I Shall Survive Using Potions! Volume 2

by Funa

  “Take this! And this! And this!!!” The assailant attempted to stab her over and over again with his dagger—but nothing was happening. Screams erupted from around them as people realized what was going on. Men grabbed whatever weapons they could get their hands on, running to Kaoru’s aid.

  Kaoru had finally come to her senses and shoved the man away from her. The moment she touched his body—

  BOOM!

  A bolt of lightning dropped down from clear blue skies, striking the assailant and causing his body to crumble to the ground.

  After a bit of investigation into the assailant, it turned out the man was working as a bishop back when Rueda still was considered a “Holy Land,” to no one’s surprise. He embezzled donations, would do unspeakable things to his female followers while claiming he was giving them “blessings of the Goddess,” and generally got away with doing whatever he wanted. His life of depravity was turned on its head after Kaoru’s intervention, and all his ill-gotten gains were confiscated. He made his living scamming people in the Goddess’s name, so what did he think would happen if he tried harming her best friend? Apparently, he didn’t understand that he’d become an enemy of Celestine herself, and his dreams of regaining his past glory would never come true. But it was useless trying to talk sense into him, especially when he was in a frenzy over losing everything he once had.

  Kaoru wasn’t entirely bothered by the man who attacked her. So many people had died and so much had been destroyed because of her, so of course there would be some who hated her guts over that.

  But something else was bothering Kaoru...

  Why didn’t that dagger hurt me?

  Kaoru didn’t have anything to do with the lightning that hit him, either. It wasn’t anything that happened because of explosives she made, but a bona fide bolt from the sky. Kaoru had already cut herself on accident plenty of times while cooking, or scraped herself after taking a fall, so it wasn’t like she had a body made out of steel or anything.

  Then is this some sort of defensive ability that only activates when I’m in danger of dying? I doubt Celes is keeping an eye on me 24/7... So would that lightning be an automatic counterattack? Kaoru thought to herself. No, I’m overlooking something here. It was something that stuck out to me, but I still overlooked it...

  That’s right... It was a few years back when Celes last descended. The conversation we had right before she went away. What did I say to her back then...?

  “If you wait too long, I’ll probably end up dying of old age or some sorta freak accident here...”

  “There’s no way that would happen! You tell the funniest jokes, Kaoru.”

  ...Did Celes actually think I was joking with her back there?

  A joke... So that means it’s something that could never happen...

  Never...? So dying from old age or in some sorta accident is just impossible, then? Would this automatic defense system just kick in and make it so I wouldn’t get killed, no matter what came my way?

  Hold on... Then what’s going on with my life span? Like, I know Celes is a bit ditzy, but she’s not an idiot. She was also especially aggressive when it came to getting closer with the god of Earth.

  There was a huge gap between Celes’s sense of time and a normal human’s. Even though several months had passed between my first coming to this world and Celes coming down in person, she treated it like only seconds separated the two events. She talked about things that had happened centuries ago like they were just the other day, after all. Would Celes just let me die after a good few decades when I was the reason she finally had a reason to talk with the god of Earth? Wouldn’t she want to stretch that out as much as she could?

  Come on, think! What did I ask Celes for when deciding what I wanted for my new body? If I remember correctly...

  “Your body will be the same genetically, and back to how you were at fifteen years old.”

  Fifteen years old...

  Fifteen years old...

  Fifteen years old...

  The body I had...when I was 15...

  ...She didn’t say anything about me growing any more past that, huh.

  CELEEEEEES!!!

  She got me... She got me good... She totally did that on purpose, I just know it! Even if she hadn’t messed with my body, I could’ve made a potion to make myself younger if I wanted to. Being able to do things like that was the whole reason I decided to go with my potion cheat powers. Was it that she just didn’t realize it? Or did she think I would try and die a natural death by just letting myself grow older?

  Now I know I most likely won’t be growing any more than this height-wise—and boobs-wise. I could make a potion to force myself to grow up, but I wasn’t really a fan of that idea. It kinda felt the same as using platform shoes and stuffing my bra with pads or something. My height would only change a single centimeter, anyway. Japanese people were just short and baby-faced by nature, so a centimeter wasn’t going to make any difference.

  “I’m leaving on a journey. Please don’t come looking for me.”

  “““WHAAAAAAAAAT?!”””

  All of Balmore was in an uproar over my sudden announcement.

  “B-But why...?” Francette asked, her voice trembling.

  “I’ll be taking a tour around the country to find myself a husband.”

  “A-A husband? But aren’t you supposed to stay a child forever since you’re a goddess?”

  “Huh?”

  “Huh...?”

  ““Huuuh?!””

  The shocking truth had come to light. It sounded like they thought I’d stay this way forever, just like Celes. I mean, they weren’t wrong, as I just figured that out the other day, but I never thought they’d think I’d stay single forever as well.

  I wasn’t as popular with the guys lately, so that probably explained why. It’s true I might never be able to get married if people thought of me as an eternal twelve-year-old, but mentally I’m twenty-seven years old, and my physical body is fifteen. I’m already an adult by this world’s standards! I’m perfect marriage material!

