by Ayres, Jamie
“Good. So is this all free?” Nate asked me.
I’d barely opened my mouth to tell him that was one of the best things about Grand Haven when a girl wearing a sundress shoved a piece of paper in my face.
“Don’t forget the sand sculpting contest at Grand Haven City Beach this Friday night!” she sang, moving onto the next person.
I was about to chuck the paper into the trash when Nate grabbed it from me. “Now this looks like a great event for our real first date.”
Raising my eyebrows, I said, “I’m not ready to date yet.”
“Then will you at least dance with me?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the dancing ty—”
The word died on my lips when he suddenly pulled me into the throng of dancers. I was surprised to see his moves were decent for someone dealing with a bum leg and broken arm. As we crossed right, stepped side left, stepped side right, then stepped together to complete a jazz square, he lifted his good arm to the side to end with jazz hands.
I threw my head back in laughter. “Wow, you’re rocking some old-school skills, huh?”
He tried to cover his wincing, but I heard a small whimper escape his lips. “Oh, please, girl, you ain’t seen nothing yet!”
I laughed again. “I think you should take it easy for now.”
Nate brushed a hand through my hair again. Both gestures, my laugh and his physical affection, felt odd, different, but in a good way.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” Suddenly, I felt the urge to brush a hand through his hair, too, but it was damp with sweat, so I resisted.
“I’m glad you aren’t avoiding me tonight.” He took my hand in his and held it to his cheek, brushing the side of his hair.
Sighing, I said, “I should be.”
“Why?”
“Because you just heard my thought about wanting to touch your hair, didn’t you?”
“So, we’re back to the issue of me reading your thoughts again?”
“I guess so.”
He shook his head, then pulled me over to the side of the bleachers. “Relax. It’s summer, and I intend to enjoy the beautiful sunset with a beautiful girl tonight.”
Feeling myself blush, I decided I needed something cold, and fast. “Do you want to get an ice cream cone? Dairy Treat is just across the way. I’ll buy.”
He took a step forward and held out his hand. “Only if you let me pay. This is our first date. I don’t want to set a precedent for our entire relationship.”
Shaking my head, I let my hand fall into his, and we started walking. “Not a date, so how about we each just pay for our own?”
“Nope. I pay for both of us, or I’m not going.”
I looked away, fighting a smile. “Fine, be a gentleman.” He is kinda perfect.
Nate dropped my hand and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me toward him. I realized he probably had the boldness to do so because he could hear my thoughts. There was no guessing game involved. He knew how attracted I was to him.
“Olga?”
“Yeah?”
“I wish you could hear my thoughts right now, wish I could put into words how strongly I feel about you.”
“Um, okay, how though? We barely know each other. And didn’t you think I was completely insane just a few weeks ago?”
He gave me a long look, and then we crossed the street with the crowd. “I’m sucked into your thoughts a good deal of my time, so I know you a lot better than you know me. But I’m hoping to change that.”
“Can’t you stop? I don’t want you listening in! It’s infuriating.”
“Not really. I’m too curious. It’s like trying to shut off my own thoughts.”
“But you’re sure this is a recent thing? I mean, could you have heard other people’s thoughts all along and just thought they were yours?”
“Yes, no, and no.”
I rubbed my temples, a headache coming on.
He massaged my shoulders. “Relax. Ice cream makes everything better.” Stepping up to the window, he placed the order. “A Rockpile shake for me, and a chocolate-dipped cone with a double scoop of banana ice cream for the little lady here.”
“Are you poking fun at my five-foot-two status?”
Slipping a ten out of his wallet and handing the crisp bill through the window, he said, “I swear I’m not. I just say awkward things when I’m nervous.”
My heart gave a little jump. “And why would you be nervous?”
He accepted his change, then handed me my ice cream cone. “Because I think I could fall in love with you really fast.”
I licked the ice cream off my cone, grateful for something to do, even though the act felt too sensual in the moment. “How’d you know what I wanted anyway?”
