by Ford, Rinna
“No, but that’s not what I mean. Before you were changed, you were a very powerful caster and dragon, were you not? Did you not have a mastery of both of them?”
“I wouldn’t say that I have mastered powers from both of them, but I was beginning to get a handle on them.”
“Oh Emelia, I believe you had more control than you think. You are very powerful, so it would only stand to reason you are able to control your thirst without even trying.”
I thought about it and walked to the back wall between two displays of swords and leaned against the surface.
“Why do we drink bagged blood?” It was something that seemed reasonable to me, but I knew vampires were hunters. They fed from others normally, right?
Matias took a deep breath and began walking toward me. “Well, we live in a more civilized time. Most of the time, bagged blood from donor sites are supplied to us so we don’t have to hunt. It keeps the vampires in line so they don’t hurt others unnecessarily. Feeding is usually a pleasurable experience for both parties involved because of the intent is usually one of desire, but some feed with the purpose of harming others. When a vampire wants to hurt their prey that way it’s excruciating. Humans have gone insane from going through it, at least the ones that lived. The Council decreed several years ago that bagged blood would solve that problem.”
I thought about how it felt to be turned by Di. It wasn’t at all pleasurable, in fact I remembered wishing for death. She wanted to hurt me. Fucking bitch.
“Did it?” I asked, trying not to think about Di’s sadism. “Did it solve the problem?”
“Yes and no. Bagged blood isn’t always available when you’re traveling or in a new place, so feeding naturally is the only real option in those cases. Plus, there’s also those who don’t adhere to the laws. Just like there are criminals in the human world, we have them in the supernatural one too.”
“How do I feed naturally?”
Matias stopped walking and stared at me with a heated look. His eyes took on a crimson color, a darker red then when he was angry or agitated. I gulped at the sight of them, knowing what it meant.
“Emelia, it is probably not the best idea to teach you how to feed on others since just the thought of it makes me want to rip your clothes off and take you right here on the mats.”
I swallowed and backed further into the smooth wall. My lips parted as I thought about his description of what he wanted to do to me. I wanted that too.
Matias took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Before I could blink, he was right in front of me, cupping the back of my head and bringing it toward his. Our foreheads touched one another and it took everything I had not to bring my lips down on his.
With him as close as he was, I could smell his need in the air between us, making my need even greater. It was heady and everything I could ever want.
“I need you, Matias,” I sighed.
His jaw clenched and his body around me became taut. “Xander,” he said as a curse. That one word was like a bucket of water on us both. Matias banged his fist on the wall behind me and turned around, walking all the way to the other side of the room.
Even though he wanted to claim me as much as I wanted to claim him, he respected my choice even more. Once he got to the opposite wall, he leaned against it and slid down to the floor.
“This isn’t going to work, is it?” I asked, defeated.
I almost did the one thing I promised my bonded mate I wouldn’t. I asked for it, and would have done it if Matias hadn’t been the voice of reason.
Matias tipped his head back and closed his eyes. “It will work. We just have to control our urges. When things have calmed down between us, we can come back to the idea of feeding from the source, okay? Just not today, or any day in the near future. I’m not leaving your side, Emelia. Not now or ever.”
“Do you think it’ll get easier? To be around each other? Because from where I’m standing, I'm not so sure.” I couldn’t take my eyes off him and even with the distance, I had an incredible urge to run into his arms.
He moved his shoulders up and down once in a tired shrug. “I don’t know, little one. Maybe? But I’m not giving up. I’ve found you and I’m not giving you up, even if I can only be near you.”
Closing my eyes, I worked on calming my emotions because I owed him to try and make it as easy as possible. After all, it was because of me that we were in this predicament. I breathed in and out through my mouth over and over again and when I opened my eyes back up, feeling much better, Matias still hadn’t moved from his spot against the wall.
Deciding we needed to get back on track, I picked up one of the daggers from the wall beside me and turned it in my hand. Then, without another thought, I launched at the far wall, embedding it in the drywall about a foot above his head. Matias jumped and spun around, ready for a fight, but when he saw it was me who threw it, he gave me a puzzled look.
“Was that strong enough?” I asked.
He looked from me to the dagger, then walked even closer to it to get a better look. It had gone all the way into the wall, revealing only the very end of the hilt. I had thrown it almost completely through the wall.
“That’s pretty good, but not exactly what I had in mind.” Matias chuckled and shook his head in exasperation. “Little one, you’re going to be the true death of me, I know it.”
Chapter Nineteen
Matias helped me work on my vampire strength until Camille retrieved me from the gym at lunch time. She declared it was her turn and took me outside where she tried to help me master throwing fireballs or whatever it was that shot from my hands earlier in the morning. It was the first time anything like that had happened to me, and I was completely out of my depth with it.
She told me it was a rare caster talent, but she wasn’t surprised I was able to do it since I was the only true hybrid in existence. She tried to guess what skill would manifest next and that made me even more nervous. I could already call for things and send them away, create a sword or other weapons like all casters could, teleport, and I was fair at making potions and spells. I didn’t think I’d be able to do much else until I destroyed the boulders overlooking the ocean.