  Wait, did it not matter if I was 1,000 or 10,000? Like, would anyone who tried to marry me when I looked like a little girl just be treated like a criminal? But, this body really is supposed to be fifteen years old, so...

  Gahhh! So my only choice really was to go out on this trip! I’ll pretend like I’m just a normal girl trying to find myself a husband, but this time I’ll make sure to let them know I’m a mature, fifteen-year-old woman who just happens to be a bit on the smaller side. I’ll just make up something, like “they didn’t feed me much when I was a child,” as my excuse for being this tiny and we should be golden!

  I’m gonna get my family’s genes out there, damn it!

  A few days later, and I’d already finished saying my goodbyes to the Eyes of the Goddess. They were all more than capable of living on their own now. I offered to give them the house, but they told me they’d watch over it until the day I came back, instead. I gave them a bunch of overpowered potions just in case, and told them to be sure and keep it a secret from everyone else.

  If they ever needed to get in contact with me, I handed them one half of a special “voice crystal” I made (with a potion inside the crystal) while I stuck the other one in my Item Box. I’d come rushing back if there were any emergencies, probably using a potion I made into the shape of a T*yota Land Cruiser and filled with pseudo-gasoline, or maybe a helicopter that could be controlled using an N*S controller. I’d leave all the complicated stuff like gyroscopic precession, torque, and the angle for the pitch of the blades to whatever powers Celes gave me! I was sure her race had already figured this stuff out back when humans were still single-celled organisms.

  But, thinking about it now, were the potions I made because I had Celes’s galaxy brain powers there to help me out? Or was it that whatever I was thinking of was made somewhere else and transported over to me? Hmm... Now I was really curious how this worked...

  Me leaving
also meant Balmore was going to lose their potion supply, but it was never supposed to be this way in the first place. Relying on my potions wouldn’t only mean getting in the way of their medical advancements, but it would eliminate the need for people who had a talent for medicine. No matter how much I warned them to try and keep those types of people around, they’d just be blinded by the fact that they could gulp down a potion and fix whatever was troubling them. They wouldn’t want to keep investing money into medicinal research and train people capable of putting it into practice. Just the fact that potions existed would probably cause any would-be medical professionals to lose their drive as well. That’s why, after I fixed up everything that was ailing people at the moment, I was going to have them do their best on their own from now on. I’d use my healing powers only when I had to when I was out traveling to try and keep my identity a secret. After all, my plan from the start wasn’t to have Balmore have the lion’s share of miracles to itself, but to spread them out sparingly to the other countries. These healing potions were supposed to be something only a select few could receive as a reward for living honest and diligent lives, not something everyone could use whenever they wanted.

  As for the journey, this would be a two-man trip, just Ed and me. Technically, I guess it would be more like a one-girl, one-horse trip.

  I packed all my stuff into my Item Box and headed off to the farm that was taking care of Ed. He was already ten years old, which was probably somewhere between thirty-five and forty-five in human years. Going on a trip like this must be rough on a middle-aged man like him. This was going to be much longer than the journey we went on years ago. Much longer. I had potions, though, so I figured things should work out all right.

  I wondered if he wasn’t going to like leaving his old lady behind... I did plan on coming back every once in a while, though, since I wanted to check in on the kids from the Eyes of the Goddess.

  By the time I reached the farm, Ed, his wife, and his three-year-old daughter were all there waiting for me.

  “Oh, Kaoru, dear. Thank you for always taking care of my husband.”

  “Do you have any sugar cubes on you, Kaoru?”

  “C’mon now, don’t be rude to Kaoru.”

  ...Were you guys really horses? It felt like you evolved and became something completely different, I swear... And why in the world were Emile and Belle here with their packs slung over their shoulders?!

  ““We’re coming with you.””

  Yeah, yeah...

  I’d seen that look in their eyes before. They were totally set on coming with me, no matter what. I’d already given up on the fact that I was getting some new traveling partners, and we were just getting ready to set out with Ed’s family when I found myself with some more unexpected company...

  “We shall come with you as well.”

  And why were you here, Francette, with your things packed on your horse? And the king’s brother was right next to her, just friggin’ shrugging his shoulders!

  Well, it wasn’t like I couldn’t see why he’d be here though... If your fiancée was going off on a trip you didn’t know when she’d be back from, I see why he’d want to come along as well. But you’re supposed to be royalty, man...

  The friend of the Goddess, the king’s brother, a feared warrior, and the protector of wells... What the hell kinda party did I end up with?!

  ...I’d have to think up a nickname for Emile as well, or else I’d just feel bad for him.

  Wait a second... Did that mean I was going on a trip with two lovey-dovey couples?!

  Aw, HELL no!

  I was going on this journey to spread the Nagase family’s genes, not to help you guys get it on, damn it!

  After Kaoru had left on her journey, guys from all around Balmore were beating themselves up at the news.

  “Wait, Kaoru went off to find a husband? She actually wanted to get married?”

