by Pepper Pace
He went to the restroom and she gave him free samples of the pills that he’d left sitting on his dresser at home because he thought he’d be right back…
He ran to the cafeteria and got soup and a soda. He drank both in thirty seconds while people watched him curiously. Then he hurried back to the room.
“Troy!” He looked around. He’d been hurrying down the corridor and had run right past Bob, his mother and his father. He raised his arms and they were immediately there hugging him. Mom was stroking his face and telling him that it would be okay. Bob hadn’t shaved and was wearing a wrinkled shirt. Dad’s hand was rubbing his back. The tension in his muscles slowly eased.
“How is she, son?” Mom asked.
“Hanging in there Mom.” He gestured to the room. “I don’t want to be gone too long-”
Dad nodded. “We better get back in to check on her then.” Troy led them quickly to the room. Janet looked up, her eyes were glistening, whether from fatigue or from sadness, he didn’t know. He hurried to her, reaching out for his son.
“Thank you, Janet.” She left with a silent nod of her head. His family stood in the entryway watching. “He died.” Troy explained. “But if you want to hold him, you can.” And then he wept.
Everyone took turns holding the baby, while Troy tended to Juicy. He kissed her cool forehead, and neatly arranged her long dredlocks on the pillow. He adjusted her pillows and smoothed out her blankets. Then he placed his hand lightly on her belly.
Dr. Luenenberger came in and spoke to the small gathering. “Troy. I need to take the baby. We need to do some tests that might be helpful to his sister.” Troy looked down at the peaceful little face and then he nodded.
“We’re pretty sure that this baby had already expired before Juicy had ever come to us. None of the monitors had ever shown a second heartbeat. It’s natural for a mother’s womb to safely carry a baby that is no longer living. Even if we had been able to detect the second fetus, we would not have removed him.” He listened quietly as the doctor explained that Juicy’s coma was the result of her elevated blood pressure. Yet it couldn’t be properly treated as it could cause her to go into labor. He explained in a quiet voice that the result of her continuing with elevated blood pressure is that she could die of a massive stroke or heart attack. He explained the many possible effects to a woman with eclampsia if the blood pressure didn’t come down on its own.
Of course the worst was death to both mother and child. Unfortunately, there just was not much that could be done that wouldn’t risk the baby.
The doctor left soon after, carrying his son with him and Troy felt empty and cold.
***
Troy’s mother and father went to get a hotel room and Bob stayed behind. Bob was quiet and watched the TV on low; Troy was thankful for his presence but was also thankful that he was quiet. He didn’t want to talk.
He held Juicy’s hand and looked at the monitor and watched her peaceful face. He kissed her ear and told her that he loved her and once he had napped with his head on her pillow, still sitting in the chair.
His brother had rolled in a reclining chair that extended to a bed if he wanted it for that purpose. He did stretch out in it, holding her hand as he slept again.
The next morning his parents returned with a picnic basket of food and Lorie had flown in, leaving the kids with her husband. Troy hugged her for a long time and Lorie began to cry when she looked at Juicy’s still face. She gripped the woman’s hand, not ever having met her, but knowing that she was loved by her brother, which meant that she was special to their entire family.
Bob offered to go down to the shop to make the weekly deposit when Troy said that he didn’t give a damn. When he returned he had a puzzled look on his face. Everyone had given their well wishes but they had called him Candyman’s brother.
“Are you Candyman, bro? And if so, why do they call you that, because…I mean, if money is tight-”
“I’m called that because I bake muffins.”
He frowned. “Shouldn’t they be calling you the Muffinman, then?”
Troy shook his head. “Please don’t ever say that again.”
Troy returned home a few days later. He was forced to go back to the house in order to shower and dress for his son’s funeral. His church had helped his family in making all of the arrangements. It was supposed to be a very simple affair; a brief ceremony and interment, but over a hundred people showed up.
Troy looked around in amazement as he walked into the church. His church family was present; the women from the shop and Juicy’s clients, the people from the Brownstone were even present! He saw several of his friend’s from the streets. They seemed slightly uncomfortable and he noted that many had found jackets to wear. He looked down, overcome with emotion and then looked up again with grateful eyes at all of the people that had come to offer their support.
“Thank you.” He murmured and hugged and shook hands with everyone. Miss Barbara Jean squeezed his hand.
“You a good man.” She nodded her head in affirmation to her statement and then turned away tearfully.
“Thank you, Miss Barbara Jean.”
