Vivid

by Jessica Wilde

  He waited for my answer. It only took me a minute to lock it in.

  Yes. I was doing the surgery, risks and all.

  But not because I deserved to see again.

  I was doing it because I wanted to fix things with Grace, and since it had come to chasing her down, I kind of needed to be able to see out of at least one eye to do it.

  He scheduled it for that Monday. I had two days to prepare for a surgery that might change everything for me.

  Mom and Dad stopped by that weekend to celebrate with me, but I begged them to just go away.

  "We don't know, yet," I insisted. "So, I'm not going to hold my breath."

  I spent Saturday night planning out how I was going to convince Grace to hear me out. It was perfect. No way she would reject what I had in mind. I even called Micah to make sure he could be available to help me if I needed him.

  He was hesitant, but my brother knew how much Grace meant to me. He'd seen what her light had given me.

  Sunday morning came and the doubts crept in. I was an idiot. A woman like Grace didn't deserve to be hurt the way I hurt her. Why the hell would she ever take me back?

  So round and round it went.

  Hope. Doubt. Hope. Doubt. Anger. Depression.

  I was starting to think I was never a real man with the drama playing out in my mind. Ryan posed the same question when I told him what was going on.

  "You're a dumbass, Merrick, but you're too strong to give up," he encouraged. "Plus, you've got two working hands and ten working fingers. And if you really know how to use them, no way she'll stay away."

  It was the first time I had smiled since Grace walked away from me. But by Sunday night, I was a mess and decided to just leave it up to fate.

  I sat at my window, like I'd done every night since she left. I waited for her each night, but there was nothing. No music, no talking. She was never there. When I wouldn't hear anything for a while, I called Keara who confirmed she was at home every time.

  Every night for six nights, it was the same thing.

  She was making it a point to avoid me.

  I would be doing the same thing.

  My head started to fall from the lack of sleep. After accepting that I would just have to wait until after the surgery, I started to stand so I could get in bed. The procedure was in just a few hours. I couldn't do anything until then. Until I knew I could find her myself.

  A soft click resonated in my ears and I froze. Footsteps, the closet door opening, a loud zip. Wait. That sounded familiar.

  "Grace?"

  Silence. Not even a breath.

  I started to wonder if she had already walked out of her room. My hearing was good, but even I could have missed that with the staggering effort she was making to stay away from me.

  "Answer me, baby."

  A sigh. Then, "Hi, Merrick."

  Relief, unlike any I ever felt before, surged through me. "I'm sorry."

  "Merrick–"

  "Please, just listen."

  She hesitated, then there was the sound of her door clicking shut. I knew she hadn't left because I could practically hear her heartbeats. It could have been in my imagination, but it was enough to convince me to keep talking.

  "I didn't mean the things I said to you. And what I was trying to say was that I'm absolutely terrified to have this surgery. I'm terrified to see again and worried that, if it works, I'll go right back to being the fucked up mess I was before you came into my life." I drew in a long breath, my racing pulse urging me forward. My plan was to tell her how I felt, then leave the decision up to her. It was her life I actually cared about and I just wanted her to be happy.

  "I've been overwhelmed ever since I found out there was even a possibility. The first thing that ran through my mind was that I'd finally get to see you. I'd get to see your smile and what your eyes looked like when you do. I'd get to see those eyes I've dreamt about so much.

  "Then the possibility that it wouldn't even work made me feel like I'd already gotten it back and lost it again. It was depressing and infuriating," I admitted.

  It was hope torn to shreds.

  "I didn't want you to have to see me at my worst. Believe it or not, I was a lot worse before you showed up. I don't even know why my family still even talks to me. And I'm ashamed to even consider the chance that I might go back there. To that man that truly doesn't feel like he deserves you."

  I heard a sniffle and my stomach dropped. I didn't want her to cry. Not when I couldn't wipe away those tears myself.

  "I love you, Grace. I'm not leaving you. I'll be here. Blind or not, I'm yours and nothing will change that."

  Another sniffle, then a quiet sob.

  "No, baby. Don't cry."

  "I can't, Merrick."

  "Can't what?" I asked, swallowing thickly.

  "You were right. There are things I need to fix in my life, to get past. You have enough to worry about without me. So, I can't do this right now."

  My mouth went dry. I couldn't even think of a response that didn't involve getting on my knees and begging her.

  "You deserve better, Merrick."

  I shook my head, resolving to give her the distance she thought she needed. At least until I could do something about it.

  "Funny, that's how I always felt about you."

  ***

  Two weeks, and still, I just couldn't get used to it.

  I could see.

  My depth perception was shit, but I could finally see.

  Once the cover came off, I was completely lost. Months of nothing, then suddenly, everything. Light hurt, color hurt, and without Grace ... everything was meaningless.

  It was the first time since that day Grace showed up at my door, that I didn't really want to try. But I had to. For her.

  I spent two weeks making sure I wasn't going to have a mental breakdown. I still felt all the heaviness I knew would only go away with time. The squeal of tires, the slam of a door, even the sound of a diesel passing by the house; it all sent my pulse racing, but it wasn't any more than before.