  “Are you kidding me?! I would’ve tried chatting her up more if I knew that!”

  “WHYYY?!”

  “She was fifteen when we first saw her, so she’s nineteen now? Is that as big as she’s going to get?!”

  But they were already far too late...

  Chapter 18: Pushing Through Brancott

  Kaoru and her merry companions were currently on the verge of passing the border between Balmore and Brancott. Borders here weren’t as big a deal as they were back on Earth, seeing as countries didn’t have the manpower or the funds to watch the entirety of their vast borders. Hell, if you went off the beaten path through the forest or over the mountains or something, you could cross over into other countries all you liked.

  There weren’t many people who actually went through with that option, however. Why? Simply because they could still get in normally without doing so.

  There were no passports or photo IDs in this world. Everything was on paper, so making forgeries was a cinch. You could just swipe a person’s documents and pass them off to the guards, no sweat. It wasn’t like they had any way of telling if you were the real deal or just faking it.

  Border checkpoints were only called that in name alone. In reality, they were just small guard houses whose main function was to take a fee from any wagons that passed by them in accordance with how much they were carrying. Wagons couldn’t pass through forests or mountains, so their only choice was to stick to the main road. Anyone on horseback or foot didn’t have to pay the fees for things they brought across since, if they did, smaller merchants wouldn’t be able to afford taking their wares across. More evil business practices would run rampant in that case.

  Kaoru and her group were on horseback, and had barely any luggage between them. Kaoru had already thrown the heavier and more annoying bits of her stuff inside her Item Box anyway. Basically, they had a free pass for going across country borders.

  ...Or, that’s how it should have been, at least.

  “Right this way, please.”

  After Kaoru and the others tried passing through the border, they were suddenly stopped by a soldier and led to a small guard house.

  “You must be the angel and her companions, I assume? We shall prepare a carriage to guide you to the capital posthaste, so please wait here and relax in the meantime.”

  Why did it turn out like this?! Kaoru screamed on the inside.

  Before leaving Grua, Kaoru had made sure to say goodbye to her friends and everyone else who helped her, as well as everyone else who would be affected by her leaving. If she didn’t, who knew what sort of uproar the capital would be in. Before they could do anything to stop her or beg in tears for her to stay, she’d already left on her journey.

  If they weren’t going by boat, then the only way to reach the mainland would have to be through Brancott. However, there was a certain “thing” lurking in Brancott: Fernand, the crown prince.

  Kaoru wanted to push her way through Brancott before word of her journey reached there, since things could get really annoying really fast if they got held up there.

  With that in mind, she wanted to make it through Brancott as fast as possible before word traveled to the aristocracy or the royal family. It was all but guaranteed Fernand would have assigned a spy to keep track of her whereabouts.

  When that spy caught wind of Kaoru’s journey, instead of using messengers on horseback, they didn’t hesitate to send a message through the channels normally used for national emergencies.

  The royal palace was in an uproar over the news, of course. Kaoru, the personal friend of the Goddess, was coming to Brancott, and they couldn’t let this chance go to waste.

  There was absolutely no chance she could be heading the opposite direction. The only things to be found there were steep mountain ranges, and further beyond that, the Aligot Empire. If she were setting out on a trip from Balmore, then she had to be heading toward the mainland and, to get there, she’d have to pass through Brancott. Thus, the royal court, aristocrats, and of course, the prince, were all chomping at the bit to make the most of this opp
ortunity. They’d placed carriages and elite guards all along the roads into the kingdom to secure her the moment she entered the country.

  Oh boy, this doesn’t look good. Now what...

  If they haul me off to the palace, they’d start questioning me and asking for all sorts of things. Since this is that arrogant, selfish prince we’re talking about, it was totally possible he’d take the people hostage at the restaurant I used to work at just to make demands of me. That, or they might be suspicious I’m actually the same “Kaoru” and try to expose me for who I really am...

  Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!

  But this was one of the border guards. If I tried to make a break for it, then of course he’d send people to come after me. If they caught us, they could charge us with illegally crossing the border, and who knows what they’d do to us after that...

  Hrmmm...

  “Should we off him, Kaoru?” Emile offered, casually suggesting murder.

  I’d told Emile to only refer to me as casually as possible right before we left on this trip. It would only attract attention to us if a sixteen-year-old like him was acting incredibly respectful toward me, especially when I only looked to be around twelve.

  Belle had just turned twelve and was already a little bit bigger than me. Like her height, and her...ch-chest... All right, sorry! I was trying to make it seem less worse for me! It wasn’t just a little, but a whole lot bigger...

  We were pretending Belle was older than I was and had made her practice being more casual around me as well. After all those years together, it was a force of habit of hers to keep calling me her big sister, after all. But, considering the situation, it wouldn’t be bad to have me be the older one here since it wouldn’t be all that strange for me to be this small if I were a year or two older than her. If the gap between us was just going to keep on getting bigger, though, then it’d eventually get suspicious. That’s why I thought it’d be a better idea to have her be the older one from the beginning... But I guess now wasn’t the time to be thinking about all that, huh.