To Be An Israeli: The Fourth Book in the All My Love, Detrick series

by Roberta Kagan

  One morning, as the sun was rising, Katja awakened to find Mendel’s side of the bed empty. She went to the nursery and saw him sitting with Ima in his arms in the rocking chair, singing softly and gently rocking. The moment was so tender that it touched her heart. She felt as if she might cry. Mendel was such a good father, such a good man. She thought of Isaac, her own father—the only real father she’d ever known. Mendel reminded her of Isaac in so many ways.

  Then she thought about the Nazi, the SS officer whose sperm had fertilized the egg that created her. She wondered who he was and wondered if any of him had been transferred by genetics into her child. Ima already seemed so difficult. The baby was quick to anger and demanding, too.

  As the months went by, Ima’s crying lessened. But Ima was still challenging—she had a temper. When she wanted something, she would not be denied. When Katja tried taking Ima to play groups with other mothers and their babies, Katja had seen other children who were not as hard to please. She’d never mentioned it to Zofia or Mendel, but she was secretly afraid that some of her birth father’s traits were coming through in her daughter.

  One afternoon, when Zofia insisted that Katja relax while she took Ima for a walk, Katja sat down at her kitchen table and wrote a letter to her birth mother. These were the first words she’d ever written to Helga.

  Dear Helga Hoffman,

  This is Katja. I am sure you remember that I visited you last year. I’ve given birth to a child. You have a granddaughter. I am sorry for all of your pain. Now that I am a mother myself, I can see how hard it must have been for you. I never thought I would say that. But I cannot imagine how I would feel if I knew that Ima would be taken away from me. Your decision to go to the home for the Lebensborn hurt me for a long time. But now I realize that if you had kept me, I would never have been raised by the wonderful parents who loved me so much. So in a way, I must thank you.

  Katja

  She’d written it and reread it. She thought of Ima and how much she loved her daughter. It must have been terrible for Helga, all those years, to wonder what had become of her child. When Katja had been in Germany and met her birth mother she’d had trouble understanding her. She was angry, so angry. She’d asked Helga how she could have signed herself into a place like the Lebensborn.

  But now, strangely, her anger was disappearing. Katja could see that her birth mother had been nothing more than a young girl in trouble who had been alone and afraid. It was true. She’d had an affair with an SS officer, of all people. That was something Katja felt sick about. But Helga was a German and must not have known any better. She’d told Katja that she didn’t know what the Nazis were doing to the Jews.

  To go on living, Katja had to believe her. Even more so, she had to forgive Helga and everyone else involved in her early life. Because if Helga had not given her up and instead had raised her with her birth father, Katja would have grown up as a Nazi. So in reality, her life had worked out for the best. Katja had been saved twice from her fate, once by Helga and the second time when Christa had given her to Zofia.

  Katja sighed. God had blessed her. She’d lived her life with loving parents in a wonderful country as a Jew. She held the letter in her hands. There was so much more to say and so much she could not say. But for now, she folded the paper and put it into her lingerie drawer underneath her nightgowns. Someday she would send it—someday, but not today.

  CHAPTER 15

  Ima grew quickly. No sooner than she was able to crawl, she began lifting herself up on the furniture, attempting to stand. Now she almost never cried. Instead, she was always moving and always curious. She kept Zofia, Mendel and Katja busy constantly. Ima was fearless and even if she fell or hurt herself, she got up without a sound and went on to continue exploring the world.

  Wherever Katja took her daughter, whether to the park or a shop, people would stop and admire Ima for her incredible beauty. People who saw her would say, “Just look at that head full of thick golden curls and those sea-green eyes.”

  By the time Ima was a little over a year old, she was a dynamic and relentless force of curious energy. Zofia and Katja took turns watching her while Mendel was busy at work.

  It was late December following a modest Hanukkah due to a lack of funds that Mendel was sitting in his office. He was working on a small traffic case when a perfectly groomed gentleman wearing a pressed, charcoal-gray, tailored suit entered. Although the man was not tall, he gave the appearance of a powerful presence. Mendel looked up from his paperwork.

