by Ford, Rinna
“Goodnight, baby,” he said, knowing I could hear him.
“Goodnight,” I repeated. I flopped down onto the bed I shared with my mate and tried to get some sleep. Tomorrow I would learn how to feed, no matter what it took.
Chapter Twenty
Sleep didn’t come easily, not that I expected it to. I played what happened with Xan over and over in my head. I was mindless, need driven. That was what sex was though, right? The best sex in my opinion were the moments when you get lost in the person you are with.
But this just wasn’t a sexual fog I was in. I wanted him for more than his body and what it could do to mine. I wanted the blood that pumped through his veins. I wanted to bite into him and take it, without asking, without the thought of whether or not he was okay with it. I never wanted to take something from him without his permission, even if I was partly a creature who did that sort of thing often.
There was that, as well as the fact I didn’t know if I could drink from him without killing him. That scared me. I was in a daze, only wanting pleasure. I didn’t even realize it was my Xan who was under me, only that his body made me burn and his blood would feed my hunger. I could have drained him dry and not even realize what I had done until it was all over.
Then, there was the idea of what I may have to do in order to learn to feed without hurting someone. Did I want to have sex with Matias? Yes, and much, much more. I wanted him to be mine like Xander was mine, but unless my dragon mate had a change of heart, that wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t let it.
But, from what Matias had told me, feeding was about pleasure, giving it and taking it. I could attest to that from what I nearly did to Xander. Matias didn’t want to teach me how to feed because of how hard it would be for the two of us to not follow through with the emotion it may bring out in us. Here I was, getting ready to ask him to take me to that point, all so I could have sex with someone else.
The whole situation was beyond fucked up. How could I do that to him? How could I do that to either of them? I only knew Matias for a few days and I already cared for him deeply and I hated hurting him too.
No, sleep didn’t come easily that night but when it did, it was restless and I felt more tired when I woke up. The sun was peeking through the curtains of the bedroom when my eyelids fluttered open. I squinted against the invading light and turned away from it.
Lazily rolling out of bed, I shuffled my feet toward the bathroom and turned on the shower. I held my hand under the spray until it was warm enough, then slid inside and let it cover me. I stayed in the shower longer than I normally would alone, but I needed help waking up, especially for what I was about to do.
I was still able to consume almost everything I ate and drank before I became a vampire, except for caffeine. That meant I couldn’t use coffee to help wake me up anymore and could only rely on hot showers. That in itself was enough of a reason to kill Di for what she did, but alas, she had run away.
When I didn’t think I could hide out anymore, I turned off the faucet and walked out onto the fuzzy bath mat and wrapped a towel around myself. I went through my normal routine quickly since my rumbling stomach wouldn’t let me miss breakfast and I was out the door heading toward the kitchen.
I picked up a tray of bagels when Camille stopped me with a wink.
“You’re excused from meal duty,” she told me. “Amos’ orders since, you know, everyone tried to kill you. Literally. I mean, you have to die in order for the vamp virus to take effect, so they actually succeeded, so yeah. No meal duty. Shoo.” She made a motion with her hands that matched her words and pushed me toward the dining room.
She didn’t seem upset by the fact I was dismissed from work in the house and by the looks on the others’ faces, they were okay with it too. Sighing, I searched for the two people who meant the most to me, finding them sitting opposite from one another at the table.
Oh boy.
I walked around the side where Xander sat and pulled out the chair next to him, squeezing his arm as I did it. I shot Matias a nervous smile and tucked a bit of my wet hair behind my ear. Matias seemed confused, but didn’t say anything. He was probably wondering what I was up to this morning since I didn’t come to him to train earlier. Then there was my behavior, which I knew was odd, but I couldn’t help it. It was all so fucked up and I didn’t see any way out of it but to go forward.
The three of us ate (and drank) our breakfast in near silence until the meal was almost over. Xan finished eating the last bit of food on his plate and rose from his chair. I put my hand on his forearm, making him pause.
He breathed out deeply and leaned down to kiss me on the forehead. “Do whatever you have to to come back to me, my Emi,” he whispered, then pulled away and walked out of the dining room without looking back.
I joined my hands together into a tight fist, bringing them between my knees and I lowered my head as I tried to contain the emotions. I couldn’t have been longer than a few seconds before I felt Matias’ cool touch on my knee. My eyes popped open to find him crouched down in front of me, concern crossing his face.
“Are you ready to get started?” I asked, putting a wide smile on my face. It was obviously forced, but I didn’t know what else to do.
“Is everything okay, little one?” he asked, ignoring my question.
I nodded my head quickly. “It will be.” He looked skeptical, but stood up and held his hand out for mine.
He led me into the kitchen where he picked up another glass of blood, handing it to me. I drank it all by the time we walked to the gym we were in the day before and set the glass down on the floor near the door.
“I need you to teach me to feed naturally,” I blurted out.
He had made it a third of the way across the mats, stopping mid-step when he heard me. He pivoted in his spot and a look of nervousness and anguish crossed his face.
“Why now?” he asked. “I thought we talked about this, about why it isn’t a good idea.”
I lowered my eyes and leaned against the far wall.
