Dipping Into Sin 2: Digging Deeper Into Sin

by DJ Parker

  “We can still make the box for her. But she won’t be able to come home and see it. She’ll see it from up there,” I assured her as my index finger pointed upward.

  “I want her to come down here and see it. Mommy tell her to come down here,” whimpered Jasmine.

  “Jazzy, it’s not that simple baby.”

  “But, why Mommy?” Jasmine began to cry. As if Jasmine’s cries were contagious, Acelia and Olivia began to start crying. Reaching for my daughters, I pulled them all into a group hug and tried to console each of them.

  ~****~

  These past few days were dreadful and filled with having to console my daughters. They didn’t understand the concept of death and I was not prepared to even explain it to them. I guess, somehow, I believed that my grandmother was always going to be around for us. Anything that I didn’t know, I would always turn to Grandma, and she would have the solution for everything. I never for once thought that there would be a day that she would not be here to provide a solution.

  My mother was taking it just as hard. She had to return to Florida this morning or risked losing her job. Between Henry’s nagging behaviors to her not having ‘paid-time-off’ left from her job, my mother was a complete wreck because she was not going to be able to see Grandma being laid to rest in two days. Despite the loss of Grandma, my mother managed to find happiness in the midst of sadness while interacting with my daughters. Like Grandma, my mother woke up and made her entire day around the girls. Now that they were in day camp, my mother and I went through Grandma’s belonging. We cried, laughed, and cried again as we reminisced on the memories of my grandmother.

  With Grandma gone, I knew that it was time to move past the hurt. After witnessing Henry assaulting my mother and verbally abusing the both of us, I had this built up anger that consumed any love that I had left for my mother. I begged my mother to leave Henry, quit her job, and move up here to live with me. I told her that I would support her and provide an actual loving home for her. I even tried to shame her with guilt by telling her that my daughters needed their grandmother in their lives. I said everything to try and convince her to stay. I needed her and like always she needed him. I left the conversation sad but relieved from the weight that pushed down on my heart.

  Even after our conversation the other night about her relationship with Henry and how it affected our relationship, she still insisted that she wanted to make her marriage work. In the end, I was in no position to tell her anything when I’m dating Andre even though another man haunts my dreams. As much as I hated to admit it, I was angry that Andriano was gone. He told me that he was going to be way for a couple of weeks, but now this is the fourth week. Even though he gave me his number, I couldn’t bring myself to dial his number. The last thing that I wanted him to know was that I missed him.

  After dropping my mother off at the airport, Andre returned home with me and helped me with the preparations for Grandma’s funeral. Everything seemed to be nearly done with the exception of buying dresses for my daughters for the funeral.

  Andre and I were dating exclusively, but I still couldn’t understand why my libido didn’t kick in when it mattered. Even though we were not officially an item, he was the only person that I had any interest in. He was eye-candy at best, but down there remained as dry as a desert. Last night, after I put the girls to bed, and my mother bid us a good night, we sat on the couch and talked for a while before we started to kiss. His touch didn’t feel right, as I struggled to get in tune with his tempo. Allowing his hands to rub my body until he got his fill, I still remained unaffected by his touch.

  Subconsciously, my mind drifted off to Andriano. His love bites leaving scars that I could only feel, as his hands left marks on my body that were invisible to the naked eye. Just the mere thought of him sent a heat wave over my skin as I envisioned his dominance taking complete and utter control of me.

  “Let’s go to your bedroom,” Andre whispered against my skin in between kissing me. And that’s when I snapped back into reality. He was not Andriano.

  Stopping his hands from going any further, I said, “I’m sorry Andre.”

  Shifting my body away from his reach, I pulled my sundress down my legs and looked at him with apologetic eyes.

  “Simone we’ve been dating for close to three months now,” he began before pausing briefly to wipe his hand down his face to ease the exasperation that settled on his face. “I know that you said that you don’t want us to move any further until my divorce is finalized, but baby I’m trying.”

