18 Thoughts (My So-Called Afterlife Book 3)

by Ayres, Jamie

  I shook my head violently. “Olga, if there’s one thing I’ve learned this past year, it is a person who lives only for himself destroys himself. He’s pure evil, trying to lead you down the road of worldly prizes, and none of it will last, Olga. We know that now more than ever. I visited the Underworld while you’ve been away. I met angels. I saw how vast and wide this universe is. I know it’s hard, but fight back. We only suffer here a little while, and then there’s a whole other world God has waiting for us.”

  Olga gagged and coughed, fighting, but her eyes remained black as Sam spoke. “A lifespan of sixty to eighty more years is still a long time to suffer.”

  Her body jerked on the ground again, her eyes turning blue once more as she found the strength to stand. “Conner, I’ve never been more scared. I feel so tired and small. I don’t know how much more I can take. And now I’m…”

  I looked directly into her eyes and stretched my arms forward, willing all the love I had for her to be felt in the deepest part of her soul.

  She placed a hand protectively over her stomach. “I’m afraid. Sam impregnated me with a demon. If I kick him out, my body won’t be able to take the changes. I’m dead either way. Just save yourself before you or Nate gets killed.”

  Nate stirred at the mention of his name, but he didn’t get up. I wondered if he could hear her confession.

  “What?” The tightness in my throat barely let me get the word out.

  “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

  Her two little words weighed me down, and I couldn’t think of what to say in response. Something flipped in my stomach, and I thought I’d puke. I wanted to reach across the olive oil line and choke Sam out of her, but that wasn’t possible. My throat ached with contained sobs and screams, but I forced out a calm response. One of us had to think straight. “You’ve been through too much to die now. There has to be a reason we survived all these things. Why we died and came back. You must be significant. Your best days are ahead, the worst behind you. I just know it. Nate was telling me about the story of Joseph, how God can bring good out of the worst evils. Don’t you owe it to yourself to see what all the fuss was about? I have faith God won’t let you die after everything you’ve been through. We’ll figure something out.”

  Olga’s eyes burned, turning back to black once again. She bowed her head toward me. “I hate to tell you this, but the horrific human condition encountered by God in the Garden of Eden still exists and has multiplied. There are wars, drugs, crime, famine, homeless, families falling apart, the environment trashed. Don’t you see your world is a place filled with trouble, suffering, loss, grief, anguish, death? I can erase your pain and suffering, Olga. You won’t have to feel a thing, just sit back and enjoy the ride. This life isn’t worth it. I alone can give you the life you deserve.”

  My shoulders tightened; my heartbeat slowed. Time ran out, but I could see all the demons around me standing still and silent and knew angels must still be working on our behalf. “You’re right. Our world has suffering. But love eases that suffering. Olga, if you stay with Sam, if you don’t find the strength to fight back, you’ll lose that love. The Jedi Order, your parents, me… Nate, we all love you so much. We’d do anything for you. Let what you see around us be evidence to my words. I’d rather die than live without you, and I know you feel the same way about me or you wouldn’t have allowed Sam in. That’s a love worth fighting for. Whether we’re ever together doesn’t matter. You’re my best friend. Come back to me.”

  Olga’s body jerked back, fighting, but it was Sam who still spoke. “Why would you listen to someone who did nothing but hurt and ignore you for so long, Olga? You’ll only be abandoned again and again in this life. It’s the cycle of destruction that humans endure over and over. He has a temporary crush on you now, but he has a short attention span. He’ll forget all about his precious life lessons and you as time goes on. Humans only want what they don’t have.”

  No longer possessing the strength to stretch out my hands, my arms went limp against my side. A lack of balance caused me to weave in place. The presence of the demons must’ve affected me even though they couldn’t cross the line. “He’s right. I can’t argue my track record. I can’t change the past. But that’s why God’s promise to never leave us is so powerful.” My voice sounded thick and toneless even to me, and I sucked in a wheezing breath, wondering if I could free Olga before I passed out. “We might get lost sometimes, but we can always be found again.” The woods spun, and the desire to flee overwhelmed me, but my limbs felt too heavy to move anyway. “The real question you need to answer now, before it’s too late, is are you willing to be found again?”

