The Inside Man: A Dublin Nights Novel

by Sahin, Brittney

  My steps faltered slightly as I neared him, realizing what I was about to do. Engage with the man on purpose.

  The sight of him sitting there, one elbow on the table, his large palm cradling his cheek, eyes set on his drink . . . had my heart squeezing with emotion. He was lost in thought about something. His new role in The League? Me?

  I let the pent-up air free from my lungs as he lifted his brown eyes my way, his palm going flat alongside his drink when our gazes connected.

  Yeah, the man studying me right now, The League leader, the Cole he was now and not the man I left behind, wouldn’t hold back. He’d rip my clothes from my body and inch his mouth along my heated skin until he reached my wet center. He’d take that strong hand of his and stroke it over my sensitive flesh and make me beg for more.

  I blinked away the image that stirred in my mind. Well, I tried. With his hard-set jaw, his hungry gaze sharp on me, a mirror of my own, it was hard to destroy the thoughts.

  Who am I going to be? Make a choice. Cole would accept me either way because that was the kind of man he was, but I had no idea how I’d ever accept what happened in Russia.

  “Alessia.” I saw rather than heard his lips form the word because the electronic dance music was cranked up, but somehow, the vibration of my name traveled to my core. “You okay?”

  “Tequila?” I offered, lifting the bottle.

  “You remember the last time we had tequila?” he asked, his brow arching.

  “You mean when you gave me my first taste on my eighteenth birthday?”

  “Hey, the drinking age in Dublin is eighteen.” He held a palm open, a mischievous smile gracing his mouth. “By my count, I didn’t break the law.” His smile widened.

  “But we were in New York,” I said with a laugh, and for a flicker of a moment, I felt like my old self.

  Maybe being around Cole was exactly what I needed? Maybe he could remind me of the woman I once was?

  “All that pizza you ordered. The delivery guy showed up, expecting a raging party, but when you said all ten boxes were for you—”

  “He said I was his kind of woman.” I set the bottle on the table next to the shot glasses. “And then you suddenly appeared and flung your arm around my back. A bit possessively, I might add.”

  “Well, you were mine.” His eyes dipped to the empty glass. Only ice remaining.

  “Was I?” I asked, my voice soft.

  His dark brown eyes journeyed to my face. “You were always mine.” His tone had deepened, a match to his expressive eyes that said everything I needed to know. I’d always been his. I was still his. Six years apart hadn’t changed that fact.

  “Hey!”

  I gathered a breath, pulling myself free of the moment we’d been sharing, and tracked the voice to my new sister-in-law.

  Holly adjusted the belt of her black A-line midi dress, nibbling on her lip as Sebastian slung an arm around her waist, a grin on his face betraying whatever naughty things had transpired upstairs in one of the private rooms.

  I wanted to do naughty things upstairs. I wanted to let Cole have his way with me, take what he needed and not hold back. And more than anything, I wanted to immerse myself in his strength and love and forget the unforgettable. Give myself permission to let go of my guilt for a time, even if I didn’t deserve to.

  “Hey, drinking tequila, are ya?” Sebastian asked.

  “Cole.” Holly shooed him with her hand. “Scoot over.”

  For a moment, I didn’t think Cole was going to budge. He wanted to be alone with me. To remain in our bubble of the past before it popped.

  I slid into the booth opposite Cole once he’d moved to make space for Holly.

  Sebastian scooted next to me, and honestly, he should’ve sat by Holly since they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, but then I would’ve had to be by Cole and my body wouldn’t be able to handle that, not with my brother’s eyes on me.

  He’d see the desire. He’d witness my struggle. The longing for Cole that I was trying to bury with distance until I sorted myself out.

  Cole’s dark lashes lifted, and he pinned me with a sensuous look as if we were still alone.

  This man was undressing me with his eyes, and finally, he wasn’t even hiding it.

  My hair was dark, but the tips were colored a shade of honey, a similar color to the golden hue around the rim of Cole’s brown irises. I’d always loved that touch of gold. The night kissing the sun goodbye was how I used to describe his eyes to him when I was drinking. Maybe even sober.