  Raking my fingers through my hair, I looked over at Andre with disapproving eyes. “Andre, I think that we should just call it a night.”

  “I’m not leaving until you tell me how we can get to the next level of ‘us’,” he said as he brought his hand into a prayer form and pressed it against his lips.

  “Now is really not the time to have this discussion. I appreciate you being patient with me, but you were well aware from the beginning that I needed to have that confirmation. Your divorce would definitely show me that that chapter of your life is closed,” I said as I shuffled myself onto my feet to stand before him.

  “Baby, my word is not good enough? It is over between Vanessa and me. We both are in agreement that our relationship cannot be salvaged,” Andre said as he stood to his feet and matched my eye level.

  “Your word is good enough. It was good enough for us to be at this point,” I said as both of my pointer fingers pointed downward to further accentuate my statement.

  “Yes, but I’ve been consistent and shown you that my focus is only on you and no one else,” he said.

  Exhaling my frustration, I looked at Andre with exhaustion filtering over me. He was very supportive throughout this ordeal, but I didn’t owe this man anything. “Truthfully, I’m just not ready,” I said admittedly.

  “Mommy,” I heard the faint voice of Acelia calling out to me.

  “Can you walk yourself out Andre? Lock the bottom lock when you leave.”

  “Wow, okay Simone.” He couldn’t even hide his displeasure.

  “Goodnight, Andre. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said as I walked towards the stairs and began to climb up.

  Once upstairs, I quickly walked towards the girls’ bedroom when I heard Acelia call out to me.

  “Are you okay, CeCe?” I asked as I sat beside Acelia.

  “Mommy, I had a bad dream.”

  “What did you dream about?” I asked as I pulled her into my arms and began to stroke her hair.

  “It was about Nana,” she said in between a stifled yawn.

  Feeling a cold chill run down my back, I attempted to remain indifferent as I continued to stroke her hair, “What about Nana?”

  “She was lying down on the floor in the kitchen and then she was standing next to her body,” Acelia explained.

  Swallowing the hurt that sprouted up in my throat, I said, “Well it can’t be that bad if Grandma was in your dream. You know that she’ll always protect you,” I attempted to smooth over her fears.

  “But Mommy, she looked at me, Jazzy, and Livy. I tried to run to her to give her a hug, but she was too far away,” Acelia finished.

  “You remember what Mommy told you to do when you have dreams that make you feel afraid, right?” I asked as I stroked her arm.

  “Yes. Ask God to be with me. But, I did and she was still there,” Acelia said.

  “Okay baby, don’t worry about it. Mommy is here with you.” Stroking her hair, Acelia’s body began to get heavy as her weight dropped while in my arms. Her light snore matched my breathing as I stared lovingly at her. She’s too young to understand the meaning of her dream. Grandma came and said goodbye to them.

  Hearing the doorbell ring, I rolled my eyes. Andre is really working my nerve. What the hell did he forget now? Climbing out of Acelia’s bed, I made my way down the stairs quickly before he woke the girls.

  Feeling a surge of goose bumps forming a pattern all over my arms, I stood frozen as I watche
d as Andre was down on one knee while Andriano held onto his hand. The intensity that masked his face revealed the level of pain that was inflicted on him by Andriano.

  “Andriano, please stop,” I called out to him after finding my voice.

  Chapter Thirty

  Andriano

  “Kind of late to be stopping by, don’t you think?” asked the African American man that opened the door. Nearly ripping the screen door off of the hinges, I looked at the man suspiciously before entering Simone’s home. Flashbacks of Simone saying that she was now dating unleashed a frenzy of wrathfulness to take full control.

  Once inside, Andre stretched his hand out and said, “I’m Andre, Simone’s boyfriend. And you are?”

  Gripping the man’s hand tightly, I watched as Andre’s face cringed with discomfort as I asked, “Where are Simone and my daughters?” Andre attempted to withdraw his hand from my grasp, but I gripped harder, causing him to stumble from the pain.

