Room for More

by Beth Ehemann

  Neither of us spoke for a minute. We just stood there, staring at each other with tears in our eyes.

  “I need you too, Kacie. I just don’t want the girls to hate me.”

  “Hate you?” That thought was ridiculous to me, but it was a real fear of his. “They think you’re Superman, Brody. There’s a lot they won’t understand now, but as they get older, they’ll get it.”

  “And what if that’s when they blame me?” he asked. “When they get older?”

  “Then together, we’ll sit them down and give them as much truth as they can handle.” I stepped closer to the bars and looked up at him. “The key word in that sentence is together. Now, let’s get you out of there and go home—together.”

  “Dude, if you don’t marry her today, I will,” a familiar voice called out.

  My head snapped to the left to see Viper and the same officer who’d brought me down there standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Sorry.” He shrugged. “You guys are taking forever and I’m fucking starving. I figure if you haven’t made up yet, I’ll drop you off at home and you can fuck it out while I go get pizza.”

  The cop took out his keys and started our way with Viper right behind him.

  “Holy shit! Viperrrrr!” one of the drunk guys in the other cell yelled out as Viper walked past them.

  “What up, dudes?” Viper waved, stopping to shake their hands through the cell bars.

  I stepped back, allowing the officer access to the lock. Brody was watching Viper and the guys with an impassive look on his face. The jingling of the keys in the lock pulled his attention away from them and he stared right at me.

  Through me.

  The cell door swung open, but Brody didn’t budge. He kept his eyes glued to mine but turned his head just a hint toward the officer. “He’s gonna be a minute, right?”

  The cop turned and looked at Viper who was high-fiving and chatting with the now wide-awake group. “Looks like it.”

  A smirk started at the corner of Brody’s mouth and rose to his eyes as he reached out and grabbed the collar of my hoodie. He pulled me into a bear hug and squeezed tight. “Then close the door and give us a minute too.”

  I buried my face in his shirt and let go of all the pent-up emotion from the last several days. I sobbed and sobbed, overwhelmingly relieved that he wasn’t walking away from me. From us.

  Suspensions fucking suck. There’s no other way to say it, they just do.

  The fight during the game earned me a game misconduct penalty, which forced me to sit out not only the game I was kicked out of, but the next game too. Rather than appeal the decision and go in front of the Commissioner, Collins and I decided it was still early enough in the season for me to just serve out the suspension, pay the fine, and move on. Well, move on from the league’s perspective, but I was far from done with trouble.

  Due to my little testosterone outburst in the bar, and my resulting arrest, the Wild suspended me two extra games. The only good thing to come from that arrest was Collins hauling my ass into his office for a long talk the next afternoon. I explained everything that had been going on, without making excuses for my performances.

  “Murphy, I plucked you right out of college because there was something special about you. You’re a hell of a hockey player, but it’s more than just that. You were a crazy, immature kid who has grown into a remarkable man right in front of me. I would like to think I had something to do with that, but we both know I can’t take the credit.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk, pulling his hands up to his mouth. “You’ve had some stuff going on in your personal life, I get that. Take these few days off and get your head screwed on straight.”

  I looked down at the ground and nodded, fidgeting uncomfortably in my chair like I was a kid in the principal’s office. “Have you heard any trade whispers in the front office?”

  My chest was tight with anticipation of his next sentence. I didn’t really want the answer, but I had to ask the question.

  “No. Nothing. And believe me, I’ve had my people listening.”

  I exhaled a deep breath and stood up to leave. Collins followed me to the door.

  “Hang in there, kid. This is just a small bump in the very long road of your career.” He patted my shoulder as I opened the door.

  “See you later, Coach.” I waved.

  “Wait. I have to know… the bar fight. Why did it start?”

  “Viper was in the bathroom and I was sitting there drinking my beer, not bothering anybody, but still pretty wound up from the fight and the game. Guy started telling everyone I was a goalie because I didn’t know how to throw a punch.” I shrugged. “He poked me in the back, so I proved him wrong. Then I proved him wrong again. Then again.”

  “Wait a minute.” Collins frowned in confusion. “Viper wasn’t arrested, but his knuckles are all banged up. How did he get involved?”

  I tried to hide my grin unsuccessfully. “He came out of the bathroom and I was fighting like four guys. I remember him yelling my name, asking who he should hit first. I didn’t answer, so he just started swinging.”

  Collins sighed and shook his head. “You two are like Dumb and Dumber on ice skates. Go. We’ll talk in a couple days.”

  I opened the door to my truck and looked across to the passenger seat as I climbed up.

  Kacie jumped as her eyes snapped open.

  “Sorry. Were you sleeping?”

  She pushed her arms out in front of her and stretched her neck side to side. “I must have dozed.”

  “I feel bad that you’re so tired today. It’s my fault.”

  “Eh.” She winked at me. “You’re worth it.”

  “So.” I sighed. “What’s the plan for today?”

  Please don’t say you’re going home. Please don’t say you’re going home.

  “Well, I should probably go home.” She craned her neck to look at the time on my dashboard. “Mom put the girls on the bus for me, but I need a shower desperately.”

