by Aja Cole
“If Italian, I need breadsticks. If pizza, extra pineapple, anchovy and pepperoni slices with pesto sauce.”
Jackson shudders, gagging audibly. “Italian it is.”
I can’t sleep.
I guess I’m just not tired enough, but every time I close my eyes, I just hear Chris’ words over and over. They’ve always joked about me being a brat sometimes, but I don’t know…I didn’t think he actually meant it. Not enough to think I won’t be a good mom.
I thought he had my back, and now…
Is that what the rest of my family truly thinks but are too polite to say?
Shifting again, I wedge a pillow between my thighs and try to get comfortable, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to be able to settle down right now.
Flipping the switch in the bathroom, I set my phone against a little shelf and press record.
Pushing my shirt under my breast and my sweats under my belly, I run my hands over it, turning fully to the side.
“Two months left, baby girl. Look how big you’ve gotten! I couldn’t hide this stomach now if I tried, but that’s okay. I like really seeing you and knowing you’re in here. You’re making it a little hard to sleep and peeing feels like a sport with how much I’m doing it, so I’ll be glad to have you in my arms and not on my organs.” I smile at the camera. “You might be wondering where I am right now since this isn’t our usual hangout spot. I’m in y—”
Knock knock.
“You can come in, I’m decent.”
Jackson pokes his head around the door before he pushes it open, eyes moving from my stomach to the camera. “Oh sorry, I’ll just wait till you’re done.”
“No, come here.”
He hesitates but moves into the camera frame anyway, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he seems…shy?
“Baby Smirf, meet your Daddy. Daddy, say hello to Baby Smirf.”
His lips twitch and he throws up a hand, “Baby Smirf for Smirnov?”
I grin, nodding. “I just came up with it, cute right?”
He places a hand on my belly, spreading his fingers. “Very clever mommy you got here, Baby Smirf.” She kicks right where his hand is and he laughs happily, “I think she agrees.”
“We’ll see you tomorrow, kid. Thanks for letting up on the morning sickness, I appreciate it.” I blow a kiss at the screen, and Jackson waves and presses the button to end the video.
It makes me feel a little better, especially after the worry I’ve been feeling since talking to Chris.
Maybe I don’t have all the answers, but all I can do is keep doing what I’m doing and worry about the rest when it gets here. All the parents I’ve talked to have shared the same sentiment…that I can only do my best.
I just hope it’s enough.
“Do you do those every day?”
“I’ve skipped some days accidentally, but pretty much. Sometimes, just a few seconds. I don’t know what it’ll be yet, maybe a home-style video to keep and watch.”
“Maybe I’ll start a few of my own and drop into some of yours. But aren’t you supposed to be taking a nap?”
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Think you might have a better chance cuddling?”
I melt a tiny bet, just a little.
“Wouldn’t hurt to try.” I say nonchalantly, moving out of the bathroom ahead of him after I grab my phone.
I climb into the middle of the bed, since I don’t know what side he sleeps on because last time I was in it, he slept in another room.
He moves around the room, closing the blinds and the curtains. I prop a few pillows up behind me, then watch him reach for the back of his tee shirt and pull it over his head. Naturally, when life gives you a bare-chested Jackson, you’ve got no choice but to appreciate him.
“Probably because you tried to sleep in all those clothes.” He shucks his pants to, leaving just his boxer briefs and I curl my fingers into my thigh because he’s just…no man should be so well-made.
“I’ve never had a problem napping in clothes before I got pregnant.” I watch him get closer, reminding myself to keep my hands to myself. Nothing more until we know where we stand because I don’t want to go down the hookup road again.
I’ve never truly been built for them, and I don’t think that’s changing now.
“I hate sleeping in clothes and that’s my kid, so I bet she’s the same.”
“I think you’re full of shit. You’re just tryna get my clothes off.”
“I don’t need to blame the baby to do that.” He beckons to me, “Come on, give me your sweats.”
