by Chase, PJ
Audrey had a feeling she should have called in sick and climbed back into bed. But Audrey was sure a promotion awaited her at work. Instead with one visit to bosses office, her life had become an epic fail.
What a difference a punch to the gut made. Audrey thought she'd be piggy backing the company picnic with a celebration of her promotion. Instead she was faced with the cold reality of being stuck in the dead end job managed by a nincompoop. And no amount of three legged races, heaping helpings of potato salad, or raffled off gift cards were going to change that.
Now Audrey knew exactly how her boyfriend felt though. Peter had been working his ass off on the field, doing everything he could to one day get called up to the majors. But no matter how hard he tried, no matter how close he seemed to be, he never got that call up to the majors. The sun had been playing peek-a-boo with scattershot clouds on that unseasonably muggy October day. So Audrey was praying for rain.
Before Audrey fell for Peter, she was on the mend from back to back emotional train wrecks. The first came when Audrey's college sweetheart left her years before and took her heart with him. Then, just as Audrey was trying to bounce back she made the foolish mistake of giving her heart to Jean Pierre--one of the scouts for the team. But it turned out that Jean Pierre was doing more than scouting just players--he was also scouting other chicks to bone on the side. Unfortunately, Jean Pierre only worked down the hall, so it was nearly impossible for Audrey to completely avoid him. And especially at the team picnic.
Audrey would have just as soon cut her losses and headed to the bar to try and have a real happy hour. Attendance however was mandatory at the company picnic. Audrey tiptoed around the park like it was a minefield in hopes of avoiding her former flame on her way to the adult beverages. Halfway across the crowd, Audrey found that her luck had run out.
"You're more beautiful than the Eiffel Tower at sunset," Jean Pierre said seductively.
Audrey turned around and saw her ex mooning at his new bubbly blonde flavor of the week.
Audrey snickered. "I can't believe I actually bought that when you said it to me first."
Jean Pierre turned to Audrey like a deer in headlights. Audrey's doomed relationship with the Frenchie closely paralleled her troubled tenure with the team. All that loyalty and hard work adding up to bupkus. Then again, at least the company was loyal to something--even if it was hooking up lame-brained family members with promotions. Jean Pierre meanwhile treated loyalty like it was a foreign language. Like Audrey had unearthed an allergy to monogamy.
Audrey leaned in towards the Bubbly Blonde. "Wait until he says you're more stunning than the French Alps. That one is a doozy."
"Audrey, I thought there were no hard feelings," Jean Pierre uttered, trying to diffuse the tension.
"Of course it's not hard for you," Audrey replied. "You have no feelings."
Jean Pierre scrambled to change the subject. "I don't understand why you're so bitter. Aren't you up for a promotion soon?"
Insult, meet injury. "They gave it to Frankie Lancaster."
Jean Pierre grimaced, then tried to weasel away. "Well, the best thing about rock bottom is it can only get better from here, right?"
Audrey shook her head in disbelief. "Wow. I forgot how bad you are at cheering people up. I'd rather get a pep talk from a mime."
The Bubbly Blonde tugged on Jean Pierre's shirt. "I thought you said this was going to be fun."
"See what you've done Audrey," Jean Pierre remarked. "Your bitterness has infected us now. It's time to cut our losses before you sour the whole picnic."
As Jean Pierre and the Blonde went to move off, Audrey prepared a parting shot.
"Hey Blondie," Audrey called out. "Watch out for when he says you're more dazzling than a star-filled sky. That's when you know he's about to cheat on you with his hypno therapist."
***
Audrey had never wanted a punch bowl to be spiked more in her life. Instead the Florida heat kicked in with a humidity haymaker. The mosquito’s were out for blood too, leaving Audrey a sweaty mess. But even as the swelter made life sticky for Audrey, her mind whirled with the speed of gale force winds.
How could things could have gone so horribly wrong? Audrey thought she'd be heading into a great career. But she had to face facts. Audrey was twenty-six and in a dead end job.
At least she had Peter to console her though. "Oh, come on. Jean Pierre is a douche. And a French douche at that. Who wants to deal with that much crap?" Peter asked.