  “Get the fuck off of me,” he said through clenched teeth as his other hand wrapped around his wrist to control the pain that was starting to shoot up his arm.

  “Why are you here?” I asked in a low deathly whisper.

  “What is your problem man?” he winced in pain as he dropped to his knee.

  “Andriano, please let him go.”

  From the corner of my eye, I could see Simone coming down the stairs. Releasing his grip, Andre stumbled backward and leaned against the wall while massaging his hand.

  “What the fuck man?” Andre hollered.

  “You want me to throw you out you piece of shit? Get the fuck out of here,” I said as I walked towards him.

  Simone flew between the both of us, and I grabbed her by her arm and pulled her to be behind me as I grabbed Andre by the neck. Lifting him off of his feet, I could hear Simone’s pleas as Andre scratched at my hand to release the grip that I had on his neck.

  “Please, Andriano. He is going to leave. You’re going to wake the girls, please stop,” Simone pleaded as she pulled on my arm. Freeing Andre, I dropped him to the floor and gave the motherfucker a kick to side of his stomach before turning away from him. Clenching my fist tightly, I had to will myself not to go back and finish what I started.

  “Andre, please just go,” Simone said.

  “Get the fuck away from him Simone before I kill him,” I warned Simone as I walked back over to them. Backing away Simone went to the door and opened the door.

  Grabbing Andre, I tossed him out of the front door and slammed the front door. Simone stood in the middle of the hallway with her arms crossed with fiery eyes glaring at me with anger.

  “What the hell is your problem?” Simone asked in a low tone filled with fury.

  “My problem?” I asked her as I paced the room to combat the rage that brewed within. I was trying to keep my voice down before my daughters’ sleep was disturbed. Another man should not be around my bella mia and my kids at this time of the night. Fuck that! “Why the hell is a man here at this time of the night? I should’ve choked the shit out of the cocksucker the moment he told me that he was your boyfriend.”

  “Whoa,” Simone started. “Let’s get something straight, you don’t own me or anything in this house. You’re not even a guest in my damn house. So you can follow him out the door too.” Walking towards the front door, Simone opened the door wide and gestured her hand out for me to leave.”

  Following suit, I walked over to the opened door and reached over her head and forcefully slammed the door closed before saying in an almost calm whisper, “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You’ve been gone for over three weeks and decide to show up only to cause problems,” she said as she tossed her arms in the air and walked away from me.

  “I should’ve called you. I had to wrap up a few things before I came back,” I replied. She’s right. I intended to get back here sooner, but I did not intend on spending days out there.

  Shifting her weight to her other foot, Simone said, “You need to leave Andriano. I don’t want to have to call the police because I refuse to put my daughters through any more trauma. So please just leave.”

  “I told you…I’m not going anywhere,” I repeated.

  Turning around, I climbed the stairs and walked towards my daughters’ bedroom. I missed them terribly while in New York. All I could think about was getting back out here to bella mia and them. Hell, I even settled for sitting in the economy class section of the plane. I just knew that I couldn’t bear the thought of spending another day without them.

  Turning the knob on the door, I opened the door, and my eyes skimmed across the room to my sleeping daughters. Closing the door, I turned around and came face-to-face with Simone. We stared at each other for the longest time in the dimly lit hallway before Simone walked towards her bedroom and shut the door. As tempted as I was to follow her and remind her just how much she belonged to me, I chose the latter and walked towards the linen closet. Pulling out my duffle bag, a towel, sheets, and a blanket, I made a makeshift bed on the hallway floor before walking into the bathroom.

  Looking at the basket of tub toys that was stored away to the side, a smile swept across my lips as I envisioned my daughters having bubble baths at our new house. Entering the shower, I allowed the hot water to soothe the aching parts of what I had endured tonight. Rubbing a hand over my rib, I massaged away the troubles of tonight.

