The Taste of Her Words

by Candace Knoebel

  “I think I can manage,” he said, keeping his eye on mine. “I’ll just make my statement, and then my girlfriend can drive me home.”

  My body shook as a shiver crawled up my spine.

  “Ma’am?” Heckerman called to me, ushering me on.

  I felt a wave of anger roll through me. I wanted to attack Matt with the only weapon I had, my words, but I was too scared. I’d break down if I did, and I couldn’t afford to. Not when the ball was in Matt’s court.

  I watched as the paramedic cleaned up the rest of the small wounds on his face, and then gave him an icepack for his side. A part of me wanted to yank it all away from him. It was wrong to think, but I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to feel the same physical pain he was putting me through.

  “Can I get a minute with her?” Matt asked as the paramedic finished packing up. The paramedic agreed and headed over to Heckerman, giving an accounting of the wounds.

  As soon as we were alone, Matt turned to me. “You think you can just take Charlie out of state and not answer my calls? What did you think was going to happen, Andrea? I was just going to sit back and cheer you on while you fucked around?”

  Anger overrode fear as fire spread through my veins. “Who the hell do you think you are? What I do with my life is none of your damn business. This is my time with Charlie, and I can spend it how I damn well please.”

  Heckerman looked over at me as my voice raised, so I sucked in a deep breath. I couldn’t let Matt affect me like this. I wouldn’t let him.

  I leaned in, wearing every bit of my distaste for him. “At some point, you’re going to respect that, Matt, because this…” I said, holding my hands out, “this is never going to happen again, do you understand me? You’re not even supposed to be here. Weren’t you served?”

  He flinched back. “Served?”

  “Yes. With the restraining order.” Strength flowed into my spine, straightening my shoulders.

  A slow, menacing smile spread on his face, catching me off guard. It was the kind of grin that lived inside nightmares. The kind reserved especially for monsters.

  “You… you need to leave or I’ll bring it to their attention that you are violating the order,” I continued, trying not to succumb to his games. “I’m done here.”

  I turned to leave as he said, “They’re saying I can press charges against your boyfriend. I can place you at the scene as romantically involved… something my lawyer would love to know about.”

  I stopped.

  “You had to see what everyone else did. He’s a psycho, Andrea. All the lights went out and nobody was home. Is that the kind of men you’re bringing around our son? What if it was Charlie and not me? I don’t think your judgment can be trusted anymore. Maybe I should file a counter-order against you in order to protect Charlie from your little boyfriend.”

  My entire body vibrated as I stalked up to him, finger pointed in his face. “Dean would never touch Charlie, and I don’t know where you get off calling everyone else a psycho while excluding yourself from that list, because the only psycho I see is sitting right in front of me.”

  He flinched back, smile wiped clean from his face.

  “I’m serious, Matt. I’m done taking your shit,” I said, heart thundering in my ears. “You’ve gone too far. You stalk me at my home? You threaten me here? You’re out of your mind if you think I’m going to continue putting up with your shit. That’s why we’re going back to court, and that’s why I’m going to win this time.”

  I sensed the shift in him before I saw it. Before his eyes went dark and his features hardened. I’d struck one nerve too many.

  “I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way then. Hopefully the charges won’t affect his little editing career.” He didn’t have to say anything more. The tone in his voice strangled the words caught in my throat.

  My whole body deflated, pride replaced with despair. The whisper I exhaled was soul-crushingly weary. “What do you want from me, Matt?”

  The corner of his mouth twitched in satisfaction, and my stomach turned. “I want you to tell your father and his lawyers to back off. I know they went digging into my personal life, so I did a little digging myself. Did you know the last guy your boyfriend did this to ended up with a broken jaw? They had to wire it shut. Sounds to me like your boy toy has a temperament problem. I doubt they’ll go easy on him this time.”

  My ears began to ring. All of this… he’d wanted to provoke Dean. He needed something to hang over my head. If he pressed charges…

  “Go get your father. I want to hear you tell him he needs to back off,” Matt said, his words pushing me into a corner.