We worked well into the afternoon and I couldn’t even make one single fireball shoot from my hands, no matter how hard I tried. Camille even tried slapping me across the face to make me angry, but my vampire side emerged instead of the casting ability that she was trying to summon. If Matias wasn’t able to hold me back I would have mauled her face off. Needless to say, she didn’t hit me twice. In fact, she made a quick exit after that, claiming she needed to meet with Grayson because he wanted to make up with her.
She kept her distance at dinner, which made me feel even worse, but at least she was sitting with Grayson, so I knew she didn’t completely lie to me in order to get away from me.
Xander wasn’t at dinner. In fact, I didn’t see him at all that day after breakfast. He never told me what his plans for the day were, but I assumed that he’d stay close. After all, I was alone with Matias for a good part of the time. But when I sat down to dinner and he wasn’t there, I began to worry. It wasn’t like him to stay away from me for very long, not to mention he never missed out on a meal.
Dinner came and went and he still wasn’t there. After I cleaned up, I decided it wasn’t helpful to worry and excused myself to go up to the room I shared with Xan. I was going to take a bath and read, something that would hopefully help me relax. I said goodnight to Matias and went up to my room.
I held out hope Xan was in our room waiting for me, but the room was as cold and dark as when I left it in the early hours of the morning and there was no sign of my mate. I bypassed the bed and walked straight into the bathroom, turning on the bathtub faucet. I found some bath salts under the sink the week before, but I never had the chance to use them. Deciding it was a good a time as any, I poured some of the fragrant crystals into the warm tub, letting them be absorbed into the water.
I shed
my clothes quickly after that and threw my hair up in a messy bun before sliding into the water. I sighed as I sunk down into it and closed my eyes, laying my head back against the side. Why didn’t I take more baths? I didn’t know the answer to that question, but I made a vow to do it more often. I didn’t fall asleep, but I was extremely relaxed when Xander found his way into the bathroom.
“Isn’t this a gorgeous sight?” He grinned and sat on the edge of the tub.
I put one foot on the bottom propping my knee up, but otherwise made no move to cover myself. After all, Xan was more than familiar with every single inch of my body. I also loved the way he was looking at me. It made me feel beautiful and powerful that I had such an effect on a powerful man.
“There you are,” I smiled back at him. “Where did you go today? I missed you.”
“Oh, so you knew I wasn’t there? I assumed you were too busy with the Butcher to realize I was gone.”
Mood effectively soured, I pushed myself up and out of the tub, reaching for a nearby towel.
“Don’t do that,” I snapped. “And don’t call him that either.”
“Why not? You chose him over me this morning and he is the Butcher. It’s who he is, Emi. Why wouldn’t I call him that?”
I wrapped the towel around my body and stood in front of my mate, pursing my lips. I didn’t want a fight. I just wanted my mate. He was still sitting on the edge of the tub, so I took a step toward him and sat on his lap, throwing one arm around his neck.
“Honey, I didn’t choose him over you. Not like you’re thinking anyway. I thought we went over this.”
Xan lowered his head and let out a huff. “I just don’t like it.”
“I know you don’t and I’m sorry I’m putting you through it. I need to get a handle on it and he’s the only vampire I trust to help me.”
“He’s done some terrible things for the Council. After figuring out who he is, I don’t know if I trust him, so I don’t understand how you do.”
We sat in silence for about a minute while I decided how I could reply to him.
“Why do you trust me?” I asked.
“Because you’re you. You’re my best friend, my mate. It’s not the same.”
“No. It’s not the same, not exactly. When I think about you and why I trust you, it’s for the same reasons you trust me. But when I think a little harder, I know it’s more than that. I trust you because of the bond we share. I can feel you in here.” I touched the center of my chest with my palm. “When you’re angry, I feel it. When you’re sad, I feel it. And when you’re confused, I feel that too. I have to focus on that feeling, but it’s there. Now with Matias, that feeling isn’t as defined because we aren’t fully mated, but it’s there just like yours is. I can not only see it in the way he treats me, but I can feel what he’s feeling. He would never hurt me and he respects my decision to not fully mate with him even though it’s hard to be around me. Ease up on Matias, please.” I stood up and walked toward the door, but then threw over my shoulder. “So, if you’re done sulking, I’m ready to go to bed. Do you want to tend to your mate or should I go alone?”
I dropped the towel in the doorframe and sauntered away. I had only made it a couple of steps when Xan’s strong arms were wrapped around me, pulling me into his body. He ran his nose up the delicate column of my neck and into my hair as he took in my scent.
“Mine,” he murmured against the shell of my ear. “All mine.”
I let it go because, in that moment, I was just his and no one else’s. He had my mind, body, and soul, and I wanted to show him just that.
I turned in his arms and pulled his head down toward me in one quick movement. Our lips crashed together in the ferocious hunger we always had for one another. Xan’s hands went to my ass, grabbing it, lifting me up as easily as if I were a feather. With my ankles locked behind him, my soaking wet pussy rubbed against the hardness under his jeans.
A whimper escaped from my lips because no matter how incredible the friction felt, I wanted more. I needed more. I needed it all.
