Lilith: A Romance

by George MacDonald

  CHAPTER XLIV. THE WAKING

  The fourth night I seemed to fall asleep, and that night woke indeed. Iopened my eyes and knew, although all was dark around me, that I lay inthe house of death, and that every moment since there I fell asleepI had been dreaming, and now first was awake. "At last!" I said to myheart, and it leaped for joy. I turned my eyes; Lona stood by my couch,waiting for me! I had never lost her!--only for a little time lost thesight of her! Truly I needed not have lamented her so sorely!

  It was dark, as I say, but I saw her: SHE was not dark! Her eyes shonewith the radiance of the Mother's, and the same light issued from herface--nor from her face only, for her death-dress, filled with the lightof her body now tenfold awake in the power of its resurrection, waswhite as snow and glistering. She fell asleep a girl; she awoke a woman,ripe with the loveliness of the life essential. I folded her in my arms,and knew that I lived indeed.

  "I woke first!" she said, with a wondering smile.

  "You did, my love, and woke me!"

  "I only looked at you and waited," she answered.

  The candle came floating toward us through the dark, and in a fewmoments Adam and Eve and Mara were with us. They greeted us with a quietgood-morning and a smile: they were used to such wakings!

  "I hope you have had a pleasant darkness!" said the Mother.

  "Not very," I answered, "but the waking from it is heavenly."

  "It is but begun," she rejoined; "you are hardly yet awake!"

  "He is at least clothed-upon with Death, which is the radiant garment ofLife," said Adam.

  He embraced Lona his child, put an arm around me, looked a moment or twoinquiringly at the princess, and patted the head of the leopardess.

  "I think we shall meet you two again before long," he said, lookingfirst at Lona, then at me.

  "Have we to die again?" I asked.

  "No," he answered, with a smile like the Mother's; "you have died intolife, and will die no more; you have only to keep dead. Once dying as wedie here, all the dying is over. Now you have only to live, and that youmust, with all your blessed might. The more you live, the stronger youbecome to live."

  "But shall I not grow weary with living so strong?" I said. "What if Icease to live with all my might?"

  "It needs but the will, and the strength is there!" said the Mother."Pure life has no weakness to grow weary withal. THE Life keepsgenerating ours.--Those who will not die, die many times, dieconstantly, keep dying deeper, never have done dying; here all isupwardness and love and gladness."

  She ceased with a smile and a look that seemed to say, "We are motherand son; we understand each other! Between us no farewell is possible."

  Mara kissed me on the forehead, and said, gayly,

  "I told you, brother, all would be well!--When next you would comfort,say, 'What will be well, is even now well.'"

  She gave a little sigh, and I thought it meant, "But they will notbelieve you!"

  "--You know me now!" she ended, with a smile like her mother's.

  "I know you!" I answered: "you are the voice that cried in thewilderness before ever the Baptist came! you are the shepherd whosewolves hunt the wandering sheep home ere the shadow rise and the nightgrow dark!"

  "My work will one day be over," she said, "and then I shall be glad withthe gladness of the great shepherd who sent me."

  "All the night long the morning is at hand," said Adam.

  "What is that flapping of wings I hear?" I asked.

  "The Shadow is hovering," replied Adam: "there is one here whom hecounts his own! But ours once, never more can she be his!"

  I turned to look on the faces of my father and mother, and kiss them erewe went: their couches were empty save of the Little Ones who had withlove's boldness appropriated their hospitality! For an instant thatawful dream of desolation overshadowed me, and I turned aside.

  "What is it, my heart?" said Lona.

  "Their empty places frightened me," I answered.

  "They are up and away long ago," said Adam. "They kissed you ere theywent, and whispered, 'Come soon.'"

  "And I neither to feel nor hear them!" I murmured.

  "How could you--far away in your dreary old house! You thought thedreadful place had you once more! Now go and find them.--Your parents,my child," he added, turning to Lona, "must come and find you!"

  The hour of our departure was at hand. Lona went to the couch of themother who had slain her, and kissed her tenderly--then laid herself inher father's arms.

  "That kiss will draw her homeward, my Lona!" said Adam.

  "Who were her parents?" asked Lona.

  "My father," answered Adam, "is her father also."

  She turned and laid her hand in mine.

  I kneeled and humbly thanked the three for helping me to die. Lona kneltbeside me, and they all breathed upon us.

  "Hark! I hear the sun," said Adam.