  I pushed back. There was no way in hell I was going to let him win again, but I had to be smart. I had to protect Dean, because Matt would go to any length to use him just to get to me.

  “If I bring my father over here, it’ll be your ass in the back of that cop car. Not Dean,” I said, hoping he could hear every inch of hatred in my voice. “Keeping him out of this is me doing you a favor because we both know damn well he won’t hesitate to notify one of these sheriffs about the restraining order.” I moved in like a lioness in the grass, ready to put an end to it once and for all. Maybe I wouldn’t get exactly what I wanted—he was still Charlie’s father, after all—but I’d get what I could. “Now, this is the last time I’m going to say it, Matt. We’re done, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can focus on making Charlie’s childhood the best it can be. You need to stop thinking you own me, because you don’t.”

  I sucked in a deep breath and leaned close, eyes boring into his. Lowering my voice to a lethal tone, I struck to kill.

  “This is how it’s going to go, because we both have an equal amount of leverage on the other. After you tell the cops you don’t want to press charges, I want you to leave, peacefully and without a fuss. If you keep up your end of the deal, I’ll speak to my father about removing the restraining order against you. No one goes to jail, no one gets a restraining order against them, including Dean, and Charlie doesn’t have to lose his father.”

  A flicker of fear flashed in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by fury. “Fine.”

  A small smirk rounded the corner of my lip.

  I turned, about to walk away, when he said, “I just love old bookstores. What was that one in town called? A Thousand Lives?”

  I stopped in my tracks. He had been there that day.

  He’d been… he’d been following me.

  His eyes were shadowed under his glare. “I’ll keep my end of the deal, but I don’t want him around my son. Do you understand? A piece of paper can’t keep me from what is mine. You want to test that theory, go ahead and try.”

  The threat in his words shook me to the core. There was nothing but endless black in his eyes. I’d seen him that day in town, lurking on the corner, which meant he followed us. Had observed us when we’d thought we were alone.

  Oh, God, how much had he witnessed?

  “Do you understand me?” he asked, expertly turning the tables on me. Putting me right back in the place he wouldn’t let me free from. Once again under his control.

  He meant it. He wouldn’t stop.

  I nodded. I had to protect Dean and Charlie.

  “I’ll be watching, Andy. You know I will. Keep him away from Charlie or we’ll find ourselves right back where we started today.”

  I didn’t make it five steps away from Matt when I heard him tell Heckerman he didn’t want to press charges. The tears I’d held back… that I had been choking on… streamed a path down my cheeks. I didn’t know why I’d thought I could be happy. Why I thought the world was giving me a break.

  Dean was like the perfect sunset.

  A brief whirlwind of colors as fleeting as every passing minute.

  He could never truly be mine.

  Not while my past nipped at my heels.

  21

  S A C R I F I C E

  There are no words,

  To express
the bitter depths,

  Of life’s disillusionments.

  AFTER MATT LEFT, AND DEAN was taken to the station, Officer Heckerman told me it didn’t matter if Matt dropped the charges or not. The State would still pick them back up. Hearing that was unsettling. Enough so that I went and found my father. He was knee-deep in conversation with a potential client.

  I knew interrupting my dad and Mr. Thurston’s conversation wasn’t ideal, but I had to do something.

  I explained everything to them away from prying eyes and ears. Mr. Thurston lost the battle of holding his tongue and spewed a rant that didn’t go unnoticed by those nosy enough to wander within hearing distance.

  He stormed off to his car before anyone could stop him as Mother pulled Mrs. Thurston close to her, hand over her own mouth, while Dad tried to assure us everything would be all right.

  Thankfully, Josh had taken over with Charlie. I could see him pointing to the larger of the two bounce houses. Charlie hopped from foot to foot, excitement vibrating his entire body. I watched Josh open his wallet, pull out some money, and hand it to Charlie, waving him in the direction of the cotton candy booth.