  I tried not to stir, to shift on the seat with my brother so close. Never would I have believed Sebastian and Cole would end up working side by side. Or that Cole would take over for him as League leader in Ireland.

  “So.” Holly’s eyes went to the bottle in front of me. “Only two glasses? Did we, um, interrupt something?”

  Yes, was on the tip of Cole’s tongue. I could see it.

  “I didn’t expect you two down so soon,” I confessed.

  “Funny,” Sebastian grumbled and motioned to a server for two more shot glasses. I was officially trapped by my brother’s muscular frame. Unless I climbed over the table to try and escape, I was stuck here with Cole’s eyes on me.

  “Are we celebrating something?” Sebastian asked casually as he filled the shot glasses.

  Cole shifted his now-empty tumbler aside and took the shot.

  “I wouldn’t choose tequila if I was,” I replied.

  “Well, you did pick Gran Patrón Piedra. Goes for over three hundred euros,” my brother noted. His knowledge of all things alcohol hadn’t changed. But for me, tequila was tequila.

  I downed my shot, immune to its taste since I’d already pounded a few.

  “You did a really great job of transforming the club,” Holly said after throwing back the tequila, her eyes on the dance area.

  “I wish I could take credit, but that was all the designer’s handiwork.” I forced a smile, because what else could I do? I didn’t want to talk about the fact the previously French-infused club theme had been unbearable for me to handle since Luca was French. “So, how’s work?” I needed to talk about anything other than the new chairs or lighting that were a product of my issues—issues I pretended didn’t exist. Everyone knew better, but still, they carefully skirted around me, worried I’d break.

  “It’s good. Not sure if Sebastian told you, but I’m partnering with Reed Productions. Filming should begin next year,” Holly answered enthusiastically. I caught a grimace from my brother out of the corner of my eye.

  “What’s that scowl for?” I teased.

  “Harrison Reed hit on my wife,” Sebastian grumbled.

  “In all fairness, I wasn’t your anything at the time.” Holly smiled, and Sebastian cocked his head, eyeing her like he planned on showing her just how much she had been his, even if she hadn’t known it then. “I think he’s going to fall for Bree. He already set his sights on her at the wedding.”

  “Like I need some bad-boy Hollywood type falling for my sis now that she’s single,” Cole was quick to jump in with his sudden distaste for the man as well.

  “Is Bree going to audition for the movie?” I was so proud of all of Bree’s success and wished I’d been there as a cheerleader for her through it all.

  “I think so, but she’s wrapping up a movie in Montreal right now. And the divorce with Derek was only finalized last month.” Cole took another shot. He probably wanted to knock the shit out of his sister’s ex-husband for cheating on her.

  I needed to do a lot of catching up on my friends’ lives since I’d returned to civilization two months ago. Bree now had a four-year-old son named Jack, and her ex, who played professional baseball, had broken her heart.

  “Well, I came here to dance.” Holly stepped out of the booth and held her palm open to Sebastian.

  “And for a quickie,” Cole joked. Humor looked good on him. I missed that side of him. Well, I missed all the sides of him.

  “A few song
s, and then we go home.” Sebastian stood and took his wife’s hand before turning back toward the booth. “Your driver is taking you, right?”

  I nodded and watched the happy couple stroll to the dance floor. Sebastian’s hands caressed her hips, his body almost flush with hers as Holly began moving seductively in front of him.

  “Hey.” Cole reached across the table and softly laid a hand on top of mine.

  I didn’t flinch this time when Cole touched me. Thank you, alcohol.

  I lowered my attention to Cole’s hand. The warmth of his touch sent pulses of need into my belly. His thumb moved ever so slightly over my skin, and I wanted to shut my eyes, listen to the music, and just live in the moment where I was safe and with him.

  This is real, I reminded myself, forcing my eyes to remain open. I’d spent years dreaming of a moment just like this with Cole. And here I was actually living it, but now a secret cloaked me like a dark shadow, ready to steal my soul to the Underworld at one lapse of judgment.