  “How can I help you?”

  “Good Afternoon. My name is Harvey Greenspan. I’m looking for Mendel Zaltstein.”

  “I’m Mendel Zaltstein,” Mendel said, standing up to shake the man’s hand.

  “Mendel Zaltstein, I’ve heard plenty good things about you. I’ve heard you’re honest and not afraid to work hard. And now that I’m sitting here across from you, I am thinking that it all might be true.” Greenspan smiled and cocked his head to the side.

  “By trade, I am a chemist. Right now I am in the process of opening what I believe will be the largest pharmaceutical company in Israel. I need an attorney for my company, someone I can trust, someone to make sure that we stay within the laws. I would like to make you an offer. I’d like for you to be the attorney for my corporation.”

  Mendel leaned back in his chair and studied Harvey Greenspan. It was difficult not to be instantly caught up in the flattery. But this all seemed far too good to be true. This was a monumental offer to be the lawyer for such a big enterprise. Mendel wondered if he would be the only attorney. He drummed his fingers on his desk. Why him, why Mendel? Could Mendel trust this man? He bit his upper lip as his mind raced.

  “You look a bit perplexed. Let me explain. I need someone young and strong who isn’t afraid to work long hours. But more importantly, I need someone brilliant. I checked your university records. In fact, that is how I found you. First, I checked your score on the bar exam, very impressive. Then I checked your grades in law school and your IQ test. You have a very high IQ, genius in fact. I’ve also studied your personal life. You need the money. You have a young child, a wife, and a mother-in-law to support. You’re working two jobs, wasting your talent, I might add. So… I am going to offer you a nice salary. In exchange, I will be your only client. You will devote all of your time to my enterprise.”

  Mendel sucked in a deep breath.

  Greenspan continued. “But there is a small catch.” Harvey Greenspan focused his eyes directly at Mendel’s. “I don’t want your partner. I only want you. To take this job, you’re going to have to break your partnership.”

  “I can’t do that. My partner is not only my business partner; he is my friend.”

  “What is a friend? Huh? You answer me. Can he pay your bills? Can he take care of your wife and child?” Greenspan leaned forward in his chair, his eyes glaring at Mendel. “This is business. You need me, and I need you. Take the night and think it over. Here is my card. Call me in the morning and let me know what you decide.” Greenspan stood up. He straightened the jacket of his suit and composed himself then dropped his card on Mendel’s desk and walked out, closing the door softly.

  The silence of the room surrounded Mendel, sounding louder than the words that Greenspan had spoken. Mendel picked up the business card and turned it over several times in his fingers. His stomach was unsettled. He didn’t trust this man, not at all. But how could he turn an offer like this away? He was struggling just to pay the rent. More importantly, things were hard for Katja. They needed the money.

  Mendel thought of his partner. He had never betrayed anyone before. How could he do this now? How could he not? The law practice was barely paying its bills. In fact, there had not been enough money for him to take a salary for the last several weeks. They were barely surviving on the small salary he brought home from his second job. If he took this offer, it would make life so much easier on Katja. And there was no doubt that everything he did, he did for Katja.


  Mendel laid the business card on his desk and tried to continue to work on the case he had been working on before Mr. Greenspan arrived, but he could not concentrate. He had never betrayed anyone in his life, and yet he needed the money so badly. Something was not right. This man was coming to him for a reason and probably not a good one, but if he turned the offer down, then what? Mendel would have to continue to live the way he’d been living. Every month he scrambled to pay the bills, and each month he was delving deeper into his small and dwindling savings, falling further behind.

  Katja wanted to go back to work, but he wanted her to be at home to raise their daughter. Even though Mendel trusted Zofia, he wanted Ima to grow up with her mother beside her. It was a dilemma. But when it came to Katja, there was no choice. He would do what was best for the woman he loved, no matter what the price.