  When Charlie took off, Josh looked over his shoulder, eyes searching. I picked up my hand and waved, and then his gaze settled on me.

  “You okay?” he mouthed.

  I nodded.

  “I got him.” He pointed to his chest, and then in Charlie’s general direction before waving me off.

  I nodded again, my gratefulness clear, and then I followed Dad to his car.

  As soon as the doors shut us in, I felt him looking at me. I tried to steady my hand long enough to get the key into the ignition.

  “Why didn’t you get me when you saw Matt here?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Andy, he hasn’t been served yet. The sheriff went by his place, but he wasn’t there.”

  “Because he was here, stalking me,” I said, watching a young couple holding hands as they walked to their car. “We have to remove the restraining order.”

  “Absolutely not.” There was no room for argument in his tone.

  I looked over at him, begging him with my gaze to understand. “I made a deal, Dad. I can’t go back on my word.”

  “Andy, that order is the one thing protecting you and Charlie right now. If we have that removed, the strength of our case drops. What deal did you make?”

  I dropped my gaze. “He said he was going to press charges against Dean, and then have a restraining order filed against us both. He said he knows about Dean’s past, and he doesn’t want him around Charlie. With what happened eight years ago, and now this…” I sucked in a deep breath. “Everything happened so fast. One second, Dean was getting a candy apple for Charlie. The next, he was punching Matt over and over.” My lungs felt like they had forgotten how to work. “Why? Why, Dad? Why did he have to retaliate? In one moment, everything we’ve built has been ruined.”

  Dad shifted in his seat, his features softening. “Even if Matt hasn’t officially been served, the temporary restraining order is still in effect. If he tried anything with Dean, we would come down hard on him for being where he shouldn’t have been. And as far as your case is concerned, as long as Matt doesn’t use your relationship with Dean against you in court, we’ll be fine.” He paused, the air feeling tight and heavy. “How long have you two been a thing?”

  “A little over a week,” I admitted, eyes blurring over.

  “Andy… I think you should cool it until the case is over. What happened back there… Matt’s attorneys could spin it in court, make it harder for you and Dean to be a couple in the future. If you can wait until after the terms of custody are set in place, that would be best. But as far as your restraining order, it’s staying. When he returns home, he will be served.”

  I closed my eyes. All I saw was Dean’s fists pounding into Matt. My father was right. Charlie would always come first, even if my heart was telling me not to walk away from Dean. Dad might have thought the restraining order was best, and maybe it was, but I knew Matt. He’d meant it when he said a piece of paper wouldn’t stop him.

  I just hoped when he found out I hadn’t held up my end, that Charlie wouldn’t have to pay the price.

  After pulling onto the main road, Dad was on his phone the entire ride into town, calling his connections, ensuring the State’s attorney wouldn’t press charges against Dean. The drive was hell, my mind spinning in a hundred different directions, unable to stop and process anything.

  Mr. Thurston was already parked out front of the police station in town, leaning up against his car with his arms folded across his chest.

  “Here we are again,” he barked as we walked up. “Just like old times.”

  There was nothing sentimental in his tone.

  I couldn’t keep my eyes away from the front door. Couldn’t take a good, solid breath.

  “I should let them lock him up. Maybe some time in jail would teach him,” Mr. Thurston continued, the disappointment thick in his words.

  He wasn’t a big man, not like Dean. He had an average frame and soft hands, but the way he held himself was enough to make anyone cower. His words were articulate and left no room for questions.

  At least not from anyone except my dad.

  “Sam.”

  The way Dad said Mr. Thurston’s name made me look over. The warning was there, though it was subtle.

  “Don’t Sam me,” Mr. Thurston said, dismissing Dad’s warning as the shifting breeze lifted the ends of his swept-back hair.

  My stomach somersaulted.

