To Be An Israeli: The Fourth Book in the All My Love, Detrick series

by Roberta Kagan

She didn’t answer. He knew she was shocked. He liked that she was shocked. He stood staring at her for a few minutes. Then logic took over. He must not allow himself to lose control. He must stop himself before he let his animal instinct command his behavior before he started to hit her and hit her and pound her into the ground until she would never get up again.

  Elan took a deep breath. He clenched and unclenched his fists. If he killed her, then what? Elan turned and left the house He walked for several hours, just wandering the streets. Then he checked into a cheap hotel, spending money he could hardly afford to waste, and without taking off his clothes or shoes, he lay down on the bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  The next day, Elan awoke with a terrible headache. His mouth was dry, and he was very late for work. He’d been so angry the night before that he had not even thought about bringing fresh clothes or a toothbrush. He took a shower and dressed in the same clothes he’d been wearing the night before, rinsed his mouth out with water and left to go to work.

  The market was full when he arrived. The noise and the people accelerated his nauseous headache. He wished he could just go home and sleep it off, but that was impossible. Home was worse than work, especially since he’d been out all night. First, he’d take the tarps off his produce and declare himself open for business. Then, he’d buy some aspirin and get some water. That should help, at least, a little.

  As soon as he approached his produce stand, he saw Janice there waiting. She looked so small that he was suddenly sorry for what he’d done. Please don’t start a fight with me, he thought, I’m not feeling well, and my patience is limited.

  “Hi…” Janice said as he walked behind the stand. Her voice was soft, apologetic.

  “Hi…” Elan said.

  They were both quiet for a few minutes.

  “Listen. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put my hands on you that way,” he said, clearing his throat.

  She nodded. Again, there was silence.

  “Do you remember? This is where we met, right here. I was standing right where I’m standing now, and you were right there… Do you remember, Elan?” she said. There were tears in her eyes.

  He nodded. “Yes.”

  “Elan…I want to try to make our marriage work. I have to try because I know we have something special.”

  He nodded again. His stomach turned a little. He felt sorry for her. What could he do? He couldn’t just walk away. They were married. Somehow he had to try to make the best of this. Perhaps there were ways that he could try harder. He would talk to his mother and tell her that if she didn’t make an effort to treat his wife better, he and Janice would move out of her house.

  Until now he’d resisted Janice’s offers to ask her father for money so that the couple could buy a home. However, if his mother continued to instigate problems, he would accept Janice’s offer to ask for help. Elan had never wanted help from anyone. He’d always felt that it was his responsibility to support his family on his own, and it had been a struggle. But so far, he’d been able to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. He’d done what he knew his father would have asked of him. He’d taken care of his mother.

  But he was done bowing to either his mother or his wife. He would treat them with kindness. But from this day forward, he would be the man in his house. Elan was going to take control of his life again. In fact, he’d hardly recognized himself last night. Elan had almost beaten his wife. How could he have behaved that way? It had dawned on him in this very instant that because he had spent all of his time trying to appease both of the women in his life, he’d become someone he could not respect.

  Today Elan would begin to make the rules. There would be no more arguing, no more vying for his attention. He would demand that they listen to him from now on, and that way, he would keep himself and his life under control.

  “Would you like to come and help me here at the market a few days a week?” Elan asked his wife. “I could use your help.”

  Her face lit up. “You mean it?”

  “Yes, I mean it. I think it might be good for you to get out of the house, away from my mother.”

  “I’ve had nothing to do all day but sit at home with your mother. I think this would be wonderful for our marriage.”

  “Then come here to the market. From now on you will go to work with me every morning. Together we will work and then surely we will make a success of our lives.” He touched her chin and lifted her face so that he could look into her eyes that were glassy with tears.

  “I love you, Elan. I want this to work.”

  He felt such terrible guilt. Elan wanted to love her. He wanted to feel all the things a husband should feel for his wife. Just looking into her eyes made him sick with pity. She deserved better.

