Lilith: A Romance

by George MacDonald

  CHAPTER XIV. A CRISIS

  For a time I had no desire save to spend my life with the Little Ones.But soon other thoughts and feelings began to influence me. First awokethe vague sense that I ought to be doing something; that I was notmeant for the fattening of boors! Then it came to me that I was in amarvellous world, of which it was assuredly my business to discoverthe ways and laws; and that, if I would do anything in return for thechildren's goodness, I must learn more about them than they could tellme, and to that end must be free. Surely, I thought, no suppression oftheir growth can be essential to their loveliness and truth and purity!Not in any world could the possibility exist of such a discord betweenconstitution and its natural outcome! Life and law cannot be so atvariance that perfection must be gained by thwarting development! Butthe growth of the Little Ones WAS arrested! something interfered withit: what was it? Lona seemed the eldest of them, yet not more thanfifteen, and had been long in charge of a multitude, in semblance andmostly in behaviour merest children, who regarded her as their mother!Were they growing at all? I doubted it. Of time they had scarcely theidea; of their own age they knew nothing! Lona herself thought she hadlived always! Full of wisdom and empty of knowledge, she was at oncetheir Love and their Law! But what seemed to me her ignorance might intruth be my own lack of insight! Her one anxiety plainly was, that herLittle Ones should not grow, and change into bad giants! Their "goodgiant" was bound to do his best for them: without more knowledge oftheir nature, and some knowledge of their history, he could do nothing,and must therefore leave them! They would only be as they werebefore; they had in no way become dependent on me; they were stillmy protectors, I was not theirs; my presence but brought them more indanger of their idiotic neighbours! I longed to teach them many things:I must first understand more of those I would teach! Knowledge nodoubt made bad people worse, but it must make good people better! I wasconvinced they would learn mathematics; and might they not be taught towrite down the dainty melodies they murmured and forgot?

  The conclusion was, that I must rise and continue my travels, in thehope of coming upon some elucidation of the fortunes and destiny of thebewitching little creatures.

  My design, however, would not so soon have passed into action, but forwhat now occurred.

  To prepare them for my temporary absence, I was one day telling themwhile at work that I would long ago have left the bad giants, but that Iloved the Little Ones so much--when, as by one accord, they came rushingand crowding upon me; they scrambled over each other and up the tree anddropped on my head, until I was nearly smothered. With three very littleones in my arms, one on each shoulder clinging to my neck, one standingstraight up on my head, four or five holding me fast by the legs, othersgrappling my body and arms, and a multitude climbing and descending uponthese, I was helpless as one overwhelmed by lava. Absorbed in the merrystruggle, not one of them saw my tyrant coming until he was almost uponme. With just one cry of "Take care, good giant!" they ran from me likemice, they dropped from me like hedgehogs, they flew from me up the treelike squirrels, and the same moment, sharp round the stem came the badgiant, and dealt me such a blow on the head with a stick that I fell tothe ground. The children told me afterwards that they sent him "sucha many bumps of big apples and stones" that he was frightened, and ranblundering home.

  When I came to myself it was night. Above me were a few pale stars thatexpected the moon. I thought I was alone. My head ached badly, and I wasterribly athirst.

  I turned wearily on my side. The moment my ear touched the ground, Iheard the gushing and gurgling of water, and the soft noises made megroan with longing. At once I was amid a multitude of silent children,and delicious little fruits began to visit my lips. They came and cameuntil my thirst was gone.

  Then I was aware of sounds I had never heard there before; the air wasfull of little sobs.

  I tried to sit up. A pile of small bodies instantly heaped itself at myback. Then I struggled to my feet, with much pushing and pulling fromthe Little Ones, who were wonderfully strong for their size.

  "You must go away, good giant," they said. "When the bad giants see youhurt, they will all trample on you."

  "I think I must," I answered.

  "Go and grow strong, and come again," they said.

  "I will," I replied--and sat down.

  "Indeed you must go at once!" whispered Lona, who had been supportingme, and now knelt beside me.

  "I listened at his door," said one of the bigger boys, "and heard thebad giant say to his wife that he had found you idle, talking to a lotof moles and squirrels, and when he beat you, they tried to kill him. Hesaid you were a wizard, and they must knock you, or they would have nopeace."

  "I will go at once," I said, "and come back as soon as I have found outwhat is wanted to make you bigger and stronger."

  "We don't want to be bigger," they answered, looking very serious."We WON'T grow bad giants!--We are strong now; you don't know how muchstrong!"

  It was no use holding them out a prospect that had not any attractionfor them! I said nothing more, but rose and moved slowly up the slope ofthe valley. At once they formed themselves into a long procession; someled the way, some walked with me helping me, and the rest followed. Theykept feeding me as we went.

  "You are broken," they said, "and much red juice has run out of you: putsome in."

  When we reached the edge of the valley, there was the moon just liftingher forehead over the rim of the horizon.

  "She has come to take care of you, and show you the way," said Lona.

  I questioned those about me as we walked, and learned there was a greatplace with a giant-girl for queen. When I asked if it was a city, theysaid they did not know. Neither could they tell how far off, or in whatdirection it was, or what was the giant-girl's name; all they knew was,that she hated the Little Ones, and would like to kill them, only shecould not find them. I asked how they knew that; Lona answered that shehad always known it. If the giant-girl came to look for them, they musthide hard, she said. When I told them I should go and ask her why shehated them, they cried out,

  "No, no! she will kill you, good giant; she will kill you! She is anawful bad-giant witch!"

  I asked them where I was to go then. They told me that, beyond thebaby-forest, away where the moon came from, lay a smooth green country,pleasant to the feet, without rocks or trees. But when I asked how I wasto set out for it.

  "The moon will tell you, we think," they said.

  They were taking me up the second branch of the river bed: when they sawthat the moon had reached her height, they stopped to return.

  "We have never gone so far from our trees before," they said. "Now mindyou watch how you go, that you may see inside your eyes how to come backto us."

  "And beware of the giant-woman that lives in the desert," said one ofthe bigger girls as they were turning, "I suppose you have heard ofher!"

  "No," I answered.

  "Then take care not to go near her. She is called the Cat-woman. She isawfully ugly--AND SCRATCHES."

  As soon as the bigger ones stopped, the smaller had begun to run back.The others now looked at me gravely for a moment, and then walked slowlyaway. Last to leave me, Lona held up the baby to be kissed, gazed inmy eyes, whispered, "The Cat-woman will not hurt YOU," and went withoutanother word. I stood a while, gazing after them through the moonlight,then turned and, with a heavy heart, began my solitary journey. Soon thelaughter of the Little Ones overtook me, like sheep-bells innumerable,rippling the air, and echoing in the rocks about me. I turned again, andagain gazed after them: they went gamboling along, with never a care intheir sweet souls. But Lona walked apart with her baby.

  Pondering as I went, I recalled many traits of my little friends.

  Once when I suggested that they should leave the country of the badgiants, and go with me to find another, they answered, "But that wouldbe to NOT ourselves!"--so strong in them was the love of place thattheir country seemed essential to their very being! Without ambition orfear, discom
fort or greed, they had no motive to desire any change; theyknew of nothing amiss; and, except their babies, they had never had achance of helping any one but myself:--How were they to grow? But again,Why should they grow? In seeking to improve their conditions, mightI not do them harm, and only harm? To enlarge their minds after thenotions of my world--might it not be to distort and weaken them? Theirfear of growth as a possible start for gianthood might be instinctive!

  The part of philanthropist is indeed a dangerous one; and the man whowould do his neighbour good must first study how not to do him evil, andmust begin by pulling the beam out of his own eye.