The Taste of Her Words

by Candace Knoebel

I could come just watching her. Feeling her wetness grow as her eyes rolled back. Watching her hips move, body shuddering from her own touch.

  She was sensual. Erotic. Feeding my hungry eyes as I bit my lip and increased my pace.

  When she reached climax, one hand cupping her breast as her fingers slid in and out of herself, I growled, pulling her to my lips to inhale every exhale of her desire. Her hand covered mine, pumping in short, fast bursts as she plunged me over the edge. We stayed like that for a moment while I reached my release, lips pressed together as we breathed each other in.

  “Dean,” she whispered into my mouth, her voice heavenly sweet and filled with lust.

  I could never get enough of her saying my name. Of the way she felt and smelled and tasted. I rolled her over. Kissed her long and slow as her body gave in, sinking into the mattress. I could feel every one of her pent-up muscles unwinding beneath me.

  A lazy smirk found her lips, and then she kissed my cheek. I rolled off her. After rooting around for a minute, I found an old shirt and handed it to her so she could wipe off. Closed my laptop and sat it on the floor before pulling her back against me.

  “What were you working on?” she asked as she snuggled close, her warmth inviting.

  “Last-minute proofing.”

  “Do you like it?”

  I looked at her. Felt myself slipping into the beauty of her eyes. “It always makes me feel close to you,” I confessed, feeling more exposed than I had in a long while.

  She combed her fingers through her hair as she tried to downplay what I said. “I have this idea for my poems. Nothing solid. But I was thinking maybe I could start there… putting them all together as my first published piece.”

  I sat up. “I think that’s a great idea,” I encouraged, watching as she smoothed her hands over the blanket. “I could see you moving into the contemporary movement.”

  She nodded, moving in the same mental direction. “And then, maybe when I finish, I could start on that manuscript again. I still have the notes… I just need to find the time.”

  I grabbed her hand and pulled it against my chest. “You bleed the ink I worship, Andy. Your words are what I truly wish to be the first to read and cherish.”

  She was quiet for a moment. Thoughtful. “I’m sorry I waited so long.” The contrition in her soft tone was audible. She turned into me, eyes open and sincere. “I know I already said this, but I just don’t know why it took me so long to accept this. I was… I was scared. I had already disappointed everyone so much after I dropped out of college. And you were leaving. I panicked. I didn’t know how we could make it work. I had Charlie to think about. He was so young. I didn’t want to be selfish.”

  I pulled her into a hug. “I know, Andy. You don’t have to explain.”

  “But I want to. How could I have walked away from someone who knew me to my marrow? I thought I was doing what was best for both of us. In the end, I was only hurting us more.”

  The level of concern dripping from each of her words made my heart constrict. I didn’t want her to beat herself up about our past. Even though it stung like hell, I believed it was for the best, because I’d have stayed if she’d said the word. I loved her that much… loved her even more for her raw honesty and insecurities.

  “But you’re here now,” I pointed out, lacing my fingers through hers. “Maybe it’s time you stopped fighting and let someone fight for you for a change.”

  She looked at me, sensing the switch of tone. “You mean, someone like you?” Her eyebrow lifted.

  “I definitely wouldn’t volunteer anyone else for the job.”

  She laughed, the sound melting through my core. “I don’t think anyone else could handle me. I’m still not a hundred percent you can.”

  I side-eyed her, unable to hide my smile.

  “I’m serious,” she said, playfully pushing my chest. “I’m a lot to handle. Plus, add in Charlie, because we’re a package deal. A messy, chaotic deal.”

  “A deal I’d never turn down.”

  “But what about Matt?”

  My chest went tight. “What about him?” I said the words carefully, evenly, trying not to let her see my disdain. I’d met him before, and I’d heard enough to know he didn’t treat her or Charlie how they should be treated.

