Forbidden Bastard

by Felicia Lynn

  12

  - Matter-

  Lucas

  For months, I’ve been trying to figure that shit out, and until yesterday, I was sure it was always going to be one-sided. There’s nothing quite as humbling as having the only woman who’s ever meant something to me tracked for months, obviously without her knowledge. Even from a long distance, she’s still had a way of consuming my every thought. Her needs, her protection, her wellbeing—she’s been my first thought when I wake up and my last thought before I sleep.

  How can I possibly put words to those feelings without sounding like a damn creep?

  “Elianna, for one hundred and forty-two days, I’ve asked myself what’s happening here. I wish I knew, sunshine, but all I know is we’re definitely doing something because you’re all I can think about lately, and it’s so much more than any attraction. That’s for sure,” I tell her honestly, leaving out the tracking and snooping. All of a sudden, though, she’s wide awake and sitting up.

  “What are you talking about, Lucas? I’ve only been in Boston for three days. You may have known me my whole life, but you’ve barely acknowledged my existence for at least half of it. And a hundred and forty-two days ago was Matteo’s service. There’s no way you’ll be able to convince me or anyone else that I was irresistible to the elusive badass bachelor in the state I was in. So forgive me, but I’m going to need you to explain.” She waited, challenging me to explain. I stand from the floor and motion for her to move over so I can sit next to her. This is definitely going to be a mistake, but I can’t restrain myself any longer from being close to her.

  Thankfully, I changed into my sweats and tee shirt once I finally got her settled in bed last night. So after I slide into the bed, I reach out and pull her into my lap. Another mistake, but I give no fucks anymore. I want my girl right now.

  “So here’s the play by play and I’m going to tell you in advance I’m not a creep. Just keep that in mind as you listen,” I tell her, pausing to preface the information I’m about to disclose. She smiles and gives me a small nod, indicating she’s ready for me to get on with it.

  “One look into your beautiful blue eyes and I knew I was wrong about everything in life that I once thought mattered. The mafia princess has always lived up to her reputation and proved her rights to the Nicchi name. Elianna, you’ve always been wiser than your years and have had love, loyalty, and respect for your family ingrained in your soul, even through tragedy. You’re borderline genius, and I’d argue possibly too smart for your own good sometimes.” She scowls at me like she’s offended, but I know her well enough to know she’s not. I pull her hand to my lip and press my lips to her wrist while inconspicuously checking her heart rate. I want to know if this chat is affecting her. For now, it seems pretty steady and calm, but I lower her hand back to her lap and hold it gently, hoping she hasn’t caught on to what I’m doing yet.

  “You have confidence in yourself and know exactly who you are. You’ve never tried to be like anyone else just to fit in. You have thick skin and not much really bothers you. Elianna, even if I didn’t already know you were tough as hell, watching those tapes last night more than proved it. I’m going to go ahead and let you know we’re going to have a separate conversation about that, though. Okay?” There’s no way I want her thinking that was smart. She was able to get an advantage over Lorenzo Bertoni because he underestimated her. He won’t make that mistake again, and I’m not willing to accept the possible risks that entail.

  She rolls her eyes. “Stop sidetracking, Lucas. Stay on topic of how amazing I am. Continue, please sir.” A flash of humor crosses her face, and I can’t help but laugh.

  “You’re funny . . . when you want to be. The jury is still out on your ability to make friends because, let’s be real, who the hell wants a perfect friend?” That earns me a fist jab to the bicep. Impressive. I actually felt that.

  “You’re strong physically, which I consider more toughness, but your emotional strength is as solid as steel. No one should have to endure the things you have with your resilience, but that strength comes at an expense. You’re so guarded. I think the wall barricading you from the world must be twenty feet tall. It’s a rare and incredible thing to witness your beauty without that protection. Vulnerability shouldn’t perfect a person who already has the whole package, but it did you. Your heart was shattering right before my eyes, and it took one look into your eyes, sunshine, for my plans to change. I’ve never wanted anything more than to piece your heart back together and protect it forever. I decided right then; I’d do anything I could to protect you.”

