by S. Nahar
She rolled her eyes. “She’s only seven! Don’t feed her misconceptions. Not everyone is that bad,” she argued.
“How can you see the good in people who call you a terrorist every day? Open your eyes already. This world isn’t all cupcakes and butterflies. It’s cold and cruel. We’re already labeled as killers by society, yet you sit there and defend the people that have done you wrong?” Tanwir angrily exclaimed.
I felt fear creeping into my veins. Please, make them stop yelling, Allah. I cuddled closer to Aisha’s chest due to the fact that I was seated on her lap. I hated when they argued. Something bad always happened when people were angry. Suddenly, I felt her arms embrace me tightly in a comforting gesture.
“Stop it. You’re scaring her,” she warned him.
Tanwir’s gaze softened as he looked at my shaking figure. He sighed and ran his fingers through his dark messy hair.
“It’s not fair, Aisha. It’s just not fair. Why am I judged for another’s crime? Why am I told that I don’t belong here because I’m a Muslim? Why do they hate us?” Tanwir asked, brokenly.
I had never seen my brother act so confused. He usually had this confident demeanor and upbeat personality. It was like nothing anyone could say would ever bother him.
Aisha gestured for him to come closer. He silently obeyed and she embraced both Tanwir and I. “It’ll get better, I promise. Everyone is just shook up over 9/11. In a couple of years you’ll see the Muslim population skyrocket,” she said as she pulled away.
“Allah gives us hardships in life. Not being accepted by society is one of them. Remember that no matter what anyone tells you, you are not a terrorist. Society doesn’t determine who you are and who you can be. You are both individuals that are meant to do great things. Don’t ever forget that or lose hope, okay?”
I finally understood the harsh realities that I would eventually have to face. I was different. Not everyone would like me. People had fears of Muslims and the only thing I could do is show them that there was nothing they had to fear about me. I was just like a normal human being. That was what Aisha taught me. She taught me that I was more than what society made me out to be and for that I would forever be grateful.
***
I felt a shadow loom over me. It felt familiar and somewhat comforting. My eyes slowly fluttered open, blinking to adjust. I noticed bright emerald eyes filled with elation as I gazed back at them. Damon had his usual charming smile planted on his face. His light brown hair brushed over his forehead and he flipped it back. Longing buried itself within my chest as I realized one day that smile would be for someone else who wasn’t me.
“Hey, beautiful,” he smiled.
I shook my head with a ghost of a smile crawling onto my lips. “Hey, loser,” I smirked.
He feigned hurt. “My princess doesn’t appreciate my kind gestures. I’m wounded,” he said as he placed a hand over his chest.
“I thought I was your princess,” a childish voice chirped behind him.
We both turned to the intruder of the voice. It was a little girl with ginger hair in a high ponytail. She had the same colored eyes as Damon and freckles across her pale cheeks. Somehow, she looked extremely familiar. Where had I seen her before? Wait a minute.
“Emmy? Is that you?” I asked, hesitantly.
Confusion rang through her mind. Slowly, realization crossed her face and she jumped into my awaiting arms. Her arms tightly held onto my neck as I embraced her lovingly.
“I missed you, Amira!” she exclaimed, happily.
I laughed and pulled away. “You’ve grown up so much, Emmy. I remember when you were a baby.”
“What the fu-I mean heck?” Damon covered up his profanity with a cough. “How do you know each other? Emmy? What kind of a nickname is that?” he scoffed.
I rolled my eyes. “My mom used to babysit Jade when she was a baby. I called her Emerald because of her eyes and eventually shortened it to Emmy. It’s a great nickname,” I said smugly.
“I never knew that you were the girl Damon liked. To be fair, you’re way better than his other girl. She’s too awkward,” Jade whispered in my ear. I giggled. This girl is like a mini me, I swear.
“Jade, go look at the fishes for a bit. I need to talk to Amira,” Damon said sternly.
