Snow

by Sherman Ondine

  ‘And that is?’ my grandfather asks.

  ‘Going to Australia.’

  My eyes open wide and my mouth is gaping.

  ‘Tomorrow,’ he continues. ‘On the same flight as Sky and Melody.’ His eyes are sparkling like sunlight on ice. ‘How would you feel about that, Sky?’

  My brain’s frozen again. But before I can answer, my grandfather jumps in. ‘What are you talking about? How many pain meds did the hospital give you?’

  Melody appears at the bottom of the stairs. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘Adam seems to be on drugs, that’s what’s going on,’ Mike tells her, twirling his finger around his ear. ‘La La Land.’

  ‘I’m not high on anything but life,’ my father says. ‘What’s happening, Melody, is I’m joining you and Sky, if she’ll have me, in the land down under.’ He sings the last three words to the tune of the famous Men at Work song. He has gone mad.

  ‘Australia?’ Melody asks.

  ‘I managed to find a last-minute seat. That travel agent you recommended last year, Mom, she’s magic— got the last remaining business seat from LA to Sydney. So, I can sit with you both.’

  ‘You’re telling me you’re out of a job,’ Mike says, ‘and flying to Australia business class?’

  ‘That’s right.’ My dad grins, making the bandage crumple slightly.

  ‘For how long?’ Melody asks. I’m glad someone’s asking the important questions; I’m too overwhelmed to say anything. I close my mouth, which was hanging open like a cartoon character’s.

  ‘For however long I feel like. I got a three-month visa without any trouble, so let’s start there. I’ll take up my photography again—already dusted off my old camera. Hotels in West Creek can’t be too expensive, can they?’

  ‘I’ve never stayed there, but I’m sure the pub has rooms above it,’ Melody offers. ‘They’re likely cheap as chips, but probably smell like beer and vomit.’

  ‘There you go,’ Adam says. ‘Cheap as chips. And I love chips.’

  ‘And Jaxon?’ my grandmother asks.

  ‘He’s had some great news,’ my dad says. ‘Yesterday he got an offer to record a first single. The band’s flying down to LA next week.’

  What? I want to say, but my brain and mouth still aren’t talking to each other.

  ‘It’s perfect timing because Doug’s gone to rehab, and by the time they’re back from their recording trip, he’ll be out.’

  ‘Doug’s gone to rehab?’ my grandmother asks.

  ‘Admitted this morning,’ my dad answers.

  ‘Adam, I don’t know if this is a good idea,’ she says.

  ‘Bad idea,’ Mike says. ‘When you have a setback you don’t run off to another country to lick your wounds, you get up, try again. There are plenty of other hunting lodges here, aren’t there?’

  ‘Spending time with my one and only daughter is hardly bad,’ my dad says, beaming at me. ‘And yes, I could get another job if I wanted to. But this seems as good a time as any to pause for a moment.’

  ‘Of course we want you and Sky to be together,’ my grandmother says. ‘But this seems impulsive, that’s all. I was just saying to Sky that next time we can all be together in Chicago. Maybe our fall, her spring vacation?’

  ‘Mom, you once told me I have a tendency to shut down when things get hard, too emotional. It cost me my marriage and it cost me sixteen years with my daughter … But not anymore. I’m here now, looking at my beautiful Sky, and knowing that this is the right thing to do. I should never have left her so easily. Never. I can’t turn back time, but I can pause it for a while to spend time with her. Impulsive is exactly what’s needed right now. And I’ve shown Sky my favourite place in the world—now it’s her turn to show me hers.’

  ‘Well … I suppose you have a point, honey,’ my grandmother concedes. ‘Don’t you agree, Mike?’

  He grunts in mild agreement.

  ‘I have just over two hours to cancel the flight without a penalty.’ My dad looks at his wristwatch. ‘So, what do you think, Sky?’

  Finally I have a chance to say what I want. But what is it? My head is starting to work again, and what I’m thinking is … Yes, I want to hang out with him properly, no secrets, no dramas and no Jaxon between us. My time with my dad doesn’t have to be over.

  ‘I think, yes.’

  It’s almost a miracle.

  Chapter 24

  ‘Do planes get cancelled if it’s too cold?’ I ask my dad as we get out of his car.