  ***

  Ima breathed life back into Zofia. Since she’d lost Isaac, it seemed as if she’d been waiting to follow him. That was until Ima was born. Ima gave her a reason to get out of bed, and Zofia doted on her grandchild. In response, Ima adored her grandmother and almost seemed to prefer her to Katja. When the baby wanted anything, she reached her small chubby arms up to Zofia, who gladly swept her up into a warm embrace. Although Zofia missed Isaac every day, at least she could relax knowing that Katja had a good husband and a wonderful daughter.

  ***

  Except for the lack of financial security, Katja had everything she could want. Of course, she still missed her father and often whispered to him quietly at night when she sat awake with a cup of tea while the rest of the family slept. He’d been such a strong man and so wise. And now when Katja had so many questions about raising her child, she wished that she could consult him.

  Quietly, in the stillness of the night, she would speak to him, “Papa, I wish you could see your grandchild. She is your namesake. We named her Ima for you. She is beautiful. I know you would have loved her. Wherever you are, I know you do love her. She is growing so quickly and sometimes I worry that I won’t have the right answers for her when she is older and needs my guidance. I wish you were here beside me. Mama misses you desperately. I can see it in her eyes. Oh, Papa, why did you have to go so soon, so young?” She would sigh, wishing he could tell her—if anyone could tell her the reason why.

  CHAPTER 16

  Mendel began working for H.G. Pharmaceuticals. His friend and business partner, Chaim, resented his leaving, and Mendel felt guilty, but he knew what he must do to take care of his family. He was the exclusive attorney to the company and quickly found that Greenspan was always searching for loopholes in the law so he could release his innovative drugs to the public.

  The scientists had been working diligently to produce a revolutionary weight loss drug, something that would hit the market and be an instant success. Most of the time Mendel did what he could to aid Greenspan. However, this weight loss drug posed a lot of risks to potential users. There were serious side effects. The scientists were working to eliminate as many of the problems as possible, but Greenspan wanted to begin selling the drug quickly.

  Mendel saw that a drug like this could quite possibly create a financial windfall, and he knew Greenspan would not rest until this master moneymaker was out on the market. Even though the pills were still in the experimental stage and had not even been approved, Greenspan was already working on promoting and creating interest amongst physicians. Greenspan came into Mendel’s office early one morning.

  “You must find a way to get this medication approved, no matter how we have to do it. Do you understand me, Mendel?” Greenspan asked. Mendel nodded.

  “This is a game changer. This will make us all very rich.”

  “I think we should make sure it is safe first. There could be a lot of deaths involved if we don’t,” Mendel said, clearing his throat and tapping his pencil on the desk.

  “We have perfected it as much as possible. We can continue working on it after it’s been released.”

  “I don’t know, Mr. Greenspan. You are taking people’s lives in your hands.”

  “I didn’t hire you for advice.” Greenspan glared at Mendel. “I hired you to find legal ways to push things through—at a hell of a good salary I might add.”

  “My conscience is telling me we should do more work on this pill before we begin selling it. We haven’t ironed out the side effects.”

  “For God’s sake, Zaltstein, I said do it. I didn’t ask what you think. If you don’t want this job, just say so. I‘ll get another lawyer. You sons of bitches are a dime a dozen.”

  Mendel felt anger stir inside of him. Then he thought of Katja and the baby. Since he’d begun working for Greenspan, there had been plenty of money. They had even purchased an oven. He remembered how excited Katja was when it was installed. He longed to give her everything—to buy her a home, a beautiful home, with quality furnishings. He ached to buy her fine clothes and jewelry. His love for her grew with each passing day. Mendel looked at Harvey Greenspan. What a greedy bastard, he thought, but he said, “I’ll work on it. Give me a week or so.”

  “Good, I knew you would see my perspective.” Greenspan smiled then got up and left Mendel’s office.

  For a long time, Mendel sat staring out the window and tapping his pencil on the wooden desk. Then he began to scan his law books to find a way to give Greenspan the greasy little loophole that he wanted.