  I needed to be careful. Alcohol was great at taking you from a happy place to the depths of hell within a blink of an eye if you let it.

  “I’m going to, um, d-dance,” I stammered. My nerves were choking me like a hand wrapped around my throat.

  A shiver raced over my skin as an unsettling memory popped to mind, and before I knew it, I was on the dance floor.

  My brother and Holly were dancing on the other side of the elevated floor. Holly was shimmying, her back to him, and I was pretty sure Sebastian was on the verge of scooping her into his arms and hauling her away to make love again. The man didn’t appear to have much restraint when it came to her.

  I started to move to the beats, trying to maintain my personal space and not bump into any guys.

  When the DJ changed the song to something slower, sultrier and more seductive, my body loosened up. I let the music move me instead of trying to move to the music.

  But a few moments later, I stilled at the feel of two strong hands planted firmly on my hips from behind.

  I didn’t have to turn to know who it was. The spicy scent of Cole’s masculine cologne was unmistakable and unforgettable.

  I wanted to turn, though. I needed to face him. To stare into his gorgeous eyes.

  “Alessia.” My name on his tongue, dancing across my ear, caused a fire in my stomach that shot straight to my sex. “Dance with me.”

  It wasn’t a question.

  Not a request.

  It was a command like I’d never heard from him before. The order went to my bones. I turned toward him, prepared to do whatever the hell he said.

  I’d longed for that husky, raw, authoritative tone from him since the moment I’d given myself my first orgasm at sixteen.

  His hands never left my body as I turned. Instead, he traced the lines of my torso with his fingertips before recommitting his hands to my hips. There were only inches of space left between us on the hot dance floor.

  His jaw was tight. Eyes set on my mouth as if he were about to claim me.

  Maybe he’d kiss me? He wouldn’t give a damn who saw us. Who witnessed the moment. Maybe he wanted everyone to see? To know I was his.

  The sport jacket he’d had on was gone. His sleeves were rolled to the elbows to expose corded forearms and an expensive silver watch. There was more definition to his physique now. He’s been working out with Sebastian, I reminded myself.

  “Dance.” Another order from his lips had my nipples peaking, and confidence had my spine zipping straight instead of bowing.

  All the money in the world couldn’t measure up to how he made me feel with his gaze locked on me, hands on my body. It was immeasurable.

  Cole had escorted me to every single high school dance, refusing to let any “blokes” as he’d called them try and get me into bed afterward. So, this wasn’t our first time dancing. But this was the first time I felt his hardened length beneath his pants. It was the first time he’d let me feel his desire.

  A tightness stretched across my chest at the fact, and it was a reminder my heart wasn’t totally broken.

  I lifted my arms to his shoulders and linked my hands behind his neck.

  The knot of his blue tie was loose, and I couldn’t help but imagine a night where I might wear only his tie and stretch out naked on his bed while waiting for him to devour me. Every inch.

  And maybe it was the tequila, or maybe it was because the DJ changed songs to one mixed with the song Bailando by Enrique Iglesias, but I couldn’t stop moving. Dancing.

  . . . And holy hell.

  His dick was big.

  Impressively so.

  I’d seen it before. Accidentally. He’d been in the shower, stroking himself. Getting himself off. I’d forced myself to run before he caught me.

  Yeah, that was an image I’d never forgotten, and one I’d guiltily used when touching myself, too.

  I lifted my hand to his dark hair and tore my fingers through his locks, mussing it up. Gripping the strands. He angled his head to the side as if prepared to take my mouth and crush his lips over mine. To show the world the truth. I belonged to him.

  Instead, he leaned in and brought his mouth close to my ear. “You’re drunk.”

  He was Cole the protector now—the man who put my safety above his needs. That wasn’t a bad thing, but maybe I wanted him to bulldoze through the walls I’d erected, to save me from the mistakes I’d made.

  But I was scared. And the tequila was losing its hold on me. “I guess I should go.” I stepped out of his arms, and he released me from his embrace.