Catching me by surprise, he traced the outline of my forehead, then my cheekbone, all the way down to my chin. “How do you think I knew?”
I closed my eyes and cringed, suddenly feeling shy again. “Oh, right, duh. We should start a magic show or something. I could use the extra money for college.”
He nodded, taking a sip of his shake. “I’m game. You want to attend the University of Michigan, right?”
“Ever since I was five when we visited my cousin there. I have the grades, if I can hold myself together for senior year. I just hope Conner is awake by then. It’s his eighteenth birthday next week, too.”
He seemed to twinge at my words, pressing his lips flat and shoving some hair out of his eyes.
We crossed the street again and remained silent for a few minutes while we ate our ice cream, both of us seemingly lost in thought. Or maybe he was lost in my thoughts.
When we reached the bleachers, we hiked all the way to the top and squeezed ourselves into a spot meant for one to get maximum viewing for the sunset behind the dunes, then the musical fountain show.
Nate sat back, slinking an arm around my shoulder and shaking his head. “So is this show as hokey as it sounds?”
I took a bite of my cone. “Pretty much. I mean, they’ve done a lot of cool updates over the course of the last few years, so it’s more modernized and stuff, but it’s no Las Vegas.”
He looked up at me with a sly smile. “No dancing girls in bikinis coming by on water skis then?”
Taking another bite, I said, “Only the drunken tourists.”
“I’d rather see you in a bikini. What do you say to a beach date on Friday, and then we can go to that sand castle contest? We can enter if you want.”
“Mmm.” Another bite. “I suppose I could go after work at three. I can’t stay out too late, though, because I have to visit Conner.”
“You know.” He paused, giving me a sidelong glance. From the softness of his voice, I could tell I wasn’t going to like the next thing that came out of his mouth. “I understand why you feel the need to visit Conner every day, but how can you blame yourself for his accident? You can’t fight nature. It was a random lightning strike.”
It was the decisive way he said the words that shook me to my core, like I’d been beating a dead horse and now I needed to put the stick down. And then Nate was there, wrapping his arms around me, knowing I needed to cry even before I did. These weren’t sad or happy tears, just ones that needed to be shed. I’d never been more scared these past two months, every day getting out of bed not knowing if Conner would still be alive. I didn’t know why, but Nate’s arms around me told me everything would turn out okay. The Grand River slapped against the harbor, making watery noises and drowning out the sound of my sobs. It felt so good to cry, so good to be held.
I glanced at my watch and noted the time was ten o’clock on the dot. Just like magic, the musical fountain show started, the lights and Beatles music a welcome distraction.
Nate leaned against the side of the railing and kept his arm around me. His embrace wasn’t too little or too much; it was just what I needed.
After the twenty-minute show, he shuffled down the bleachers with the rest of the crowd before tur
ning toward me and helping me off the last step.
I smiled. “Thanks. And hey, maybe I can visit Conner Friday morning so we can stay out later.”
Nate blinked rapidly, like a Morse code for really?
“Olga!”
I turned, and there were Kyle and Sean with Nic. Nosy, I thought toward my best friend, throwing her a look she didn’t return. She looked like she desperately needed to tell me something. When Sean was about an arm’s length away, he launched himself at me, throwing his arms around my waist and swinging me around.
I ruffled his afro, because that’s what the Jedi Order always did when we saw him.
“I’ve been trying to call you. Don’t you check your phone, girl?”
I pulled my cell out of my purse and cursed mentally. I’d forgotten to turn off the silent mode after my work shift ended. Five missed calls. How could I have been so careless? No doubt, all of these calls could only mean one thing.
“Conner?”
I met Kyle’s eyes and he nodded, hugging me tight.
“He’s awake,” he whispered in my ear as a wave of applause and cheers came from the crowd when the band starting to play again.
