Ruthless

by Cheryl Douglas

  The woman’s features softened. “You must be shocked to learn that your boyfriend has a child he never told you about.”

  “I didn’t say that Luc was my boyfriend.”

  The woman smiled. “You didn’t have to, honey. You’re obviously in love with the guy. I didn’t see a ring, so I just assumed you weren’t married to him.”

  “No, we’re not married.”

  The girl dried her tears with a tissue. “Lucky for you. He’d probably walk out on you like he did to me and my mom.”

  Marisa looked from mother to daughter. A million questions were vying for attention in her mind, but she knew Luc should be the one to answer them.

  The woman extended her hand. “I’m Shana, by the way.”

  Marisa accepted her outstretched hand. “Marisa.” She looked at the teenager. “And you’re Nikki, right?”

  The girl nodded.

  “Can I ask, when was the last time you saw your dad, Nikki?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Luc Spencer’s not my father. I have a dad, a great dad. I don’t want anything to do with that man.”

  Shana drew her daughter against her, squeezing her shoulders. “Luc left when Nikki was a baby. We haven’t seen or heard from him since then.”

  “Yeah, all we know is that he’s some big-shot in the country music business,” Nikki said.

  Marisa looked up to see Luc walking out of his father’s room, looking aimless. Her first impulse was to go to him, put her arms around him and offer her condolences, but one look at his daughter reminded her that this man was a complete stranger to her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Luc stepped out of his father’s hospital room thinking he’d hit rock bottom, but watching his two worlds, past and present, collide proved it was possible to reach a new low.

  He knew immediately the girl sitting in the waiting room, clinging to her mother for support, was his daughter. She looked so much like him, hair color, eye color, facial features, but he knew he couldn’t take credit for the young woman his father had described to him. He had no right to feel a sense of pride when he looked at her, yet he did. She was so beautiful, so perfect.

  One look at Marisa told him she knew the truth, and she looked as devastated as he knew she would.

  He forced himself to put one foot in front of the other, crossing the waiting room. He had no idea what he was going to say to the three women who each had their own reasons for hating him, but he knew the time had come to own his mistakes.

  Shana looked up when he reached them. “Luc, I’m so sorry about your father.”

  He didn’t deserve her sympathy, not after the way he left her, but he was grateful nonetheless. “Thanks, Shana.”

  “He was a good man,” she said quietly. “Not at all what I expected, based on the way you described him.”

  He felt her words pierce their intended target. He said some horrible things about his father over the years, things he would never be able to take back. He held on to his resentment for too long; he didn’t want his own daughter to have the same regrets.

  Marisa stood up. “I’ll give you some privacy.” She refused to look at Luc, opting to focus on Shana and Nikki instead. “I’m going down to the cafeteria. Can I get you anything?”

  Shana smiled, shaking her head. “No, thanks, we’re fine.”

  She turned to Luc, looking at him like a polite stranger. “Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea, water?”

  He reached out to grip her arm, but she stepped back, just out of his reach. “Marisa...”

  “Okay, if no one wants anything, I’ll be on my way.”

  He watched her cross the waiting room to the bank of elevators. Her back was towards him, but he could see her punch the button repeatedly, as though she couldn’t get away from him fast enough. Not that he could blame her. He had to try and find a way to explain to Marisa later; right now he had to face his daughter’s wrath.

  Shana watched Marisa step onto the elevator. “I guess she’s upset because you didn’t tell her you had a daughter.”

  Nikki glared at him. “Why would he tell her? He wanted to forget I was alive, remember?”

  His heart ached for the pain he’d caused his little girl. He had been a thoughtless, selfish coward to leave her, and he had no idea how to make amends for the fact that she’d grown up without him.

  He claimed the seat Marisa deserted and faced his daughter. “That’s not true, Nikki. I’ve thought about you every single day since I left.”

  She sat up straighter, rolling her eyes. “Talk is cheap and so are you, Mr. Moneybags.”

  He looked at Shana, hoping she might intervene, but she remained quiet. “You have every right to be angry with me, sweetheart.”

  She fixed him with a gaze so filled with contempt it made him cringe.

  “Don’t call me that, you son of a bitch.”

  Shana grabbed her daughter’s arm. “Nikki, stop. He’s your father; you’ll speak to him with respect.”

  She crossed her arms. “Respect is earned, and the only thing this guy has earned is a few million bucks.”

  She glared at him. “But that’s all that matters to you, isn’t it? You left us so you could go off and make your fortune. You must be happy now that you’re a big shot, huh?”

  He dropped his head. “No, I’m not happy, Nikki.”

  “Good, you don’t deserve to be happy.”

  “Nikki...” Shana warned.

  Luc looked up at his ex-girlfriend. “Shana, could Nikki and I have a few minutes alone?”

  She looked at their daughter, who shrugged.

  “Okay, I’ll be back in a bit.” She kissed Nikki’s cheek. “Call me on my cell if you need me, sweetheart.”

  Nikki watched her mom walk away.

  “You and your mom seem close,” Luc said quietly.

