some tracks. I’ll be back later.” He kisses the top of my head and walks out before I can say anything back to him.

  Have a great session, I say to no one. Tommy isn’t a royal romantic with his words, but his actions make up for it. The only thing I know about romance is what I’ve seen in the movies or soap operas. My parents didn’t show affection outwardly toward each other. I always knew they loved each other, and me, but warmth wasn’t big in my world.

  I go look in the fridge for something to eat. Standing there looking at all the food selections, I start to feel queasy. Next thing I know, I am sprinting to the bathroom just off to the side of the kitchen and hurling up the remnants of what I ate last night.

  Ugh, I feel awful.

  Then it hits me.

  No. No. No. No. This can’t be. When was my last period? I start thinking back and counting on my fingers. Holy fuck.

  Once I’m certain there is nothing left to come up, I get to my feet from hugging the toilet and head upstairs to change my clothes. I throw on a pair of jean shorts and a T-shirt, grab my sandals, and head back downstairs to call a cab to take me to the closest pharmacy.

  What the fuck am I going to do? I’m sixteen. Tommy is going to be livid. I am smart enough to realize that if I’m pregnant, Tommy is not going to be happy. As a million thoughts run through my brain, I hold on to a little bit of hope that he is going to be excited about this. Maybe he is ready to start a family. Hey, delusional! You’re sixteen, remember? Fuck!

  There is no scenario where this ends well if I’m pregnant.

  I run into the pharmacy while the cab driver waits for me, but he makes sure to remind me the meter is running. That’s the least of my concerns right now. I have about a hundred dollars cash on me. He can wait.

  I purchase the test, and the cashier points the way to their bathroom. The passing minutes felt like an eternity ticking by.

  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I read the box again to make sure two lines means pregnant, because there sure as hell are two lines staring back at me on this stick.

  I climb back into the cab and head back to Tommy’s. The whole way there, I think about how I’m going to tell him. Maybe I am stressing for no reason. Tommy is a man of very few words, but he acts like he loves me. He has been showing me every day since we met that I am special to him.

  Even if he doesn’t get pissed about the baby on the way, there is still the issue that I’m only sixteen. Can he get in trouble? Can I get in trouble for lying to him? What if he wants me to get rid of the baby? Ah, brain. Shut the hell up, please!

  The cab pulls into the driveway, and I see Tommy’s car, indicating he’s back from the studio. I compose myself, throw some cash at the driver, and get out of the car. I decide I’m going to wait until tomorrow to tell him. Maybe I’ll fix a nice dinner and ease him into the right mood.

  I walk into the house, passing by his office on my way upstairs. I hear him on the phone because the door is ajar. I stop to listen.

  “Thanks, Rich. I appreciate it. I want to get this done, so I can get back here.”

  He’s leaving, and by the sounds of it, he’s not taking me with him. I continue my way up the stairs as he is coming out of his office.

  “Baby doll, can I talk to you?” I turn on the stairs, looking down at him. “I have to leave tomorrow morning for a press tour for the new album.”

  He didn’t say we, so he is going by himself. “Okay,” I say and turn back to continue climbing the stairs. I just want to take a shower and wash all these thoughts away.

  I’ve been awake for a while. I heard Tommy leave this morning. He didn’t wake me up to say good-bye. I don’t even know how long he is going to be gone. We didn’t talk much last night. He was in his office most of the evening, working on what he’s going to say on his press tour with his manager’s PR person on the phone.

  On the bright side, this gives me a little time to figure some stuff out. I’ve nev
er wished for my mom to be here more than I have over the last twenty-four hours. If there were ever a time I needed my mom, it is right now.

  Damn, I miss her.

  I get up and make my way downstairs to fix breakfast for myself, and I am startled to find Rich sitting at the breakfast bar. That guy creeps me out. Thankfully, I am fully dressed.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask as I pull a juice out of the refrigerator.

  “It’s time for you to go.” I stop mid-sip and stare back at him. “Tommy’s done with you. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Pack your things. The sooner you’re out, the sooner he can come home.”

  That’s what he meant yesterday… I want to get this done, so I can get back here. I suddenly feel an anger like I’ve never experienced before. That son of bitch doesn’t care about me, and he doesn’t even have the balls to tell me himself. He sends his crony to do it for him.

  “Fuck you, and fuck him too,” I spit out.

  “Oh good, you’re angry. Keep that feeling. It will make it easier for you to stay gone.”

  I walk over to where he is sitting, staring him directly in his beady little eyes. “I’m pregnant, and I’m not going anywhere, asshole, much less staying away,” I snarl at him.

  “Oh, so you are one of those trapping whores? How much to make you go away? Name your price.” He shrugs like I’m just everyday business to him.

  “I’m not leaving that easily. In fact, I’m not leaving without pulling the rock god’s world out from under his feet.”

  “What’s that mean, princess?”

  “That means every tabloid in the world will get a good story about Tommy Kirkman, King of the Assholes.” I’m still staring Rich down, doing my best to put a menacing look on my face to show him I mean what I say.

  “Do you really think anyone is going to care that you’re pregnant? Not to mention, if the baby is really his. This could have been your plan all along.” He laughs in my face.