  That night Mendel sat at home in the overstuffed chair that he and Katja had purchased from a thrift store. He watched Ima playing on the floor with Zofia as Katja prepared dinner. Guilt infested his heart and soul. There was no doubt he could find a loophole. But what about all the people whose lives would be affected by his decision to overlook the dangers they would face? He knew it was unethical to do this to others so he could give his own family a better life. On the floor in front of him, Ima giggled as Zofia covered her own face with a washcloth and then peeked out the side. “I see you…” Zofia said.

  My God, what am I to do? Mendel felt like his intestines were in knots. Before Greenspan, I was sinking. Every month was another challenge just to put food on the table. I don’t want Katja going out to work. That’s my job. I am supposed to provide for her. She needs to be at home raising Ima, and I would like to be able to afford to have a second child so that Ima wouldn’t grow up alone, the way Katja and I did. He sighed. This was a dilemma. His morals told him to leave Greenspan and start out on his own again, but the needs of his family pressed at him until he felt the bile rise in his throat, causing terrible heartburn.

  Zofia looked up for a moment. Mendel forced a smile. Zofia returned the smile, but Mendel could see in her eyes that she suspected that he was troubled.

  Katja was far too busy during dinner to notice Mendel’s mood. She was so distracted by all of the tasks she had to do: cooking, cleaning, and caring for a baby. Zofia was a help, but even between the two of them, there was a lot to be done.

  That night, like every other night since Ima’s birth, Katja fell into bed exhausted. How could he even consider asking her to get a job? She would be willing to do whatever needed to be done—he knew that, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t ask that of her. Their lovemaking had also slowed down since Ima’s birth. It seemed that as soon as Ima fell asleep all Katja wanted to do was take a hot bath and go to sleep as well.

  Mendel was worried. He felt that everything he’d built so carefully with the woman he adored was drifting away like steam dissipating into the air from a boiling pot. Before the child, it seemed to him that he’d finally won the love he’d longed for his entire life, and now it felt as if he was losing her.

  If he could afford a housekeeper, it would make things easier on Katja. She would be less exhausted, more like her old self, he thought with delight about how happy and excited she would be if he could buy her all the things she’d ever wanted. The tiny chip of a diamond engagement ring he’d given her was all he could afford at the time. Money, lots of money, would change their lives.

 
; Mendel got out of bed quietly so as not to wake Katja and made himself a cup of tea then pulled out some of his law books. He would do what he had to do. He would make them rich, and he’d work through the night until he found the answers he needed. He’d ignore his principals. He’d do whatever must be done so he could hold on to his marriage.

  CHAPTER 17

  “I see you have what I need.” Greenspan came into Mendel’s office a week later. “I found these papers on my desk this morning. I’m proud of you, Zaltstein.” Harvey Greenspan laid the papers that Mendel had given him on the desk in front of Mendel. “Good work. And good work is well-rewarded around here. When you get your pay envelope on Friday, I think you’ll be very pleased with the substantial raise I’ve given you.”

  Mendel nodded. “Thank you, sir,” he said, but he felt his stomach tighten.

  “Hanukkah is coming. Go out and buy your wife a nice gift.” Greenspan smiled. “You won’t need to worry about earning a living anymore. I can see that I was right about you. You’re brilliant, just like I thought.” Greenspan winked.

  Mendel smiled a half smile, and then Greenspan left his office.

  ***

  Neither Katja, Zofia, nor Mendel had ever had a Hanukkah like the one at the Zaltstein home that year. It was hard to believe that only one year ago, a little after Hanukkah, he’d met Greenspan and Mendel’s life had changed forever. Every night for eight days Mendel dazzled his wife, his child, and his mother-in-law with expensive gifts. He bought Katja a new wedding ring with a four-carat diamond. When she saw it, she screamed with delight. “Mendel, are you sure we can afford this?”

  “I’m more than sure, Kat. My new job is working out beautifully.” That night they made love, she lay in his arms telling him how much she admired him. He was exalted. All of his dreams were realized.

  He gave Zofia expensive silk pajamas and a matching robe. For Ima, he brought dozens of dolls and toys which delighted her. They ate meat and potato latkes every night.