“I know, and I’m sorry for asking now, but…”
I couldn’t get the words out.
“What happened?” Matias was suddenly right in front of me and his hand caressed my cheek, lifting it up so I was looking into his gray eyes. He seemed to be searching for the answers there, but only finding despair.
“I, I almost fed from Xander last night.” I moved out of Matias’ touch and walked a few steps away.
He sighed and lowered his head. “You were having sex and your vampire took over, didn’t she?”
“I can’t hurt him, Matias. I need to know how to feed so I won’t.”
I gulped, trying to ask him for what I needed without actually asking for it. He looked deep into my eyes again and after a few seconds, he nodded, agreeing. I mentally sighed in relief and Soleil gave me the evil eye. She was on my side on for almost everything, but the thought of betraying Xander was crossing the line for her.
But he gave me his permission, didn’t he? I asked her.
Are you trying to make me believe that or yourself? she seemed to ask me in return.
“Come on,” Matias said softly and took a hold of my hand, leading me back toward the door we just walked through. “Let’s go somewhere a little more private for this. I don’t want someone walking in on what we’re about to do.”
Oh boy.
I nervously followed behind him, not knowing where we were going, but I had a good idea. That was until we stopped by the kitchen and grabbed another glassful of blood. He handed it to me wordlessly before leading me somewhere else. Like the glass before, this one was gone by the time we reached the threshold of a bedroom on the third floor.
Realizing we were in Matias’ room, my anxiety picked up even more. He closed the door behind us while I set the empty glass down on the dresser and looked around. It was laid out a lot like my bedroom, although the color scheme was different. Mine was in blues and purples while his was in blacks and grays. It su
ited him even though I knew he didn’t pick any of it out.
When I finished looking around, my eyes stopped on Matias. He was still standing by the door, his hunter eyes fixed on me. We stood, eyes locked on one another until he lowered his hands to his sides and slowly began walking toward me.
“If we do this, I want you to know exactly what you’re doing and what won’t happen.” I didn’t like the way that sounded, but I stayed quiet so he could continue. “Like I said yesterday, feeding is all about intent for the person you’re feeding from. If you’re drinking from them in anger, he or she will feel pain. If you’re happy or feeling pleasure, they will feel it too. Feeding can be used as a weapon, probably the most effective one a vampire has, so make sure of your intent before you follow through.”
I gulped and nodded my head, understanding. Good to know Xan would have felt nothing but pleasure last night if I had drained him dry instead of pain, since we were in the middle of doing each other, I sarcastically thought. It was all so fucked up.
Matias’ eye twitched as if he knew what I was thinking and I shifted from one foot to the other nervously.
“Now close your eyes,” he then told me. I did what he asked without question, trusting him explicitly. He moved closer to me so we were essentially chest to chest and my heartbeat sped up. He snickered, knowing what effect he had on me. “I know it might be hard, but I need you to listen for my heartbeat and let me know when you find it.”
Little did I know before I became a vampire, these supernaturals had heartbeats and were alive like anyone else. Yes, they had to die in order to become a vampire, but the virus the person is infected with brings them back to life and rejuvenates them for all of eternity, unless his or her body is beyond repair from outside forces. They are alive forever, which is a completely different concept from the movies. So when he told me to find his heartbeat, I didn’t question that either.
I turned one ear toward him, still not able to hear it so I leaned closer. We were a hair’s breadth away from one another when I could make out the thump, thump, thump beneath his chest. The more I listened, the louder and more pronounced it became. I smiled.
“I hear it,” I told him.
“When you feed, listen for the heartbeat. Feel it in your body and in the blood you consume. It will let you know when you’ve had enough or if you’ve taken too much. The idea of an everyday feeding is to stop long before the heartbeat slows. Only in battle do you want to feed until there is no heartbeat left.”
I opened my eyes quickly and looked up at him. His jaw was hard, with his teeth clenched. He turned and walked over by the dresser.
“So now, I’m going to let you feed from me, Emelia. The easiest way to make your vampire emerge until you can do it all on your own is through pleasure, so that’s what we’re going to do.”
I parted my lips in a nervous pant and began fidgeting with my hands.
“But we aren’t going to have sex. We aren’t going to get anywhere close. Helping you with this is already testing in ways I never knew I’d ever be tested, and I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back if we reach that point, so when I say stop, we’ll stop. Understand? I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my very long life, but I don’t want you to mate with me by accident. I don’t want you to mate with me because you feel sorry for me or because you’re mad at Xander. I want you to mate with me because you need me like I need you.”
I wanted to tell him the words he wanted to hear, but I couldn’t. I felt them deep in my soul, but I couldn’t betray Xander. The words burned on the tip of my tongue, but instead of saying them, I took in a deep breath and turned toward the window.
“I understand,” I finally replied, looking out at the cloudy sky.
“Okay, good,” he sighed. But I knew it wasn’t good at all. It would be torture for us both.
I heard his footsteps as he crossed the room to stand behind me. His body heat was a fraction cooler than Xan’s, but I could still feel it against my back. He put his hands on my upper arms and gently turned me around.
