by Chase, PJ
"So which one of these guys is your ex-boyfriend?" Peter asked.
Audrey looked around and bit the corner of her lip. "Even the City Of Lights isn't as bright as you," Trevor Brockman remarked.
Audrey turned around saw her former flame. "Well, if it isn't the emotional hurricane himself. Have you come to devastate me again?"
Peter meanwhile had other thoughts on his mind. After all, Trevor wasn't just any ex-boyfriend. He was Trevor Brockman, the starting third baseman for the Atlanta Pythons. No wonder Audrey was so nervous.
It was amazing though. Even though Audrey had dated two different baseball players in her life, they couldn't have been more different. And it wasn't just because Peter was stuck in the minors while Trevor was practically an all star. While Peter was Mr. Reliable, Trevor lived and died by the long ball. He was a homerun hitter through and through. So when he was on, he was really on. But when his swing was off, he struck out a lot. It was big risk big reward for Trevor.
But while Peter was still coming to terms with the fact that Trevor Brockman was Audrey's ex, Trevor seemed primed to try and win Audrey back.
"Alright, you got me. I'm sorry. But to be fair, that was a long time ago," Trevor downplayed.
"Maybe. But time will never heal those wounds," Audrey said.
Trevor deflected. "So where did you find this stiff, the county morgue?" he asked, sizing up Peter.
"I'd rather be a stiff than trample Audrey's heart," Peter declared, with gusto.
"Thanks, dickwad. What do you, sell Bibles for a living?" Trevor cracked.
"Actually, I play ball," Peter replied.
"Oh really? For what team?" Trevor asked.
"Orlando," Peter said.
"In that case, why don't you go back to the minors? You're out of your league," Trevor insisted.
Peter didn't back down though. "Sorry. You've already had your shot with Audrey. Go strike out somewhere else."
"Well, I guess he told you," Audrey remarked, trying to keep from smiling.
Trevor focused his smack talk on Peter. "You having fun in the minors, punk? Because Audrey needs a major league slugger."
Audrey didn't need Peter's help to defend herself though. She had plenty enough moxie on her own. "Actually, I think it's about time you get back to your perfect little wifey."
"I was kind of hoping you and I could have a little talk...in private," Trevor said.
"I'm going to need a couple more drinks before I can handle that," Audrey warned.
"Please. Just let me try and explain myself. It won't take long," Trevor continued.
"Come on Audrey. Let's party," Peter insisted.
As Audrey and Peter turned to exit, Trevor dropped a bombshell. "Janie left me."
Audrey turned back around. "I'm sorry. What?"
"Just give me a minute. I'll explain everything," Trevor insisted.
"Audrey, we should get some food before it gets cold," Peter argued.
"Get me a plate," Audrey replied to Peter. "I'll be back in a minute."
***
"So let me get this straight. You leave me for Janie, then Janie leaves you for Mike Madigan," Audrey said, basking in Steven's backyard.
Mike Madigan wasn't just another professional baseball player. He was a perennial all-star. One of the best players in the game. The kind of man that could have any woman he wanted. And apparently, he wanted Janie. It was such sweet irony. Not just because Trevor finally knew what it was like to get his heart broken, but because he now realized that Janie had just been using him as nothing more than a step stool to climb up the social ladder. Janie proved to be nothing more than a gold digger, and she had dug right into Trevor's bank account on her way out the door.
Trevor grimaced. "You know, you don't have to take quite so much pleasure in my pain."
"Are you kidding? Talk about poetic justice," Audrey said.
"I hate poetry," Trevor declared.
"Karma can be a bitch like that," Audrey said.
"It's amazing how she just played me," Trevor replied.
"Hey, I recognize that sentiment," Audrey said.
"No matter how much money I gave her, she always wanted more. Then the moment Mike Madigan showed the slightest bit of interest in her, bam--she was gone," Trevor explained.
"As fun as this pity party is, there's an actual celebratory party going on that I'm going to get back to," Audrey said.
"You weren't like that. You loved me for who I was," Trevor replied.