  I looked around the club in search of Holly and Sebastian, but they were nowhere in sight. Probably off having more sex.

  Cole dragged a hand through his hair where mine had been as if he didn’t know what to do or say. His pants were still tented from his arousal, and I wanted to drop to my knees and take him in my mouth.

  “Can you walk me back to the hotel instead of my driver taking me?” I may have been scared, but I wanted more of him. I’d finally gotten a taste of what it was like to be in his arms, to feel his warm breath on my skin, and I knew I was going to be addicted.

  His hand went to my elbow as he held me in place, but he said into my ear, “Of course.”

  No way could I miss the throaty rasp in his tone, even with the music thumping in the background.

  After I said goodbye to Declan at the bar, Cole and I retrieved our jackets, and we went outside. The chilled air smacked me in the face, but it didn’t remove the desire that’d grabbed hold of me.

  Cole took care of my driver, sending him home for the night. When his eyes connected with mine again, there was something there—a touch of darkness, a sharp glint in his irises I’d witnessed before but couldn’t name. Now, with my age and experience, I knew exactly what it was . . . lust.

  That angry tic of his jaw and the glossiness in his eyes that had appeared on occasion when I was eighteen, nineteen, and twenty, it was him fighting desire.

  Cole’s lips became a hard line as if he’d resigned himself to the fact he wouldn’t dare make a move on me tonight, then he hooked his arm with mine, and we walked in the direction of the hotel Sebastian and I owned.

  “I went to Italy.”

  I slowed at his abrupt statement but didn’t outright stop.

  “I found your BMW rental, but not you.” His voice inched lower as if dipping into an abyss of pain. As if he were Sisyphus pushing that boulder up the hill for all eternity and struggling to make it one more day. “After you emailed, I didn’t give up. I traced you to Barcelona. Rome. Hong Kong. Dubai. Istanbul. And Prague.”

  One foot in front of the other. Just keep moving. Don’t stumble. Don’t fall.

  There was no choice but to stop walking now because our arms were linked, and he was no longer moving. We were so close to my hotel that I could see it just up ahead, but we were now standing off to the side of foot traffic, and his heated gaze was on me. Not lust this time. An aura of mourning in his brown eyes, the honey
-colored rings around his irises gone, swallowed by the darkness. By the pain. The sun no longer kissing the night. “You went to all those places?” My chest was heavy under the crushing weight of guilt. A panic attack was on the horizon. This was another reason why I’d been avoiding him. I wasn’t prepared to fully face the fact I’d hurt him. I’d apologized the night of Sebastian’s wedding, but there were still not enough words in the world, in any language, to make up for running away from him.

  “I flew all over the world until I finally accepted the fact that you just didn’t want me to find you.”

  My heart broke even more at the painful image his words dragged through my mind.

  Another apology was on the tip of my tongue. My eyes fell to the sidewalk. I was standing right on a crack in the cement. I wanted it to split open and swallow me down so I wouldn’t have to face the truth of what I’d done to my best friend.

  “I just needed you to know I looked for you. I tried to find you.”

  I resisted the urge to cover my mouth and let the tears flow. I had to be strong. “And if you’d found me? What would have happened?”

  His hand cupped my jaw, taking me by surprise. Then his brow creased, the familiar look of indecision passed over his handsome features.

  “I wish you’d have found me,” I whispered, my voice catching in my throat. Old wounds were opening. Bleeding.

  But I couldn’t do this right here. Not on the street beneath the dark sky. Not with so many people outside and near us. I needed more time. I was still scared. Still shredded.

  “We should get you inside.” Somehow, he always knew what I needed.

  I nodded, and we continued to walk. The ride in the elevator was painfully silent, but I was glad he stayed with me all the way to my door. I wasn’t ready for the darkness to grab hold of me just yet.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked once I’d opened my door.

  “You’ve changed,” I murmured without explaining further and went inside. So have I.

  I stepped into the suite my brother had occupied before he moved in with Holly. She had a place outside the city. A cozy and romantic spot not typical of someone with her wealth. And it was perfect.