  She hesitates, looking sad. “Lucas, please don’t say losing your brother somehow made me appear more attractive because nothing could be further from the truth. There have been far too many days that I’ve wondered if life without my best friend would ever be even subpar at best. I get why you and others think I have some indestructible emotional strength, but I think you guys forget that I had someone who willingly shared my burdens and struggles. Sure, I endured after my parents were killed. That was when Matteo promised to always be there for me, like family. Your brother noticed my uncle being inconvenienced by his new responsibility. Matteo made me feel wanted and accepted and did so in a world where I was feeling very alone. Being so young and naïve, I probably shouldn’t have invested so much into his promises, but year after year, he proved them over and over. When I told you nothing would ever be okay again, I meant it. I still mean it now. I’m really not sure how to accept life without him.” Elianna swallows hard, and I know she’s trying to hold back the tears. I can see why she’d think her strength lived in my brother, but her strength didn’t work like that. Maybe Matteo helped dig it out, but you either have it or you don’t, and she definitely does. I see it right now in front of me.

  “Principessa, losing my brother wrecked me too. There’s no question I’ll never be the same, but when I really wasn’t sure you would survive it, you did. That wasn’t because Matteo was beside you. Not one person in the world loved my brother the way you did, and he knew that. He would have done anything for you. Before that day at the service with you, I never understood your relationship with him, but I got it seeing you. I never believed you two weren’t actually an item. Hell, I used to tease him when we’d talk, and your name would undoubtedly come up every time. The two of you made each other better, and there’s something special to be said for that. But the characteristics that made Matteo himself and you, yourself live in you. Sometimes as people, we have special connections to bring out or highlight those traits. They don’t give them to us.” I move, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pull her the rest of way to my chest. She sighs, resting her head right over my heart.

  “Lucas, I miss him. A lot. I don’t really know what it is about being in your arms, but for the first time in a while, I feel like I can miss him and live. I think I just existed before.”

  “Whatever this is, Elianna, I can tell you I’m not letting it go. I really hope you feel the same. Otherwise, the kidnapping charges I may have to face could be stiff, if they ever catch up with us.” She giggles into my chest then quiets for a few seconds. When she lifts her head from my chest, she looks up at my waiting eyes.

  “Lucas,” she says my name timidly, making me happy to see a smile in her eyes.

  “Elianna,” I reply, the smile beautifully making its way to her lips.

  “I’m pretty sure you matter to me too. Thank you.”

  That’s all it takes for me to lose every ounce of self-control available and claim her lips by crushing them to mine. She returns the kiss with a passion that takes my breath away. Just when I think I can’t get any more invested, she finds a way to surprise me.

  With my cock growing right under her gorgeous little ass, I know I can’t stay in this position any longer without risking her getting spooked. After unfortunately learning in a non-pleasant way that the mafia princess is still untouched, I need to move slowly.

  I lift her in my arm
s, laying her flat on her back beside me. Looking surprised at my attempt to slow things down, her breath was quickened and her cheeks rosy. Her innocent doe eyes only make her look more irresistible. “Lucas, please don’t stop. I want this. I really need this with you.”

  How do you count a half second? That’s exactly how long I think about her request before I have her pinned beneath me. I doubt I’ll be encouraged to move from this bed anytime soon. As long as I have Elianna in my arms and her lips touching mine, nothing can compete as an alternate activity.

  La mia principessa

  13

  - Everything -

  Elianna

  I’m riveted to this spot, pinned not only by his arms bracing him above me but by the gentle touch of his lips brushing against mine and the compelling look in his eyes. In a fury, he flips us both to lie on our sides facing one another while still fully engaged in the slow drugging attack of our mouths. I can feel his uneven breathing and know mine is the same, but I have no desire to back out of his embrace. I need this, and I want more.