  He nodded. “I know. I know.”

  CHAPTER 25

  And so a year passed, and Janice proved to be a great help to Elan at the market. She had a good head for business, and as the days swept by, he found his feelings for her grew warmer. If not love, at least, he felt caring. The day following the night of that terrible fight, he’d come home and talked to his mother. Elan threatened to move out and leave her if she didn’t stop trying to sabotage his marriage.

  When confronted by a strong Elan, his mother backed down. She could see that he was serious. She didn’t want to lose him, and she didn’t want to be alone. Then as time passed and she saw Elan and his wife growing closer, she began to realize that it was in her best interest to treat Janice with less hostility. Elan’s mother was a smart woman. She knew when she’d lost anddidn’t want to be left to fend for herself.

  One night, as Elan and Janice lay in bed, Janice turned to look at him, “I have a special surprise for you.”

  “Oh?” He put his arm around her. She was a good friend and a good wife. Elan should be satisfied with that. Some men had marriages that were much worse, he thought.

  “I got tickets for the two of us to go and see Menachem Zilberman in Tel Aviv.” She smiled at him.

  “How did you arrange that?” he asked, propping himself up on one elbow.

  “Last week, my father sent me some money for my birthday, so I bought the tickets. Zilberman is coming next month. I got us a hotel room. Why don’t we take off for a couple of days? We can make a little getaway of it,” she said, smiling at him.

  He felt bad that he’d forgotten her birthday the previous week. He made a mental note to bring her flowers tomorrow.

  “I hate to leave the business…” he said.

  “Elan!” she said, disappointed.

  He laughed. “Of course, we’ll take off. You silly girl, I wouldn’t miss this little getaway for anything.”

  She laughed and reached up to kiss him. He turned her over and began kissing her neck.

  “I love you so much,” she whispered.

  CHAPTER 26

  The Waiting Period

  President Nasser of Egypt ordered the UN Emergency Force to withdraw from the buffer zone between Egypt and Israel that had existed since 1956. Without consulting the UN Council, UN Secretary-General U Thant complied. The next day, May 17th, 1967; The Voice of the Arabs Radio boldly proclaimed, “As of today, there no longer exists an international emergency force to protect Israel. We shall exercise patience no more. We shall not complain any more to the UN about Israel. The sole method we shall apply against Israel is a total war which will result in the extermination of Zionist existence.”

  Five days later, on May 22nd, Egypt closed The Straits of Tiran to all Israeli shipping and all ships bound for Eilat. This effectively cut off all shipping from Asia and Israel’s oil supply. The United States had its own troubles in Vietnam. After failing to negotiate peace talks, The United States advised that it would remain neutral and France joined them in a weapons embargo against the region. The Arab nations had no such issue. The Soviet Union supplied them with an abundance of weapons.

  President Nasser of Egypt challenged Israel to fight almost daily. “Our
basic objective will be the destruction of Israel. The Arab people want to fight,” he said on May 27th. The following day, he added: “We will not accept any coexistence with Israel. Today the issue is not the establishment of peace between the Arab states and Israel. The war with Israel is in effect since 1948.” The political cartoons that Nasser had the Arab newspapers publish were very similar to the ones the Nazis ran in Germany prior to the Holocaust. Death was looming its ugly head again like a serpent toward the Jews.

  On May 30, 1967; after signing an alliance treaty with King Hussein of Jordon, President Nasser of Egypt declared, “The armies of Egypt, Jordan, Syria and Lebanon are poised on the borders of Israel to face the challenge, while standing behind us are the armies of Iraq, Algeria, Kuwait, Sudan and the whole Arab nation. This act will astound the world. Today they will know that the Arabs are arranged for battle, the critical hour has arrived. We have reached the stage of serious action and not declarations.”

  CHAPTER 27

  On the way to the comedy show, Janice turned to Elan. “Honey, please pull over. I’m sick to my stomach.”

  He looked at her, his eyes filled with concern. Then he swerved the car to the side of the road. She got out and vomited.

