A Diamond In Islam: A Romance Novel

by S. Nahar

  “My grandpa is... really sick. He’s getting better now, but sometimes he’ll get worse because he doesn’t listen to the doctors. He and my mom have been arguing so much lately. It’s heartbreaking to see in all honesty. But that’s not even the worst part,” I said quietly.

  “What’s the worst part?” he asked cautiously.

  “He thought we didn’t love him. He doubted how much we care, Damon,” I whispered.

  He whistled lowly. “Damn. That’s hardcore.”

  “It just hurts to know that the person who helped you shape who you are, doubts your love because you live far from each other. He thinks that, that I don’t love him as much because I don’t see him often,” I explained.

  “Distance as an obstacle doesn’t destroy love.”

  “That’s what I said!” I exclaimed.

  He chuckled lowly before abruptly stopping. “You said ‘bad things’, meaning there’s more than just that. It’s plural.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Way to get technical, Winters.”

  “I’m for real here, Amira. What else happened to you?”

  I froze. “What?”

  “Oh uhm... oops. I think it’s too early to bring this topic up,” he trailed off.

  “No, no. What do you know, Damon? Or a better question is how?” I asked in a cold voice.

  “Amira,” he started.

  “Damon, what do you know?” I cut off.

  He sighed and I could already imagine him tangling his fingers through his soft brown hair. “Remember when you lost your journal?”

  “Yes.”

  “Yeah... well, the thing is...”

  “Damon, just spill the beans,” I snapped.

  “I read it.”

  “Oh.”

  We had a moment of silence as I thought about what he just said. He read my journal. Just reading that journal took one through my entire childhood. He read through my secrets, read through all the darkness. Damon knew everything now and there was no way for me to undo time, and that terrified me. How could I have been so careless to let my journal fall into his hands of all people?

  “Amira, why did the poems go from playful and silly to straight out depressing in two pages?” he asked curiously.

  I stayed silent for a moment. I went through a rough time during those years. I never told anyone. I just did what I was usually used to, which was keeping things to myself until it became too much to take in. Damon had forced himself into a world he had no idea exist, and it was right around me, circling me with so many memories, so many nights of tears.

  “You shouldn’t have read those,” I mumbled, as visions of my past clouded me.

  Chapter 33

  Depths of Broken Memories

  Amira Sarker

  “Amira, I’m so sorry,” she said with glazed eyes.

  “No! Please don’t do this,” I begged her.

  She couldn’t leave me. “No! No, you’re going to live!” I yelled into the hospital room.

  “Amira,” she shook her head. “You have to let me go. My time here is done, sweetheart.”

  “No, no. Please. I don’t want to be alone again. I can’t go on like this,” I cried, as I latched onto her shoulders.

  She pulled away and cupped my cheeks. “Hey,” she said softly, “Life will go on, okay?”

  I viciously shook my head. Allah wouldn’t be that cruel. Allah wouldn’t take her away from me. Not my only friend.

  “Amira, promise me one thing,” she said, as she held my hands tightly.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Promise me that when I die, you will not blame Allah. Don’t turn away from Islam, is that understood? This is a good thing. I can now be with my Lord. My one and only wish,” she smiled.

  I didn’t realize that tears were running down my face as I let out a whimper and I nodded my head.

  “I-I promise,” I whispered shakily.

  “Oh, Amira,” she breathed out, as she pulled me into her arms tightly. Her hands were cold.

  I cried my heart out as I clutched onto her, hoping that she wouldn’t leave. I stayed in her room and didn’t leave till her very last breath. I was young, but something changed in me that day. I became more mature.

  I never thought she would die the way that she did, but then again, life is full of unexpected surprises. One may think they know how the chapter of one’s life would end, only to realize they were completely wrong. Leaving the “what if’s” in their minds.

  ***

  “Amira?”

  Damon’s silk-like voice broke me from my thoughts.

  “I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

  “What happened to you?” he questioned softly.