  “To be found by who?” Sam snarled. “Look around, Olga? Where is this precious God? If he loved you, cared about you at all, then why did he not prevent this all from happening in the first place? You really think he will save you now, with a demon possessing you and another one growing inside you?”

  Uncontrollable tears leaked from my burning eyes. I used to think real men shouldn’t cry, but I couldn’t care less about losing my masculinity right now. All I cared about was losing Olga, so I pressed on. “The existence of evil and its ugliness is a sign of God’s love for us. It shows He trusts we will overcome evil and allows us free will to wrestle with our wretchedness so we can be strengthened when tested. He uses the prayers of people to direct the action of angels to help defeat demons like Sam. They are here, ready to help as soon as you say the words. Even the Jedi Order is at the church with Father Jamie right now, praying, because Nate and I asked them all to, even though we couldn’t tell them why. That’s how strong their devotion is. They’re there for us unquestioningly.”

  My knees gave out, and I collapsed to the ground.

  Sam laughed. “When did you become Mr. Spiritual?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh in return. “Being possessed by a demon will open your eyes to spiritual things real quick.”

  In that moment, Nate lunged for the inside of the square, inadvertently blowing out one of the candles, and the demons all around us stepped to the line, suddenly everywhere and snarling.

  “Olga!” I shouted. “You need to cast him out before it’s too late.”

  Nate leaned against me for support and began to pray with words much more eloquent than mine, and I immediately felt inadequate. I wished I had been knocked out instead of him. All of this would’ve probably been over by now.

  “What should I do?” I shouted to him.

  “Pray too,” he yelled back before continuing his pleas to God and the angels.

  I wanted to tell him I felt much more comfortable trying to physically kick some demon butt, but before I could open my mouth, the creatures around us started speaking in their own demonic tongue, their voices so loud I couldn’t hear myself think. A big bang sounded, and a burst of energy came from the ground, sending both Nate and me flying. Miraculously, I landed on my feet like a cat, but Nate slammed into a tree before crashing to the ground on his left side.

  I tried getting to him, but the air shifted. Suddenly, I felt like I was spinning on a merry-go-round. The ground vibrated, and the hair on my arms and the back of my neck lifted, a heightening awareness taking over like it did just before lightning struck me almost a year ago. We’d come full circle. I let out a raspy breath as superdark clouds, almost pitch black in color, raced across the overcast sky above me. Increased heat despite the winter defrosted my numb fingers and toes. The change in air pressure made my ears pop like I was on an airplane.

  Debris scraped my skin, an unseen force stirring up the dirt and making the woods quiver. Trees broke in half in the shrieking wind, some ripped up by the roots, blocking my path to Nate, to Olga, to the protection of my square. Amazingly, only the one candle Nate had snuffed was out, the other three still blazing. The angels were still fighting then. As my toboggan blew off in the wind, I wondered distantly if all of Grand Haven was under attack or just us. All of hell seemed to be fighting, and the vortex fe
lt like it’d rip my hair right off my head, too, my long strands stinging my face.

  I straightened to full height, and all six feet of me stared down the storm and the demons causing it. Supernatural strength I couldn’t explain helped me rush against the wind and jump over fallen trees. Olga stood just outside the square, shivering in her puffy coat. She whipped her head toward me, her eyes wide and pleading but still the color of utter darkness.

  “No one has more power in your life than you.” I put my hand on her head. “We hold within ourselves the power of our destiny. Fight, Olga. Don’t give up. We all have a little bit of Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker in us. We just have to figure out who we’re gonna listen to the most. Fear leads to the dark side. Fight back before it’s too late.”

  The gray, misshapen demonic creatures pressed even closer, ogling me and muttering words I couldn’t understand again. It felt like there was no air for my lungs, and I wondered if this was what Olga’s asthma attacks were like.