  Slipping my hand under his shirt, I feel the smoothness of his skin under his hard, rippling muscles when his stomach clenches at my touch.

  “Elianna, careful principessa. You don’t know what your touch is doing to me. You’re begging for something you may not be ready for,” he groans.

  Not willing to fight a battle with my own restraint anymore, I don’t heed his caution and proceed to explore. I can feel all my defenses weakening, no matter hard I’m trying to guard the parts of myself that will break. I’ve never wanted to give anyone this part of me, but I want more than anything for Lucas to have it. Though a big part of me is scared for what this could mean.

  Giving him an irreplaceable part of myself I can never take back requires me to trust him in ways I’ve never trusted another person, but I think I already do. This could be a huge mistake in a moment of weakness, and I’ll have to chalk it up to a case of poor judgment, but what if it’s not? What if this riot of emotions I’m feeling is because this thing happening between us is real. I feel like there’s more to this. If it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of life, would I be this affected by him? I feel more alive right now than ever. That must mean something.

  But can I take the leap of trust and allow myself to take the risk? My emotions are getting the best of me, and I refuse to be the girl who cries every time things get hard. I’ve been too strong for too long to start this now. So why are tears misting in the corners of my eyes?

  The bigger the risk, the better the reward, Matteo used to say all the time. I suppose it applies here too. Without ever asking, Lucas has taken countless risks for my benefit. In my heart, I already trust him. Now it’s time to accept and acknowledge these feelings for the man in front of me.

  “Lucas . . . will you touch me, please?” I ask, breathing softly before pressing my lips tightly to his. His eyes lock onto mine, studying me with caution.

  “Sunshine, if this is making your eyes wetter than your panties, we’re doing it wrong. I’m so sorry, principessa. I’m trying to keep you from more heartache, not cause it,” he says, suddenly sitting up. The flash of guilt in his eyes rips through me.

  “That’s not it, Lucas. Not at all.” My mind whirls as I try to get a handle on my doubts. It’s going to be over before it ever begins, and it’ll be my own fault. I’ve lost and had to give up too much in this life to sacrifice what’s happening with us here as well.

  “Elianna, I don’t know what’s causing the tears to build in your eyes, but I know nothing will ever be worth that for me. I’m deeply sorry I took things too far with you. This is my fault, and I knew better. I promise, principessa, this won’t happen again,” he vows, again showing me he’s willing to sacrifice himself for me, but in this case, he’s wrong. I’m really not sure what I’ve done to deserve him.

  “Bestia, I assure you, I want this. The thought of you stopping because you’ve misinterpreted my emotions makes me very sad. You haven’t taken things too far, but you haven’t taken them far enough either. I’m asking you for more. Can’t you see that? This is just so much at once. These feelings overwhelm me, but I feel safe, and most importantly, I trust you, Lucas. I trust you with parts of me I’ve never felt secure enough to share. I trust you to erase the doubts that make me want to run or just exist in a world when there’s so much more to life when I actually live it. I trust you completely, and now I’m asking for more, please.” His gaze travels across my face, stopping on my eyes. There’s a softness in them now that I haven’t seen before. He reaches out to gently caress my cheek with the tips of his fingers, and his lips slowly ease into a smile.

  “Elianna, you trust me?” he asks, his voice pulsating with surprise. The tenderness in his expression fills me with relief.

  I try to suppress the giggle, but it escapes despite my efforts. Smiling, I nod without any words. Kneeling beside me, he bends forward, forehead to forehead, and his eyes capture mine. My. God. This bad boy bestia is changing me.

  His lips hoover over mine without touching. “Principessa, I could start fires with the way hearing you say that makes me feel. Your trust in me is invaluable. Thank you, Elianna,” he says softly, his tone filled with awe and respect.

