by Ayres, Jamie
When Conner was in his coma, Sean and Kyle had retrieved his songbook from his room so they could play the stuff he’d been writing in the hospital room, hoping the gesture would help wake Conner up somehow. One of them was titled “Ode to a Septic Tank,” a song about him convincing me to jump into a pile of poop on Halloween night, also my sixth birthday. Nic and I rolled on the ground in laughter for a good ten minutes when the boys played it for us. Then, Nic made them play the song again so she could film it with her iPhone and post the video online. At that point, a good month into Conner’s coma, I never thought I’d laugh again. The song saved me in a way, showing me that life could go on, no matter what happened, even if I felt like the world should stop.
Tammy steered the car into Saint Patrick’s Community Church parking lot with one hand and held up her other hand for a high five. “I just watched the video again on YouTube the other night. Hands down, “Ode to a Septic Tank” is the funniest piece of crap I’ve ever heard.”
She laughed at her own joke, and I joined her. As we got out of the car, I thought of how that was the best thing about Tammy. Even though she didn’t truly laugh often enough, her giggle was infectious and made me want to say funny things just to hear her cackle.
“Tammy?”
“Yeah?”
“I know I haven’t been dealing with everything very well. But I just want to thank you for making me become friends with you. It’s been the best distraction I could’ve hoped for.”
She nodded. “Well, we all have our role to play in life. Reigning Queen of Distraction and Denial is mine.”
“Mmm-hmm. But don’t sell yourself short. I think your role is so much bigger than that.”
Scrunching her brows, she pointed to the front entrance of the church. “Let’s hope so. Maybe God will throw me a bone today and let me in on his purpose for my life.”
Wrapping my arm around her skinny shoulders, I said, “Absolutely. And remember, whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Those bad things made you who you are, even more so than the good things.”
Did I believe those things about myself, too? This morning I decided I needed to give up control. I still couldn’t see how any good could come out of my situation with Conner, but I needed to grab hold of childlike faith as things unfolded, knowing God would only give me what I could handle and trusting there was a higher reason to everything I faced.
“Whatcha got going on after Mass?” I asked casually. Having “childlike” faith spawned another bucket list idea for Tammy.
Tammy tilted her head and fluffed her hair. “I’m not sure. I think I’ll go home and make lunch for my dad. I’m feeling Christian today. But then I’m free. What were you thinking?”
As the sun streamed through the stained glass windows, dappling us in golden light when we stepped inside the church, it felt like a personal blessing from God. But I couldn’t let Tammy in on my surprise yet. “Oh, the usual. Hanging out with the Jedi Order. Are Kyle’s parents still out of town?”
“He said they will be until late tonight. Why?”
“Just wondering. I have some volunteer hours to fulfill here for NHS—”
“What’s NHS?”
“National Honor Society.”
“Oh, you mean a club for smart people. That’s why it doesn’t ring a bell. You’re probably like the president or something.”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Anyway, I’m gonna hook up with Nate afterward, and then I’ll text you later, okay?”
“Okay, I didn’t realize you were at the hooking up stage yet, though,” Tammy said with her usual sarcasm, giving me a quick hug.
“Your connotations for hooking up are not the same as mine.”
“Oh, really? Are you sure about that?” She pinched my side.
I put my hand over her mouth. “Again, shh! We’re in a house of worship, for Pete’s sake!”
Nate actually answered my texts, and he wasn’t upset with me anymore.
So a few hours later, he helped me set up little card tables all around Kyle’s basement with old toys as the centerpieces. After texting Nate, I’d called Kyle to enlist his help with giving Tammy another piece of her childhood back: birthday parties. She never had one, and even though it may not have been her actual birthday, there was no reason we couldn’t celebrate. Cabbage Patch and Barbie dolls, My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake figurines, Superman and Batman action heroes, and best of all: Star Wars bobblehead characters were dispersed throughout the room.
“What do you think?” I asked Nic as she entered the room.
She wore cutoff jeans and a plain white T-shirt, a pink bandana tied into her straight black hair like a headband. Nic wasn’t a fashion diva measured against Tammy’s standards by any means, but she always looked adorable. “Wow.”