  She sucked in a deep breath that ended in a coughing fit. Her legs folded beneath her, and she collapsed to the ground, her face twisted, but her eyes were like a crystal sea of glass. “Get out of me now, Sam… I am a child of the Light… Leave me… and never come back again.”

  For a moment she seemed to be choking, and then black smoke burst from her mouth, filling the atmosphere with a thick haze. Using the memorized words Riel gave me, I called out to Synoro to come and open the portal, commanding him to throw Sam’s spirit into the Underworld. A peal of thunder rumbled across the sky, and a beautiful ball of glowing light descended in a melodic breeze. The shining figure of a huge angel dressed in armor glistening like jasper hovered above us, sending great flashes of light toward the surrounding demons, scattering them back into the shadows while the black swirl of smoke drifted to the boulder, now cracked wide open.

  Then there was a sudden calm. My heart beat faster as I pulled Olga into my arms and into the protection of the square. I smiled as her eyes fluttered open. “See, that’s why you don’t mess with a Jedi.”

  She shook violently in response but not from laughter. “De—” The words seemed to freeze in her throat, and she pointed to her abdomen.

  I raised my eyebrows. “That… thing inside of you… It’s hurting you?”

  She sucked in a breath in response, and my heart thumped painfully from the knowledge I could still lose her.

  Nate stepped into the square, holding his left arm. With his right hand, he slid a lighter out of his jean’s pocket and lit the candle he’d blown out earlier. “She probably needs to cast the baby demon out of her, too, before you ask Synoro to close the portal.”

  A groan escaped Olga’s lips. “My stomach… on… fire.” Her eyes fluttered in pain.

  I closed my hands around hers, clinging to her fading life. “Don’t quit on me now, Olga.” My chin and lips trembled, and I worried she didn’t have any fight left in her. She looked like death warmed over. “What do we do?” I screamed at Nate.

  For every second he thought, Olga grew worse, and a growl sounded from the inside of her stomach that I was one hundred percent sure wasn’t from hunger.

  Nate dropped to his knees and looked at Synoro floating in the air above our square. “Can you take it out of her? She didn’t invite this one in.”

  The angel smiled. “I was waiting for you to ask.”

  Synoro sucked in a deep breath, drawing a long, thin stream of gray smoke from Olga’s mouth.

  My eyebrows raised, I looked at Nate and mouthed, “Nice.”

  “Olga,” I whispered fiercely, my gaze on her closed eyes as the smoke continued to float steadily toward the angel’s opened mouth. Sweat beaded her forehead, and I wiped the drops off with the sleeve of my jacket. My heart beat harder with every second her eyes didn’t open. Suddenly, the air exploded with a bolt of electricity, and a golden light as bright as the sun slammed into her chest.

  Finally, she whispered back. “Conner.”

  With relief, I sagged against her. The rush of joy pulsed through my blood and made me feel unsteady, like I was drunk. Noticing a pink blush spreading across her pale face, tears flowed freely, the blow of everything we’d been through reverberating throughout my weak body.

  “Conner,” she whispered again.

  I pressed my palm over her heart, so thankful for its steady rhythm. “You’re okay, Olga. I’m right here.”

  “I know. I can feel you crushing my hand.”

  I looked down and noticed I’d turned her fingers purple from clenching them so hard. “My bad.”

  She smiled, then swung her gaze over my shoulder to Nate. “Thank you.”

  Nate nodded. “Any time.”

  Then he collapsed, landing directly on his bad arm and blacking out again.

  “No!” Olga screamed. She tried getting up but immediately fell down, much too weak. “Conner, help him!”

  Crap. “Hang on!” Shock wound through my veins as I wondered what else could go wrong. I commanded Synoro to cast the baby demon he now held in his mouth into the Underworld and close the portal.

  With a nod, he did so in a matter of seconds and disappeared. The only sign any supernatural beings were ever in the woods tonight was a path of destruction leading straight to the cemetery. That must’ve been where all the wind came from. Had Sam awoken the dead to fight for him?

  “Conner!” Olga’s eyes churned with worry. “Nate! Hurry!”

  “Right! It’s just that I have unfinished business here. I have to dig a three-foot hole and—”

  “Come back and do that! Nate could be dying!” She heaved with sobs.