Peter was the perfect partner in crime. The boyfriend that knew all of Audrey's faults and still stuck with her anyway. Someone that always knew how to cheer Audrey up. A true nice guy finally finishing first.
"Are you kidding? The Frenchie is the least of my worries," Audrey insisted.
"Look, I'm sorry you didn't get the promotion. But no one deserved it more than you," Peter replied.
"It's not that," Audrey said.
"Uh oh. Sounds like someone needs a chocolate hug. How about I take you to that new chocolate and wine bar this weekend?" Peter continued.
"I can't. I actually have this reunion thing with some old friends from college that I should probably go to," Audrey admitted, begrudgingly.
"Why haven't you told me about this? I mean, I thought you told me everything," Peter asked.
"Because I wasn't sure I was going to go. But the more I think about it, maybe some time away from Orlando could be a good thing," Audrey said.
"I think you're right. You should go. Spend some time with some old friends. It'll make you feel better," Peter replied.
"Alright," Audrey said. "I know it's short notice, but do you want to come with me?" Audrey asked.
"Isn't that a given?" Peter replied.
"It's all the way up in the swamp though," Audrey warned.
"Audrey, wherever you're going is where I want to be," Peter said.
Audrey then gazed into Peter's eyes.
"Damn are you sweet," Audrey replied.
"I still can't believe you're only bringing this up now though," Peter said.
"Look, you don't understand. I'm embarrassed," Audrey revealed.
"About what?" Peter wondered.
"A lot has changed since college," Audrey said. "I mean it was one thing when we were all living off ramen noodles. But all my old friends are successful now."
"You're going to be a huge hit soon too. I just know it," Peter remarked.
"But Peter. They're successes now. I mean, my friend Frank Stein is the youngest head of the robotics department at Gator University. My other friend Joe Steven runs his own matchmaking service. And my best friend Alice is a band manager. You know that song ‘Woman In The Blue Dress’? That was written about her," Audrey explained.
"Look. These people are your friends. They'll be happy to see you no matter what," Peter said.
"Yeah. I'm just not so sure I'm happy being me. I mean look at me. I can't even get promoted in the marketing department for a minor league baseball team," Audrey argued.
"Look, we all spend some time in the minors," Peter said, all too familiar with his own dreams not having come true yet. "But you just have to keep believing and working hard, and eventually it will work out."
"Peter, it's one thing to hope and believe in yourself. It's another thing to actually have achieved. My friend Frank Stein went to college with me and is about to be honored for the robotic achievement of a lifetime. The guy is getting his own float in the homecoming parade. Meanwhile the highlight of my life is the opening of a chocolate and wine bar down the block from my apartment. This is no joke."
"Audrey, I believe in you, and I love you. It's all going to work out for us some day really soon," Peter said.
As Audrey looked into Peter's eyes, she immediately felt better. Peter had a soothing way about him.
"Thanks for always making me feel better," Audrey replied.
"I know one more way to make you feel better," Peter said.
"What's that?" Audrey asked
.
Peter then leaned in and gave Audrey a deep kiss. When Peter pulled back from the kiss, Audrey wasn't shy about her feelings.
"I'll take more where that came from," Audrey said, with a smile.
Chapter Two
"Thanks again for coming on such short notice," Audrey said, as her hand me down sedan took its last legs out onto the interstate.
"Of course. Who doesn't drive to gator country on a whim?" Peter joked.
"No seriously. I owe you big time for this. So when we get back, name the favor and it is all yours," Audrey insisted.
"In that case, let's swing by the lingerie store on the way home," Peter flirted.
Normally Audrey didn't mind a little playful dirty talk. But her mind was too wrapped up. She was a crazy ball of nerves.
Peter knew something was up. And he was desperate to find out what it was. When he got no response, he tried to get Audrey's attention.
"Audrey," Peter said.
"Yeah?" Audrey replied, pulling her head from the clouds.
"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Peter asked.
"I'm just nervous. I don't travel well as it is, but you add this reunion on and I'm two stiff drinks away from getting my bearings back," Audrey said.