"It's nice that you're finally appreciating that. But you're about four years too late. Have fun sulking," Audrey said, before heading back towards the house.
"There's a reason you've come back to the swamp," Trevor replied.
"Yeah. Frank's getting an achievement award," Audrey pointed out.
"That's just the appetizer. You're here because we're supposed to get back together," Trevor said.
"How much have you had to drink?" Audrey asked, shrugging Trevor off.
"Tell me you haven't thought about me in the last four years," Trevor said.
"Oh yeah. Me and your face on a dart board have had some good nights together. But guess what? I have a boyfriend now," Audrey replied.
"Forget your boyfriend. You need a man," Trevor insisted.
"A real man doesn't tell his girlfriend she won't amount to anything. Now I'm going to get some of that barbecue before there isn't anything left," Audrey said.
Audrey went back inside and left Trevor to get eaten by the mutant mosquitoes that wanted to add insult to Trevor's injury.
But Trevor wasn't going to let insects get in his way. "I'm going to win you back Audrey. You'll see."
***
"This is some party," Peter said, winning over Steven in the man cave.
"You mean it's some buffet," Steven contended.
"No seriously," Peter replied. "I wish I had a set up like this."
"Don't get too comfortable. The man cave is turning into a workout room," Jasmine jumped in.
"Jasmine thinks I need to lose my cherubic figure," Steven insisted.
"Well then lose it. You kidding? With a goddess like that, learn to juggle chainsaws if she asks," Peter replied.
"There's a smart man," Jasmine added.
"You hear that Tim? If Steven's going to learn to juggle chainsaws, signing up for salsa lessons should be like cake," Stacey insisted.
"The way I see it, you can have your cake and eat it too," Damon said, smirking.
"Says the man who treats women like an all you can eat buffet," Alice joked.
"Did someone say buffet?" Steven continued, rubbing his rotund figure.
"And you wonder why I want to get you on a treadmill every once in a while," Jasmine argued.
"Well that I agree with," Damon added. "The ladies love the stamina."
"Do the ladies love it too when you're gone before they wake up in the morning?" Frank interjected.
"Don't get started with me, Frankie. I'm sorry you lost your wife, but that doesn't mean I need to hear another one of your lectures about monotony," Damon replied.
"You mean monogamy?" Frank asked.
"Same thing," Damon replied.
"Let me tell you something. I'd give up this award and every other one I'll ever get just to have one more day with Elizabeth," Frank ruminated.
"Now that's a good man," Peter remarked.
Audrey returned to the man cave from the backyard. "Did I miss anything?"
"Your boyfriend is a total sweetie pie," Jasmine insisted.
"Yeah. I don't think I could find someone better suited to you. And I'm a professional matchmaker," Steven said.
"Oh really?" Audrey replied, surprised.
"Of course he did take way too close of a personal interest in my waistline," Steven added.
"Yeah. I'm really jealous of you too," Alice added.
Trevor returned and saw everyone enamored with Audrey and Peter's courtship.
"I don't see what the big deal is. I see
m to remember Audrey's and my relationship packing quite a punch," Trevor recalled.
"Is that before or after you sucker punched her with the break up?" Alice cracked.
"Yeah. I think you have amnesia," Frank added. "You two were vanilla at best."
"Which is still better than burnt toast. But it's hardly worth working up an appetite over," Steven said. "Yikes. Another food metaphor. Maybe I really do need to tame my tummy."
Trevor tried to rewrite his romantic past again, but Steven put an end to it.
"What is this, couples counseling?" Damon chided. "Why don't you two go out back and fight to the death already? The rest of us are here to party hearty."
***
"Appreciate all that you have. You never know when the universe is going to throw a pie in your face," Frank warned.
"Trust me. I know exactly how special Audrey is," Peter replied.
Audrey looked over at Peter with awe, unable to tell if he was acting or really meant it.
"Well yeah. Haven't I told you that?" Peter asked.
Audrey was again thrown off by Peter's uncanny acting ability. "Uh yeah. You can just never hear it enough though, right?"
