“It’s fine—”
“Where did you two meet?” Camryn asks from the head of the table a few seats down. Everyone’s conversations halt, and they wait for my answer.
“I work at Kingsley Records,” he says. “Started about four months ago.”
“She’s your...boss?” Camryn’s brother asks, and Hollis clears his throat before rolling his eyes.
“What does it matter, Brent?” he asks, his voice sounding bored. “She’s mine too.”
“It was just a question. No need to get defensive,” he says, and Maddox leans forward.
“I’m not defensive at all about it. Technically, she’s my superior.”
In the span of a few hours, I’m remembering why I stay home and why Hollis is my only friend. This man beside me, this magic we have, it feels like we’re on a chopping block or we’re up for judgment like we’ve done something wrong and I don’t like it. It makes me want to grab Maddox’s hand and run toward the nearest exit.
I look over at him and he runs his thumb over my free hand, and all I can hear in my head is Imogen Heap and whispers and I’m right back in the thick of the magic with him. He’s pulling me back into his world where people like Brent are minor annoyances and nothing more.
“We’re okay,” he says, and I send him a grateful smile. I don’t want to leave because these are Hollis’ lifelong friends. I don’t want him to have to apologize for us.
I’m realizing that Hollis is completely different from them. Though he’s considered one of them, his trust fund his true source of income, he lives a life of responsibility and not of advantage. He wakes up and goes to work and though he doesn’t need the job, he shows up and does it. I realize that, just like Maddox, people like him don’t come around often.
We finish dinner and I head toward Camryn’s bathroom. It is, of course, perfect. As I wash my hair and touch up my lipstick, I hear people talking outside the door. Their words are muffled, so I can’t make out what they’re saying. I dry my hands and open the door, and I expect them to notice me, but they’re a little farther down the hall than I thought.
“She was always a little strange. Now she’s screwing some old guy who just wants to climb the ranks at her company. Who the hell left her in charge?”
The woman beside the one speaking cackles, and I can’t believe someone who looks so delicate and ladylike laughs that way.
“Well, it’s not like she can do any better. She dropped out and fell off the social radar. If not for Hollis, she’d be all alone. Though it seems she’s dragging him to the dark side. We hardly see him anymore.”
I don’t know these women personally and they’re a few years older than me, as is Hollis, so I know they’re working off of rumors.
“Her friend is hot but if she’s bringing him to social outings, one has to wonder how serious she thinks they are,” the brunette says with a laugh and, as if they’ve grown tired of ripping me to shreds, they turn. The look on their faces should make me want to laugh but instead, I squint my eyes.
“Have a good night,” I say and return to the party. When I see Maddox deep in conversation with Hollis, I head toward them.
“I’m ready to get the hell out of here.” I sink into Maddox’s open arms, and I want to tell everyone to fuck off because the feeling of just knowing he’s here is probably more real than anything they’ll ever experience in their privileged little lives.
Hollis’ brows pinch in concern. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just forgot how brutal this scene can be,” I say with a grimace.
“I didn’t,” Maddox retorts as he downs his drink. “Let’s say goodbye to Camryn and get the hell out of here.”
Chapter 21
We’re back at my place in my bed talking about nothing and just enjoying one another when I turn to look at Maddox, a serious question on my mind.
“Have you ever been in love?” I ask. I really want to know. I want all of his stories.
“I think I’ve loved many women. Many things about many women. But I haven’t loved all of one woman yet. I haven’t experienced the lasting kind. But whether I loved them for a night or a year, I made sure they knew it.”
Maddox isn’t at all what I thought. Part of me thought he’d tell me he’s never been in love before. That it was something he wasn’t interested in and that he preferred physical connection because women expect that of men. Another part of me thought he’d tell me he was in love before and she’d broken him and that was why he kept his relationships short and to the point.
But Maddox loved women and loved to spend his time loving them. He simply hadn’t found one to keep on loving. Be still, heart, I tell myself internally. Because at the sound of his words, I want to be the one he experiences the lasting kind with. Especially as I long to let myself love him.
Everything about him is an adventure, and I can’t help but want to be the one to share his adventures with. Pick me, my heart says, and I absentmindedly run my fingers over the music notes on my lobes.
“What do the music notes mean?” he asks.
You, I want to say. Everything is you. But I don’t.
“It means today is a good day,” I answer. Maybe he knows I’m withholding but he doesn’t press.
Maddox gives me the same high music does. At some point, everything that has to do with music wrapped itself around all of the thoughts I reserve for Maddox. Whenever I see a guitar, I think of him. Whenever I hear a good song, I wonder what he’s doing. Whenever I see Maddox, I hear a song that I need to get down before the world misses out on the many faces of the man who belongs to the melody more than he belongs to me.
“Have you ever been in love, sweet Emerson?” Maddox asks, and my smile falters before picking itself back up.
“I thought I was. But I was young.” I bury my head further into my pillow.
“What makes you think you weren’t?”
I shrug.
“It ended.”
He runs his finger down the bridge of my nose.
“Life ends. Doesn’t mean it never happened.”
“I wonder if you went through your life picking up quotes and bits of wisdom. You put them in your pocket and then saved them all for me.”