"I mean, do you want to tell me what you're hiding? If you're as close to these friends as you say you are, there's no reason to be this nervous," Peter replied.
Audrey took a deep breath. "All right. There's going to be someone else there. A guy."
"Let me guess. Is his name 'the one that got away'?" Peter asked.
"His name is Trevor. And he did happen to get away," Audrey said, still not revealing too much information.
"Are you trying to tell me ol' Frenchie isn't the one that got away?" Peter chided.
"You kidding? Jean Pierre is the one who just went away. Trevor...he was different. Special," Audrey said.
"He can't be all that special if he let you go," Peter replied.
Audrey started getting misty-eyed as memories started racing through her head. "Tell him that. He thought I didn't have a future. Meanwhile he's off married and totally successful," Audrey said.
"You know, you said he was special, but from what you just told me, he sounds like an asshole," Peter replied.
"Look, I just hope he doesn't show up. I don't want him to think he was right--even for a second," Audrey said.
"And I think it's important for you to know that he wasn't right. Trust me, you're the one that's different. You're the one that's special. And even though he was a fool to let you get away, I'll never be that foolish," Peter explained.
With that, Audrey's nerves calmed down.
***
Gator University was a sun-baked sweatbox that left you sticky in all the wrong ways. But it was also Audrey's alma mater. So driving into town made Audrey feel an inescapable sense of nostalgia. But before Audrey could soak up all the old memories, she had to pick up one of her friends at the airport.
"I can't believe this is happening," Audrey said.
The state of Florida would give a drivers license to a blind monkey if he could pay his DMV dues. But navigating the aisles of the airport parking lot, all Audrey cared about was the Geezer with a perpetual left turn signal blinking and an apparent allergy to driving faster than five miles an hour.
Audrey was already running ten minutes late to pick up her old friends and had been shooed away from the arrivals terminal by menacing meter maids.
But living in Florida, Audrey knew she had a better chance of getting hicks to stop wrestling alligators than she did of making a senior citizen to stop putt putting along.
Ten minutes and every ounce of patience later, Audrey and Peter darted like Olympic Sprinters to baggage claim.
But neither Audrey's friend nor her luggage had arrived on time. Audrey was never happier to see a delayed flight in her life. But with waylaid plans came excuses only Florida could provide.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Alice Walters eventually said, bursting through the terminal. "My connecting flight in Miami got delayed because some idiot was trying to smuggle live snakes in his pants."
Alice was like the long lost sister Audrey never knew she had. A best friend forever who knew just the words to soothe a weary soul. Alice and Audrey were cut from the same cloth. Both hopeless romantics prone to flights of fancy, they had very similar backgrounds. The broken hearts, the childhoods spent with their heads in the clouds, the slightly off-kilter world view.
Audrey and Alice related in a shorthand of two friends that had known each other since pre-school instead of just meeting in college. But it was hard to believe sometimes they only met in the dorms before truly bonding in a creative writing class where they wrote about wacky misadventures in cafeteria dining while the rest of the students typed up stories of shirtless vampires. But Audrey and Alice could pick up a conversation weeks apart without skipping a beat, a product of the kind the friendship that living in different states couldn't squelch.
"Ali-gator," Audrey declared with glee, hugging Alice like they hadn't seen each other in years.
Alice eyed Peter and sized him up. "Nice arm candy. Did you pick him up in the gift shop?"
"Yeah. I was in the bargain bin," Peter joked.
"Self deprecating too. I like. Maybe I should see what else is in that bargain bin," Alice ruminated.
"I'm Peter Short by the way," he said, introducing himself.
"Long as you don't come up short where it counts most," Alice joked, winking at Audrey. "What's the snake like in his pants?" she joked to her old chum.
"And now I'm back in junior high again," Peter replied, trying to keep from laughing.
"In that case, I'll save a wet willy for later. Anyway, I'm Alice Walters," Alice said.
"You mean Ali-gator," Audrey cut in.
