by S. Nahar
Damon abruptly stopped playing, and I slowly opened my eyes at the loss of sound. His eyes were red and glassy. The creases on his forehead made themselves known, lips trembling at the force of inner turmoil. Immediately, concern rippled through me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, worried.
“A lot of things are wrong, Amira,” he laughed, humorlessly as he looked down at the ground.
I moved closer to him until I was right next to his crouched figure. I nudged his shoulder with mine, even when guilt prickled at my heart. I wanted to comfort him one last time. “Come on, tell me.”
He sighed. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s just going to hurt me more when you leave,” he whispered.
“Damon, this is our last night together. Don’t let me leave with regrets.”
He looked so torn, lost, and broken. I’d never seen Damon so heartbroken. The ocean of guilt seemed to drown me under its harsh waves. Ever since he met me, his life fell at a faster speed than gravity, weighing him down with all of his family struggles and our tragedy of a romance. He’d been misleading himself for something that could never be.
“You’re going to leave,” he choked out, “and that makes me scared about how you’ll feel for me in four years.”
I stayed silent. Even I didn’t know what could change between us these next four years, only Allah knew that. Damon and I could be completely different from what we were now. We might not even be friends. The thought alone saddened me. Out of everything, this friendship was the least I could offer Damon. It was one of the most refreshing part of senior year.
He was someone who pushed himself through my mental walls, no matter how many obstacles stood in his way. He was someone who tried his best to make sure I was smiling every day, no matter what I did or how many times I told him to leave me alone, he was always there for me at the end of the day. For that I’d be immensely grateful to him for the rest of my life.
“You know, four years go by really fast,” I said quietly into the sunset.
The sun sprayed its vibrant colors across the skies. The birds imitated their own love songs and a gentle breeze danced between us. Orange and pink hues painted the canvas above, a distant car honking in the background away from our safe haven. We had each other in a world of mysteries, and although we’d go our separate ways, this was our last bittersweet moment.
It would be hard to leave him, but I had to. My dreams awaited me, a part I was meant to play, a world I would one day change with my own research. I couldn’t let love hold me back.
“I’m gonna really miss you,” he said as he brought his knees to his chest.
“I’m going to miss you too.”
“Man, who would have ever known that the Muslim girl who sat in front of me was going to mean the most?” he chuckled half-heartedly.
“Love finds us at the most unexpected places.”
“I’m glad I found this love. When you come back, you’re going to see a new me. I promise that,” he swore.
“What?” I asked, confused. New him? What does that mean?
I turned to look at him as he leaned back again the trunk of the tree. “I went to the mosque.”
My eyes widened. “Wait back up! You did what?”
He grinned. “I said I went to the mosque.”
“Why?”
“Remember when you told me I should look into religion?”
I nodded.
“Well that’s what I’m doing. Islam seems like such a widely talked about religion in the media, but it gets so much negative attention. I won’t lie, before I met you I wasn’t very fond about Muslims, but you weren’t like that. You weren’t what the media depicted you to be. At first your beauty did hit me hard, but it wasn’t looks that attracted me. It was this atmosphere around you. I can’t describe it, but it was like pulling me to you,” he said softly.
“I’m pretty sure you hated Muslims.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I did. But then I met you, and Tye, Thomas, Jacob, and even Sean. If I hadn’t met any of you, then I probably would still be stuck in my dark hole.”
“By the grace of Allah, you met us,” I smiled. “Not hating Muslims is a bonus to that.”
“I know. It really bothers me now because the Muslims at our school and you aren’t ISIS crazy followers. They’re not extremists. They’re normal,” he said, gazing at me with an apologetic look in his eyes. “It was wrong of me to judge you only because of Luqmaan. I never should have let the past control me like that, but I’m slowly getting over everything.”
“I’m glad you can finally find some peace.”
“Honestly, I’m thinking of converting.”
My mind swirled as I tried to comprehend what he said. If Damon converted, we could be together.
Didn’t you want a Muslim man who was religious and would lead you in salah (prayer)? Besides how would all the aunties react to a convert who didn’t know how to recite the Qur’an? And your parents? My inner voice chimed.
I could teach him those things. There was a possibility of it working out for us, right? I mentally shook my head. There was so much judgment that would come on me. I shouldn’t care, but a part of me does. Besides there are a lot of Muslim scholars that are converts, it wouldn’t be that bad.
“I know what you’re thinking, that I won’t be that amazing religious guy from the start, but give me a chance, Amira. Give us a chance. Maybe... uhm... Allah is showing you an opportunity,” he suggested.
I hesitated; could I give him a chance? All those dreams I had of us being together one day in the future could become a reality. It was all depending on whether or not I wanted to.
I stared into Damon’s mesmerizing green eyes. They were so sincere and gentle like the breeze that surrounded us. His lashes flickered; lips stretching into his breathtaking smile that made my knees go weak. His features were as perfect as his heart. I’d be a fool to let him go.
“Okay, but don’t convert for me. Convert when you fall in love with the religion.”
He winked at me. “I’m one step ahead of you.”