I’d keep calling him out on his logic, but I suspect that he might have a point.
I shimmy the sweats off, passing them over. He tosses them in the hamper and gets into bed on my right side, flipping the covers over both of us. I turn a little to the side to face him, slightly higher than him on the pillows.
“You not gonna get hot in that long sleeve?”
“You won’t be happy until I’m naked.”
“You won’t be happy until you’ve got less fabric on you.”
“Take off clothes just to put covers on?”
“Covers are different, and you just kick one leg out if you’re hot.”
“Or…just don’t put covers on.”
He snorts, “No one sane sleeps without anything at all.”
“I do.”
He leans closer, tapping my nose as he lowers his voice. “I said no one sane.”
I turn to the other side, giving him my back. “We’re not friends anymore.”
I feel his hands slip under my shirt, and I think that he’s just coming in to cuddle, but then the the shirt is coming up and I’m raising my arms and it’s off my head before I can protest too much.
Then I feel his hot, solid chest against my back, and his arms come around to rest over my hips and belly. Mouth at my ear and chin on my shoulder, I feel his breath coast gently across my jaw. “Good, because I’m hoping to be a little more than friends.”
Sinking into him isn’t even a conscious decision, it just…happens.
“I meant what I said last night. I don’t want to add sex to this again without having our feelings straight. I don’t think I can keep a good distance if we do.”
He nuzzles his face closer, tightening his arms just enough for me to really feel held. “And why do you need to keep some distance?”
I put my arms over his, closing my eyes. “I still have to raise a kid with you. At least if I keep a little distance, it won’t hurt too much when this is over.”
“I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m still learning how to trust again, especially when it comes to relationships. And I still don’t understand why you felt like you couldn’t tell me, but I think that’ll just take time too. What I do know…is I like what I see. You’re gorgeous, sweet when you’re not stinging, smart, and we laugh together. Now we’re bringing a life into the world. I don’t know about you, but to me, all of that is reason enough to give this a real try.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat, “Why weren’t you this good with words last night?”
“I might’ve wanted you to sweat a little.”
“Well that’s rude.”
He laughs against my neck, pressing a kiss there. “Blocking me was rude.”
“It was only for a couple months. Don’t be a baby.” I say softly, linking my fingers through his.
I already feel drowsy, but I’m not going to admit that he was right just yet.
26
“Let’s be honest, this is the last thing any of us saw coming.” Karina bites a chunk off a breadstick, shaking her big, curly hair. “I mean, all of his girlfriends have been…” She makes a face, and the rest of us laugh. “Well, you know.”
“We’ve talked about this a thousand times, Nomi, so I’m just gonna say it.” Mina shrugs a slim shoulder, her long bob just brushing her collarbone. “He dates women that he’d never really settle down with because it’s easy a
nd they don’t challenge him much. Annoying as hell? Yes. But they don’t care enough to make any real waves.”
“I don’t know if I’d want to hear all of this if I were her,” Shayla chimes in, rolling her brown eyes. “Just tell them to shut up if you don’t wanna, Nomi. Someone has to.”
“Ooh, someone’s a little testy tonight.” Whitney pokes her.
The other woman sighs, “I’m sorry, it’s just been a long night already. I’m mad at Dylan for no real reason and I’m being rude. Forgive me.”
“It’s okay, honestly I want to know anything you guys will tell me.” Leaning forward, I pick up my plate of pasta, twirling up some noodles. “Jackson told me that one of his good friends slept with his ex-wife, which was just crazy to me. But it wasn’t any of your husbands, right?”
The three women's eyes slide towards Shayla, and I nearly choke out my pasta. “Oh, I’m sorry!”
She puts up a hand, “No, don’t worry. I know all about it and it’s a source of amusement now. If it helps in Dylan’s case any, he and everyone else was under the impression that they were separated.”
“And they were going through counseling and back together at the time, right? I think I remember him saying that.”