  She scratched her kneecap, avoiding my eyes. “I’m sure you know, but I’m kind of in the middle of a messy suit. He’s trying to get full custody of Charlie. I handed the case over to my dad because I’m too scared I’ll lose again if I try to do it without him. Matt’s family has really good lawyers.”

  I knew about him, but I was glad she was finally opening up. Letting me in. Getting it out.

  “They can’t be any better than our fathers.” Even though I wasn’t on good terms with my father, I still respected him as a lawyer.

  She shrugged a little, her smile wary. “I can’t lose my son. He’s… he’s everything to me.”

  I wrapped my arms around her when I heard the emotion welling in her voice.

  “Matt’s just so angry, and it’s been getting worse.”

  “Like how?” I asked, the sinking feeling returning in my stomach.

  A split second of agony colored her eyes before her jaw tightened.

  Always a fighter, I thought in awe. Her bravery was her armor, and she wore it like a well-trained soldier.

  “He just… he’s all over the place when he comes to visit Charlie,” she said, her facial expression hardening. “Sometimes he’s cold. Other times, he’s apologetic. And sometimes… sometimes he throws a fit when I don’t reciprocate his feelings.”

  I kept my face blank, impassive, stifling every one of my emotions as they hammered against my heart.

  “He blows my phone up when I don’t answer him right away, and he’s even threatened to take us away where no one could find us.”

  I pulled back, chest tightening as my eyes furrowed. “He what?”

  “I’m serious,” she said, her breathing increasing. “And I believe him, Dean. My father… he found stuff out about him that shakes me to the core. He’s mentally unstable. Dad has a restraining order against him. He… he’s hurt people.”

  She sucked in a deep breath, and I held her closer as if it could keep him from ever hurting her again.

  “He’s possessive. Always has been. When we dated, I had to dress how he wanted me to dress. I had to be around friends he approved of. He even locked me in a closet once until I agreed to stay in with him. And that hasn’t changed. Even though we’re not together, he still tries to monitor my life and control it.”

  She paused… and all I could hear were the screams from that night eight years ago. Bloodcurdling. Fearful. Sickening. A night I never wanted to think about again. A night I’ve never been able to speak about… not even to Andy.

  It was like I was there again as the fear built in my chest. As I remembered walking up on something I wouldn’t ever be able to erase from my memory.

  Something that nearly cost me my future, and the future of a girl named Lucy.

  “I even find things out of place in my home,” Andy continued as I tried to push the images of Lucy and that night from my mind.

  “Like what?” I asked, wanting to focus on Andy and the present.

  “Like sometimes, when I wake up, my underwear drawer will be open. I never leave drawers open. Or I’ll find my books straightened on my shelves or little stuff here and there missing or moved. It’s never anything I can prove, but I think he comes into my apartment when we’re asleep. It’s why I didn’t want to drag you into the middle of this.” She traced letters on her knee, spelling something, stress pinching the happiness away from her features. “I can’t believe I’m even telling you this. You just… you’re so sincere and easy to talk to. I feel safe around you. There’s no judgment.”

  “We’re all human, Andy.”

  Her eyes moved over my face, so delicate and loving. “Yeah, but you’re different. You don’t look to see what you want to see in
people. You look to see exactly who they are.” She chewed on the corner of her lip. “And I completely understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. I just… I wanted to be upfront.”

  I trailed my hand up her arm. “Andy, I’m not going anywhere. Ever. Not unless you asked me to. We move at your pace. I’ve waited this long for you… I’d still wait forever.”

  She gave me a sad, somewhat broken smile as she studied my face. Searching to see what I was thinking. I pulled her head against my chest to keep her from seeing the anger brewing in my eyes. She had enough on her plate without having to worry how I was going to take what was going on.

  Matt was a problem, bigger than I initially thought. If he was entering her home without permission, then something needed to be done, because I’d be damned if I let another man hurt a woman on my watch. I just hoped Mr. Hale and his team would work their magic the way they did with my case, because the way I wanted to handle it would surely push Andy away.