“Pretty retro, eh? Nate and I searched our attics for old toys, and this is what we pulled together.”
“Awesome!” Sean walked in behind Nic and held out his hand for a fist bump. “Darth Vader is coming with me to college for sure.”
I rubbed his afro. “Yeah, okay,” I told him, trying to keep my voice steady, tears threatening to fall, knowing the Jedi Order would have to be apart for the first time all too soon.
Nic popped open a soda and took a sip. “Anything for you, baby.” She stretched on her tiptoes and planted a passionate kiss on his lips before turning back to me.
His gorgeous black skin couldn’t hide his blush. “Everything looks great, but what exactly is the theme here?” Sean asked.
Running my fingers through my hair, trying to tame the frizz, I explained, “The theme is every birthday party she’s ever missed. That’s why I hung up a piñata and Pin the Tail on the Monkey—”
“I thought it was a donkey?” Nic interrupted.
“It is, but since we have the Cantankerous Monkey Squad, I thought we could mix it up a little.” My lower lip trembled at the name of the band, and I wished Conner were a part of this. Old Conner would’ve loved helping us do something for Tammy.
“Slip’N Slide is ready to go!” Kyle shouted when he opened the French doors leading to the backyard.
I clapped him on the shoulder as he walked past me to grab a pop. “Fantastic. Let’s head out to the driveway to wait for Tammy. She should be here in five.”
“Did you hear from Conner at all today?” Nate rubbed the back of my neck as we lumbered around to the front of the house.
“Nope, and I don’t expect to.” I shoved a piece of gum in my mouth so I wouldn’t cry.
A few minutes later, Tammy honked her horn as she parked her Lexus in Kyle’s driveway, and we all launched into a chorus of “For She’s A Jolly Good Fellow.” She pretended to faint, fanning herself with her perfect, manicured hands.
When we finished singing, Tammy let loose a small squeal. “Thank you! But what is this all about?”
I placed my hands on her shoulders, steering her toward the backyard. “Part of your life list. Missing out on your childhood meant you didn’t have birthday parties, so we thought it was time to fix that.”
“But it’s not my birthday.”
Shrugging, I said, “Why should we let that stop us from celebrating you?”
“All right, who wants hamburgers?” Kyle shouted, and everyone shot their hands in the air.
After we ate more food than our share of a Thanksgiving feast, I played the ever overly cautious mother type, telling my friends to wait thirty minutes before we ventured outside.
“Doesn’t that rule only apply to swimming? We can just do the Slip’N Slide,” Kyle said, sweeping his blond hair away from his eyes.
“Yeah, but I still think it’s wise to let our food settle before diving headfirst down a slippery hill into a pool,” I argued, drumming my fingers against my full stomach. The truth was, I just didn’t want to change into my bathing suit while feeling so bloated.
Sean emerged with a six-pack. “Fine, then we’ll kill time with a drink. The
last ones leftover from the best party ever!”
“Oh no, not more beer.” I groaned.
“Oh, stop your gnashing of teeth. This is my party, and I’ll make you drink beer if I want to,” Tammy said with a stomp of her foot.
Sean moved down our line of friends, handing the cans off one by one. I diverted the attention away from drinking, or lack thereof, by handing Tammy a gift basket full of classic kid toys: a Slinky, Play-Doh, a Star Wars coloring book with some crayons, a Barrel of Monkeys, and even a cymbal-banging monkey in a red hat, just like the one Cantankerous Monkey Squad was named after.
As she squealed with delight, I slid a piece of paper out of my pocket and cleared my throat. “I wrote you a little ditty to go with the gift. ‘This basket contains items I picked to help you let loose. They’re yours for your fake birthday, so put them to use! I hope you know you’re now in the Jedi Order for life, and I hope you never attack any of us with a knife. But even if you do, I’ll love you the same, and I’m sorry that, unlike you, this poem’s pretty lame.’ Cheers to Tammy!”