  I let out a shaky breath as memories of her flooded my mind, how she and Tanwir played at the playground and helped me ride the swings. I remember how painful it was seeing her lifeless, and the day that we rushed her to the hospital continued to haunt me. I knew her death wasn’t my fault, but hell I wished she could have lived longer.

  I wished she was there for me when I needed her the most. I missed the way her soft hands stroked my hair. I missed her beautiful white smile. I missed the way her eyes would light up seeing me or Tanwir.

  I missed her.

  I never told anyone how I felt. I kept it all in. Her death stole my innocence away. Life must have thrown torture and pain at her too fast or maybe she was weak, but that girl is gone and had grown into a woman. One who learned that happiness won’t last and with happiness came sadness. This girl had learned realities of life the hard way.

  Memories of her just kept flashing my mind. When she died, a part of Tanwir died with her. He became cold and distant. He changed, and so did I. My whole family. Everything.

  “Damon, what I’ll be telling you now is something that I have never told anyone. Not even Aria, Tasneem, Lucy, and Meredith,” I stated with an emotionless voice.

  “Okay.”

  I exhaled; Here goes nothing. “Those poems changed with me. I used to have an older sister.”

  “What do you mean by ‘used to have’?” he asked.

  “She’s dead, Damon,” I said in a cold distant voice.

  I heard his sharp intake of breath.

  “H-how?”

  “She had leukemia. I was only twelve years old and she was sixteen when she died. She was the eldest daughter in my family, a year older than my brother,” I said.

  “Oh, Amira. Sweetheart-”

  “I don’t need pity, Damon,” I snapped. “I have moved on with my life. I made a promise to her that I would. She was my only friend.”

  “I don’t pity you, Amira. Don’t you ever think that. You’re one of the strongest girls I know,” he stated fiercely.

  “Thank you. Anyway, her death destroyed my family. My mom cried so much, Damon. She couldn’t accept that her daughter was now buried six feet under. She prayed and begged Allah to keep her daughter alive.” I trailed off. “My dad had pulled me out of school and we went rushing to the hospital. When we got there, she looked at me with the twinge of life in her eyes, and gave me a strained smile. She told me she loved me, and then her body went limp. The heart monitor started beeping loudly, a signal saying she was gone. My mother flung her body at her dead daughter and sobbed. She tried shaking her awake, but she did not respond. “She’s gone,” I said, as I hiccupped a sob.

  It’s been five years and it felt like it was just yesterday. I clutched my chest as I felt my heart beat at a rapid pace. My mind was reeling. I gasped.

  “Amira! You’re okay. Shh, baby, don’t cry. Please,” he begged brokenly, as if my struggle to breathe was stabbing him internally. “You don’t need to finish the story. Shh, it’s okay. Everything’s alright.”

  No, it’s not.

  I shook my head. I had to finish. “My dad stood there trying to move my mother away from my sister. Her name was Aisha. She was beautiful. She was one of the best people I had ever known. She thought of others before she thought of herself.
She was selfless in her deeds. Men would be allured by her personality. She would always smile. When she died, a piece of my brother died as well. He became cold and shallow. He stopped caring. He had no will to live,” I mumbled quietly into my phone as I clenched my fist.

  “Do you mean—”

  “Yes. He tried to kill himself,” I whispered brokenly.

  “Damn,” he muttered.

  I closed my eyes as I told him what had happened that day. The memories were so vivid. They burned me and drove me to insanity all at once.

  ***

  I walked into Tanwir’s room, only to find it empty. Some kids from school had tormented me for my headscarf. One of the girls even tried to physically hurt me until the teachers came around.

  They contacted my parents and got worried ever since. Aisha used to be the one to comfort me, but now she was gone. Mum and Baba were outside talking to some neighbors.

  “Tanwir!” I called out. Where could he be?