“Yep. She is a piece of work, but we wouldn’t have met if not for her machinations, so I make sure to send her a Christmas card every year.” Shayla’s eyes twinkle with her words, making us all laugh again.
“He told me his last girlfriend didn’t think he was wealthy enough for her.” I muse, remembering that detail.
“Our guys make pretty good money, and I know for a fact that Jackson’s parents are on the wealthier end, so you nor your baby will want for anything, I’m sure.” Karina offers.
“Oh, that’s the least of my worries. All I want is for her to know and love her Dad, because I couldn’t imagine not having mine.” I clarify. “So how did y’all meet your husbands?”
“Zeke and I grew up together, got together, became mortal enemies, then I had a bad car accident, had amnesia, and we got together again.” Mina says casually.
Karina adds her input next. “Lachlan and me were best friends because we were both in foster care, he had a kid, she left them, I moved to Atlanta with them, and with a few twists like a sister and grandma I didn’t know I had, we realized we wanted way more than just friendship.”
“So wholesome.” Whit singsongs, “Ben and I are much more boring. He wanted a tattoo, I’m a tattoo artist, and we kind of just never left each other alone.”
“Well I started as a one night stand and didn’t even really like the guy.” Shayla says, “But then this big thing happened and he needed a PR relationship, so we faked it and turns out, wasn’t so fake after all.”
“Wow, uhm…yeah, I just ended up pregnant. Doesn’t sound nearly as fun as you guys’ stories. And you know…not in love or anything.”
Karina makes a sound of disbelief. “Isn’t he friends with your brother? We’ve met Chris a few times.”
“And didn’t you kind of keep the pregnancy a secret? That’s an entire romance trope right there!” Shayla adds in, and the rest of the women make numerous sounds of agreement.
I shake my head, resting my hands on the top of my stomach. “It’d be nice if someone could tell me if this one ends on a happily ever after. I’ve spent years just hoping to find what my parents have. Thought I did, was so very wrong, and then I get knocked up with an IUD.”
“With an IUD?!” They chorus.
“Oh, did I forget that part of the story? If it helps any, it had migrated, so it wasn’t in the right place.”
“Lord.” Whitney breathes, fanning herself. “I’m sweating just thinking about it. Thankfully, I can’t get pregnant so no condoms for us. One perk of cervical cancer.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that.”
She waves a breezy hand in the air. “Oh, it’s fine. That’s why we adopted this little thing.” She holds her hands out as her husband Ben comes into the room with a tiny thing in his big hands. The man could give Thor a run for his money. I definitely wouldn’t want to deal with him on the ice or in a dark alley.
“She woke up and I fed her, seemed like she wanted you.”
Whitney takes the baby, settling her into her arms. Tipping her face up, she kisses Thor and he salutes the rest of us as he backs out of the room.
“Ladies.”
The other two little kids are still with the guys, but Lachlan’s son, Shayla’s daughter and Whitney’s other daughter are at friend’s houses.
“Uh…can I hold her? I haven’t been around many babies.” I say, watching little socked feet wiggle.
“Just say the word, we can take days dropping off the kids for you to practice.” Shayla tells me, taking the baby from Whitney and bringing her over to me. “Support her head, mhm, just like that. See? You’re a natural.”
I look down at her chubby pale cheeks and blue-grey eyes, wondering if she can tell how nervous I am that I’m going to hold her too tight or the wrong way. “You are such a doll. I’m gonna have one of you soon, maybe you can be friends.” I look up, “What’s her name?”
“Mallory. Have you thought about a name for yours?”
“No idea. I’ve hunted through the baby books, but I just…don’t know what to pick. Jackson has some ideas but we haven’t gotten around to talking about them yet.”
“Well y’all will have plenty of time when he’s home since you’ve moved in. It’ll get lonely sometimes, when they’re playing a lot or away, but you’ll have us.” Mina says, and the other women nod. It seems like they all have a really good friendship, and I wasn’t expecting that. Though, I know there are more players on the team so I guess people probably have the groups they’re comfortable with. A few more guys came without wives or girlfriends in tow, and I wonder who’ll be the next to be the subject of team gossip since it seems like the grapevine is thick.