  “Didn’t he learn the first time that violence isn’t the answer?” Mr. Thurston continued, his voice rising with every syllable. “This isn’t good for our firm, John. Of all the days to pick a fight, he chooses one of the most important for us. In the middle of retaining a new client, no less.”

  He crossed his arms, shaking his head.

  Dad was as calm and patient as ever as clouds rolled in overhead. “He didn’t pick this fight. Matt targeted and provoked Dean. You know the sensitivity to the situation.”

  He had to be speaking about Dean’s buried past.

  Mr. Thurston didn’t want to hear it. He was the type of man who, once he was started on an issue, he didn’t stop until it was beat into the ground.

  “How many more excuses are you going to make for him, John? He’s never cared about our firm. All he cares about is himself. This is proof.”

  He continued, dragging Dean’s name through the mud until Dad said, “Enough.”

  Even I straightened up.

  Dad turned to Mr. Thurston, closing the gap between them, and then lowered his voice. “That boy of yours is more of a man than most men I know. He is your son, Sam. I shouldn’t have to remind you of that. He should always come before the firm.”

  They locked eyes, an unspoken message passing between them.

  When Dad was certain he got his point across, he leaned against his car, eyes pinned on the front door to the police station.

  Mr. Thurston’s chest expanded, face turning a deep shade of red as he tried to find his footing. “Do not tell me how to feel about my son. He does everything in his power to go against me. I’ve done everything for him.”

  Dad eyed him down. “Everything except defend his character. When the whole town stood against him, you stood with them.”

  The color drained from Mr. Thurston’s face.

  Dad lowered his voice to diffuse the situation. “You know what happened back then wasn’t a normal circumstance. Have a little sympathy.”

  “What did happen?” I asked, grasping for any understanding of the situation. Anything that could keep the fraying ends of our relationship intact.

  They both looked over at me. They’d forgotten they weren’t alone.

  “You know we can’t discuss that with you,” Dad tried to say.

  I put my hands on my hips. “But here you are, somewhat discussing it. If anything, I feel I deserve to hear the trut
h. Especially after this.”

  Dad softened his gaze. “Then you should talk to Dean, honey. He’ll have to be the one to tell you.”

  Mr. Thurston straightened up, and we turned our heads. Dean was walking out of the station, keeping his eyes straight ahead. He had a reddish bruise on his left cheek and a cut on his lip, but he didn’t look near as wrecked as Matt did.

  “I don’t want to hear it, Dad,” Dean said as soon as he was within earshot.

  Mr. Thurston went stiff. “Already with the attitude?”

  Dean stopped in front of him. “Why did you come here? To rub it in that I’m a disappointment? Because I know damn well you didn’t come to help.”

  Dad stepped in. “Dean,” he said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I spoke to my contact at the State’s attorney office. They’ve agreed to not press charges in the absence of Matt’s charges. Once they obtained his records and discerned the history he’s had with women, along with your previous case, they knew they didn’t have anything to hold you on. Nothing that would hold up in court at least.”

  “Don’t lie to make him feel better. You had to use a favor you were owed to get them to drop it. He assaulted another man. That’s plenty to hold him on,” Mr. Thurston said, sounding almost as if he wished they had. “When are you going to get it, son? Your fists are not the law.”

  Dean’s face constricted with so many emotions. “That’s because you’re the law. Right, Dad?”

  Mr. Thurston’s face went beet red. “I’ll meet you in the car.” He turned to my dad and nodded his head. “John.”

  When he was gone, Dean looked to my dad. Not once had he looked in my direction, and I knew it was because he was ashamed. I didn’t know how to feel or what to think. I didn’t know why he’d let Matt push him to the point of no return.

  Dean stuck his hand out, and Dad shook it. “Thank you, Mr. Hale. I appreciate you sticking your neck out for me. You didn’t have to. I’d have gladly taken the charges just as I would’ve back then.”

  “I know, son,” Dad said. The way he said it ripped my heart in half. Dad wouldn’t put himself out for someone who was undeserving. “I’m going to wait in the car. I think you two should talk.”