  ‘This isn’t the North Pole,’ he says. ‘It should be fine.’

  You’d fool me. I’m shivering without my snowsuit, and by the time we get into the terminal my nose is burning as usual. I’d be lying if I said I was going to miss my iced eyelashes.

  I love that my dad is coming with me, though I am struggling a little to visualise my West Creek life with him in the scene. My two different worlds hitting each other—will they collide or combine?

  This morning we said goodbye to my grandparents, who are flying later. They’ll close up my dad’s house and leave the key with an agent—it will likely stand empty for a while. Mike was in a better mood, having relaxed into the idea of my dad leaving, and Miriam looked sad. We vowed to keep in touch regularly and make plans to see each other again soon. Europe, Chicago, Australia … everything’s on the table. Exciting.

  While we’re waiting in line to check in our bags, I see a text from Lucy.

  He said yes! We’re seeing each other tonight at the movies!

  Amazing! I told you so.

  Knew you’d say that. What should I wear? Hold on …

  She sends photos of a few options. Her mum insists that she wear her only, and way too fancy, dress. But Lucy thinks the dress is a weird shade of blue and it’s uncomfortable when she sits down. It’s funny because I think this is the first time she’s ever been worried about what she looks like. She’s so comfortable in her own skin, a trait I’m truly jealous of and admire. I realise then how much I miss her and can’t wait to see her when I get home.

  Jaxon drove with us in my dad’s car to the airport— he’s borrowing the car while Adam’s gone. Yesterday, when I tried calling him for the millionth time, I’d been about to hang up when I heard him say, ‘What do you want, Sky?’

  ‘I want to say congratulations on getting a recording,’ I said. ‘That’s so awesome, really, you guys totally deserve it.’ I was sincerely happy for him, proud, and hoped that came across in my voice.

  ‘Thanks.’ His voice had softened slightly.

  ‘And I’m sorry for not telling you about Oliver,’ I said, ‘and making everything weird between us. I am. I was—’

  ‘Being a coward? Hedging your bets? Enjoying the attention?’

  I deserved that. ‘Yes. I’m really sorry.’

  Silence.

  ‘Jaxon?’

  ‘What.’

  ‘How many times do I have to say sorry before you forgive me?’

  ‘A million and one.’

  ‘Well, here goes: sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry …’ I repeated it, getting into a rhythm, as I took out my favourite mug with the chunky blue handle and small chip, and the tea bags. ‘Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry …’ I dunked my tea bag in the water, added sugar and continued my sorry stream. I half expected him to hang up, but the line was quiet.

  ‘Oh my God,’ he said eventually, starting to laugh. ‘That was about a thousand. Will you leave me alone now if I promise to say goodbye at the airport tomorrow?’

  ‘Really? You’ll come?’

  ‘Gotta go now, I’m with Trent and we’re working on some songs before the trip. I should have recorded your apology and made it into a rap.’

  I smiled and did a little happy dance in my head.

  And now he’s here, and seeing him again doesn’t feel awkward at all, not like I feared. I suppose his big success helped him forgive me. Who could be annoyed when they just got the break they’d always dreamed of?

&nb
sp; Jaxon and I order drinks at the airport cafe while my dad makes last-minute phone calls and Melody browses yoga magazines at the newsstand. We tried to reach Paula this morning to let her know Adam’s coming but couldn’t get in touch, and Dave didn’t answer either. She may be at a check-up or ultrasound or something with her phone off. Melody and I promised Adam that Paula would be fine with it—it’s not like my dad needs to crash at their place or anything. But he’s still worried. We’ll try calling again when we land in Los Angeles.

  My phone rings as Jaxon is telling me all about the producer in LA.

  ‘It’s Oliver,’ I say. ‘I have to answer, sorry, I promised.’ I press accept.

  Oliver’s smiling face appears, freezes with his eyes half closed, and then returns to life. ‘Just wanted to say have a great flight, see you at the airport soon, I’m getting a lift with Dave. I can’t wait! Are you about to leave?’

  ‘I can’t wait too! Can you believe my dad’s coming?’

  Jaxon puts sugar in his coffee, watching me and Oliver talk.

  ‘I couldn’t believe it when I saw your message today. I’ll get to meet your dad. Is he there now?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Bummer, I wanted to say hi. Are you alone?’