Jade gave him her adorable pout, which he seemed unaffected by, and stubbornly trotted away to the lake. Damon sighed as he sat next to me beside the tree. A silence fell upon us and I didn’t know if I should break it or not. All that could be heard were the birds chirping and Jade’s excited squeals as she chased squirrels.
“I broke up with Kaylie,” Damon said.
“What?” I asked, shocked. No way. He broke up with her?
He bitterly laughed. “Funny isn’t it? I hurt two people because I’m selfish. I couldn’t even keep the girl I love.”
“Damon—”
He held up a hand. “Let me finish.”
I nodded.
“I miss you, Amira. I miss you so fucking much that it drives me crazy. You’re beautiful, smart, gentle, sarcastic, funny, and so much more. I was a fool to let you go. You’re perfect for me. I just need more time. Can you give me that?”
I shook my head. “I can’t be with you unless you’re a Muslim. We can’t be together. I’m sorry,” I said.
“That’s why I said to give me more time.”
“You’re thinking of converting?” I asked, appalled.
He slowly nodded. “I don’t know yet, but I’m willing to learn about other religions and Islam. I’m willing to change,” he firmly stated.
I felt happiness bubble within me. Could Allah possibly giving me a chance at a future with Damon? My mind conjured up different images of Damon and I. I imagined a wedding day, our pointless arguments, kisses, and even children. I imagined the impossible dreams that I refused to acknowledge, even though they haunted me in my sleep. Our future in my eyes looked so bright, but the cruel reality hit me out cold with a rock.
“Damon, I’m going to another state for college. I’ll be living there with my brother for four years. I don’t think you want to wait that long.”
He stayed silent, visage blank like a white canvas just waiting for an expression to seep through. Disappointed, I looked down at my hands that limply sat on my lap. I knew it was too good to be true. The earlier hope I had was slowly withering away.
“Promise you’ll come back to me? You’re not going to leave me without a goodbye. Can you promise me that?” he asked, nervously, as if he was afraid I’d say no.
I sighed in relief. “I promise,” I smiled.
Maybe this really was the sun after a storm.
Chapter 44
A Nightly Surprise
Damon Winters
The chorus of students cheered as the principal announced the festivities for prom. Is senior year really almost over? It seemed like just yesterday that I was gaming with my friends and teasing Amira for her chastity, a quality I now admire. I smiled to myself. Things certainly have changed.
I gazed at Amira from across the hallway. There she was, the girl of my dreams. She threw her head back and laughed loudly at something Aria said. It was almost lunch time when our principal decided to call us seniors down to the auditorium. It was basically a way to start the prom hype, which I thought was lame.
“Sup’ man,” a voice called as he hit my shoulder.
I turned around and was met with Tye wearing a shark costume. I laughed uncontrollably, knowing no doubt that he had been pulled into promposals without his consent. Tye glared daggers at me.
“What t-the hell are y-you wearing?” I wheezed out.
“Shut the hell up, asshole. I’m being a good friend to Jacob,” he grumbled.
I tamed down my laughter. “For a promposal?” I asked.
“Yup, it’s so corny. Basically I’m the shark trying to eat her and he plays the hero. He even got a boat as a prop.”
“Damn, did he have a poster?”
“Of cour
se he did! It was the stupidest shit ever. Literally it said, ‘It would be jawsome if you would be my date to prom.’ I was so close to murdering him.” said Tye, huffing and puffing like the wolf from Three Little Pigs.
I stifled a laugh. I could not take Tye seriously with that shark costume on.
Tye rolled his eyes. “My masculinity is at risk,” he mumbled to himself.
Sean strolled around the corner, carrying a large instrument case on his back. He whistled to himself, casually walking the hall until he spotted me. His eyes brightened and he jogged over to us.
“Damon! I brought your guitar back,” Sean trailed off as he examined Tye’s attire. His face broke into a grin. “Nice outfit man. It looks sexy for sure. Bet all the ladies are drooling,” he playfully winked and nudged Tye.