“Isn’t that a romantic idea?” he asks rhetorically and I flush. “Me, waiting for you.”
He moves his head from side to side as if he’s weighing the idea in his head.
In an effort to move past my embarrassment, I grab my iPod and place it on the dock. When the music starts to play, he sits up in my bed and pats the space beside him. I sidle up next to him and he starts to hum.
“Mind staying over?” I ask, my voice heavy with sleep. I can feel his head shake and I sigh with happiness, leaning into him further. “I love the way you feel.”
He rubs circles on my back.
“Me too.”
When we wake up, Maddox tells me he has plans for the day but to meet him at a different bar tonight. I’m curious about his plans, but I tell him okay and he slips out of my front door. I spend the day organizing my apartment and wondering how to maneuver over the Christmas fiasco. I’m still waiting on his present to arrive in the mail, and though I paid extra to have it shipped in time, I worry that it may not make it before the actual day.
The day goes by pretty quickly, and by the time I’ve gotten ready for the night after a round of people watching at the café down the block, it’s time to head out. The cab driver is chatty and I only offer short responses. After a few more attempts, he just drives. Once we reach the bar, I pay him and head inside. It’s packed and the air is warm. There’s a guitar playing and apparently the band is live. It isn’t until I hear a voice sing that I zero in on the stage.
Maddox?
I’m pushing my way through the crowd and sure enough, there he is in all of his glory, singing a rock song that made the rounds on the radio before digital media was a thing. He has a guitar in his hands, and I know that if he was anything like this when he w
as a teenage front man, he got more ass than a toilet seat.
Once the song is over, I’m waving like a mad man so he sees me and once he does, his eyes dance but it’s time for him to sing another song.
All through his performances, he shoots me little looks that light me up from within. I realize I’ve been on my feet the entire time, mesmerized by him. He takes a small break and when he steps off the stage, he’s immediately pulling me into his arms.
“What do you think?”
“You never told me you’re still in a band,” I yell, looking at him with wide eyes. There’s still so much I don’t know about him.
“I only do this once a month to keep my wistfulness away.” He runs his hands through my hair before kissing my forehead.
“So, to remind yourself that this isn’t what you want?”
“Exactly.” He looks back on stage and his band mates wave him over. “I have to go back up, but I have a surprise for you.”
He heads back on stage, and I wonder what he could have up his sleeve. He’s chatting with his band, and it isn’t until he’s in front of the mic that he clues me in.
“I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’m gonna bring my sweetheart up here.” The crowd hoots and whistles and he angles toward me, the mic in its stand following his mouth. “Be gentle, everyone. She’s never done this before. Come on up, Em.”
I’m shaking my head as I do because I can’t help but make my way through toward him. Sure, I hate the attention, but to be Maddox’s in front of everyone is to be blessed.
He grabs my hand and pulls me up to the stage before giving me a smack on the lips.
“Thanks again for coming,” he whispers in my ear as the crowd goes crazy.
“What are we singing?” I look out and back at him, my eyes not yet adjusted to the spotlight.
“How about our song?”
I nod and he says a few words to the band before facing the crowd and strumming his guitar.
“Well, tonight we’re playing a little something she wrote. A love song.”
A few people yell and Maddox nods at me.
“Emerson?”
I remove my coat and toss it on the stool before positioning myself beside him. The guy on the piano plays a few keys on his keyboard, and then it begins and I know they had to have practiced this song which makes me want to cry.
Instead, I sing my heart out with Maddox while he plays the guitar beside me like a fucking rock star, and I’m more in love with him than I thought could be possible. I’m in love with him and the crowd and tonight and the way he makes each night the best I’ve ever had.
I worry that I’m going to cry. I feel the tears in my voice, but they don’t fall. Once the song is over and the crowd is cheering and I’m in his arms, I think about how if I never met Maddox, I’d be home in bed. I know I never want to go back to that. I was so lonely, it was crippling.
Sure, living and loving is scary but being alone is far worse.
“Thank you so much,” I whisper, and he hugs me tighter. When he pulls away, his brown eyes are on me and I wish we were alone for the hundredth time but I don’t know why. I want to show him my love, I suppose; to put my love into action and make it known. I grab my coat and he helps me off the stage. I listen to the next few songs with a beer in my hand and when they’re finished, I stand to say goodbye. There are too many people surrounding him to actually get to him so when I catch his eye, I wave and turn to go.
I’m so tired and I want nothing more than to take a shower and go to bed.
I step off the curb and raise my arm to flag a cab. When one stops, I smile and get in.
“Hi. I’m going to—” The taxi door opens and Maddox slides in.
“Mind sharing a cab?”
I shake my head and he turns to the driver.
“One stop. Varick Street, SoHo.” He faces me again. “You were amazing tonight.”
“How do you know I don’t want to go home?” I ask, and it’s like he knows what I wanted up on that stage with the lights in our eyes and the song running through our veins.
“I have a feeling.”
I start running my teeth over my lip and he kisses me, pulling my bottom lip from my teeth and in between his soft lips. I place my hand on his cheek and feel the day’s growth against my palm.