  Before I can respond, Jaxon jumps in. ‘Hey dude.’ I hadn’t noticed him getting up to stand behind me. He puts his head close to mine to wave at Oliver. ‘I’m Jaxon. Nice to finally meet you.’

  ‘Hey …’ Oliver says, looking between Jaxon and me, his expression confused. ‘Jaxon.’

  ‘Sky and I did the snow camping together … I’m the wolf guy!’ Jaxon says innocently.

  ‘Um,’ I say, pushing Jaxon out of the frame and waving him away.

  ‘Who’s Jaxon?’ Oliver asks me softly. ‘I don’t remember …’

  Jaxon returns to his plastic seat, picks up his coffee cup and puts it back down. I look at him hoping he’ll help me work out what to say, but he just mouths, Sorry.

  ‘Well …’ I pause. How am I going to handle this?

  ‘Snow camping?’ Oliver says. ‘Jaxon was there too? I thought it was just you and your dad, Sky. That’s what you told me, isn’t it?’

  ‘So …’ I draw out the word, trying to buy time to get my head together.

  ‘Sky?’ Oliver’s face has dropped.

  ‘I just didn’t … wasn’t …’ My words are jumbled. ‘He’s just this guy who …’ I stop. ‘Oliver. It’s not anything that …’

  ‘What’s going on, Sky? Was he in the car with you when we talked? And what about the concert? I was wondering who you’d met there and you wouldn’t tell me anything, never around to video chat, didn’t answer my texts.’ He lets out a groan. ‘I’m such an idiot. It’s starting to make sense.’

  ‘No, Oliver,’ I implore. ‘It’s not like that.’

  ‘What’s it like then?’ He waits.

  ‘It’s like …’ This is super awkward with Jaxon sitting right here.

  ‘Have you kissed?’ Oliver asks.

  ‘No, I mean …’ I jump up and walk away from the table quickly. I need to get away from Jaxon so I can explain it to Oliver. ‘Not really,’ I whisper, still not sure if I’m out of earshot.

  ‘Not really? It’s a yes or no question, Sky.’

  I hear a loud whistle and turn around.

  ‘Sky!’ Melody calls from the magazine stand. ‘Adam, mate! It’s boarding time. Come on.’ She waves frantically. ‘We have to go to the gate.’

  ‘It’s just been a super-weird few weeks,’ I say, speaking quickly, still not sure how to explain why I kept Jaxon secret, not even sure if I know myself. ‘Full of crazy stuff, and I will tell you all about it. But I’m boarding now.’

  ‘Sounds insane. Lucky you have a new boyfriend to help you work it all out.’ The screen goes blank.

  ‘Oliver?’

  ‘Sky!’ Melody shouts again, this time walking towards me, waving like a lunatic. ‘We’ll miss our plane.’

  I’ve mucked things up with Oliver. How did I get myself into this mess? But we’ll talk when I’m home and it will be okay. Won’t it?

  Jaxon comes over, and we rush to join Melody and my dad at the boarding gate.

  ‘Just this guy, huh?’ Jaxon says, as we hug goodbye.

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t—’

  ‘No, I’m sorry,’ he interrupts. ‘I didn’t mean to ruin anything, seriously. I hope it works out with Oliver and your dad and everything. Maybe I’ll come visit one day.’

  ‘Really?’

  He gives me another squeeze. ‘Really.’

  I make him swear he’ll tell me how his single recording goes, before my dad and Melody say their goodbyes too.

  We present our tickets and soon we’re boarding the small plane. The flight attendant stops me at the door to check my boarding pass. ‘Look at your vintage brooch.’ She points to my grandmother’s heirloom pinned to my lapel. ‘And I love your leather jacket.’

  ‘It’s pleather. But, thanks,’ I say. ‘They’re both gifts from my family.’

  ‘Lucky girl,’ she says.

  I watch my dad find his seat—he’s swapped with Melody to be next to me. He waves me over, his smile wider than the moose’s antlers.

  ‘Thanks, I am lucky,’ I say.

  I put my bag in the overhead locker, taking in the weird smell that only aeroplanes seem to have. I sit next to my dad, stuff my book, phone and earbuds into the small seat pocket, and kick off my shoes.