Matias’ eyes were locked on mine and he licked his lips. Then he reached down and pulled his t-shirt up and over his head, dropping it in a heap on the floor beside us. I glanced at his chest and swallowed. A series of tattoos ran up his left arm stretched from his hand all the way up over his shoulder and over to the right side of his chest, disappearing into the waistband of his pants.
“I don’t want to get blood on my shirt,” he said. My eyes found his face again and I saw he wasn’t entirely truthful with what he said. “But I will admit, I love the fact you admire my body, little one.”
Matias licked his lips again, then without warning or any further preamble, his lips descended down onto mine forcefully. His hands found the back of my head as he pulled me in closer, but I really didn’t need much help. We both had been holding back, and at that moment, nothing was keeping us from what we wanted.
I reached up and fisted his hair with one hand and felt the dips and planes of the muscles on his back with the other. He was beautiful and sexy, and my mate. Mine.
His hands left my head and he picked me up, carrying me to a nearby chair where he sat down with me straddling his lap. I ground myself against the hardness under his jeans and moaned in delight.
He was all I needed. I felt my fangs descend in my mouth and my hunger for blood matched my hunger for his cock.
Matias grabbed a hold of my hair at the back of my head and he pulled me off of him. I hissed in anger and pain before I realized why he had done that. We had reached that point he told me we wouldn’t cross because of what would happen if we did.
I schooled my features, but held onto the lust I felt for Matias, which really wasn’t that hard to do.
“What do I do?” I asked him, trying to stick to the task at hand.
“You open your mouth and bite,” he said. “Do you hear my heartbeat again?”
I moved my face closer until the thumping was loud and clear. Matias leaned his head to the side, giving me access to the smooth column of his throat. My eyes landed on the exact spot I wanted to sink my fangs in and I licked my lips.
“Go ahead, Emelia,” he encouraged. “Just listen for the heartbeat.”
Without any other invitation, I opened my mouth wide and sank my fangs deep into the side of his neck. Matias groaned out in pleasure and thrusted his dick up toward me, hitting the exact spot I needed the pressure. Exquisite blood flowed over my tongue and down my throat. I moaned at the taste, at the sensation of it all, and I knew, this was the best thing I’d ever experienced.
“Listen for my heartbeat,” he groaned out between his teeth.
I continued sucking down his amazing-tasting blood, but I stayed conscious of the thumping in his chest. It began to slow slightly, letting me know I was close to taking too much. I quickly pulled away and licked my lips. Blood was still trickling down the two holes in the side of his neck and down his sculpted chest and my eyes tracked every drop.
“You need to close the bite marks now,” he told me, breaking me from my thoughts. “There’s a coagulant in your saliva that will stop the bleeding and close up the holes.” I furrowed my brows, not completely understanding. I was still high off the taste of his blood and the feel of his body underneath me. “You need to lick the holes, Emelia,” he sighed, explaining further.
I bent down and ran my tongue over the bite marks and sat back, watching them close up. There were still lines of blood trailing down Matias’ chest and I knew exactly what to do with them. I moved back off of his lap and leaned forward licking his chest clean. Matias breathed out deeply and watched as my tongue moved over his muscles.
I worked my way down his stomach and without thought, I reached for the top button of his jeans. Using his vampire speed, Matias moved me away, pinning me to the opposite wall.
“No, Emelia,” he chided.
I immediately felt guilty. Guilty for taking advantage of him when he laid it all out there for m
e before we started, and guilty for betraying Xander.
I pushed him back slightly and walked around him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He padded to the bedroom door and opened it wide. “Come back tomorrow morning after you’ve fed well. We’ll go over it again.”
Matias’ face was hard, his emotions shut down and I knew I had crossed the line. I was thankful he was stronger than me because I was ready to take it all the way and not even know what I was doing.
I lowered my eyes and walked passed him out the door. I heard it close behind me and the lock click in place. Keeping him inside or me out, I didn’t know, but the sound reinforced my guilt.
I took off running down the stairs and out the back door, not stopping for anyone. Once I hit the backyard grass, I used my vampire speed to disappear from anyone who knew me at that moment. I needed to wrap my head around what just happened and what could have happened.
Chapter Twenty-One
I ran to the abandoned beach Matias had found me at only days before. It was completely surrounded by large bounders, so unless you were a supernatural or someone who was used to climbing humongous rocks, no one could get to it. For that, I was grateful.
I needed to be alone.
But you’re not alone. Soliel seemed to say.
“Please, Soliel, don’t make me feel any more guilty than I already do.” I closed my eyes and waited for her to do something else, but nothing except possessiveness and support came through our bond. Apparently, she felt sorry for what I was going through and somehow during the blood exchange, she began to consider Matias ours just like Xander was.
Huh. I thought I’d have to try harder to convince her to accept others besides our dragon mate. I didn’t know if the fact Soliel was on board would be a good thing or a bad thing in the long run, but I decided not to worry about it too hard. I had enough on my plate.
I sat on the beach through the whole day, not moving from my spot in the sand until the sun completely dipped below the horizon. It was a beautiful sight and something I truly needed to witness. It made me feel small, like my problems were insignificant compared to the rest of the world.