Chapter 46
I Love You, Mum
Amira Sarker
I glanced around in fear. There was something odd in the air and it was almost as if Allah was giving me a sign that something bad about to happen.
The hallway was dark. My footsteps echoed off the walls. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but my feet were dragging me somewhere. Where was I? I raised my hand to the wall. The wallpaper wrinkled under my touch. I had the urge to sneeze from the dusty air.
“Mum! Baba! Is anyone there?” I called out into the darkness.
Silence.
Suddenly, I saw a spark. At the end of the dark hall, there was a bright orange flame and I started to run towards it.
The bright flame flickered to the left due to the blowing winds. If there was a blowing wind, it meant that there was a window to escape from. I felt relief flood me as I came closer to the flame. As my running halted to a stop, the relief I previously felt before was gone.
The flame ignited into many more.
I backed up a little, horrified, until I felt a door behind me. I turned around, quickly. My wobbly fingers tried to turn the knob.
It was locked.
I glanced behind me. The flames started growing bigger and the temperature in the room seemed to have gone up a hundred degrees. I frantically tried pushing and hitting the door.
“Somebody, please! Help me!” I screamed, helplessly.
I could hear my heart pound against my chest. There had to be an escape. I looked around but there was nothing but flames that kept growing and growing, coming closer to my sweating skin. I tried breaking the door, pushing, pulling, and tugging at the knob.
It was no use. ‘This is the end,’ I thought as I slid down against the door. The fire was going to devour me. I would never see my family or Damon again and it felt like it was the last chapter of my
life. I felt tears slid down my face as I saw the fire crawl closer.
“Mommy, please help me,” I whimpered.
I just wanted my mother; to feel the warmth of her arms around me, her delicate hands run through my hair, to hear her soft voice tell me I was going to be okay and to hug her one last time before I die.
“Amira!” I heard a familiar voice shout.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and yelled, “Mommy! I’m right here, Mommy! Please help me! I’m scared!”
“I’m coming!” she yelled back.
Mum broke down the door and frantically searched for me. As soon as her eyes laid on me, she ran to me and pulled me into her arms.
“Alhamdulillah! You’re okay. My baby is okay. Oh Allah, thank You so much,” she whispered as she peppered kisses all over my face.
I sobbed as I held onto her, not believing that she was real.
“Come, we have to go now,” she said as she grasped my hand and started running.
I had no idea if we were going to survive this, but I knew that Allah had granted me my wish. I got to hold my mom one last time. With her tightly gripping my hand, I felt safe. Her comfort and gentleness engulfed me as we ran from the fire.
We stopped running after a while and found a window. Stars filled the sky and I heard people shouting down below. They were waiting for me and my mother. I looked back at her. She smiled sadly at me with wet streaks sliding down her cheeks.
I tilted my head. “Why are you crying? We’re going to be okay, Mum.”
She shook her head and kissed me on the forehead. Her lips lingered there for a bit as she bit her lip to hold in a sob.
“You’re going to be okay,” she breathed out.
My eyes widened as I realized what she meant. “No, no, no. We will. I’m not leaving you!” I yelled.
She picked me up and said, “I love you, my little girl,” then she dropped me out the window into the awaiting firefighters and safety sheets.
I fell down, screaming, as I watched my mother be taken away from me. No, this couldn’t be happening to me. It had to be a dream. I couldn’t lose her. No!
I jolted awake. A layer of sweat drenched my body. For a second, I even forgot how to breathe. I started to look around my room, terrified. Is the nightmare over? My eyes fixed on my bedroom door, and slowly my mind started to calm down as I familiarized my setting.
Dreams usually tell people that something in their minds refused to acknowledge. Did that mean my mother was dead or about to die?
I quickly scrambled out of bed and ran to my parents’ bedroom. My mother’s back was turned to me and her long curly black hair rested against the pillow peacefully. I couldn’t tell if she was breathing or not, so I hurried to her side. I put my ear close to her body and heard her soft breaths.
I sighed in relief. She’s alive.
I backed up against the wall of their bedroom. I felt myself lose strength in my knees and I slowly slid down the wall. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. The shock and horror of the dream collapsed on my mind. Haunting images from the nightmare overwhelmed me.
I leaned my head back against the cold wall. Tears slowly fell from my eyes. My vision blurred and I just couldn’t think straight anymore. My heart ached. The thought of losing my mother felt as if my entire body would shatter into pieces.
She was the woman who took care of me, loved me, taught me, raised me, and was there for me even when if it felt that the entire world was against me. She was the person that would love me no matter what. Nothing in the world was as strong as a mother and child’s bond. I couldn’t lose her, Allah.
I covered my mouth as I felt a sob shake through me. I couldn’t lose her. I was still a kid and I wasn’t ready to face the world on my own. Could that dream have really foreshadowed her death?
I heard shuffling from the bed. I froze. Don’t move, I thought.
“Amira?” she asked in a groggy voice.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, Mum?”
She sat up, stretching her arms over her head. She looked at me, confused. “Why are you sitting on the floor?” she asked with a yawn.