  “You’re sick. Let’s go back to the hotel,” he said.

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “Janice. You just threw up. You’re sick. I insist that we go back to the hotel.”

  “No, we’ve been looking forward to this evening for almost a month. I want to go.”

  “I don’t care how long we’ve been looking forward to it. You’re sick, and you should be in bed. Now let’s go back to the room so that you can lie down,” he said.

  “I feel better.”

  “I’m a little worried. Maybe it is food poisoning from the restaurant where we had dinner.”

  “Elan.”

  “Yes?”

  “It’s not food poisoning,” she said with a little smile.

  He cocked his head and looked at her.

  “I was going to wait to tell you. I wanted to surprise you after the show tonight. But I guess I’ll tell you now.” She smiled at him and rubbed her belly. “I’m not sick… I’m pregnant.”

  “Janice!” he exclaimed, smiling. “Oh my God! I am going to be a father!” He reached across the seat and took her into his arms. “How long have you known?”

  “Only a few weeks—I wanted to wait until tonight, to tell you.”

  “Oh, Janice!”

  “You’re happy?”

  “Elated, I’m on top of the world.” He laughed and kissed her. “This is a marvelous blessing.”

  She laughed. “I am happy, too. We’ll have to think of names.”

  “I’d like to give my father a name. I thought Aryeh would have named their daughter for him, but, before my father had passed away, Aryeh had already promised Brenda to name the child for her mother who died a year earlier. And well, anyway, he did. So I would be eternally grateful to you if you would agree to name the baby for my father. His name was Gidon.”

  “Then if it’s a boy the baby’s name will be Gidon.”

  “You would do that for me?” Elan asked.

  “Yes, of course. I love you,” she said.

  Elan smiled at her. She was a good wife. “And if it’s a girl?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, we’ll have to figure it out,” she said. “What is the female form of Gidon?”

  “It doesn’t need to be the same name, only the first letter.”

  “So her name will begin with a G?”

  “Yes. I’m surprised. You don’t have this Jewish tradition in America?”

  “We do, I just never paid much attention to it. I wasn’t having a baby, so I didn’t care. Do you like the name Gabby?”

  “Gabby, short for Gabrielle?” Elan nodded, raising his eyebrows in thought and then rubbed his chin. “Yes, I like it very much,” he said.

  She reached over and squeezed his hand. “We’ll figure it out together.”

  “Well, since it’s June, the baby should come in February.”

  “Yes, the doctor gave me a due date of February 15th.”

  “February 15th,” he said and smiled. He was going to be a father. He was going to fulfill his purpose in Israel. Since he was a child, he’d been told that every Jew must have children to rebuild the race that Hitler had tried to obliterate.

  ***

  When Janice and Elan arrived at the theater, it was filled with people. There were lines to get in the doors and then more lines to the seats.

  Once they were inside, Janice turned to Elan.

  “Elan, I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “Are you sick again?”

  “A little. I guess it’s to be expected.” She smiled.

  “All right. I don’t want us to get separated with all these people, so I’ll wait right here outside of the bathroom until you come out. Then when you come out, we’ll go and find our seats together.”

  “All right. That’s a good idea. I’ll be right back.”

  She turned and walked through the restroom door with the sign above it that said “women.”

  Elan waited just outside the bathroom door. It seemed to be taking a long time. He watched the door open and close, women coming out and going in. The lines into the theater were growing by the minute. He was worried about Janice. Perhaps she was really feeling ill.

  Then the bathroom door opened. Elan saw a flash of butterscotch curls dripping down slender bare shoulders, cerulean eyes as blue as the Mediterranean Sea. Everything seemed to stop. It was as if the world had gone into slow motion. Elan could not hear the noise around him anymore.

  The blonde woman glanced up at the clock overhead, and her eyes locked with Elan’s. Those eyes, those celestial blue eyes, they brought back memories of making love, of looking down and getting lost in their depth as they shined back up at him like stars leading his way through the darkness. Those captivating blue eyes had never stopped haunting him.