"I'd take a million pies in the face for you," Peter admitted.
Audrey studied Peter's face, but saw no sign of acting. She leaned in and whispered to Peter. "Laying it on a little thick, aren't you?"
Peter whispered back. "Who's says I'm laying it on?"
Audrey looked Peter deep in the eyes, unable to tell if he was just joking.
"Ah, nothing like young love. It almost makes me want to give up quantum algorithms all over again," Frank declared, reminiscing about his late wife.
"Oh, sorry. We don't mean to make you uncomfortable," Audrey said.
"You kidding? Get your mooning in now. You never know when the apocalypse will come," Frank deadpanned.
"Did I come at a bad time?" Alice asked, crashing the conversation.
"No. I think you came at just the perfect time," Audrey insisted.
"I was just wondering if anyone was interested in some dessert," Alice continued.
"Why don't I go help you?" Audrey volunteered, desperate to get away from the doomsday chatter.
"I'll take some pie if you have it. It would be nice having some not smeared in my face for a change," Frank deadpanned.
***
"It's amazing how things can turn out the complete opposite as you'd expect," Audrey said, arranging various desserts on a table with Alice.
"Are you kidding? Frank has always been a little mad scientist. Remember when he built that robotic parrot for Elizabeth in college? It kept repeating 'you get my Bunsen burner going,'" Alice replied.
"I'd conveniently forgotten that one," Audrey said.
"I think the real surprise is Steven. I mean if he can match himself up with a knockout like Jasmine, imagine what he could do for you or me," Alice replied.
"What do you mean 'you or me'?" Audrey asked.
"Well, not you obviously. Go figure, you've gone from painful break up with Jean Pierre to two guys pining for you in no time flat," Alice said.
"Two guys?" Audrey answered, confused.
"Yeah. Trevor and Peter," Alice said.
"Oh right," Audrey replied, still thinking about her conversation with Trevor.
"I have to say I wouldn't complain about being lusted after like that," Alice said.
"Listen to yourself. Have you forgotten that you've been immortalized in a hit song, or should I get Steven to play it again?" Audrey asked.
"Oh please don't. If I ever hear that song again, it'll be too soon," Alice said.
"Am I missing something? If you play it backwards does it recite satanic verses or something?" Audrey joked.
Alice tensed up, then took a deep breath, clearly holding something in.
"Ali, what's going on? Why do you look constipated?" Audrey added.
Alice took one more deep breath, then whispered to Audrey. "Johnny left me."
Audrey's jaw dropped. "Wait. What? When? What? How? But...what?"
"It was a couple of months ago. I was going to tell you earlier, but then I saw how happy you are with Peter and didn't want to ruin your weekend," Alice said.
"Ali-gator. You're my best friend. You can tell me anything," Audrey insisted.
"I know. It's just so embarrassing. Here we're coming back to celebrate Frankie's achievement. Stacey has Tim. Steven has Jasmine. You have Peter. Meanwhile I've put my career on hold for three years to nurture Johnny, and when he finally makes it, he starts acting like Damon with all the groupies, then tells me he can't be tied down," Alice said.
"What a douche bag. And this is coming from someone who's been dumped by a French guy," Audrey joked.
"The worst part is, that stupid song is everywhere, so I'm constantly reminded of all the love I wasted on him," Alice said.
"Ali, hon, it’s going to be ok," Audrey said, hugging her.
"Is it? I mean wacky as Frank is, the guy is already getting a lifetime achievement award. Meanwhile I've had to take a job as a waitress at this hotel in Hollywood just to make rent. You don't know what that's like," Alice replied.
"Yeah I do. I was right where you are three years ago. And look how things have turned out for me," Audrey said.
"You're right," Alice admitted. "Let's hope the same thing happens to me."
***
"Do you believe in soul mates?" Trevor asked.
That was not a question Peter thought he'd ever hear from another guy. And especially not from Trevor. But yet there Trevor was, butting in on Peter and Frankie's all too geeky debate about pirates and ninjas.