Tye scowled, “Fuck you,” and walked away.
Sean wiped a fake tear from his eyes. “Why didn’t I take a picture of him?” he questioned himself.
“Because you’re an idiot.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. I shrugged with an innocent smile plastered on my lips. “Ya know, just because you have a dick doesn’t mean you have to act like one,” he said dryly.
“Get used to disappointment, kid.”
“Ouch, this is bullying.”
“How?”
“Because you’re not being nice to me,” he whined.
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, you big baby. Give me my guitar back,” I said with an outstretched hand.
“So bossy,” mumbled Sean and he passed my guitar to me.
I ignored his comment and gestured for him to follow me to the courtyard. Sunlight seeped through my lashes, a realm of green awaiting me. Once my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I was met with a group of my friends, laughing and eating around a table. Their white teeth shone against the rays of yellow and orange, eyes glittering with mischief.
As we walked closer to the bench, Thomas waved at Sean and I.
“Finally you guys are here,” he said.
“Yeah, sorry dude. We got sidetracked,” Sean said with a devilish glint in his eye.
“Yeah. We saw a shark,” I played along.
Thomas looked between us, confused.
“And his name was Tye,” Sean said.
Realization dawned on Thomas’s face. “Wait he dressed up as a shark?” asked Thomas.
“It was the funniest shit ever. I can’t wait to see it in the yearbook,” Sean grinned.
“Damn it! I wanted to see the fool humiliate himself. See the sacrifices I make for you, Damon. Be grateful,” he scoffed.
I chuckled. “I am. Now tell me if this song sounds good for her.”
The boys hushed as I softly strummed the guitar strings. I let the music flow through me and listened carefully to each beat. I wrote this song for the woman I loved, for the muse to my life: Amira. She deserved so much more than me.
She deserved to be treated like diamonds, and cherished for the rest of her life. She deserved better than me.
As I sang the lyrics I wrote for her I realized, that this girl was the reason why I came to school smiling. She was the reason why I even bothered to look into Islam. She was the girl who taught me how to become a better person. For that, I’d be forever grateful to her.
My past demons vanished in her presence, and the angels had blessed me instead with opened eyes and an optimistic look towards the future.
I stopped strumming, “What do you guys think?” I asked my friends.
Their jaws were dropped. I nervously scratched the back of my neck. Was it that bad?
“Holy shit, Damon! Where did you learn to play like that?” exclaimed Thomas, shocked.
“My dad taught me when I was a kid,” I said.
“Dude, Amira is gonna love this,” cheered Sean.
“I hope so,” I whispered to myself, looking down at the guitar.
***
Me: Meet me at the lake today at 6
I quickly sent a text to Amira. I sighed as I put my phone down. She was going to be gone. Gone, for four years, I couldn’t imagine it. Images of her figure retreating from my embrace stabbed my heart. Four years, echoed my thoughts. She would be gone for that long. She would be away from me. Could I survive?
Take the chance and learn about Islam.
Islam was something I never thought I’d actually take time to learn about it. To me, Islam was an unfair religion that valued men over women. It was a religion that was based on terrorism. Many people feared it, and feared people in the religion. It was like we viewed them as mass murderers instead of human beings.
I was so terribly wrong.
It wasn’t until I met Amira that I understood how misunderstood Muslims were. The stuff that was on the media, of Muslim terrorist groups brutally killing thousands, was not what Islam was. It was a cover up. They did not represent Muslims. They were not symbols of Islam. They were criminals, liars, and killers.
Muslims though... they weren’t anything like that. Amira wasn’t like that. She was one of the most admirable women I knew. Muslims are portrayed as evil for following a religion that supports terrorism when in reality it was never that.
Every Muslim I met at the mosque this last month or so were kind-hearted people. I was an Atheist, someone who didn’t believe in God, and they welcomed me with open arms. No one judged me or made me feel uncomfortable. They made me feel like I belonged.