At the cemetery Troy placed a white carnation on the miniature casket of Kelly Robinson Hyden. Then he returned to the hospital and whispered his love to his fiancé and unborn daughter.
CHAPTER 20
There was a repetitive sound that was just downright annoying. Was Troy playing a videogame? She had never known him to care much for things like videogames. She opened her eyes and looked around slowly. What the-?” She was not in her familiar bedroom!
Her head whipped around and she reached up and ripped a tube out of her mouth. It went all the way down her throat and she gagged and coughed, almost suffocating on it! Troy’s body jerked where he was sleeping in a reclining chair next to her hospital bed. He jumped up and hurried to her while she coughed and choked.
“What the-?” But she had no voice. She tried again and a whispery sound issued from her lips. “What-?”
Troy placed his hands on her cheeks and then he kissed her. He pulled back and then moved right back in to hug her. She hugged him back, confused eyes still roaming around the room.
“Thank god,” he was saying. “You’re awake.”
He released her and snatched at the call controls. He was pressing it and staring at her. A voice came over a speaker and Troy told that person to send in the doctor. He dropped the controls immediately and touched her face again. It was like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
She frowned. He was long haired with a moustache and beard. Juicy’s eyes got wide as her confusion began to clear. She reached between them and touched her belly, frantically pressing her fingers against her yielding flesh. She still had a round belly but it wasn’t swollen with her pregnancy.
Troy was nodding. “You had her last night, baby. Then they gave you medication for the high blood pressure. They brought it down, honey. It came down.”
“Is-” She clutched her sore throat and tried again. “Is she okay?”
“Yes. She is perfect and beautiful and healthy. They had to take her but her lungs were perfectly developed. She’s in neonatal right now. She’s a preemie but doesn’t look it. She’s a big baby; eight pounds, two ounces. And she’s…long but I can’t remember just how long.” He smiled sheepishly.
Juicy relaxed. “How long have-?” She rubbed her throat as she tried to croak out the question.
His face looked like a shadow had crossed it. “You were in a coma.”
“Again?!” Her hand moved to her head where the hair had grown back in to fill in the area that had caused her so much trouble so many months before.
A doctor came in. He was smiling broadly. “Welcome back, Miss Robinson.”
They took her blood pressure, slightly elevated but not in a danger zone. She was very weak but begged to see her baby.
The doctor nodded. “Of course we’ll wheel you up to see your daughter. But you can’t stay long.
You have to get back into bed. We can’t have a woman who just came out of a coma running around, can we?”
She and Troy looked at each other.
Juicy climbed into the wheelchair, surprised to see that two strange people were already there holding her baby. She looked up at Troy who smiled. “Juice, this is my Mom Gladys and my Dad Robert.” He had a proud smile on his face. “And this is Juicy.”
Gladys was nothing but smiles as she got up and carried the bundled baby to her. “Oh thank god, you’re awake, Juicy. Here, honey, let me show you your beautiful baby girl.” The older woman placed the baby in Juicy’s arms and Robert Sr; Troy’s father placed a hand on her shoulder. She glanced up at him quickly and saw his smile of welcome before she stared down at the little brown face of her baby girl.
“She’s got hair.” Juicy whispered in amazement. Troy came down to his knees and stared at the both of them.
“Lots of hair. And it’s black like yours…would be if it wasn’t dyed. But do you see her eyes? They’re light. I think they’re going to be gray like mine.” Her daughter squirmed and yawned and let out a squeaky sound.
The neonatal nurse smiled over at them. “I think that means she’s ready for a diaper change.”
“Ahhh.” They all said in unison.
“Troy is pretty good at it.” His dad said to Juicy.
“You’ve done this before?” She looked at him in surprise.
He nodded proudly. “I fed her and changed her this morning.”
Juicy leaned over and kissed him softly.
She didn’t get to hold her baby long enough to satisfy her. Juicy cried when they told her that she had to go back downstairs to rest. But they promised her that when she woke up she could come right back and spend as much time as she wanted. She felt better when Gladys and Robert stayed behind with Jasmine; who they had already given the nickname Jazzy.
After she freshened up and got back to bed, Troy took her hand. He had a solemn look on his face. Poor thing looked tired. There were shadows under his eyes and his hands trembled. His long hair was behind his ears and he looked more like that singer Kurt Cobain, than the super model that she had secretly likened him to.
“Babe…Juice. I have to tell you something.”
Her grip on his tightened. “Is Jasmine ok?! She’s not sick is she?”