"It's amazing. I was grumpy one day in the three years we lived together and she hasn't stopped calling me Ali-gator since," Alice bemoaned.
"Ok, fine Miss 'Woman In The Blue Dress.' Where's that rock star boyfriend of yours?" Audrey asked.
"Um, Portland I think," Alice replied, not convinced of her own answer.
"I can't believe he's not coming," Audrey remarked, deflated. "What, is he too good for a little reunion all of a sudden?"
"Look, he's on tour. Besides, it's probably for the best," Alice explained.
"What do you mean?" Audrey asked.
"Trust me, everything takes a backseat to this tour. I'm here though." Alice then tried to quickly change the subject. "Besides, why don't we talk more about this new boyfriend of yours?"
Peter got self conscious with all this talk about him.
Another familiar then voice cut into the conversation to distract from Peter. "No wonder Florida bungles every election," Stacey White said. "They think stranding people on tarmacs is kick ass customer service."
***
And with that, the crew was ready to storm their old campus. Peter drove while the ladies meanwhile caught up on lost gossip.
"Ali, I just couldn't get your song out of my head this morning," Stacey remarked.
"I don't know whether to say thank you or I'm sorry," Alice replied.
"You kidding? How cool is it that the most popular song in the country is written about someone I know? You must just be over the moon," Stacey boasted.
"I know it may be hard to believe, but if you hear the song a thousand times, you'll just want to howl at the moon," Alice replied.
"Oh Ali, don't be modest. I mean the closest I've come to a song written about me was when Jean Pierre sang novelty accordion tunes to me while drunk one night," Audrey explained.
"Hear that Peter? You have some mighty high standards to live up to," Stacey wise cracked.
"And me without an accordion," Peter replied.
"Hey, that's not true Audrey. Remember that weirdo at the bowling alley that serenaded you with his kazoo?" Alice recalled, much to Audrey's chagrin.
"Is that a euphemism?" Peter joked.
"Hey, least I didn't have the moves put on me by the Magician of Marshall Street," Audrey countered. Alice blushed.
"So we've kissed a lot of frogs. We haven't croaked," Stacey cut in. "I'm just happy we're all in loving relationships for once."
Audrey and Alice both got quiet. "Hey, why don't we see if Ali's song is on the radio?"
Chapter Three
"Who wants to party?" Steven Adams asked, with a beer in one hand and a plastic novelty arrow on his head.
Steven may have been a goofball, but he sure knew how to throw a party. And the festivities awaited in the basement. Then again Steven didn't have just any basement, but a full on man cave. A wet bar sat in the corner, flanked by pinball machines, and arcade video games. The rest of the room was decked out with a billiards table, ping pong table, and a seventy inch big screen television.
Nostalgic mid 2000's rock music blasted over a speaker system as Audrey, Peter, Stacey, Alice, and Steven entered the man cave.
But as Frank Stein spotted Alice, he immediately started playing "The Woman In The Blue Dress." Alice blushed, then pleaded for Frank to change the tune.
Stacey meanwhile spotted the buffet and answered the call of her stomach. Of course it didn't hurt that her man candy Tim Channing was making quick work of the artichoke dip.
"I need a refill," Steven remarked, looking at the bottom of his beer cup. "You guys want any?"
"Two please," Audrey replied.
"Coming up," Steven replied, before moving over to the bar.
"Wow. You have some interesting friends," Peter said to Audrey.
"And it's time to start impressing them," Audrey said. "All right, let me give you the run down. That over there is Frank Stein, a robotic genius and widow. His wife Elizabeth died in a car accident a year and a half ago."
"Oh God, that's horrible," Peter responded.
"Yeah. So whatever you do, don't bring it up. Next we have Damon over by the billiards table. Total lothario. The guy used to plow through coeds in college like a snow blower during a blizzard. Then we have Stacey's boyfriend Tim over at the buffet. A total sweetheart. He and Stacey actually started dating because he called her the most beautiful women in his company. Then finally, we have Steven over there with the plastic arrow on his head. Matchmaker extraordinaire who for the longest time couldn't match himself up. Until he met his own Jasmine," Audrey explained.