  I still felt the day to day frustrations. Maybe even more now that I could see, but I had them under control. Or at least, I knew they were out of my control. Knowing that made accepting them a whole lot easier.

  Watching a person run by the house in the morning, just for exercise, was like seeing that look on Eric's face all over again. When would it all come crashing down? It was difficult, but it was something I knew I could face head on with the intention of fighting through it.

  Grace gave me that. My family gave me that. Hell, I gave me that.

  It also helped that I kept myself preoccupied with trying to catch a glimpse of Grace in the morning or at night. I had given her the space she needed and I was about to reach the end of my rope. When I didn't even get a peek at her in the two weeks since my surgery, I knew I needed to act fast.

  Keara and Josh kept in touch. Unfortunately, it was without Grace's knowledge. Something I would have to make up to them at the first opportunity. Keara informed me that Grace had actually moved out of the house the day of my surgery.

  I knew something was suspicious about her sudden appearance that night. She was packing to move to some apartments not too far away.

  Keara, bless her, 'accidentally' told me the apartment number and I was going to see her. Today.

  I just had to get this follow-up appointment over with. The last one for my arm.

  It was only the second time I'd driven and I did so without having permission. Dr. Samuelson was still waiting the regulated amount of time before he gave me the go ahead for restricted driving. With one eye still out for the count, it was a little riskier.

  I was done inconveniencing my mother, though. Driving sucked, don't get me wrong. I twitched more than I actually drove, but I could see. That was better than nothing.

  One step at a time, with a gracious outlook on the future.

  I didn't miss reading. Magazines were full of lies and crap that didn't matter an
d finding a book to read that didn't give me a headache was ... well, a headache. I tossed the dreadful magazine down on the table and sat back in my chair, rolling my shoulders to release the tension of being inside the hospital again.

  Grace was here every day, but I didn't give hope to the possibility that I might run into her. Not unless God had a hand in that.

  I missed her.

  Life just wasn't the same without her voice, her laughter. I didn't want to think about what the next months would be like if I didn't see her. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I had a plan. It wasn't a very good plan, but it was a plan.

  Alaina might get annoyed, but it didn't matter. If Grace refused to see me, I was going to see her parents every day, maybe even several times a day, and even at night. If I could get them to convince Grace to give me another chance, then just maybe I would get one.

  Today.

  I would go for it as soon as I left this cold, unforgiving building.

  "You ready to go home?" I heard a nurse ask.

  I looked up, quickly realizing that no one was actually speaking to me. I dropped my head back and closed my eyes, smiling when I could still see the presence of light in the right one. Then I prayed that the doctor would call me back soon.

  "I think so. Just have to fill out a few charts and I'm out of here."

  Every muscle in my body tensed.

  That voice. I knew it better than I knew my own voice.

  Grace.

  My eyes flew open and I frantically searched the room. She was here. So close to me. I was going to see her for the first time. Dizziness swept over me, but I pushed it back. My first impression as a blind man wasn't the greatest for her. This one would be.

  I caught a glimpse of two women at a desk. One behind it and the other leaning against the front of it. The nurse who was seated, was blonde, a bright blonde that hurt my eyes, and her lips were a deep red.

  The nurse who was standing, had dark brown hair with strands of gold shining throughout. The exact color I pictured on Grace. Shiny and vibrant. Thick enough to bury my fingers in. She was short, no taller than five feet three inches. Her hips flared out in the most sensual way and her neck ... it looked delicious.

  I couldn't see her face. Not yet.

  "You've had a long couple of weeks. You sure you're alright?" the blonde asked, frowning worriedly at the other nurse.

  She sighed and combed her fingers through her hair. I swear I almost felt those fingers against my own scalp. "I'm fine, Cindy. Just got a lot on my mind."

  "You need to take a vacation," Cindy said with a sweet smile.

  Wait a second.

  Cindy.

  I recognized the name from so many conversations with Grace. I quickly glanced up at the sign over the desk.

  Homecare Department.

  Fuck me.

  I was going to start praying more often.

  The nurse dropped her head and rubbed the back of that beautiful neck with her hand. A hand I knew had touched me.

  I didn't know I was moving, didn't even know I was standing until I was a few feet behind her. She turned her head to look at a clock on the wall beside her and I caught the first glimpse of her profile.

  A small nose that pointed up slightly. Full lips, the lightest shade of pink. Long eyelashes that almost brushed her cheeks when she blinked. Rosy cheeks that would definitely brighten with pleasure and a chin I knew only too well. It was a profile I had memorized eagerly, over and over again, and it made my fingers twitch.

  I took another step forward, hearing a gasp come from Cindy. I didn't look away from Grace. My Grace.

  She was so fucking gorgeous. I knew she would be.

  I stood directly behind her, inches from her back. Her spine instantly straightened, her shoulders tensing. I watched goose bumps rise on the back of her neck, savoring the moment, and held my breath as she turned to face me. So slowly.

  I was wrong.

  Grace wasn't just beautiful. She was the very definition of beauty.

  Freckles dotted her nose, mascara was lightly smudged under her widened eyes. Those eyes. So many colors. Bright and complex. The colors swirled together and then I saw them. The small spots of golden brown. I wanted to count them like I'd imagined doing so many times before, but I didn't have time. Not now.