  I send a last message to Lucy, telling her I’m on my way and can’t wait to hear all about her date. And then my finger hovers over Oliver’s name. How do I make this right?

  I’m really sorry, I write. I should have told you Jaxon was around. I just didn’t want you to worry when there was nothing going on. My dad kind of adopted him for a while, I’ll tell you everything when I’m back. I don’t like him, I promise! I love you.

  I go to switch my phone to flight mode, and just then, as fate would have it, Oliver messages back.

  I don’t even know what to think or say to you now. But…

  I wait for the next message to come through, but I suppose he’s thinking.

  ‘Please turn your phone off,’ the attendant berates me, appearing at my shoulder.

  ‘One more minute?’ I ask, staring at the screen, still waiting for his next sentence.

  ‘Right now,’ she says.

  Oh no. What will come after the ‘but’? I can’t wait until we land to find out. But then, as the attendant moves on, the next message appears.

  We’ll talk when you get back. I hope you have a great flight.

  I sigh, tucking my phone into the pocket of the bag under my seat. He loves me, that can’t have changed, and that’s all that matters. I know I will make it up to him somehow.

  As the plane reverses from the terminal, I bite my nails and smile. I dig into my bag to find my journal, and start to scribble wildly as the seeds of a plan begin to sprout. By the time we’ve taken off, and the clouds have transformed into fluffy white rabbit’s tails, the seeds have grown into a tree.

  ‘All good?’ my dad asks as I adjust the miniature cushion behind my back.

  Oliver flashes into my mind, his touch, his smell. I can feel his arms around me, my lips on his neck, his skin against mine. Soft but strong, exciting yet safe. The boy I love, and can’t imagine life without.

  ‘Great,’ I say with a big smile. I look at my dad, his now clean-shaven face scarred by good deeds on behalf of Jaxon. His nose like mine, eyes kind and crinkled by smiles. Despite me throwing myself onto a dying moose and costing him his job, one he actually enjoyed, he has chosen to be here. Flying across the world with me.

  Because he believes in father–daughter. He believes in me.

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you to my daughter, Jasmine, for being full of creative ideas for characters and plotlines, and a great sounding-board. You’re a budding editor and yes, I know, I use commas in all the wrong places. Dror, my bestie and husband, thank
you for always having my back. Dov and Lev—love you more than all the snowflakes that have ever fallen in Alaska, since the beginning of time. Mum, you have always given support and a boost of confidence in all my creative endeavours, thank you. Dad, thank you for being you, always by my side even if we’re on the other end of the world. Emile and Carrie, Ayalla and Sharon, thank you for being our family support. My friend Issie was the first person to read the full manuscript; thank you for giving me confidence and encouragement. My writing group has been crucial in providing feedback along the way— thank you to all the women, Judy, Helen, Natalie, Julie, Joanna, Michal, Jennifer, Rachel and Sigal, for your insights. Dalit, I greatly appreciate your time and energy reading the draft and fact-checking a hunting lifestyle I wasn’t familiar with. And thank you to the hunter in Alaska who answered my thousand questions about the dos and don’ts of killing a moose—I never plan to do it, but after our hours of conversation now understand a little better why you do.

  Lucy Bell, thank you for your excellent editing; your comments and thoughts were spot on in every instance. Sincerest thanks to Ali Green and the whole Pantera Press team for getting behind this series, which means so much to me.

  My profits will go to the non-profit organisation I founded with my father, Brian Sherman, Voiceless, the animal protection institute.

  Finally, thank you to my lovely readers, you’re the reason why I write. I would love to hear your ideas for new books or thoughts on this series—get in touch with me via my author website, ondinesherman.com and Voiceless, www.voiceless.org.au. I can also be found procrastinating on Instagram and Facebook.

  Ondine Sherman

  Ondine is the co-founder and managing director of Voiceless, the animal protection institute. She is a life-long animal advocate, passionate about promoting respect and compassion for all creatures. Ondine holds a BA in Communications and MA in Environmental Studies. She is an ambassador for Action for Dolphins and director of conservation NGO This is My Earth (TiME), and writes regularly in the media about animal protection.

  Ondine grew up in Sydney and now lives in Tel Aviv with her husband and three children. Her mischievous street cats, loyal dogs and ex-battery chickens all keep her extraordinarily entertained.