  She turned to stare at him, shaking her head in disgust. “She’s the only person I’ve ever been able to count on. At least until she married Liam; now I’ve got him too. He’s my dad, my real dad.”

  Luc’s heart rallied against her words, but he knew she was right. Liam had raised his daughter and that, not shared DNA, made him her father. “I’m glad you’ve had a father figure in your life.”

  “It wasn’t always that way.” She shrugged. “It was just mom and me before Liam came along, but we managed.”

  She looked up at him with blue eyes the same shade as his. “You really are a piece of work, aren’t you? Not only do you abandon your girlfriend and kid, but your parents too?”

  He felt the heavy weight of guilt making it difficult to breathe. “My parents and I never had a close relationship. When I was growing up...”

  “Did they beat you?” she asked.

  He looked at her, confused by the question. “No, but...”

  “Did they berate you, hate you, wish you’d never been born?”

  He shook his head slowly. “No.”

  “Then as far as I’m concerned, you had no reason to cut them out of your life. But that’s what you do, isn’t it? You cut and run.”

  He rested his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers. “I’ll be the first to admit I’m not perfect. I’ve made a lot of mistakes.” He looked at the door of the hospital room where his father was resting in peace. “I had to try and come to terms with some of those mistakes just now. I wasn’t the kind of son I should have been, and I know I wasn’t the father you deserved, but I’d like to try and make it up to you, if it’s not too late?”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You’re kidding, right? You wanna step up and be a father to me now?” She threw her head back and laughed. “You’re a joke, buddy.”

  He wished there was something he could say, something he could do to bridge the gap between them. He decided they only had one thing in common: their shared love for his father. “Your grandfather was grateful he got the chance to know you. I’m glad you reached out to him.”

  She shrugged. “I decided it wasn’t their fault you were a loser. I
wanted to get to know my grandparents, learn about that side of the family.”

  “Then you’ve had a relationship with my mother as well?” Luc’s mother was never very maternal; he couldn’t imagine her as a doting grandmother.

  Nikki smiled for the first time since he sat down, and it lit up her sullen face. “Nana is great. She takes me shopping, out to dinner, to plays... I love spending time with her.”

  The last time Luc heard from his mother, she called to wish him a happy birthday, but he never bothered to call her back. All of their conversations were the same, uncomfortable, laced with memories both of them would rather forget. He thought it would be easier to forget if he kept his distance from them, but he was beginning to realize that taking the easy way out was actually harder than coming to terms with his past. “I’m glad you’ve been able to spend time with her.”

  “I asked both Nana and Grand-dad not to mention me to you, in case you were wondering why they never said anything.”

  He was wondering, not that he felt his parents owed him anything. They would never even have known they had a granddaughter had she not reached out to them. He was too embarrassed, too ashamed to tell his parents about his mistake back then. In retrospect, the only mistake he’d made was thinking of his perfect little girl as anything other than a blessing.

  “Maybe you should call her now?” Nikki suggested. “She would want to know about Grand-dad.”

  Luc rolled his eyes. “I’m not so sure about that.”

  She looked at him intently. ”You really are clueless, aren’t you?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “They were on friendly terms, your parents. In fact, we’ve all gone out to dinner together a few times.”

  Luc stared at her in disbelief. “You’re serious?”

  She shook her head. “Yeah, it seems the only person who’s stuck in the past is you, Luc.”

  His name on her lips sounded strange to him, unexpected. Not that he’d earned the right to be called dad. “Maybe you’re right, Nikki. Maybe it’s time for me to let go of the past. Think you might be able to do the same?”

  She shrugged. “I dunno.”

  He leaned forward. “I know you don’t believe this, but I do love you,” he whispered. “I want to be a part of your life.”

  She looked at him intently, her big, blue eyes shining with tears. “Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering what I’d done to make my daddy leave me?”

  He carefully shifted to the chair beside her. He wanted to comfort her more than anything but sensed she would only resent it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

  She looked up at him, tears slipping down her cheeks. “Why did you leave me?”

  He felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest. “It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life, sweetheart.” He was relieved she didn’t reprimand him for using the endearment this time.

  She shifted a little closer to him. “I’m really gonna miss Grand-dad.”

  He took a chance and set his arm on the back of her chair. “I know you’ll always have a void in your life now that your Grand-dad’s gone, but maybe I could help to fill that void a little.” He held his breath, waiting for her to respond.

  She looked up at him. “I don’t know.”

  He settled his arm around her. She didn’t lean into him, but she didn’t move away either, and he viewed that as progress. “That’s okay; you don’t have to decide anything right now. Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She finally leaned into him. “Promise?” she whispered.

  He held her tighter, kissing the top of her head. “I promise, sweetheart.”

  Marisa wrapped both hands around the steaming cup of stale coffee, hoping the heat permeating the foam cup would ease the icy chill enveloping her from the inside out. Luc had a teenage daughter he never told her about. She could scarcely believe it. She had spent her entire adult life loving this man, yet he was still a stranger to her.