I glanced at Nate. He’d been so nice to me all night long, and I felt bad leaving him, but after eighty days, Conner was finally awake. Words escaped me, but of course Nate knew.
He nodded toward the street and gave a slight smile. “Go.”
Taking long, measured breaths, I wiped the tears from my eyes as I rushed down the hospital corridor. I couldn’t believe he was awake and apparently talking. He remembered everything and didn’t seem to have many side effects. Doctors were running tests but already declared his dramatic recovery a miracle, if you believed in that sort of thing, which I did.
Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, Conner’s parents, were standing outside his hospital room when I arrived, talking to his main doctor.
“May I go in?” I bounced from foot to foot, and I’m sure it looked like I needed a potty break pretty bad.
His mom nodded. “Yes, of course. But just a heads up… Conner is a little… off.”
“Off? But the gang said he was completely fine.”
Nic, Sean, and Kyle were parking the car. They’d dropped me off at the front entrance, giving me the opportunity to see him first, and alone.
“It seems like he is, but his personality is different. I’m sure we’ll have the old Conner back soon, but I want you to be prepared.”
“Okay,” I said, drawing out the word while pushing his door open.
My shoes clacked across the tile, and I studied him sitting in his bed in a relaxed position. His blond hair disheveled, he looked sexier than ever.
“Took you long enough.” His husky voice echoed across the room, sounding… flirtatious?
“I know! I’m so sorry! Phone was off.” I rushed to his bedside and gently wrapped my arms around his neck.
“You can squeeze me harder, Olga. I’m not going to break.”
I laughed, giving him a little squeeze, still afraid this was all a dream, then carefully sat next to him on the bed.
He cupped my face in his hand. The passion that rose in his eyes—unexpected and almost dark—caused me to suck in a breath of surprise. He caught my hair in a painful grasp and pulled me toward him with a fierce longing. I went numb as he attacked my lips with his, too confused to move. When he shoved his tongue in my mouth, I put my arms against his chest and shoved him backward.
Blackness seemed to have swallowed up his pupils. His gaze on me was still and small, like a cat observing its prey. “What’s wrong, baby? I thought this is what you wanted.”
Baby? “I do. But, Conner, you just woke up, and I don’t know. It just isn’t how I imagined my first kiss.”
“Your first kiss? Well, that explains why you were so bad at it.”
My cheeks flushed red as he laughed. My chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. Mrs. Anderson was correct, this wasn’t the Conner we knew. But I had to try to get through to him.
“So, could you hear everything we’ve said to you? I mean, while you were in your coma.”
He shook his head, confusion spreading across his features as he batted his long lashes at me. “Some of it. What are you hoping I heard? Let me guess, the part when you told me you loved me?”
I bit the inside of my lip as I nodded, wondering why he’d taunted me. If I could’ve crawled inside him, I would have, so desperate to understand his puzzling actions, his unusual gruffness.
“I get it. The good little Catholic girl inside you thinks there’s a lesson to learn here. But you’re wrong. This didn’t happen so we can finally fall madly in love with each other and start living the lives we were meant to live. From now on, I’ll do what I want, when I want, and that includes not being tied down by some heavy relationship.”
Nodding numbly, I bit back my retort. Although shocked by his outburst, I was certain his behavior resulted from a side effect that would go away with time. We sat there in silence for a moment, me thinking of something to say, and him scrolling through the numbers on his phone. I didn’t know what else to do. My lips felt full and rubbed raw from his aggressive kiss, and my heart felt sick. Suddenly, a familiar, annoying voice pierced the silence.
“Ohmigawd! Conner!” Tammy squealed, walking in wearing jeans that gave a new definition to skinny. “You’re up!”
“Hey, girl. How you doin’?”
She squeezed into the space in front of me and perched on the side of his bed, forcing me to stand. “I’m a helluva lot better now that you’re awake. I was so worried about you!”
He pushed a stray piece of hair out of his face. “Is that so?”
