To Be An Israeli: The Fourth Book in the All My Love, Detrick series

by Roberta Kagan

  Marie-Claude returned unexpectedly to retrieve something she’d forgotten, and the spotter saw her in front of the phone. He raced to the car where the detonation team was and prevented them from making a serious mistake. Once she left, the spotter returned to his position.

  With a confirmation that only Hamshari was home, another agent made a call from a payphone to the Hamshari home.

  “Hello?”

  “Is this Mahmoud Hamshari?”

  “It is he.”

  “Hello, Mahmoud Hamshari,” the agent said, “this is just a reminder that we don’t forgive, and we never forget.”

  The caller signaled the spotter who gave the thumbs up signal to the detonation team which activated the bomb. The explosive was detonated through the phone line fatally wounding Mahmoud Hamshari.

  Another one of the terrorists who had been involved in the Munich massacre was dead.

  CHAPTER 65

  Nina and Elan grew closer as they continued to work together on Operation Wrath of God. They traveled to London and New York. It was dangerous work. The agents involved were human, and it was hard for them to execute so many people. They had to remind themselves continually what had happened to the young, innocent athletes at the hands of these men to stay the course.

  Nina’s hard shell was falling away to reveal a kind and sensitive girl. Although she had trouble admitting it, she was a little frightened. When Elan was in danger, he secretly enjoyed seeing the concern in Nina’s eyes. They spent a great deal of time together, but he still had not kissed her.

  One night, Avrehm, another agent they were working with, went to bed early, leaving them to have dinner alone. For some reason that Elan could not explain, even with all they’d done together, he was incredibly self-conscious being alone with Nina.

  They brought food into the hotel and sat together on a small sofa while Avrehm and Boaz slept in the other room.

  Nina was wearing sweat pants and a tee shirt. Her face was clean of makeup. Her massive, uncontrollable curls were tied back into a low ponytail, but they looked like they might free themselves at any moment.

  “This mission is difficult for you,” he said.

  “I’ve never been involved in killing anyone before. And even though I hate them, these horrible people who murdered a group of innocent young Jews, it’s still very hard for me. I have to keep remembering my sister and what happened to her in order to go on.”

  “Would you believe me if I told you that it is hard for me, too?”

  “No. I would not.”

  “You’re right. I guess you know me better than I thought you did. No…it isn’t hard for me. I have so much anger and hatred for them that it is actually easy.”

  “Elan?”

  “Yes…”

  “Sometimes…when you go out on as assignment…I am scared for you.”

  “I am always scared for you, Nina. If anything happened to you…”

  She had tears in her eyes. He got up and walked over to her and sat down beside her, and put his arms around her. She didn’t fight or resist. Nina laid her head on Elan’s chest and cried softly. She cried for her sister, for the athletes, for the horror of what she felt she had to do in Operation Wrath of God. And while she wept, Elan held her.

  For a long time, they sat silently.

  “Nina, can I kiss you?” Elan asked.

  She nodded. He kissed her gently, carefully.

  “You are so delicate. I can’t believe that you are doing a job like this.”

  She nodded. “I know. Sometimes I can’t believe it myself.”

  “I think I am falling in love with you.”

  The tears welled up in her eyes again. “I know I am falling in love with you…”

  He kissed her again, this time with more passion. “I don’t want to be disrespectful, so I don’t want to ask you, to come to my bed. But Nina, with the life we are living, we can’t be sure that we will have tomorrow. So I would like to ask you to marry me as quickly as possible. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to love you. It has been a very long time since I have felt anything like this for another person. Be my wife?”

  “Elan, what makes me different from your first wife? You couldn’t make it work with her.”

  “She wasn’t the great love of my life. I’ve grown up, Nina. You are my one true love. I’m not young anymore. I want to be happy with one person…”

  “You’ve never really loved anyone else?”

  “I can’t say that. I once loved a woman when I was very young, but she wasn’t right for me. I wasn’t right for her. There were a lot of silly reasons we couldn’t be together. I could have tried harder. I might have made it work, but I was stubborn and a little bit stupid. Anyway, she is a part of my past.

  Nina, you are my future. I know I am a lot older than you, and you are so beautiful you could certainly find a younger, better man. But if you are willing to be mine, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you are always happy. And I promise you that for the rest of our lives, I will never want or need another woman. Will you marry me, Nina?”

  “Yes. Yes, Elan, I will marry you.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you want to call your parents and tell them?”

  “No, I don’t want them to insist that we come home and have a wedding. We can tell them after it’s over when we get back to Israel. If they want to have a party then, it will be their choice, but we will already be married.”

  “You don’t think they will approve, do you?”

  She let her eyes meet his. “Do you really want to know the truth?”

  “Of course.”

  “Will it matter to you?”

  “I don’t know if you don’t tell me what it is…”

  “They will think you are too old for me.”

  “Do you feel that way?” He held his breath, terrified of her answer. It could change everything. With just a few words from Nina, his life could feel like it had ended. Her response to that question he’d asked mattered more to him than anything had ever mattered in his life.

  “No. I don’t care how old you are.”

  “Then you will be my wife?”

  “Yes. I will.”

  They were planning to fly back from London to Israel in a few days to receive their next assignment. But before they left London, in a quiet, private ceremony, Elan put on his yarmulke and the tallis his father left him when he passed away. Then he and Nina went into the office of a local rabbi.