  “I don’t know…” My eyes lazily traveled the length of her body and back up to her face. “You look pretty hot in your pink pajama pants with little yellow ducks on them.”

  She reached across and swatted my arm. “Shut up. I was in a rush to save my boyfriend from the clink. Anyway, about this going home thing, do you wanna come with me?”

  “I do. Really bad.”

  A lazy smile crawled across her lips. “I was hoping you’d say that. We’re gonna have to drive separately. My car is still here, remember?”

  “No problem. I’ll follow you.” I peeked at her out of the corner of my eye and squeezed her hand. “It’s usually a good view from back there.”

  She looked at me and raised a playful eyebrow. “Your back end isn’t so bad either, Murphy.”

  We drove to my house in silence, content with just holding hands and being together again.

  I pulled into my garage and parked in the space next to her Jeep. She didn’t make any immediate move for the handle, not that I was in a rush to get rid of her.

  “So, I was thinking…” She paused.

  Uh oh.

  “How about we go to my house, I get cleaned up and get Lucy and Piper settled in—”

  “Sounds good,” I interrupted.

  “And then,” she continued, pretending not to hear me, “I was thinking we drive out to your parents so you can talk to them.”

  “No.” I shook my head adamantly. “I’m not in the mood for that shit today.”

  “Brody, hear me out.” She put her hand on my forearm, rubbing it gently with her thumb. “They’re still your parents whether they’re together or not, and you love them just as much as you did last week before you found this out. I think you’ll feel better if you just talk to them, especially your mom. I can tell from what you told me about your phone conversation you’re mostly mad at her.”

  How does she always know this shit?

  I clamped my jaw together and stared straight ahead at the concrete wall in
front of my truck.

  “Knowing what I know about your mom, she’s losing her mind right now over you not talking to her. I’m actually surprised after your game last night that she wasn’t sitting in the hallway outside your condo this morning.” She giggled.

  I shot her a ‘not-funny’ glare and her smile disappeared.

  “Sorry. Too soon.” She covered her mouth, trying to muffle her laugh.

  “Fine. You’re…” I paused.

  “Right?”

  “No. Not right,” I said sarcastically, “but not completely wrong either.”

  “Good. I win.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek quickly before hopping out of the car and running to hers.

  We put the girls in bed that night and it was hard to walk away. I just wanted to hang out in their room with them and watch as they fell asleep.

  The closer we got to my parents’ house, the stronger my urge became to turn my truck around and go the other direction.

  I didn’t want to go there.

  I didn’t want to talk to them.

  I didn’t want to see them.

  “You nervous?” Kacie’s sweet voice pulled me back to reality.

  “No,” I answered flatly.

  “Well, you’re something. You’ve been sighing over and over out of your nose like a dragon for the last thirty miles.”

  I glanced her way quickly and lifted her hand to my lips, kissing the top of it. “I just don’t know what to say to them. I think they’re stupid.”

  She chuckled. “Don’t say that.”

  Ten minutes later, we were walking up the steps of my parents’ front porch.

  “Deep breath. I love you.” Kacie smiled at me as I knocked on the door.

  The door cracked open and my mom took an instinctive step back, clutching the collar of her robe. “Brody?” Her voice was shaky as she looked from me to Kacie and back again. “What are you doing here? Is everything all right?”

  “Not really, Mom.” I sighed.

  “Here. Come in,” she ordered, opening the door all the way.

  I walked past and turned around as she pulled Kacie in for a quick hug. “Hi, honey. How are you?”

  “I’m okay. Brody told me the news.” She rubbed my mom’s arm gently. “How are you?”

  Mom pulled her robe closed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Divorce sucks, but we’re dealing with it the best we can. I know this is new to you guys, but we’ve had a year to get used to the idea.”

  I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. Every time they mentioned that they’ve known about this separation for a year and didn’t bother telling us, it just pissed me off more. It wasn’t fair to me and it wasn’t fair to Shae.

  “Can we go sit?” I asked gruffly.

  Mom’s eyes widened and she swallowed hard. “Sure. Of course. Come on.”

  She walked past me to the family room and flipped the light on. Kacie grabbed my hand and tugged on it gently, trying to get my attention.

  “Relax,” she whispered, smiling at me.

  We walked into the family room and Kacie and I sat together on the couch while my mom disappeared into the kitchen.

  “Can we just go?” I begged Kacie. “This is dumb. I don’t want to talk to my parents about my feelings.”

  “You’ll feel better when this is over. Shhh.”

  I pulled my brows in and looked down at her. “Did you just shush me?”

  “Yes. I love you. Shhh,” she whispered again. I couldn’t help but smile at her. She was adorable.

  Mom came back in the room carrying four water bottles and set them on the coffee table. “I brought these, unless you’d rather I made coffee or tea?”

  “No, no. Don’t go to any trouble.” Kacie waved her off. “This is great. Thank you.”

  “I called your dad down. He’ll be here in a second.” Her neck was red and splotchy and her voice shook when she spoke. Normally, my mom was calm and cool and in charge of every situation. I felt bad that I was making her so nervous; I needed to find a way to relax the room.