I couldn’t find the words to speak. All I could think was, she’s alive and breathing. She’s not taken from me.
I saw her lips move, but I couldn’t hear a thing. She’s alive. She’s not gone. She’s really alive.
I leapt up and ran over to her. I caught her by surprise as I wrapped my arms around her in an embrace.
“What’s wrong with you today? Wait... are you crying?” she pulled me away and looked at my tear streaked face.
Her eyes gleamed concern and I opened my mouth to say something, but all that came out was a sob. I sniffled once more and said, “I-I had a n-nightmare.”
“About?”
“Losing you,” I whispered.
Mum pulled me back in her arms and rested her chin on my head. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m okay,” she whispered calmly.
“W-what did it m-mean?” I cried into her chest.
“I think it’s about you leaving for college soon, but it’s just a thought.”
“I’m not going if it means I lose you,” I sniffled as I held her tighter.
She pulled away and held me by the shoulders. “Listen to me, you follow your dreams, okay? Don’t let a nightmare stop you. Maybe it was just Allah trying to show you how much I mean to you,” she said softly while stroking my hair.
I paused. Maybe Mum was right. Allah might be trying to tell me how important my mother is to me. That nightmare didn’t have to mean that I’d lose my mother. It could just be a little life lesson.
Mum wiped the tears from under my eyes. “Now, let’s go do something that’ll take your mind off that awful nightmare,” she smiled.
“How about packing?”
“So much work,” she sighed, sarcastically. “Let’s get it over with.”
I rolled my eyes at her, playfully. “Mum, you love housework,” I laughed.
“Shh, if you tell your father, he’ll tease me for it.”
“My lips are sealed,” I said, pretending to zip my lips.
As my mother and I packed, I realized just how important she was to me. I couldn’t bear to lose her. I glanced back at my mother, who was folding my clothes.
I love you, Mum, I thought. More than you will ever know.
Chapter 47
Bromance
Damon Winters
“Should we wake him up?” a voice asked that sounded like Jacob.
“Don’t. He’s probably still upset about his breakup with Kaylie.” I bet that was Thomas.
“Oh boo hoo. Breakups happen all the time. He’ll get over it, but our day of fun cannot wait.” Yep, that was definitely Tye.
“Guys, it’s not Kaylie. It’s someone else,” said Jacob.
“You mean, Amira?” Tye asked.
I wondered if they realized that I was awake.
“Duh. Who else, dumbass?” Thomas whispered as I heard a whack followed by a muffled “ow,” most likely from Tye.
It was time to make my presence known. “Shut up. I can hear you guys,” I grunted into my pillow. “Let me sleep, assholes.”
Ever since Amira left, I had this empty feeling in my chest. I started to miss talking to her, hanging out with her, and just absorbing her presence. Hell, I even missed the way she smiled at me. With all the shit that happened in life, Amira was the type of person to share every detail with from the most gruesome to the most erratic. Being separated from Amira felt as if my heart was torn in half, my soul being a diseased part of me.
There were some things that I had only told her, things I didn’t want to share with anyone else. She was there when I needed her, and now I had to live without her, the love of my life.
“Damon, wake up!” Tye yelled.
“No.”
“I don’t have all day for this bullshit,” Tye grumbled.
“Holy molly! Are you on your man period? Damn, get a
tampon or something,” I said, sitting up with a deep frown.
“How did you know?” Tye grinned, obviously joking.
Thomas, Jacob, and I all groaned at Tye. His grin had only widened at our displeasure at hearing him speak. I had promised the guys a day of video games at my mother’s house while she took my younger siblings out.
It was odd how all I wanted to do was think about Amira until I drove myself insane. Shaking my head, I tried to forget about her at least for today. I couldn’t keep wallowing in my own pity. I had to keep moving forwards in life, keep pushing against the currents and desperate thoughts to be with her at college.
She needed her space, and I needed mine. I had to figure out whether Islam was right for me.
“Tye, get lost,” Jacob glared.
“Well, damn you guys, are the stupid people I call friends. At least show some decency to me,” Tye said sarcastically.
I raised a brow. “Is decency even a concept among us?”
Thomas shrugged, bright blue eyes shining with jest. “Among us? Nah. We haven’t evolved to that level yet.”
Jacob threw his head back in a deep chuckle. “Right,” he smiled. “Our only form of sophistication is through teasing Tye.”
Tye rolled his eyes, throwing a pillow at Jacob. “Very funny,” he muttered before brightening up again. “Now, hurry up. I need to assert my dominance through gaming.”
Maybe this will keep my mind off her.
***
My friends and I, sat on my living room couch as we played some video games on my Xbox. The room had filled with laughter, a joyous sound ricocheting off the walls and into our ears, a new memory forming to keep the picture of friendship everlasting in my mind. A feeling of euphoria settled against my eyes, and I never wanted it to end.
Soon, these friends, these brothers that I had met would be gone just like Amira. They would climb the highest peaks, the highest mountains to chase their dreams, forcing themselves through every wall that trapped them. They would find happiness in a world where they could make a difference.