“I can’t help but touch you,” he tells me and I breathe out a laugh.
“I can’t help but want you to touch me,” I admit, and though the city that never sleeps is awake all around us and the lights are bright, we are intimately cocooned. The way his lashes rise and fall just a little as his gaze goes from my eyes to my lips and back again before he smiles shows me just how deep I’m in. That I’m obsessed with these little things that any other person wouldn’t notice. I run my finger over the mole on his chin and then the scar on his ear. He kisses my cheek and my chin and then tucks his face into the crook of my neck, breathing deeply.
“I didn’t think I’d fall all the way in love in the backseat of a New York taxicab,” he says into my skin.
Piano fingers graze over a lover’s face and I know nothing will ever top tonight.
And love…love sounds like whispers and stolen kisses while the muted tones of traffic blends into the background.
Chapter 22
We’re inside his apartment and I hope he doesn’t notice the way I’m clamming up. He’s in the kitchen, pouring us each a glass of wine and the dull romantic lighting is making me wish that I knew how to do this. How to initiate. How to be someone other than Emerson Kingsley; no virgin but no sex goddess either.
“Are you planning on leaving?” he asks when he walks over to me with both glasses in hand and I shake my head. “You can take off your coat. If you’re staying.”
I unbutton the large wooden buttons, slide the wool off my body and fold it over the top of his couch. He’s standing there, watching me with a smile in his brown eyes.
“You can take your shoes off too,” he suggests and I step out of them. My bare feet pad against the wood floor as I make my way to him.
“Thanks.” I take the glass of white wine and look around. The place looks exactly the same.
“Are you afraid?” The question takes me by surprise. I sit on the couch and wait until he’s sitting next to me to answer.
“I think I’m more afraid of disappointing you than anything else.” I set my glass down. “And I’m a little afraid of losing control with you. Of letting things happen and falling so hard that I break in the process.”
He pats his lap with his hands and I place my feet on him. When he starts rubbing my right foot, I groan. It feels amazing.
“Trust me to take care of you. Trust me to catch you,” he says and I relax. After a few minutes, he turns his ministrations to my left foot, and I’m so relaxed I may fall asleep. “Will you run away if I kiss you?”
My eyes are closed and I smile before I shake my head. I feel him let go of my foot and then he climbs over me. Holding his weight above me, not quite on top of me. I feel his breath on me. Cinnamon.
He takes my lips, just a taste. Then he takes another taste and another and my hands are on his back, in his hair, where ever I can touch him.
He sits up and takes me with him and before I know what I’m doing, I’m pulling off his shirt. He grabs my face between his hands and kisses me, and I’m so in the moment that I can’t be bothered about what I’m doing right or wrong.
He reaches under my shirt and runs his hand from my abdomen to my back. One hand makes light work of my bra’s clasp and then I’m leaning back to pull it from my body, throwing it across the room when I’m free. My white cotton tee is all that covers my breasts and before I can appreciate the way Maddox looks at them, he’s teasing them through the thin cotton, his finger grazing over them. Then his mouth is on my nipple, and I scoot closer to him until I’m rocking against the bulge under his zipper. Between the feel of his tongue and the way it flicks over the cotton and the way I’m rubbing myself against hi
m, I’m ready to do anything he wants to do.
Suddenly he pushes me to stand, and I run my fingers through my messy hair as he unbuttons and tugs at my jeans. My panties come into view and he kisses my hipbones from his place on the couch. He turns me and I cry out when I feel his teeth scrape my lower back, just before the swell of my bottom.
“You’re breathtaking,” he says. I tug my shirt over my head and drop it on the floor. Then I hook my thumbs into my panties and slide those off. He’s staring at me with eyes that can’t stay still. They’re exploring and I want his hands to do the same.
I want to be naked in front of Maddox. I want him to be naked in front of me.
“Your turn,” I say, my voice little more than a whisper.
He stands and now that he’s towering over me, I can’t help but feel a little intimidated.
So I grab his belt and unbuckle it before tackling the buttons lining his groin. I brush against the hardness beneath and I try not to hold my breath. When enough of them are loosened, his jeans fall to the floor and I’m looking down at the prominent erection hidden by his blue boxer briefs.
I look up at him and he raises an eyebrow. So I pull those down and straighten myself. I exhale and then we’re at each other. He lowers us to the floor and I arch my back, bringing my torso toward him. He runs his hand from my neck, flattening his hands between my bare breasts all the way down until he’s strumming my clit like his favorite guitar. He plays my body like a love song. There’s something sweet and intimate about the way he touches me. The way he caresses my bones, skin, and flesh. He touches me on the outside but he somehow touches me inside as well, where my soul is hidden. I know that love is such a dangerous feeling. I know it but I can’t help the way his name sits on my tongue, ready to escape the prison of my lips and teeth. The same way my heart escaped my ribcage and now only comes to life when he’s near.
“Look at you.” He’s looking between my legs and I rock toward him a little. “As beautiful as I expected.”
I bite my lip and close my eyes. I can’t take the way he talks to me. It brings out something in me. It makes my blood hit my cheeks but it makes me want to be bold, like him. It chases my shyness away.
The Sound of Serendipity Page 18