  I listened: he was coming with the rush as of a thousand times tenthousand far-off wings, with the roar of a molten and flaming worldmillions upon millions of miles away. His approach was a crescendo chordof a hundred harmonies.

  The three looked at each other and smiled, and that smile went floatingheavenward a three-petaled flower, the family's morning thanksgiving.From their mouths and their faces it spread over their bodies and shonethrough their garments. Ere I could say, "Lo, they change!" Adam andEve stood before me the angels of the resurrection, and Mara was theMagdalene with them at the sepulchre. The countenance of Adam was likelightning, and Eve held a napkin that flung flakes of splendour aboutthe place.

  A wind began to moan in pulsing gusts.

  "You hear his wings now!" said Adam; and I knew he did not mean thewings of the morning.

  "It is the great Shadow stirring to depart," he went on. "Wretchedcreature, he has himself within him, and cannot rest!"

  "But is there not in him something deeper yet?" I asked.

  "Without a substance," he answered, "a shadow cannot be--yea, or withouta light behind the substance!"

  He listened for a moment, then called out, with a glad smile, "Harkto the golden cock! Silent and motionless for millions of years hashe stood on the clock of the universe; now at last he is flapping hiswings! now will he begin to crow! and at intervals will men hear himuntil the dawn of the day eternal."

  I listened. Far away--as in the heart of an aeonian silence, I heard theclear jubilant outcry of the golden throat. It hurled defiance atdeath and the dark; sang infinite hope, and coming calm. It was the"expectation of the creature" finding at last a voice; the cry of achaos that would be a kingdom!

  Then I heard a great flapping.

  "The black bat is flown!" said Mara.

  "Amen, golden cock, bird of God!" cried Adam, and the words rang throughthe house of silence, and went up into the airy regions.

  At his AMEN--like doves arising on wings of silver from among thepotsherds, up sprang the Little Ones to their knees on their beds,calling aloud,

  "Crow! crow again, golden cock!"--as if they had both seen and heard himin their dreams.

  Then each turned and looked at the sleeping bedfellow, gazed a momentwith loving eyes, kissed the silent companion of the night, and sprangfrom the couch. The Little Ones who had lain down beside my father andmother gazed blank and sad for a moment at their empty places, then slidslowly to the floor. There they fell each into the other's arms, as ifthen first, each by the other's eyes, assured they were alive and awake.Suddenly spying Lona, they came running, radiant with bliss, to embraceher. Odu, catching sight of the leopardess on the feet of the princess,bounded to her next, and throwing an arm over the great sleeping head,fondled and kissed it.

  "Wake up, wake up, darling!" he cried; "it is time to wake!"

  The leopardess did not move.

  "She has slept herself cold!" he said to Mara, with an upcast look ofappealing consternation.

  "She is waiting for the princess to wake, my child," said Mara.

  Odu looked at the princess, and saw beside her
, still asleep, two of hiscompanions. He flew at them.

  "Wake up! wake up!" he cried, and pushed and pulled, now this one, nowthat.

  But soon he began to look troubled, and turned to me with misty eyes.

  "They will not wake!" he said. "And why are they so cold?"

  "They too are waiting for the princess," I answered.

  He stretched across, and laid his hand on her face.

  "She is cold too! What is it?" he cried--and looked round in wonderingdismay.

  Adam went to him.

  "Her wake is not ripe yet," he said: "she is busy forgetting. When shehas forgotten enough to remember enough, then she will soon be ripe, andwake."

  "And remember?"

  "Yes--but not too much at once though."

  "But the golden cock has crown!" argued the child, and fell again uponhis companions.

  "Peter! Peter! Crispy!" he cried. "Wake up, Peter! wake up, Crispy! Weare all awake but you two! The gold cock has crown SO loud! The sun isawake and coming! Oh, why WON'T you wake?"

  But Peter would not wake, neither would Crispy, and Odu wept outright atlast.

  "Let them sleep, darling!" said Adam. "You would not like the princessto wake and find nobody? They are quite happy. So is the leopardess."

  He was comforted, and wiped his eyes as if he had been all his lifeused to weeping and wiping, though now first he had tears wherewith toweep--soon to be wiped altogether away.

  We followed Eve to the cottage. There she offered us neither bread norwine, but stood radiantly desiring our departure. So, with never a wordof farewell, we went out. The horse and the elephants were at the door,waiting for us. We were too happy to mount them, and they followed us.