Ever since I dropped Amira home that one day and heard the Muslim call to prayer, I visited the mosque the following day. I figured if anyone could help me learn, it would be the head of the mosque. The guy in charge of the mosque gladly let me borrow some books, and I had been reading them the past couple of weeks. Any questions I had the Imam (leader of a mosque) would answer it.
Beep.
I jerked towards my phone. It was Amira.
Amira: Sure I’ll see you there.
I packed my guitar in the case and sprinted out the door. Nerves bundled inside my stomach. The fear of her not liking the song I wrote for her scared me. I wanted to treat her right. I needed to show her how much she meant to me; how much I loved her.
***
As I parked the car, I saw her tempting figure walk through the trees, towards the lake. I quickly got out and called her. She spun around and smiled.
“Hey,” I said.
“Want to explain why you’re not at prom?” she questioned with a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.
I leaned close to her and whispered, “Because my girl wasn’t going,” and pulled back to look at her tinted cheeks. I felt pride blossom in my chest for having her react to me like that.
“Whatever,” she mumbled.
“Awe, are you blushing?”
She glared. “I don’t blush,” she said and crossed her arms, “I just felt hot.”
I snorted at her remark. “Well,” I said slowly, “you are a very beautiful woman. The sun was just reflecting that beauty of yours.” I placed a hand on her cheek, gently. “The sun in my universe,” I said softly.
She gazed up at me with ponderous eyes. There was a strong emotion her eyes held. It was buried deep within yet she blinked it away. It was like she didn’t want me to understand her. She gently pushed my hand away, ashamed of herself, but I snatched her hand.
“Amira,” I warned.
“Damon,” she sighed, tiredly, “You know we can’t.”
I let out a frustrated growl. “I’m trying, but I can’t do anything if you don’t let me in.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Yes you are.”
“Nope, I’m not.”
“Amira.”
“Damon.”
“For fuck’s sake, can I just show you the surprise now? We’ll discuss this later,” I said, defeated.
She grinned, “Could have just asked,” she shrugged, innocently.
I shook my head at her methods on getting under my skin. I led her to the lake, and pulled out my guitar. I wouldn’t screw up with her this
time. I strummed the guitar strings and felt her unwavering attention purely on me. Tonight was about her.
Chapter 45
Goodbye
Amira Sarker
I felt tears brim my eyes. Is he really singing a love song to me? His voice was silky and deep. It was almost comforting and somewhat soothing, his voice sensual as he sang the words. The way he was looking at me made it seem like I was the only girl in the world.
Damon’s fingers thrummed against the strings of the guitar in a gentle movement. Then we made eye contact, and I swear my heart stopped beating as I gazed into those beautiful green eyes. I could see every single emotion that rushed through his veins. Every single word he sang matched perfectly to what I was feeling- the feeling of contentment and love.
I slightly swayed my head side to side, following the rhythm of the song.
Damon grinned at me as he continued. It seemed as if no one else but us existed. It was just us. That term, ‘us,’ was something I forbid myself from ever believing in. I shouldn’t love Damon, but something about him lured me in more and more as if I was the human the siren hunted after.
He was perfect. From his flawless face to his incredible personality, it was almost surreal. I shook my head. I could wish all I wanted for him to be mine, but he’d never be mine.
I didn’t want to sacrifice my religion for something like love. No matter what happened in this life I would always choose my Lord, my Creator. That was the promise of a Muslim, to put Allah above all else. People left, people died, but Allah never abandoned His servants. Allah would always be there, and I would be a fool for choosing someone other than Him.
But how could I abandon the boy who serenaded me underneath the sunset like something straight out of a movie?
I closed my eyes.
Just once, Allah. Just this once, let me have this moment, let me be with him one last time before I leave.
I let go of all the stress and drama I felt and just focused on his lulling voice. Memories of senior year with Damon splashed waves across my mind. I thought about all the times we laughed, we argued, we cried, and even the time when we confessed our feelings. Am I really just about to just leave all that?