  “More, you say? Tell me, what do you want? Do you want my mouth and hands on your body, making you forget your name? Are you ready to feel the earth melt away from us because I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to touch the ground again?” he asks with so much passion in his eyes it makes my body ache from anticipation.

  “All of it, Lucas. I’m more than ready to fall,” I admit, meaning every word.

  “Sunshine, I’ll always be here to catch you if you were to fall,” he says with a mischievous little grin and sparkle in his eye.

  “I know, bestia. Now show me, please,” I beg insistently and Lucas smirks.

  Sitting up, Lucas looks me over seductively. I see his fingers tensing with restraint from caressing my body. I nod approvingly, and he finally reaches out to give us what we both want. Allowing his fingers to slip beneath the hem of my top, he ever so slowly strokes his fingers across my stomach. His eyes meet mine, and once again, I see the question there. Something about the way he’s able to look at me and see beyond the surface soothes me in ways I never thought possible.

  Lucas makes me want to believe in the impossible. I want more from him. I need more of him. I’ll give him everything.

  “Lucas,” I whisper, entirely caught up in the emotions behind his touch. As if his name on my lips fuels the already growing flames, he moves to grasp the hem of the tee shirt and pull it up. I arch my back to help in the progress.

  He tosses the shirt to the floor next to the bed. His eyes are hooded like those of a hawk to my bare chest, and his hands move to outline the circles of my breasts, gently massaging. The tips pebble and I unintentionally moan out loud.

  Lucas moves lower, his lips tracking across the entirety of my chest and abdomen, searing me with even more need. When he reaches the waistband of my pajama bottoms, he slips his fingers under the edge, pausing to find my eyes and lock on them before he proceeds. More than willing to help, I lift my hips, and he slides the bottoms down my legs. After tossing those aside too, his touch is tantalizingly painful, but I still wonder if he’s able to notice my vulnerability as I lie here in front of him completely naked and unguarded.

  “Elianna, you’re so beautiful.” Tracing his fingers up one side of my body from ankle to shoulder, he pauses the motion as he reaches my throat. He places a kiss on the tip of my nose, then each of my eyes, and finally, my lips, lingering and savoring the moment before completing the path of his fingers back down the other of my body to my ankle.

  “Lucas, I’m not sure how we can both feel the earth melt away if I’m the only one without clothing,” I suggest, hoping he takes the hint.

  “Oh sunshine, I don’t think I’ve had my feet on the ground since I climbed onto this bed and felt your body next to mine,” he a
dmits casually, still not moving to lose his clothes.

  “Bestia, get naked, or I’m getting dressed,” I threaten, boldly for someone in my position.

  His posture rises, and with a look that changes from surprise to devious amusement, he smirks. “Is that so, princess?” he asks.

  “Absolutely,” I retorted firmly . . . until his fingers trail up my thighs flirtatiously continuing straight to my center. His fingers delve between my slick folds, and I gasp.

  “Oh my God,” I cry.

  His thumb finds the hardened nub, tickling in a circular motion, while his long finger then slides through my folds and inside my body.

  Holy sweet heaven.

  “Do you still want me to stop, Elianna?” he asks.

  Even if I wanted to answer his stupid question, I couldn’t right now, but he doesn’t seem to be concerned with an answer because he continues, the movements of his magic fingers causing waves of pure and explosive pleasure. I might as well be spinning off somewhere in outer space because I have no concerns about anything happening outside the indulgence my body is experiencing.

  When his mouth connects with the point of my tortured desire as well, there was no way to disguise my body’s response. With my body writhing under Lucas’s incredible assault and the whimpers and moans escaping my lips the only sound I hear, he works my desire up to a sky splitting high. Shivers of pleasure consume my body as my heart is filled to the brim with completeness. Then, with one last stroke of his tongue hitting the perfect spot, I shatter into a million glowing stars.

  After several deep breaths, I sigh in pleasant exhaustion, finally noticing Lucas gently massaging me back to life.