  “How are things with your father?” she asked, her hand resting on my chest.

  I shifted to sit up a little further, the ease of our conversation disintegrating, leaving me feeling restless and on edge. Just the mention of my father made my teeth grind.

  “The situation is still the same,” I said, a tortured dullness replacing my tone.

  “Because of…” Her words trailed off as her eyes searched mine.

  Even after all this time, she’s never pushed to hear the full story about what happened eight years ago. I think she was just as much afraid of the truth about that night, as she was curious to see past the rumors.

  But I couldn’t tell her. I made a promise I intended to keep.

  “Yeah,” I said, my tone emotionless even though my mind was swarmed by the images I tried so hard to forget. Skin covered in dirt and blood. Fear twisting a delicate face. The angry thrusts of a monster.

  Silence hung between us, heavy like the rain that fell outside. She didn’t pry any further, for which I was grateful. My dad was a dead-end subject I hated revisiting.

  We held each other for a while underneath the covers as our breathing slowed and synced. Her head rested on my chest, listening to my heart as I reached over and switched off the lamp. I could do this every day for the rest of my life. I wanted to. She was all that was right in the world.

  “Dean?” she said, voice growing heavy with sleep.

  “Hmm?”

  “Hypothetically, if you knew this girl who has known this guy her entire life and found herself falling in love with him even though he was her little brother’s best friend, would you think she was crazy?”

  A drowsy smirk found my lips. “Hypothetically, yes.”

  Her head lifted. Even though I could barely make out her features in the dark, I could see something like shock forming craters between her eyebrows.

  “But,” I continued, enjoying the slight confusion, “hypothetically, I’d also tell her the guy she was falling for… the dashingly handsome one, is even crazier than she because he’s loved her from the very first moment he saw her. Before he even knew what love meant.”

  There was a small flash of white when she smiled satisfactorily, and then she rested her head back against my chest, snuggling against me.

  I was drifting when she said, “Dean?”

  “Yes?”

  “Hypothetically, she loves him.”

  I smiled to my soul. “He hypothetically loves her too.”

  I WOKE TO THE SOUND of my door creaking.

  “Hey, Dean. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about some—”

  My lungs stopped working the moment I realized it was Josh. I looked at Andy sprawled across my chest, shirt lifted over her ass, and immediately scooted out of bed as carefully and as quickly as I could, pulling the covers over her exposed skin.

  Shit.

  His finger lifted, pointing in Andy’s direction, distaste curling his lips as he started in. “Please, for the love of God, tell me that is not my sister.”

  I rushed over to him, pushing him out of my room and into the hallway.

  “What the fuck, Dean?” he said on a heightened whisper, hands thrown up.

  I clamped my hand over his mouth and whispered, “Will you just—” I stopped. Poked my head around the door. Andy stirred and rolled, but she wasn’t awake. Thank God.

  After shutting my door, I glared at him in warning before removing my hand.

  “I specifically said she was off limits. Tell me I didn’t hallucinate that.”

  He stared at me, and I could see in his eyes he wanted me to tell him it was all a misunderstanding. She’d just camped out in my room on accident. Maybe even sleepwalked her way in and me being the nice guy I was, I hadn’t been able to make her leave. For a smidgen of a second, I thought about going with that lie, because it would make this a hell of a lot easier to explain than telling the truth.

  But Josh was my best friend and Andy was the love of my life, and I refused to accept that one couldn’t exist while the other did.

  My hesitation was the only answer he needed.

  I felt my shoulders slump forward as he said, “Fuck you, man,” shoving me hard enough to make me falter back a step.

  “Josh, just give me a second to explain before you—”

  “Before I what, Dean? Before I rip into you?” he retaliated, acid dripping from his words.

  My voice faltered.

  “You can’t have her.”

  “She isn’t anyone’s to have,” I said, trying to keep my cool. Heat built thick behind my chest. Climbed up my neck and into my face.