The girls keep talking, but the little nugget in my arms keeps snagging my attention. She smiles and gurgles and stares at me with big, innocent eyes that underline just how vulnerable and pure she is. I’m still staring down at her, rocking her in my arms when her eyelids flutter and her little fists stop waving.
“She fell asleep again, is that okay?”
“Oh yeah, that’s all they do at this point. Eat, sleep, cry, poop, be cute for a little bit in between all that and make you think you want another one.” Karina answers.
I trace Mallory’s small cheek gently with the back of my knuckle, “I’m scared enough about the one I’m carrying, I think I might be one and done.”
Mina snorts, “Just wait, happy hormones are the literal devil.”
There’s a small commotion from the hallway and then the guys all come in, spreading out at various points in the big living room. “Sorry to interrupt y’all, but we need some female perspective.” One of the single players says, I think his name might be Janske?
Zeke and Lachlan both go stand behind their women on their end of the couch. Lachlan has a baby carrier on his chest, and Zeke is holding his baby girl Elise in his arms, with her leaning her head on his chest.
“Go ahead, Dominic. Tell them so they can roast you about how stupid it sounds.” Dylan prods, massaging Shayla’s shoulders. She drops her head back to look at him and he pops a kiss to her lips.
“Still mad at you.” She says quietly, and if I wasn’t sitting so close, I wouldn’t hear her.
“Still love you.” He kisses her again, and she reaches up one of her hands to cover his.
It’s cute and sweet and it makes my heart ache.
I want that.
Jackson comes to sit next to me, tossing an arm across the back of the couch.
“Look at you, already puttin’ babies to sleep.”
I laugh softly, looking at him. “I didn’t do anything. It was almost too easy.”
“Can I hold her?”
We exchange the baby carefully, and the sight of his big arms around that little ba
by is doing things to me that it shouldn’t be.
I’m already pregnant, so my ovaries need to calm the fuck down.
And my libido, too.
“Alright, let’s hear it.” Mina demands, and Zeke ruffles her hair with his free hand.
“Okay, so…I went out with this girl, right. After the date, she texted that she’d had a great time, right, but I know women don’t like it when you’re too eager and corny, so I waited to text her back. But now she’s not answering my texts, so…I didn’t do anything wrong, right?”
“How long did you wait to text her? A few hours?” Whitney asks.
Silence.
I can see the tip of the man’s ears redden, “A few days.”
“A few days,” I question, not believing my ears. “Oh boy, you might as well watch that ship sail away.”
“Right. I don’t hear from a man for days, and I’m gonna assume that he’s telling me he’s got better things to worry about.” Shayla adds.
“Dom, come on, you’re really gonna live up to your fuck-boy looks, huh?” Mina shakes her head, and everyone lets out varying degrees of ouch and amusement. He’s probably around my age or a year or so younger and looks the most like he walked right off a runway. Zeke has a pretty look about him, too, but he’s got a little more edge. They’re all damned attractive men in different ways.
“I wasn’t trying to be a fuck-boy!”
“Well, congratulations, it apparently comes effortlessly.” Karina giggles.
“So you’re saying there’s nothing I can do to get her to go out with me again?” The poor guy sounds genuinely disappointed.
Jackson decides to add his two cents. “Take it from a guy who tried for days to get the girl he liked to talk to him…you just gotta wait until she gives you an opening or reaches out to you.”
“Yeah…but hopefully you don’t run into her at her parents house and find out you’ve got a baby on the way.” I add, making a face.
“Maybe I really should sign up for one of those dating shows. I can never get past the first or second date, it’s like I’m cursed.”
“Cursed with bad dating habits, yeah.” Lachlan nods. “You don’t listen to us, bro. You won’t get women like ours if you don’t tighten up.”