  “Katja?” Elan said. His mouth was suddenly dry.

  “Elan?”Her voice cracked. They had not seen each other since the breakup.

  He stood staring at her, stunned and immovable as if he had turned to stone and could not move a muscle. He wanted to speak, but no sound would come out of his mouth. Katja. She was more beautiful than he remembered. He had to say something—anything before the moment passed and she was gone forever. Just as Elan was about to speak, Janice walked out of the bathroom. Janice took Elan’s arm, “I’m sorry it took so long. There was a heck of a line in there. Let’s hurry. The show is about to start.” Elan nodded, dumbfounded as Janice led him away.

  As they were walking toward the auditorium, Elan could not help himself. He had to turn back. He had to see her again even if only for a second. Their eyes met. Katja, he thought… My God, it’s Katja. Katja froze for a second. Her limbs would not move. She had to will her feet forward, away from Elan, away from the memories, away from the past that had suddenly formed a hole deep in her stomach.

  She entered the stairway to the expensive box seats she shared with her husband, Mendel. He stood when she entered, always the gentleman with the impeccable manners. Her muscles felt tense as she sat down beside him. He took her hand in his own and kissed it gently. The four-carat emerald cut diamond that Mendel had given her caught the light and sparkled in a rainbow on the wall. She turned to him, smiled and thought, Mendel. God bless Mendel.

  On the other side of the auditorium at the entrance to the balcony, Janice handed the tickets to the usher who read them and said, “You’re up in row R, straight up the stairs and then to the left.”

  “Come on, Elan, why are you in a daze? I want to get to our seats before they dim the lights.”

  Elan nodded, forcing his head to turn back to his wife. Then he followed Janice up the stairs of the theater to their seats, right on the aisle. Janice slid into her chair and Elan sat down beside her.

  “This is going to be fun. I just
love Zilberman. I listen to him on the radio all the time.” Janice reached over and patted Elan’s hand. “What a perfect night this is, isn’t it?” she asked.

  Elan felt his breath catch in his throat, and a bead of sweat trickled down his cheek.

  Before Elan had a chance to respond to his wife’s question, the lights in the auditorium mercifully flickered twice, and then the room went dark. Zilberman took the stage. The crowd roared with applause, and the show began.

  CHAPTER 28

  “Are you all right? You look pale?” Mendel asked. “I called your mother to see about Ima. Mom says she’s doing fine.”

  “Oh, I am so glad.” Katja took a deep breath. “I was a little concerned. Do I really look pale?” Katja lifted her hand to her cheek.

  “Yes, sweetheart, you do. Do you feel all right?”

  “Yes, I’m fine,” Katja said.

  Mendel reached up to feel Katja’s forehead and checked for fever. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yes, it must be the lighting in here that’s making my color look off. I’m fine.”

  “Ladies and gentlemen take your seats please,” said a voice over the loudspeaker.

  The auditorium went dark. Zilberman appeared on the stage as the audience roared with approval and applause. The audience stood to honor the famous comedian. Mendel glanced over to see that Katja was not standing. He helped her to her feet. They both began to clap, but Mendel was worried. Katja seemed ill. Zilberman started with several one-liners, but Katja wasn’t laughing at the jokes. She seemed distracted. Mendel kept glancing at his wife, his beautiful wife, the love of his life. What if both she and Ima were ill? Perhaps they had the same illness.

  Again here it was, that tick in the back of his mind, that guilt about what he’d done. Maybe he was being punished. Somewhere someone may have died, and now God was going to take someone he loved as retribution. Mendel felt a slight pain in his chest. The sweat was dampening the armpits of his shirt. Had it been a mistake to take this job with Harvey? All he had wanted was to give Katja the world, to make her see that marrying him was a good choice. Mendel had wanted to provide for his family and give them a comfortable life. From rags to riches, he thought, trembling slightly, but at what price?