  “So I got arrested last night,” I blurted out as my mom eased into her chair.

  Her mouth fell open as Kacie dropped her head in her hands and sighed.

  “You what?” my mom exclaimed.

  “What?” I shrugged. “It’s true. Figured you’d want to hear it from me before you read it in the paper.”

  “Read about what in the paper?” my dad asked as he walked into the room.

  Mom pursed her lips and looked from me to Dad as he sat down in the chair next to her. “Your son got arrested.”

  His head whipped over to me. “Again? For what now?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You say that like I’ve been arrested a million times.”

  “You want to know how many times I’ve been arrested in my life?” Dad pulled his glasses down his nose and looked over them at me, raising his eyebrows. “Zero. What was this one for?”

  “I got in a fight.”

  “We saw that. They can’t arrest you for fighting on the ice, though, can they?” asked my mom.

  “No. I got into another one after that one.”

  Mom sat up straight in her chair. “You got into two fights in one night?”

  I nodded.

  Maybe this wasn’t the best icebreaker.

  Mom reached out and grabbed a water bottle off the coffee table. “Well, what happened? Fill us in.”

  “I had a rough game and wasn’t in the mood to go home, so me and Viper went to the bar. We were drinking a couple beers and talking about the game. Everything was fine. He had to take a leak and as soon as he left, some prick started in on me about being a shitty goalie and how I was a goalie because I didn’t know how to fight.” I shrugged. “I ignored him for awhile and then… he poked me in the back with his pool cue.”

  “Uh oh,” my dad said under his breath.

  “Exactly!” I pointed at him. “Needless to say, that was all I needed. Next thing I know, I’m rolling around on the ground with a bunch of guys, and then I’m being handcuffed.”

  “What happens now?” Mom asked.

  “Nothing. They’ll plea it down. I’ll probably end up on probation, if it even goes that far.”

  My mom let out a heavy breath. “Oh, Brody. What brought all this on?”

  “My life has been a little stressful, Mom. I’ve been wound pretty tight.” I glared at her, sounding more sarcastic than I meant to.

  She recoiled like a scorned child, slumping her shoulders and looking down at her hands as she sat back in her chair.

  “Listen.” I sighed. “That’s why I came up here, or was forced here, or whatever.” I looked down at Kacie who nodded proudly at me. “Things with us haven’t been great the last week and I just wanted to get it all out I guess. I don’t know.”

  “I’m so sorry this is rattling you like it is.” My mom sniffled. “I wish there were something I could do to take this pain away for you. I just don’t know how to make it better.”

  “I’m just pissed, Mom. I don’t understand why you guys are giving up.”

  “Brody, here’s the thing… It’s not your relationship to understand,” she said softly. “Your father and I didn’t wake up and just decide this last week. We’ve been growing apart for awhile. We’re different people now. He still loves me and I still love him, just not it the same way.”

  “There’s really nothing that can be done? That’s just it?” I sounded desperate, looking back and forth between the two of them.

  “That’s it, Son,” my dad spoke up. “Your mom is right. We have nothing bad to say about each other and we’ll always be friends.”

  “You’re just starting this process, honey, this mourning process,” my mom followed.

  “Mourning?” I asked.

  “Yeah. You’re mourning the loss of what you thought things would be like, the life you thought you would have. You grew up with this idea of how your life would be when you were older, and I’m sure it didn’t include
having your parents separate.” Her wise words and soothing tone made me relax for the first time in a week. “This is going to take some getting used to, but eventually you’ll realize you’re not losing either of us. Just the idea of us.”

  She was right. I’d always figured one day I’d bring my kids to this house to have picnics and sleepovers with their grandparents, together. This was just going to take some getting used to.

  I felt defeated.

  Deflated.

  Exhausted.

  “But if you guys can’t make it work, how is there any hope for anyone else?” I resigned, waving my imaginary white flag.

  “Honey, just like I said the relationship between your dad and I isn’t for you to understand, your relationship with Kacie isn’t for me to understand. Hell, I shouldn’t even be offering advice, but I can tell you what I’ve learned along the way. If you guys want to be together, you’re going to have to roll up your sleeves and put in the work. Forever. People stand in front of an officiant and say ‘I do’ but that shouldn’t mean ‘I’m done’ when it comes to putting time and effort to grow their relationship.” She looked at my dad and a sad smile appeared on her lips. “I wish I could go back in time and take my own advice.”

  An hour later, Kacie and I were in the car on the way home and she was quiet. Really quiet.

  “What are you thinking?”

  She sighed. “Just kinda going over in my head what your mom was talking about.

  “What part?”

  “All of it, but mostly the part when she said that no two families are the same and they come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It really hit home for me.” Nervously, she looked down and started playing with her hands. “Especially the part when she said that sometimes what people want at twenty-five years old isn’t the same thing they want at fifty.”

  I looked back and forth from her to the road. “What are you trying to say?”

  She shook her head at me. “No. No. Nothing about us, nothing about us at all. I’m just thinking. Do you think that people can sometimes want something different at twenty-five than what they thought they wanted at twenty? Like Zach?”