  As I slung Nate over one shoulder and Olga over the other, my breath was visible in the freezing air, and I was glad Sam had kept up my workout regimen when he possessed me. Usually, the layout of the woods and cemetery was really hilly, with lots of turns and dark corners, easy to get lost in. But now I had one trail to follow straight to the road, thanks to Sam, and the clouds from earlier had vanished, the full moon lighting my way.

  After placing Olga in the front seat of my hybrid, I slid Nate into the backseat. On our way to the hospital, I couldn’t help but think of how Olga had tried to save me for so long and how I never could’ve saved her if it weren’t for Nate. Guess it was about time we returned the favor for him. Because one thing this whole experience taught me was you reap what you sow.

  “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,

  says the Lord,

  thoughts of peace and not of evil,

  to give you a future and a hope.”

  —Jeremiah 29:11

  “Our circumstances may influence who we are,

  but we are responsible for who we become.”

  —Nate’s Thoughts

  Olga

  fter submitting my idea to the Guinness Book of World Records people a month ago, they approved our “cup song” attempt for graduation. I’d gotten the idea at prom when everyone rushed off the dance floor back to their tables, causing a little impromptu song magic to fill the room as everyone chugged their drinks and flipped over their plastic cups. I’d clapped, tapped, and flipped my red Solo cup on the table with the rest of the Jedi Order, an idea instantly forming in my mind. The last four weeks included a mountain of paperwork and evidence to collect for certification on my part, but I was up to the challenge. The student body had been practicing everyday at lunch, pumped to set a world record and leave our mark at Grand Haven High School before we left. On Monday, the school even showed Pitch Perfect the last two hours after the day’s finals were all finished. As we watched, I kept thinking back to the story Nate told me about Riel’s guest lecturing in his English class, about high school being a distant memory and how his relayed speech inspired me to leave a legacy behind. At the time, I had no idea how, but doing something as big as breaking a world record seemed like the perfect fit. I wanted to be like Alice, to believe in six impossible things before breakfast. Go big or go home, as Conner often told me.
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br />   “You excited?” Nate asked as I joined our group of friends in the school’s field house.

  “More like nervous.” I undid the top button of my silky white sheath dress underneath my burgundy graduation gown and smoothed my dress over my flat stomach, thankful I didn’t have a demon hybrid growing there anymore. To my surprise, tears sprang to my eyes. I knew I hadn’t really lost a “baby,” but I felt sad at the memory of the experience, and suddenly I had to grip onto Nate for support.

  “Hey, you okay?” Nate asked.

  “Um, no. I’m freaking out. I just hope all goes as planned.” I patted my dress, making sure my cup was still hidden in one of the handy pockets.

  “Well, you look beautiful.” He squeezed my shoulders. “You can picture me naked as you’re making your valedictorian speech if that helps.”

  I combed my curls with my fingers. “You’re making me sweat more, actually.”

  “Just think about all the fun stuff you have to look forward to before you leave for Harvard in a month. Tomorrow the Jedi Order is going to Michigan’s Adventure, where you’ll get to ride your first roller coaster. Then we’re all camping at Grand Haven State Park Saturday and Sunday, having the annual Memorial Day barbeque on Monday.”

  I moaned. “Stop. Now you’re gonna make me cry.”

  It’d been almost two months since Conner had dropped Nate and me off at the hospital before returning to the woods to “mark his territory,” which he had explained to me later. Trying to come up with a cover story for our parents as to why we were all out that night was difficult, and I thought they’d try to ground me for a couple of weeks. But then the next day, I’d gotten a letter in the mail saying I was on Harvard’s waiting list. It didn’t mean acceptance, but they did invite me to participate in a phone interview, which was a good sign. I think my parents were so shocked I’d applied, then too proud to even think about a punishment. Plus, they suspected demons had been at work after Father Jamie mentioned the Jedi Order coming to the church that same day after school and asking him to pray with them. If only I could explain, but Riel had made it clear to Conner and Nate that we should keep the details between us.