by Noelle Adams
He was typing something on his computer, his eyes focused on the screen.
He didn’t even glance over at her as she walked in.
She was shaking so much now that her teeth were almost chattering. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been so nervous in her life.
But she was going to do this. She trusted her sisters. And she had to admit that they’d known exactly what was going on with her and exactly what she wanted most deeply.
She was trying so hard to get control of her trembling that she couldn’t say anything as she walked into the office and went over to stand in front of Russ’s desk. She knew she was stiff, and she was afraid she was pale. She forced a breath and tried to get a few coherent words out.
Russ’s eyes finally lifted from his computer screen. His expression was as bland as it had been that morning, and his eyebrows lifted slightly as he studied her.
She tried again to say something. To tell him she wanted to talk. To explain why she was standing in front of his desk like an idiot.
“Can I help you with something?” he asked coolly.
The force of the reaction that slammed into her was shocking, breathtaking. The feeling surged through her, from her chest and out into her head and belly and all the way toward her limbs in a hot wave.
Can I help you?
Can I help you?
He’d just sat there and asked her if he could help her, like she was a stranger, a customer, someone who meant absolutely nothing to him.
Her sisters were wrong.
They meant well, but they were wrong.
This man didn’t feel anything for her. He couldn’t.
She would understand if he was angry, hurt, upset, disappointed. She would understand any of that, and she would know that she meant something to him.
But he wasn’t ice cold. He wasn’t fiery hot. He wasn’t dealing with a storm of any sort of emotion.
He was cool.
Completely in control.
It was the worst possible thing he could have been.
“Can you help me!” she rasped.
Russ blinked, clearly surprised by her tone but not taken aback. “Yes. You were standing there like you needed something.”
“Like I needed something!” She was almost choking on the outrage. There was no way she could hold it back.
He frowned, standing up. “What’s going on here, Laura?”
He’d called her baby that night a week ago, and she’d been stupid enough to believe that he meant it.
She’d thought she’d grown up. She’d thought she’d never be stupid again.
And he’d proved her wrong in the worst possible way.
“You heartless bastard,” she hissed, turning on her heel and fleeing for the door. She needed to get out of here soon or she would burst into tears right in front of him. “Fuck you, Russ Matheson.” She bit out the words as she moved.
She’d reached the door when she was suddenly aware that Russ had followed her. His legs were a lot longer than hers, and he moved so fast he’d caught up. He reached over her shoulder and slammed the office door closed just as she was reaching to open it all the way.
She whirled around to discover that Russ was standing right there. Only a few inches away from her. His hand was still braced on the closed door, and he was big and tense and angry.
Angry.
Russ was angry.
She’d never in her life seen him angry before.
“Did you just call me heartless?” he demanded, low and thick and outraged.
She was shocked and breathless and shaking again. Part of her was intimidated by his looming presence, but she wasn’t going to be cowed by him. “Yes, I called you heartless. You fucked me last week, and now you’re treating me like I’m nothing. Like I’m nothing. I’m sorry, but that’s exactly what someone who’s heartless would do.”
He planted his other hand on the door, trapping her between his body and the hard surface behind her. “You’re the one who ended things between us.” His cheeks had flushed, and his forehead was slightly damp, and the tension radiating from his body was like nothing she’d ever felt before.
It had an effect on her. Her heart. Her body. She hated the fact that her body wanted to feel his like this and her heart wanted to know his like this, but she couldn’t deny it was true.
He was angry, and she wanted him this way.
She wasn’t going to indulge it though.
“I know I ended it. I’m sorry it happened the way it did, but I did the best I could. There’s no reason to act like I’m nothing to you now. I’m not just garbage to be thrown away when you no longer have a use for me.”
He made a growling sound in his throat. “Garbage?”
“Yes, garbage! That’s how you’re treating me. Like you don’t care about me at all. And it’s not right. I’m sorry things didn’t work out, but we were friends before then. At least I thought we were. And even if we weren’t friends, we were still business partners, and I would think that would mean you could treat me with basic civility.”
“I’ve been perfectly civil.”
“Civil like I’m a stranger! You think I don’t recognize it? I’m sorry, Russ. I’m sorry! But I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I’m doing the best I can. And I’ve always been honest with you. I told you I didn’t think things would work out. I told you I was afraid it would mess things up between us. And I was obviously right. You’re the one who pushed things. And now you’re acting like I’m the one who did something wrong. I’ve made mistakes. I know I have. And I never would have hurt you if I could have helped it. But you’re acting like I’m nothing to you, and I’m not nothing!”
Russ was breathing so loudly she could hear it. His body was so tight he was shaking with it. She could see a muscle flickering in his jaw. He’d rolled his sleeves up earlier in the day, and his forearms were rippling from pushing against the door behind her so hard.