Blinking, I glanced around the room, searching for our friends, anyone to help. “What are you doing here anyway?”
She looked up at me, nose high in the air. “None of your business.”
Not feeling an ounce of patience for her, I pulled her off the bed and reclaimed my spot. “Look, you should go. Conner needs his rest.”
She rolled her eyes and turned back to him. “She’s such a party pooper. You’ve been in a coma for almost three months. Do you really want me to leave?”
I didn’t miss her stress on the word “me.” But Conner wouldn’t pick her over me, no way.
“No, Tammy, I don’t want you to leave.” Conner grabbed my hand. “Olga, I’ll catch up with you later.”
All I could do is gape, wanting to say something, but remaining speechless.
Tammy tossed her perfect blonde hair over her shoulder and waved goodbye.
I stood, staggering a bit. My legs felt like they were made of spaghetti, and I fought the urge to cry. Bursting into tears in front of my nemesis wouldn’t do any good. Yelling at Conner after all he’d been through didn’t seem right, either. I thought about being bold enough to yell at Tammy, but looking at her, I realized she wasn’t worth the effort. Hopefully, that still counted as boldness, knowing when to walk away.
Just as I was leaving, Nic finally showed up with Sean and Kyle.
“Where are you going?” she asked me.
“Conner doesn’t want to see me right now.” I rubbed the back of my neck.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll see. He’s not himself. Or maybe he blames me for being in a coma. I don’t know. I’m gonna go home. Call me when you’re finished visiting, okay?”
She nodded, frowning.
Down the hall, I ran into Nate, literally. You’d think a guy who could read my thoughts would sense me coming.
“Unless you’re thinking of your exact location while rounding the corner, how would I know that?”
I shoved past him. “Whatever.”
He chased after me, but I could hear him struggling, his shoe scrapping the floor as if he had to drag his leg behind him. “So that visit with Conner didn’t go very well.”
“Nope.” I didn’t know why I was being so mean. Conner’s behavior wasn’t his fault.
Nate stepp
ed in front of me, blocking my path, and wrapped me in a hug. “He’s been in a coma for a long time. I’m sure he’s not mad at you about the accident. It just might be a few days before he’s back to his old self.”
“How do you know? Can you read his mind too?” I mumbled into his sweater.
He leaned back slightly and brushed a piece of hair off my forehead. “Still just yours. Thank goodness. Your thoughts are enough to keep me more than occupied.”
I knew he was only trying to keep things light, but his comment annoyed me.
A girl who looked about our age walked by us in the hallway, ogling him.
“Hey, you!” I called, and she turned. “He thinks you’re hot.”
I whirled away from Nate and thought, You can bother someone else for a change. Then I raced down the corridor toward the exit, finally letting my tears fall, along with my hopes that anything would ever be normal again.
“No matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.”
—Nate’s Thoughts
week and a half later, on Conner’s eighteenth birthday, I stood off to the side of the stage, my eyes wide with shock. The Cantankerous Monkey Squad had just finished opening for another local band at Snug Harbor restaurant for a Rock & Roll Fund-raiser event benefiting the arts. I thought it was too soon for Conner to do concerts with Sean and Kyle. Conner should’ve needed months of all sorts of therapy for what he’d been through. But the doctors labeled him a miracle, and his parents thought the more he immersed himself in old habits, the quicker we’d get the “old” Conner back. Right now, the “new” Conner had a beer in one hand and another hand all over some groupie wearing barely there jean shorts and a see-through floral lace tank revealing her hot pink bra, their lips locked together in a passionate kiss.
Dizziness washed over me as I watched their major display of PDA, unable to tear my gaze away no matter how badly I wanted to. Finally, I started to back away but stumbled into something. Turning around, I discovered a someone.
“What a douche bag.” Tammy. At first, I thought she was talking about me bumping into her, but her gaze was locked on Conner. “I can’t believe this crap. I thought he was one of the good ones.”