  I walked around the house looking for him. It was deadly silent. Something wasn’t right. I felt it in my gut. It was like something was urging me to go somewhere. I shivered as an unusual feeling of dreadfulness swam down my body, and it alerted my mind. I heard a small sob and immediately tracked down to where it was coming from.

  I ran into the bathroom and screamed at the scene in front of me. Tanwir sat on the tiled white floor with a sharp knife in his hand. It was grazing his skin, and the slightest movement would cut it.

  When I screamed, he dropped the knife and it scratched his leg. He hissed in pain and I stared horrified at the crimson blood flowing onto the white tiles. I opened my mouth to scream again, but nothing came out. I was in shock.

  Voices were around me and flying in my head. Memories of Aisha flooded my mind. I tightly closed my eyes. No! Please! Oh Allah, make it stop! Her lifeless body flashed behind my eyes. I fell to the floor.

  I opened my eyes and my vision blurred. Tanwir tried to reach for me, but I slapped his hand away.

  “H-How could you?” I whispered in a shattered voice.

  All that consumed me was pain. My heart felt numb. My body ached to be comforted, but now I knew. Life was coming after me. Life was trying to take me down, but I wouldn’t let it. I will not be weak! I will not do this to my family. I had to stay strong for everyone. My own brother...

  He looked down at his leg in shame. I heard thundering footsteps run up the stairs.

  “You are my only sibling left! How can you just leave me?! Why? Why would you do this?!” I sobbed uncontrollably. This pain was consuming me. It was destroying the last bit of my heart. I was breaking. No. I would not let it happen. I won’t let my heart break. I will not be weak.

  Mum broke down crying as she saw all the blood. So much blood. She crouched down next to me to pick me up. I kept hitting her chest to let me go. “No! Mommy! He’s going to kill himself! No, please! I have to help him! He’s hurt! Mommy, please!” I screamed as I thrashed around in her arms.

  “Shh, no he won’t. I promise,” Mum comforted me by holding my small frame close to her body.

  “I’m all alone. He’s going to leave me too. Everyone hates me. No one wants to be with me anymore!” I yelled, brokenly.

  It was then that my parents and brother realized how affected I was. It was at that moment that they realized how tortured I was. My body shook as I sobbed.

  Did no one love me anymore? He wanted to leave his only sister. He wanted to abandon me. I let all my frustrations out. I was in hysterics. My head hurt.

  This world was becoming a dark pit that I desperately wanted to escape from. I clawed at my chest. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop feeling emotions. I wanted it all to go away! Why was life so cruel? Allah, please help me.

  I was going insane.

  ***

  Damon was silent as I finished the story. The pain I locked away for so many years came crashing back with full force. That day was one of the scariest moments of my life. I almost lost my brother. If I didn’t come in when I did... I would have been an only child.

  “Amira, that’s awful. You witnessed it... God damn. You held so much pain inside of you,” he stated, hauntingly.

  “I know. Please don’t think of me as weak or pity me. I’m still Amira. If it wasn’t for these incidents in my past, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Yes, I faced it at a young age, but it was worth it. I changed into someone better. The past is what makes us who we are. It helps change our future.”

  “Like I said, you’re one of the strongest girls I know. I don’t know if I could have ever handled that pain. You’re truly amazing, Amira,” he said in awe.

  “No, I’m not. I’m just a regular girl,” I insisted.

  He laughed softly. “You are so much more than that,” he said with honesty coating every word.

  I smiled sadly. I was going to have to let him go soon. No matter how much I didn’t want to. It was the right thing. I sighed.

  “Amira, how can you love a God that put you through all that?” he asked, confused.

  It was my turn to laugh softly. “You know why I grasped onto my sanity?”

  “Why?”

  “Because in those dark hours of my life, He was the light. I kept reminding myself of the comforting words He tells us in the Qur’an. They were the light that broke my dark cage. If it wasn’t for that light, I don’t think I would be standing here alive today,” I answered.

  “But He hurt you,” he emphasized.

  I shook my head. “It’s like parenting. You know how your parents sometimes say things that hurt you?”