Everyone raised their can to the middle of our circle and clinked, then chugged, except me. I only swallowed a mouthful before deciding again I absolutely hated beer.
Kyle lifted his can in another toast. “Here’s to great memories and new experiences our senior year. And speaking of new experiences, Tammy, would you like to go on a date with me?”
Tammy blushed, actually blushed. I didn’t think anything could make her embarrassed. “Aww. Sure I would.”
I’d seen the way Kyle watched Tammy these past two months, so his question didn’t surprise me. Nor did the way he asked, so casual. That was Kyle’s calling card, no nonsense. But I wasn’t sure Tammy should rush into a relationship right now. It seemed she always had a boyfriend, and I wondered if it stemmed from a need to focus on someone else so she didn’t have to deal with other areas that were much more difficult.
“Here, here.” Nate chugged the rest of his beer before crushing his can and then shooting it into the nearby garbage can.
“Let’s get this party started!” Nic grabbed Tammy’s hands and mine. “Pool time!”
“Hell, yeah!” Nate could hardly seem to contain his excitement. “I hope all you ladies remembered your bikinis!” And no doubt, there was the reason why. “Last one out is a rotten egg!”
Sean shoved him out of the way. “Your breath is a rotten egg!”
Everyone hurried off to change, but Tammy just stood there, adjusting her bra. “Well, what am I supposed to do? Go in my birthday suit?”
I laughed, not doubting she would, but then Kyle stuck his head out of the bathroom door. “You left your suit here to dry after we went in the hot tub last night, remember?”
Kyle had an appreciative look on his face as he tossed the leopard-print bikini to her, and I rolled my eyes.
When we all reconvened in the same spot, I couldn’t help noticing all the boys staring at Tammy’s halter top, which barely covered her massive boobs. I also couldn’t help trying to adjust the top part of my red lifeguard style one-piece suit. So not sexy.
“Always the party pooper, aren’t you, Olga?” a familiar voice behind us rasped. “You’ve had that suit since freshman year. When are you finally gonna ditch the damn thing and buy yourself a bikini that shows off that hot bod?”
Conner. I wanted to tell him to scram, to stay away from me, but no matter how badly he’d hurt me, I believed there was still some trace of my best friend within him somewhere.
My eyes softened behind my glasses at the thought. “How’d you know where we were?”
He shrugged. “Lucky guess.”
The Jedi Order formed a line of scrimmage, blocking Conner from coming any closer. We stared him down for a moment, and I swear I saw his eyes flash before Kyle took a step forward. “Did I stutter last night? I thought I made it clear you weren’t welcome here anymore. What you did, what you’ve been doing, it isn’t cool, man.”
“I know.” His pleading eyes stared at me again. “What I don’t know is why I keep doing what I’m doing. But I want to stop.”
Conner?
I expected him to say more, to explain, but he didn’t. Instead, a bewildered expression washed over his face. His eyes shifted around our circle of friends, like he was noticing us for the first time.
“What’s up?”
Kyle shook his head at him. “We’ve built a mammoth Slip’N Slide, that’s what’s up.”
Conner blinked slowly, like he couldn’t comprehend the words.
“Are you going to apologize? I’m assuming that’s why you came,” Sean’s voice barked, unusually sharp.
“Of course. I’m sorry. Can I stay and hang out with you guys?”
Nate bolted forward. “Hell no!”
I knew Nate’s answer was warranted. Conner had been acting like the biggest jerkwad on the planet. Still, I had an overwhelming impulse to keep him near.
Stepping forward and turning my head, I caught a glimpse of the dazed expressions of my friends. They were just as confused over Conner’s behavior as I was. After a moment of silence, I finally spoke up.
“Maybe we should give Conner one more chance?”
“Are you frickin’ serious?” Nic chided.
“Um, yes? If it’s okay with you all.” I narrowed my eyes at Conner. “But if you screw up again, we’re done. You can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing. We won’t let you.”
He glanced at Nate, then brought his attention back to me. “Deal.”