Xan chuckled against my lips as if he knew exactly what I wanted, but before he had the chance, I magicked his clothes away, making him as naked as I was. Startled for a second, he chuckled again.
“You can still do that, huh? You know, that’s probably my favorite thing about your casting skills. I wish you’d use it more on your own clothes though, instead of just doing mine all the time.”
He had dropped us both onto the bed and was laying on top of me as I was still wrapped around him, and he slid his stiff cock up and down through my folds, covering it with my juices. I threw my head back in a moan as I felt my excitement build.
In the next second, I flipped us over so I was on top by using my new vampire strength. I didn’t even realize I had tapped into it until I felt my hunger rise and my fangs descend. Xan’s eyes were transfixed on mine as I ran my tongue over the tip of one sharp fang and leaned over toward my mate.
“Emi…” There was a slight sound of panic in my name, but I was too far gone to notice it.
“I need you…” I told him and I closed my eyes. The tip of my tongue darted out lazily and licked around and up his chest toward the hollow of his neck. My fangs grazed the smooth skin of his throat, making him go still.
“Emi…”
“Just one taste…”
My mouth opened wide, but before I had the chance to sink through his soft skin to the blood underneath, Xander slid out from underneath me to the floor while pushing me off to another part of the bed. I snapped up quickly after the movement and angrily hissed at him before I realized what I was doing.
Almost instantly, I covered my mouth in surprise and embarrassment for what I almost did. Not only did I try to drink from Xander, but I hissed at him too.
“Xander, I’m so sorry,” I said, my words muffled against my hand. I didn’t trust myself to move it away, besides my fangs were still out. I was out of the hunger and lust trance I was in, but the craving was still there.
Xan stood there staring at me with his hands on his hips for a few seconds before turning around and roaring toward the ceiling. The sound was so loud, it shook the walls around us and scared me enough to make my vampire side slip away.
“Fuck!” he screamed. “If I ever see that fucking vampire again, I swear I will fucking rip her fucking head from her fucking body for doing this to you!”
I brought up my other hand and buried my face into them. It was so messed up and I didn’t know how to fix it. I was afraid to go to Xan because I was worried I couldn’t control my hunger like Matias claimed I could. I just tried to drink from Xan while we were having sex and it felt like my consciousness took a back seat to the hunger, to the vampire. How do I keep from doing that again? I didn’t know and it killed me.
No matter what I did, I kept hurting Xan. So much was stacked against our relationship and it seemed it was becoming more and more impossible.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, softly. “Please, please calm down. I don’t know what to do, I, I…” My jaw stammered as I tried to talk but nothing would come out. I didn’t know how to make it right. He stopped his pacing and stood in front of me with his hands on his hips again, but the fight had left him. “You’re, you’re better off without me,” I finally said. “I’ve brought you nothing but heartache and pain and I’m so sorry, Xan.”
I put my face back in my hands and breathed in deeply, trying to keep the tears at bay. I had only taken one breath in and out when my hands were gently pulled away. Xan was kneeling down beside the bed and leaning over toward me.
“I’m not giving up on this,” he plainly said. “I’ve told you over and over again, and yeah, this sucks, big time. But tomorrow you’re going to have Matias teach you how to feed, you understand me?” I blushed and looked away, trying not to let on what that would probably mean, what might happen. His fingers found my chin and brough my eyes back up to his. “I don’t care what you have to do, but you need to come back to m
e as my Emi. You understand? I don’t care what it takes. You’ll always be mine, so get it done.”
“Even if it means I fully mate with him?” I asked quietly. It came out almost a whisper because of what I was telling him. When mates have sex for the first time, they fully bond with one another, forming an impenitrable connection between the pair. There was no going back from that kind of commitment.
Xan’s nostrils flared and he closed his eyes as he understood what I was telling him could possibly happen. I held my breath as I watched his features even out and his anger slip away. His sable-colored eyes opened and he studied my face.
He leaned forward and sweetly kissed me on the lips before pulling away and standing and walking over to his backpack. He pulled out a pair of underwear and slipped them on, then a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He then zipped up the backpack and slipped one of the straps over his shoulder. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows and made a move to get up.
“I’m going to sleep in the room next door until you get this sorted out.” I opened my mouth to protest but he continued. “I don’t want to sleep without you either, but I know you. You are going to worry over whether or not you’re going to hurt me when I’m out for the night.”
He was right. Dammit. I lowered my eyes in shame. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep, but I was already worrying about getting even a little bit laying beside him all night.
“I’m so sorry, Xan,” I told him.
“Me too, baby.” Several seconds of silence passed before I heard the bedroom door open. “Hey,” Xan said, making me look up. “I love you, Emi. You trying to suck my blood doesn’t change that, and the fact you may have to do something I don’t like won’t change it either.”
I swallowed the tears that threatened to fall and nodded my head. He winked once then slipped out the door, closing it behind him. A few seconds later, the door of the bedroom beside mine opened and closed and soft footsteps walked across the floor toward the bed.
I listened as he slipped beneath the sheets and lay down.