  His voice dropped to the level that spoke of bare-knuckled fists and black eyes. “Is that what our friendship has been about this whole time? A means to get to her?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous—”

  “Ridiculous?” he hissed at me. “She’s in your bed, Dean!”

  His eyes furrowed, looking at me as if he couldn’t stand the sight of me, and then he shoved me.

  I stood there and took it, gritting my teeth.

  “Andy doesn’t need someone like you in her life,” he said in my face.

  My jaw clenched. “Andy is a grown woman. She can make her own decisions without all of you constantly judging her. “

  His laugh was cynical. “Rich coming from the one benefiting from that statement.” He shook his head, turning away from you. “Screw you. Screw you both.”

  He turned and headed for his room.

  I followed.

  He tried to slam the door in my face, but I caught it in time. Shutting it behind me, I took a deep breath, searching for the right words to explain as he stalked back and forth.

  “She’s my sister,” he said, tugging at the ends of his hair.

  “She’s my best friend,” I professed, chest rising and falling.

  He turned on me, eyes wild with anger. “You’re supposed to be my best friend,” he shouted, the hurt in his words driving a knife through my heart. “Mine, Dean. It’s bad enough you had to skip all the plans we made after high school, and after what happened that night with Lucy, and—”

  “Don’t,” I warned. Aside from those involved in the case, Josh was the only one who knew the truth, and he knew it was a truth I liked buried. A truth he only discovered one night after breaking into his father’s case files like he so often did.

  He stopped, stepping back from a line even he didn’t want to cross, and then sucked in a breath as silence filled the void between us.

  “You went and chased your dreams. Now you are so close to achieving them that it makes me sick. Here I sit, four years later, still not having a single clue as to who the hell I am,” Josh said, voice lowered to an approachable tone. He looked up, eyes heavy. “Even though Andy quit college, she’s still making something of herself. But me…”

  “Josh—”

  “What? What the actual fuck can you say that will make this better? You love her? Splendid. Wonderful. Someone my age is fucking my sister. Lovely.” He p
lopped down on his bed and put his head between his hands.

  I gave him a minute, realizing this was about more than just Andy and me.

  “Are you done?” I asked as he shook his head.

  He looked up at me, and the betrayal in his eyes had me recalculating my steps.

  “She isn’t a toy, Dean.”

  His eyes were what caught me off-guard. In them, I saw how much he loved her. How much he worried for her, and it was the first time I ever felt like I’d misread my best friend.

  For all the shit he gave her, she was still his to protect.

  “I know,” I said, spinning his computer chair so I could sit and face him. “I’d never hurt her, Josh. I love her. But as far as you saying I’m fucking her… don’t ever say that again. It’s disrespectful to your sister. And, honestly, what Andy and I do is our business. We make each other happy. What’s so wrong about that?”

  He looked to his hands, head hung low. “She gets a lot of shit. From all of us. I know I don’t make it easy on her. A part of me screws with her because it shifts the attention from my screw-ups to hers, because she’s strong, Dean. I know she can take it. But… me?” He looked up and blinked to hide the water brewing in his eyes. “Shit, man. I know what my dad thinks about me. And I know my mom tries to defend me when I don’t deserve it. Andy busts her ass to make a name for herself while I sit on my ass feeling sorry for myself half the time.”

  “If you’re aware, then you have to also know you can change. You can make it better,” I said, leaning to rest my elbows against my thighs.

  He laughed, the sound bitter. “I have a degree in social science, but I can’t even peg a field I want to move into.”

  “Not everyone has it all figured out right away,” I tried to encourage.

  He huffed and leaned back onto his bed, his forearm covering his eyes. “I just… I’m not like you two. I kind of always knew there was something between you. Something I could never relate to… and it did make me jealous. You both… for as many problems as you’re thrown, and I mean the kind of problems people could use as an excuse for their shitty behavior, you two don’t. You suck it up, deal, and make the best. You don’t wallow. You don’t feel pity for yourselves.”