  I reached forward, gripping her trembling shoulders. "It's you."

  She didn't look frightened or angry. Just stunned into silence.

  Didn't matter. She wouldn't need to speak for what I had in store for her.

  "Grace," I whispered before pulling her against me and roughly – so effortlessly – colliding with her lips. I moved my hands to the sides of her slender neck, a neck that felt all too familiar. Tilting her face up with the pads of my thumbs under her jaw, I held her in place and kissed her like a starving man.

  I had starved myself over the last couple of weeks. Frantic for her taste and now that I finally had it ...

  A small moan vibrated in her chest and it spurred me on. I traced her lips with my tongue, begging her to open for me. She didn't disappoint. She never disappointed.

  These lips were made for me. This body, for me.

  This woman.

  Made. For. Me.

  Her arms came around my neck and she fell into the kiss. I buried a hand in her hair, the familiar smell of her shampoo wafting over me, and I kept her head where I wanted it, to deepen the kiss. Our tongues tangled, my chest burned with the need for air, and my head was floating.

  I kept my eyes open, taking in every flutter of her eyelashes as she lost herself to me.

  "Holy shit, that's hot."

  Grace pulled away at the sound of Cindy's voice, swollen lips and wide eyes staring back at me.

  "I–"

  "I love you," I declared.

  Another gasp from behind the desk.

  "Merrick–"

  "I love you, Grace. I don't care how many times I need to tell you. I'll say it even after you finally believe it."

  Her eyes glistened and that adorable chin trembled.

  "I see you, baby. And I want to see you forever. So, do what you have to. If you feel like there are things you need to get past. Get past them. But don't leave me out of it."

  Her face was still in my hands when the first tear fell. I swiped it away with my thumb, relishing the privilege. Even when she cried, it was beauty she radiated.

  "We both have our issues, Grace. But we're stronger together than we ever were apart. And I want you, because I know, right here," I stated, lightly pounding the spot over my heart, "that you're the one for me."

  I bent down to kiss her tears, gliding over her jaw and finding that safe spot in her neck I discovered just a few weeks ago. She tilted her head to give me more room to work and I took advantage. Her hands came up to my shoulders, holding on tightly. Giving me the sign that she was in this with me now.

  "Really?" she whispered, trembling in my arms.

  "Mmhmm, and I've got news for you, love." I kissed her soft, flawless neck, inhaling deeply before pulling away to look at her. Those hazel eyes shimmered back at me and that curious grin was even better than I'd imagined. "I'm the one for you, too."

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Grace

  Three weeks of no Merrick was like a lifetime of no laughter. No happiness. Nothing.

  It took everything I had to stay away from him, but I needed it. I needed to figure out what I wanted and how I was going to get it. Being afraid of something so completely out of my control, isn't worth the grief it causes, so I set out to change ... me.

  I regretted every word that came out of my mouth the night I left Merrick in that hallway. But it set me on a path to fix the things I had only safely tucked away before. The wounds that kept opening at the first spike of fear; I worked on stitching them back up just right.

  I wasn't there yet, but I was closer.

  I already knew what I wanted and I had currently been working on how to get it.

 
Then Merrick showed up, his presence as powerful as it always was. Only now, he could see it for himself.

  I knew it was him before Cindy even looked over my shoulder. I could feel it. Every pore and every vein flared to life. I only ever felt that with him.

  Turning around to see him looking down at me, those striking blue eyes meeting mine for the first time; I don't remember a time when I felt more proud of anyone.

  If there was one person on this earth that deserved true happiness, it was Merrick Thatcher. He worked so hard to get where he is and even though the road in front of him was filled with obstacles, he knew he could get through it.

  That's the only thing that really mattered. That he would do it to honor the men that died for him. That he would do it for me.

  "Tell me what it's like," I requested, as he drove us to my apartment in my car. He was actually driving. I couldn't get over how amazing that was.

  He hadn't really given me an option to leave without him, all but dragging me into his appointment, admitting that he didn't trust me to wait for him.

  He was right.

  I was still anxious, but after processing everything he said to me in the middle of the hospital, where several people overheard, I couldn't say no.

  Because I still loved him fiercely.

  "It's ... painful," he chuckled. "Sometimes I go to bed and my eye aches more than it did in the beginning. It wasn't even a year spent being blind and already my brain has to reprocess everything I look at. It's exhausting."

  I couldn't comprehend that, but I took his word for it.

  "Is it clear?"

  "Yes. I see everything clearly. The only issue is depth perception, but with practice, I can get around that."

  I smiled at him when he glanced over. He only took his eyes off the road for a moment, but seeing them focus on me instead of somewhere around me ...

  "I'm so happy for you, Merrick. Really."

  He reached over and grasped my hand, lifting it to his lips. All the while, his eyes stayed on the road. Not taking any chances.

  "I've got a job at the base. The same one they were considering for me before. I start next week."

  "And?"

  "And I can't wait," he said, grinning with excitement.

  We pulled into the apartments and he followed me to my door. Another possibility I hadn't considered. He no longer needed anyone to lead the way for him.