“No. Jasmine is perfectly ok. But before you regained consciousness there was another baby, before Jasmine. He was a little boy. I named him Kelly Robinson Hyden.” Tears sprouted in his eyes. “He was stillborn.”
She looked at him as if there was more; maybe a punchline or a statement that would negate what he’d just said, but there was nothing more.
“I…I had a baby that died?”
Troy swallowed. “Yes, honey. We had a baby that died.”
“Why did he die?” Her eyes were big and shocked, her words where little more than small puffs of air.
“Dr. Luenenberger said that he was only just at twenty weeks. He had died even before you had ever suspected that you were pregnant. He had died even before your first exam. They never could have heard his heartbeat to know that he was there.”
“It was because I was fat.”
“Juicy, there is no ‘because’, there is just the fact. He was stillborn-”
She stared up at the ceiling and took in a shaky breath. “You told me so many times to sit down, stop pushing myself, to eat right.” She felt herself hyperventilate and Troy cradled her face, forcing her to look at him.
“Juicy! This is not a blame you can take.” Tears were gliding down her cheeks. “For hours I sat by your side holding that baby boy in my hands, sure that I’d been responsible for his death because I’d gone off and left you; caused you to worry. Trying to take on the responsibility for something like that is more than one person should ever do! YOU did not know that you were pregnant. And when you found out that you were, you took care of yourself! You didn’t do it because I told you to, or because the doctor told you to! You did it because you CHOSE to. You chose to take care of that baby upstairs! And because you did that she lives! Okay, honey?” Juicy began to cry. “You helped her to live, honey.” He pulled her into his arms and let her cry. “I thank you for that. Thank you for my baby girl upstairs.”
Hearing his words, and trying to believe them was two very different things. One day soon, she swore to herself that she would allow herself to cry and mourn her lost baby, but not while Troy looked so beat down by all that had happened over these last few weeks. He had been strong for her, and now it was her time to be strong for him.
She slept restlessly and when she woke up she asked Troy what her son had looked like. He looked off into the distance and described the tiny little boy. And then he described the funeral and promised to take her to the cemetery. She slipped her hand into his.
“I’m sorry that you had to do that all alone.”
He smiled. “I wasn’t alone.” He put his hand over his heart.
***
Later, Juicy held her daughter up in the neonatal ward, and so many visitors began to stream in that she was asked to take Jasmine down into her own room. The doctor had already given the baby an examination and the youngest member of the Hyden family was pronounced able to be released the next day.
They weren’t so sure about Juicy. But she threatened to runaway if they even thought about leaving her in this hospital without her baby. The doctor smiled and said that as long as she stayed in bed for the next few days and took her blood pressure twice a day that he would allow her to leave with the baby.
Robert and Gladys sat with them, barely leaving the little baby’s side. And when the girl’s from the salon drifted in they looked at the odd family that Juicy was a part of. And Miss Barbara Jean did not say one bad thing about white people and Ebonique even promised to give Gladys a free cut and dye job before they flew back to Connecticut.
Troy wasn’t anxious once, but relaxed in a way that Juicy had seldom seen. But then again, she hadn’t been at the funeral to see the outpouring of love and support that everyone had shown him. Still, even though he loved these people, he did stand up and announce that he had to go home and fix up the baby’s room, and when he left they would have to leave as well.
“You got to let the room air out. Them paint fumes are bad for a baby!” Miss Barbara Jean announced as she was walking out the door.
“Yes, Ma’ame. I’m going to get fans to air out the apartment before Juicy and the baby get home. Besides I think she’s going to be sleeping in our room in a cradle for a while, right Juice?” She nodded, paying more attention to the little baby in her arms then to the conversation happening around her.
“Alright, then.” The older black woman gave her approval.
“Juicy, do you have anything that you want to see in the baby’s room?” Gladys asked. She really liked Troy’s mother. She treated her as if she liked her, as well, and not like she was this strange black woman that was infiltrating their family.
“Actually…I do have a request.” She told them exactly what she wanted. Troy was nodding his head.
“I can paint it in a few hours, but not sure that I can find the butterflies before you get home tomorrow. But I promise you will have them.” Butterflies, everyone in the room murmured as they filed out.
Once everyone had left, Juicy got to spend her first time alone with her newborn baby. She wasn’t allowed to nurse because of the medication in her system but they kept her pumping her breasts—which was painful as hell, in order to keep the milk flowing until it was free of medication.
She kissed the black curls on top of her little head and placed her into the little baby bed beside her own. She closed her eyes knowing that when she opened them again, she would be able to go home, with her baby and with her man.