“Come on, bro.” Kyle grabbed his arm good-naturedly. “I’ll race ya down the slide. If you win, I have to forgive you. If I win, you have to give me that Ewok Village LEGO set. I’ve had my eye on that since sixth grade.” Kyle turned around and winked at us.
I watched numbly as they opened up the slider, then crossed the backyard.
Nate cleared his throat. “Any theories for what’s going on with him yet?”
“Yeah. I think we’ve got a live case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on our hands. Come on. Let’s see how this plays out.”
I approached the Slip’N Slide with caution, because this was a forty-foot homemade creation, with spraying tubes on both ends and concluding in the most massive inflatable pool we could find at the bottom of the slope in Kyle’s yard. Kyle liked my and Nate’s creation so much he bought two more Slip’N Slides to connect as one, placing them at an angle down the slope so both sides met together at the pool. Kyle and Conner stood as kings of their own mountains, the rest of us counting down, “On your mark, get set, go!”
Kyle pushed off with great speed, but unfortunately, Conner had the bright idea to stride several steps backward before taking off in a run, then launching himself down the slide. The pool at the bottom was unable to stop his momentum. He skimmed over the top of the surface before bumping into a tree so hard that a fountain of blood squirted out from the top of his head.
“Oh my gosh!” I screamed. “Conner!”
I sprinted to the bottom to discover he wasn’t responding to my voice.
Oh crap! How much abuse can one body take? “Go call 9-1-1, now!” I shouted to Nate. “We need an ambulance!”
I dropped to my knees and in desperation tried to wake him up by shaking him before realizing that could do more harm than good. Sean handed me his T-shirt to put on Conner’s head to stop the bleeding.
Finally, he came to with a goofy grin on his face. “What up? Why is everyone staring at me?”
“You don’t remember what just happened?”
“I think I must’ve bumped heads with Mr. Tree. Is he okay?”
I glanced around and discovered everyone stood over us. Nic gnawed her lip in worry, Tammy pulled at her hair, Kyle bounced from foot to foot, Sean rubbed his face. All telltale signs that this was as bad as it looked.
“There should definitely be a G.I. Joe public service announcement about Slip’N Slides. Wait, did I just pass out?”
I nodded. “Yeah, and there’s blood
coming out of your head.” A lot of blood. “But stay calm, an ambulance is on its way.”
The mother of all sirens rang down the street a minute later, a blessing and a curse.
“Remember when we read The Odyssey for English last year?” Conner asked me. “The sirens were creatures whose songs led sailors to death.” He blinked rapidly. “Did you hear them when they came for me… that day we went sailing? I know you blame yourself for my freak accident, but it’s not your fault. I’m just a freak who attracts freakiness.”
I gently brushed his cheek, trying to stay calm. “Well, take comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one.”
He closed his eyes.
“Conner, don’t you leave me! Don’t you dare leave me!” I yelled, overcome by emotion.
Someone touched me on the shoulder, and I turned around to see Nate, looking genuinely distraught. He squatted, hand still on my shoulder, and whispered, “The paramedics are here. You have to get out of the way.”
Standing next to Nate as I watched the paramedics load Conner onto a stretcher, I had this sense of déjà vu, which was strange since I’d never seen Conner being loaded into an ambulance; I was knocked unconscious by the sailboat boom. Plus, I hadn’t known Nate then, either. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of familiarity.
“Do you get the sense that we’ve done this before?” I asked Nate reluctantly.
He nodded. “Should we meditate?”
“I don’t think this is the time or place.”
“I figured, but I don’t know what else to do.” He tugged on the strap of my bathing suit, giving me goose bumps. “What about hypnosis?”
“What about it?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking maybe it’s something we should try to get some answers. Couldn’t hurt, right?” His gaze traveled over the little scene in the backyard. Nate had the air of someone who always knew exactly what to do. He would make a good boyfriend. He squeezed my hand.
Ahh, stop thinking!
I swallowed hard and looked toward Sean and the rest of our friends, thinking of history repeating itself. We were all headed to the hospital to visit an injured Conner once again. I gathered all my courage and strength and muttered one line with childlike faith. “Please help, God.”