  A shadow fell over the table, prompting her to look up. “Hi, Shana.”

  She gripped the chair across from Marisa. “Mind if I have a seat?”

  Marisa nodded. “Be my guest.”

  “Luc wanted to have a few minutes alone with Nikki,” she said, setting her designer handbag down on the chair between them.

  “Guess he has a lot of lost time to make up for, huh?” Marisa hated the fact that she sounded so bitter, resentful. It wasn’t Shana’s fault, nor was it Nikki’s fault she was so miserable. This was all on Luc.

  “You must have a lot of questions,” Shana said quietly.

  Marisa looked up and saw a woman who recognized what she was going through. “Can you tell me about your relationship with him?”

  Shana looked wistful, as though she were stepping back in time. “There wasn’t much of a relationship to speak of, not really.” She sighed. “I loved him so much that I was willing to overlook his short-comings.”

  “His short-comings?”

  She shook her head, tracing a pattern in the tabletop with her manicured fingernail. “I guess I considered them short-comings at the time, but I was young, so what the hell did I know?” She laughed. “In retrospect, I realize that was just him. I was trying to turn him into someone he wasn’t.”

  “How so?”

  “Luc was very up-front with me about the fact that he didn’t want to get married or have kids. He didn’t even want a serious relationship at the time. He was all about his career.”

  Marisa listened to Shana tell a story that could have been her own. “What happened?”

  “I made the mistake of getting pregnant.” She looked up quickly. “Don’t misunderstand. Nikki’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but Luc was definitely the wrong man.”

  “You said you made the mistake of getting pregnant...”

  Shana looked at her pointedly. “I’ve never admitted this to anyone, other than my husband, but I got pregnant on purpose, Marisa.”

  Marisa tried not to react, waiting for her to continue.

  “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell Luc about this. I intend to tell him myself, soon. It’s time he knew the truth.”

  Marisa nodded. It wasn’t her place to tell Luc. This was between him and the mother of his child. “Why would you do that?”

  “I loved him so much. All I wanted was to marry him, have his babies. I thought maybe if I took matters into my own hands, that he would change, embrace fatherhood.”

  “But that didn’t happen?”

  Shana shook her head. “No, it didn’t. He tried, he really did. I have no doubt that he loved Nikki, but he didn’t think he had what it took to be the kind of father she needed, so he left.”

  “That must have been difficult.”

  Shana propped her elbows on the table and clasped her hands under chin. “At first it was, but it got easier when I came to terms with the fact that I had created our situation. It wasn’t Luc’s fault, and I couldn’t spend the rest of my life blaming him because he wasn’t the kind of man I thought he should be.”

  Marisa looked her in the eye. “Why are you telling me this, Shana?”

  “I guess you remind me a lot of myself when Luc and I were together. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

  Marisa chuckled. “You’ve already shared some pretty personal stuff with me; the least I can do is return the favor.”

  Shana blushed as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Touché. You said you and Luc were friends, but I got the feeling it’s more than that. Or maybe you’d like it to be?”

  Marisa sighed. “I’m not gonna lie to you; I’ve been in love with him since I was a teenager. He’s my older brother’s best friend.”

  “Have the two of you ever been involved?”

  Marisa took a fortifying sip of her coffee. “We have, for two years, in fact.”

  “So what happened?”
/>   “I wanted more than he was prepared to offer.”

  Shana sat back in her seat and smiled. “So I was right?”

  Marisa’s cell phone buzzed with a text message from Luc. Can we talk, please?

  She chose to ignore it and focus on the one person who may be able to help her find clarity. “You were right. I wanted to get married, have kids, but he was happy with the status quo.”

  “So you broke up with him?”

  Marisa shook her head. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Lately, I’ve opened myself up the possibility of trying again. I don’t know what to do. I love him, but after today, I don’t feel like I know him at all anymore. I mean, what kind of man could walk away from his own child?”

  Shana covered Marisa’s hand with her own. “The kind of man who doesn’t want to be a father, Marisa. I know this is difficult to hear, but any woman who falls in love with Luc is going to have to accept that fact.”

  Marisa felt her heart breaking as she began the difficult process of letting go of the dreams she’d built her life around. “How did you come to terms with it?”

  “I had no choice. I had to be there for my daughter; I had to be both her mom and dad. I wanted to make her proud, so I got my life together, started my own business so I could support her and myself, and when I was finally ready, the right man came into my life.”

  Marisa forced a smile. “It almost makes me believe there’s hope for me.”

  Shana squeezed her hand. “There is, honey. But only if you let go of this fantasy of turning Luc into husband and father of the year. I’m here to tell you, it’s not going to happen. I learned that the hard way.”

  Marisa knew she was right, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. “I guess you’re right; it’s time for me to let go.”

  “The perfect guy is out there, just waiting for you to find him, you know.”

  “I thought I had,” she whispered, trying to endure the emptiness that settled over her.

  Shana looked at the entrance. “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

  Marisa watched Luc walk toward them, knowing that no other man would ever make her feel the same way. “You don’t have to.”