  He paused and then muttered, “Yes.”

  “Don’t we still love our parents? Even though we are hurt, we learn things. Allah never gives His servants something they can’t handle. It’s just that sometimes we don’t believe in ourselves. But He always believes that we can overcome the harsh reality of life. Yes, He causes it, but He also fixes it and provides the comfort that no one else can give better than Him. Because of this love from Him, I survived.”

  “I see,” he trailed off.

  We talked a little more till he brought up his half-sister, Jade. He told what happened with his dad and how his father told him about his love for Damon’s mother. I inwardly awed. It was so sad, but so sweet at the same time. We joked around a bit and just enjoyed each other’s company. I felt a twinge of guilt, but I ignored it. I will let him go, but I just want to enjoy this moment I have with him. Just for tonight.

  “I love you,” he said when he was about to hang up.

  “I—”

  “It’s okay. You don’t need to say it. I understand your conflicted emotions,” he sighed.

  “I love you too,” I whispered, hanging up.

  The funny thing was that I meant those three little words with all my heart. It was at that moment that I realized that pain would once again consume me. The only difference was I didn’t know how badly I would hurt this time around.

  Chapter 34

  His Choice

  Damon Winters

  “You’re so whipped!” Tye exclaimed, as his jaw dropped to the ground. Not literally.

  I rolled my eyes, parking my car. “No, I’m not,” I muttered.

  “Oh? You freaking woke me up an hour early just so we could buy flowers,” he scowled while narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms.

  I shrugged, innocently. “You could have just decided not to come with me. It was your choice,” I smirked. He really didn’t have a choice since I was his only ride to school.

  “Go to hell, Damon.”

  “Nah. I’m good on planet Earth,” I grinned, opening the car door.

  I touched the petals of the roses I had just bought. They were so beautiful, but they hurt to touch with the thorns. It reminded me of Amira. She was like thorns. She hid behind a barrier to hide her true emotions for the people she loved. Not many people have taken the time to take away the thorns that surround her. Like the stem of the rose, she was easy to break, but she could
still stand strong without a stem.

  I thought back to when she told me about her sister. The fact that Amira had to go through all that pain and helplessly watch her family suffer made my heart tug painfully. The thought of her crying killed me. She was indeed strong to go through all that and keep a smile on her face every single day, a blinding radiance and warmth that rippled through those around her.

  She made it her daily mission to make others smile even if she was down. I couldn’t help but admire her more for these qualities. She’s all mine, I thought and then frowned.

  Well, not necessarily mine.

  “I swear to God, Damon. If you are rethinking this whole stupid plan of yours, I’m going to shoot you without a doubt,” Tye threatened, pointing a finger towards me. “My sleep deprived brain is angry and irritated.”

  “Dude, relax. I’m no coward.”

  “This girl better must be worth missing an hour of my sleep,” he mumbled to himself.

  I shook my head, jogging next to him. She is definitely worth it.

  ***

  I waited by her locker for two minutes. My hands were getting clammy as I wondered the outcome of all this. What if she hated roses? What if she completely ignored all this? What if-

  Shut up.

  Now those were some wise words.

  “Damon?” a sweet voice asked.

  I turned towards Amira with the widest grin. “Hey, beautiful,” I winked.

  She rolled her eyes at me, yet there was a glimpse of smile that coated her lips. I chuckled and pulled out the roses from behind my back.

  She gasped. “Whoa. What’s the occasion?”

  “Just thought I’d make you feel some more love from me,” I smirked.

  She threw her head back and laughed. “I’m loved enough. You don’t have to get me anything, silly.”

  “But I want to,” I said gently.

  She quickly looked away from me with a smile gracing her luscious lips. That one action widened my grin, a hum of ease singing in my head like the tune of Amira Sarker and her lilting voice. My heart pounded against my chest, pride blooming form the effect I had on her, and it took every fiber of my being not to take her in my arms.