He said, “Does it really look to you like I think you’re nothing?”
She’d never seen him like this before.
She’d never dreamed of seeing him like this.
All his cool composure and lofty irony and endless control had exploded into barely reined passion.
She’d done that to him.
There was no way he could think she was nothing.
Her lips parted, but no words came out.
“Jesus Christ, baby,” he rasped. “How can you think there might be any day on any world in any universe when I would ever believe you were nothing?”
She made a weird little whimper. Then her hands moved of their own accord. They grabbed either side of his face and dragged his head down toward hers.
His lips crashed into hers, and something even harder, more powerful, crashed into her heart.
He kissed her hungrily, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth and claiming her intimately, possessively.
She responded in kind, clawing at his shirt and trying to suck his tongue even deeper. The door was hard against her shoulder blades, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered but Russ and getting as close to him as she could possibly get.
They kissed for a minute, hard and passionate. Almost primal. Then Russ was bunching up the skirt of her Christmas dress and sliding his hand up and down her bare thigh.
She’d grown aroused so quickly it was almost painful, the throbbing an intense ache between her legs. She moaned shamelessly when Russ’s fingers found her hot, wet center, rubbing her over her panties.
He was turned on too. Just as much as she was. She could feel the hard bulge of him at the front of his trousers.
She was vaguely conscious of Russ reaching over and fumbling with the lock on the door until he’d turned it.
An edge of practicality pierced the hot daze of her lust. “Not against the door,” she gasped. “Someone might hear.”
Russ made a guttural sound of impatience and hauled her over to the corner of the office, between the door and the window. He kissed her
again, and this time she managed to yank his shirttails out of his trousers. The undershirt he wore beneath it got in the way, so she had to yank that one out too. But she finally managed to get her hands on his bare skin.
Without breaking the kiss, he unbuckled his belt and pulled it out of his belt loops in one smooth motion, dropping it onto the floor.
The move was strangely thrilling. Laura dug her fingernails into his lower back.
He grunted in response, one of his hands still holding her thigh and the other one working on the button of his trousers.
“Should we do this against the wall?” she asked, turning away from the kiss so she could catch her breath a little. “You’re a lot taller, and I’m not sure we can—”
“We can,” he interrupted, kissing her again. He’d unfastened his pants and pulled out his erection. She took it in both hands and stroked him as they kissed.
Then he said against her lips, “Spread your legs for me and push your hips out, baby.”
She did as he said, and he bent his knees enough to line himself up. Then he pushed into her and pushed her up against the wall at the same time.
He had hold of her bottom as she wrapped her legs around him, and he braced her on the wall, using his weight to hold her up.
“Oh God, Russ!” she gasped at the pleasure of the sensations and the position. She felt helpless. Sexier than anything.
He pushed into her with his hips, and she cried out softly. The wall behind her was uncomfortable, painful against her shoulder blades, but she couldn’t care less. Everything about her body and heart felt good.
He thrust again, flushed and strained and hot as hell, and she cried out again in response.
He built up a fast, hard motion—never pulling out very far—and she couldn’t hold back her vocal responses. She wasn’t yelling and screaming, but she was making a lot of sounds. And Russ was grunting like an animal.
She really hoped no one came to the door and tried to get into the office.
They would hear them for sure.
There was no way they would last long in this position, and they didn’t need to. Laura was so turned on and so overwhelmed with emotion that she was already close to coming. She was getting good friction against her clit, and her whole body was jiggling from the force of Russ’s motion.
He was getting close too. He was louder. Faster. Then she heard the grunts turn into real words.
“You’re... not... nothing... to me... baby.”
She bit her lip hard to stifle a cry as all the tension inside her shattered. She came hard and uninhibitedly, clawing at the back of Russ’s neck.
He was coming too. He bit down on her shoulder to smother the sound of his release. His body shook and jerked as he worked through his climax.
They were gasping loudly as they came down, and she finally unwound her legs as he let her slip to the floor.
Her knees almost buckled. She had to let him support her to keep from falling. He was hugging her tightly, and it was exactly what she needed.
Neither of them spoke for a long time, and Laura was sure—she was absolutely sure—that Russ wanted the same thing she did.
He didn’t want just a good time.
He couldn’t.
There was no way this could be casual. There was no way this could just be a good time.
He’d lost control with her—for the first time ever.
She wanted everything.
And she just needed to hear that everything was what he wanted too.
Ten
RUSS’S BACK WAS ACHING, and his legs were sore, and his head was fuzzy from the intensity of the sex he and Laura had just had.
He wasn’t used to feeling this way.
He never felt this way.
Completely out of control.
And he was suddenly terrified about letting go so much, so deeply. Of unclenching the tight hold he’d always kept on the world.
Letting go was when things started to get dangerous.
When bad things happened.
When he was weak.