  For the first time, Lucas had nothing for me to go on. He had no idea who killed Don Capparelli. Though he said that he was determined to find answers, I knew that something was not right with this whole situation. If there was one thing that I learned from my father, it was to keep my ear to the ground. Someone was bound to slip and talk. For now, I had to be discreet. Lucas and I decided I would fly under a code name to conceal my identity.

  Creating two passports, I.D.’s and setting up phony accounts, Lucas was the only other person who knew that I was flying under the alias of John Winston. I could not draw any attention to myself by leaving a trail to follow. I couldn’t even tell Nicolai where I was going because I did not trust anyone. I only told him to leave town for a while, just until we cleared this mess up. Stomping on my cell phone, I broke it into tiny pieces before discarding the remnants into the garbage. Activating my burner phone, I contacted Lucas and told him to contact me only if he found something. I was officially under the radar from everyone.

  Tomorrow, I had to sit down with Simone and try to reason with her about moving into the house that I bought for us. I wanted to do it as soon as tonight, but with everything that transpired tonight; we would just have to wait until the morning. While in New York, I contacted my lawyers about creating a legal document issuing sole ownership to Simone. The only thing that was left to make it official was Simone’s signatures and a few legal documents to confirm her identity. No one knew about my daughters or Simone, and I intended to keep it that way until I knew that they were not going to be a target.

  Tossing a pair of pajama bottoms on, I lay across the hallway floor with my hands clasped behind my head. Hearing sniffles, I sat back up and followed the noise. The noise was coming from behind Simone’s door. Standing to my feet, I quickly turned the knob on our daughters’ bedroom door and saw that they were all sound asleep. Pacing across the hallway, I turned the knob and walked in to see Simone hunched over with a tape recorder in her hand and two miniature cassettes splayed out on the mattress.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Simone

  Sitting at the edge of my bed, I rested my elbows on my knees as I prepared for another sleepless night. Frustrated, I released a mangled breath as my mind drifted off to what took place moments before. Hearing the sound of the shower running, a tsk escaped my lips as I thought about a way to get Andriano out of the house. Grandma’s home-going was two days from now, and this was the last thing that I wanted to deal with. Exhaling, I spoke out loud, “Grandma, I miss you.”

  Grabbing my cell phone, I sent out a text message to Andre, apologizi
ng to him about tonight. After sending the text, I thought about how much it was unfair that he had to deal with this unnecessary drama. Typing away, I told him that I had to take care of this matter first before we could proceed with ‘us’. Scrolling through my text message list, I stopped at Victoria’s and read her message for her flight arrangements for tomorrow. In the midst of planning for Grandma’s funeral services, going back to work, interviewing nannies, and getting adjusted to the idea of life without grandmother, I completely forgot to tell Victoria about Andriano finding out about the girls.

  Grabbing the remote control off of my nightstand, I flipped through the channels, searching for anything that I could escape into. Eventually after a few minutes of trying to find something to watch, I turned the television off and stared at the ceiling. Shifting my eyes to the door, my mind drifted to Andriano being on the opposite side of the door. Suddenly my skin became feverish with a need that only Andriano could provide. Shaking the thoughts away, I focused on the ceiling again and started to count backward from 100. I made it to 89 before pulling the thin sheets off of my legs.

  Climbing out of the bed, I made my way to my drawers in search for my trusted friend, Mr. Black. Going through my underwear drawer, I searched through and through. As I rummaged through my drawers, I felt a distinct object that was covered by my panties. Pulling out the object, I looked at the tape recorder that Victoria came over here with a few weeks ago. Searching for the tapes, I found three little tapes marked by letters. Walking back to my bed, I chose a tape in no particular order and opened the slot. Placing tape C into the slot, I closed the latch and pressed rewind. Within a minute, the tape stopped, and my finger was all too eager to press play.

  Donald Spillmore: Victoria sent her the engagement picture from the party.

  Unidentified male: Good.

  *Chuckling in the background from unknown person*

  Donald Spillmore: So you’ll leave—you’ll leave him alone, like we