"I do believe in soul mates. And you definitely aren't mine," Peter quipped.
Frank eyed Peter and Trevor staring each other down. "I'm going to go see if the pie is ready," Frank said, making a quick exit.
"Look, I don't want to be the guy who goes around stealing dude’s girlfriends," Trevor admitted.
"Then don't," Peter responded.
"You seem like a nice guy. Really, but--"
"Why do I get the feeling you're going to make that seem like it's a bad thing?" Peter asked.
"Because we both know this is going to end badly for you. Chicks dig bad boys. Now we can either do this the easy way, or the way where you leave with your tail between your legs," Trevor said.
Peter scoffed. "Apparently you never stick around for the end of movies. Sure chicks go for bad boys. But eventually, they realize the boy is bad and turn to a good guy for comfort. Then they live happily ever after."
"Not if the bad boy is reformed. And definitely not if he's her soul mate," Trevor said.
"I didn't realize being a soul mate involved leaving your girlfriend heartbroken with her tail between her legs," Peter replied.
"Right. Because you've never made a mistake in your whole life," Trevor said.
"You wouldn't know if I did. Fact is, you don't know anything about me. Like the fact that Audrey and I are great together," Peter insisted.
"No. The real fact is, you don't know Audrey like I do. Do you know that Audrey used to collect novelty bobble heads? Or that she has a star registered in her name that I paid for?" Trevor asked.
"You registered a star for her? And what, that makes you think you're better for her than me?" Peter cracked. "Don't get me wrong, those are all nice little details. But I think it's more important knowing what Audrey wants in a man. Which is someone who's kind and loyal. Who appreciates that she's self-sufficient, but also isn't afraid to take care of her when need be. But most importantly, someone who's there for her, not just himself. Does that sound like a bad boy, or good guy to you?" Peter asked, already knowing the answer. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have anywhere else to be but here."
Peter walked away, but not before Trevor fired a parting shot. "This isn't over."
***
"I just want to say that you were great back there," Audrey remarked, giving Peter a kiss in the bathroom of Steven's
spare bedroom wearing pajamas.
Audrey and Peter were getting ready to call it a night. It had been a long day with plenty of twists. There was still another wrinkle though.
"You're always great," Peter insisted.
"Thanks for being so sweet to me," Audrey said.
"You don't still have feelings for him, do you?" Peter asked.
Audrey played dumb. "Who?"
"Who do you think? Trevor," Peter said.
"No. Why would you think that?" Audrey asked.
"I don't know. You were really nervous even coming here. And you didn't bother to tell me that your ex-boyfriend wasn't just any Trevor, but Trevor Brockman--the starting third baseman for the Atlanta Pythons. That's kind of a big deal," Peter said.
"To me he'll always just be Trevor. The Trevor that I knew back in college. The one that wasn't famous yet," Audrey explained.
"You didn't answer me. Do you still have feelings for him?" Peter asked.
"Peter, I'm with you," Audrey said.
"That doesn't answer the question. Do you or do you not still have feelings for him?" Peter wondered.
"No. It's over between me and Trevor," Audrey said.
But Peter wasn't quite as convinced.
Steven meanwhile peeked into the room with extra pillows, coming to see if Audrey or Peter needed any. But Steven ended up seeing a tense stare down between Audrey and Peter. Steven ducked back into the hallway before Audrey and Peter noticed.
Back in the bedroom, Audrey gave Peter a soft kiss on the lips.
"I love you," Audrey said. "Nothing is going to change that."
Chapter Four
Audrey moaned in her sleep, obviously having a torrid dream. That was just the antidote Peter needed to a sleepless night. But he couldn't help but wonder if that dream was about him or Trevor. Peter wasn't usually an insecure man, but this was different. Trevor played pro ball. He had a huge contract. And he'd once had Audrey's heart.
Peter meanwhile was stuck in the minors, made league minimum, and started to worry if Audrey was slipping away. Peter then started to wonder if maybe it would have been better for Audrey not to come back for the reunion. But they were here now, so Peter just needed to make it through the weekend.