He forced the fear aside. He wasn’t going to let it get in the way. Laura was in his arms again, and that was what he’d always wanted.
He wasn’t going to lose her again.
Laura gave a soft little groan and pulled out of the hug. She made a face as she shifted uncomfortably. “Damn it,” she muttered. “We did it again without protection.”
Russ blinked. “Shit.” He was like some sort of horny teenager—too eager to be smart or safe.
“What the hell is wrong with us? This is the second time.”
“I know. We won’t do it again.” He paused, giving her a quick look. “Do you think you’ll get pregnant?”
“I doubt it—it’s not really the right time of the month—but you never know. Oh God, what were we thinking?”
He didn’t like the regret in her voice. He didn’t like that she sounded like they’d done something they shouldn’t.
The sex they’d had just might have been the best thing that had ever happened to him.
“It will be okay,” he said softly.
He was going to do better this time. He wasn’t going to let her get scared away.
He’d been given a gift, and he wasn’t going to blow it again.
She leaned her head back against the wall. “I hope. The last thing I need is to get pregnant.” Then she smiled at him and smoothed out some of the wrinkles in his shirt. “That was pretty impressive. Against the wall and everything.”
The little gesture thrilled him, made his chest ache. “This old geezer does his best.”
She giggled. “It seems pretty ridiculous to call you an old geezer now. I mean, I never really meant it. I was always just teasing. But I’m not sure I can even tease you about it anymore.”
He smiled and leaned closer to her. “Oh yeah? What will you tease me about?”
“I’ll think of something.”
He kissed her softly. “I’m sure you will.”
He kept kissing her and was really enjoying it, so he wasn’t ready when she gently pushed him away. “So,” she began.
He straightened up. “So what?”
“So... so what’s going on here?”
The flare of fear he’d experienced before intensified at her question, at the uncertainty on her face. Was she really asking? And what the hell did she want him to say?
He absolutely had to give her the answer she was looking for.
“What’s going on?” he repeated slowly, as carefully as he could. “It seems like we’re together now. Aren’t we?”
“Are we?”
“If that’s what you want.”
She was frowning. “And what do you want, Russ?”
He took a measured breath. “I want the same thing I’ve always wanted.”
He couldn’t read her expression. “The same thing?”
“Yes. I want to be with you... like this.”
There. Surely she couldn’t get too scared at that. Surely she wouldn’t think he was moving too fast.
Surely he wouldn’t lose control of what he’d just barely gotten ahold of.
She started to shake, and he didn’t know why.
“Laura?” He reached out to cup her cheek.
“You want to have a good time with me?”
“Y-yes.” What the hell else could he say to that question.
She pulled away from his touch.
“Laura?” His voice broke slightly with his urgency.
She pushed his body away so she could get out from the corner of the office. “Fuck you, Russ Matheson.” She was fumbling with the lock to the office door.
He made a choked sound. “What the hell, Laura?”
“Fuck you!” she said again, just before she yanked open the door and stepped into the hall.
“Laura!” His voice was too loud, too urgent, but there was no way he could help it. The world wasn’t working with any sort of logical sense.
What the he
ll was even going on here?
He was so dazed it took him a few seconds to react, but when he could, he hurried after her. She was running up the stairs when he got into the hallway, and he strode after her.
“Laura!” he called again.
She was running away from him, and he didn’t know why.
She reached the door to the Holidays’ private residence before he did, although he was gaining ground.
“Laura, wait!”
She didn’t wait.
She slammed the door on his face. Locked it so he couldn’t get in.
He pounded on the door.
“Laura, what the hell! Let me in!”
No answer.
He kept pounding on the door for a few minutes until Rebecca finally opened it.
He was about to push his way in, but she stopped him. “I’m sorry, Russ, but you can’t come in.”
“You have to let me in. I need to—”
“She doesn’t want to talk to you.” Rebecca’s face was twisting with reluctance. She obviously didn’t like the duty she’d been asked to do. “I’m sorry, Russ. She’s really upset.”
“But I don’t even know—”
“Give her some time,” Rebecca said. “She’s upset right now. Give her some time. Then for God’s sake stop trying to be smart and careful and just tell her the truth.”
Before Russ could even begin to process those words, Rebecca closed the door on his face.
He stopped knocking then.
He wasn’t going to be let in.
RUSS WENT BACK DOWN to his office and pretended to work.
There wasn’t anything he could do.
He was dazed. Dizzy.
He still didn’t know what had happened.
He’d had Laura back and then lost her again.
In the space of a half hour.
He was usually smart. He usually had himself under control and could work things out the way he wanted them.
But nothing he did could make things work out with Laura.
Even though he wanted her more than anything.
He spent an hour pretending to work although he got absolutely nothing done. He was sitting with his hands poised over the keyboard, staring at the monitor with blurred eyes, when the office door opened.