  Elan paid the rabbi to perform the ceremony, and the secretary who worked at the synagogue stood as a witness. Then under a makeshift chuppah in the temple’s auditorium, Elan Amsel, with sweating palms and trembling hands, took a gold ring that he’d purchased earlier that morning from his pocket. And for the first time in his life, he spoke vows of unconditional love that came from the depths of his heart.

  And so it was on that day that Elan Amsel, a former playboy, formerly self-righteous, and an arrogant, pompous ass bowed down to the power of love, a power so strong it could only have come from God.

  As he stood trembling in the only suit he owned, he knew for certain that, after this ceremony, everything in his life would change for the love of a woman. All that he was and every possession that he owned, he gave willingly to Nina. All of his dreams and aspirations were elevated because he wanted to be a better man for Nina. His heart fluttered, and he involuntarily closed his eyes because his emotions were too strong for him to look at her when she said, “I do.”

  His voice cracked as he repeated it, barely a whisper. For the first time in his life, Elan forgot to control himself and felt the pure joy of true love as he married Nina Sofer.

  After the ceremony, they went out for dinner then got a cheap hotel room for the night to celebrate.

  For Nina, it was strange to be a married woman. She’d often wondered if she would ever marry. Nina had always been particular, finding fault with every man she met. Elan was older, differ
ent, more tolerant, and more understanding. She knew that he’d had failed relationships in the past, but he’d explained that that was when he was younger. Now he was ready. And seeing the way that he behaved toward her, Nina could not help but know that he was telling her the truth.

  After they’d each taken a shower, Elan came to Nina as she lay in bed naked with the covers pulled up almost to her face. She was shy, nervous. He got in beside her and felt her shiver.

  “Are you cold?”

  She shook her head.

  “Something is not right. What’s wrong? Talk to me,” Elan said, leaning over her and lifting her chin so that their eyes met.

  “I feel like a fool, but there is something I have to tell you,” she said, clearing her throat.

  He cocked his head to the side. “Go ahead. It’s all right. Whatever it is, just tell me. I love you, and it is all right.”

  “Elan…please…don’t laugh at me, Elan, but I am a virgin. So please be gentle. I’m a little scared.”

  He did laugh. She glared at him and turned over, away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “I’m sorry, my love, don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to laugh, but there is nothing wrong. I didn’t expect that, that’s all. You know that I love you. I will be gentle. It just came as such a surprise.”

  “Why is it a surprise? Do you think every woman in Israel is loose? It’s not so.”

  “I don’t think that at all. It’s just that, here you are, this beautiful, amazingly, strikingly, frighteningly beautiful woman.” He smiled and turned her over gently to face him again. She did not resist. “And besides all of that, you’re a strong and tough Mossad agent.” He kissed her gently. “I don’t know. I just thought you would be, well, you know, experienced.”

  She grunted. “Now I wish I never told you.”

  “Nina, I love you. I am honored to be the first and last man you will ever take to your bed. I love you with all my heart, and you will never need any other man. I promise you that.”

  She was as light as a child when he took her into his arms. He smoothed the hair from her face.

  “My God, you’re gorgeous,” he said.

  “You just think that because I’m so much younger than you. I’ll bet all your buddies will be so jealous that you have a younger wife.”

  “I love you. I don’t care what anyone thinks—jealous, not jealous, it means nothing to me.”

  Then he kissed her. He made love to her slowly, carefully, and gently until when it was over, she lay in his arms and said, “If I had known it was going to be so good, I would have made love with you when we first met.”

  He laughed. “My Nina…”

  She laughed.

  CHAPTER 66

  In January of 1973, Golda Meir was speaking in Rome when an attempt was made to assassinate her by the group known as Black September.

  CHAPTER 67

  Elan had never been as happy as he was since his marriage to Nina. It had been a long time since he’d allowed himself to feel anything, and now his emotions were like a volcano clogged up for years that had finally exploded. When Elan made love to Nina, he felt as if he were Moses treading on holy ground.

  Although his vulnerability terrified him far more than a battlefield ever had, Elan adored his young wife, and he did everything he could to show her how much she meant to him. There was no doubt that Elan Amsel was not the same man he was ten years ago.

  Every morning, he got up early to make breakfast while Nina slept, just so that he could see her face when he brought her a tray with a rose from the garden in a small bud vase. Whenever he walked through the market, he bought her flowers or a box of chocolates. Often, instead of eating lunch, he took the time out of his workday to search for and purchase small gifts of jewelry, mostly trinkets of gemstones and silver, to delight his young wife.

  The two of them were inseparable. Friends would ask them if it was hard to work with a spouse, but neither Nina nor Elan ever felt that it was. They cherished every moment that they spent together, always threatened by the underlying knowledge that in their line of work, at any time, either one of them could be killed. They accepted the fact that this was what it meant to be an Israeli. They even took a trip to the Wailing Wall where they stood to pray together.

  But they never forgot to be aware, to keep watch of everything happening around them. Black September or the PLO could attack at any time. Elan and Nina knew that the enemies of the Jews were always just a step behind. Every night, as soon as they were alone, they fell into each other’s arms. Like a cloak of safety in a mad and frightening world Nina’s tiny frame wrapped around Elan.

  CHAPTER 68

  Nina longed to have a child, and although he felt he was too old for a baby, Elan agreed. However, no matter how hard they tried, she did not conceive. Several years passed, and they were happy, but Nina was missing something in her life.

  Elan hated to see the disappointment in his young wife’s beautiful eyes, so he tried to fulfill her dreams of becoming a mother. He accompanied her to every fertility clinic they could find, though it was out of character for him. They were both tested relentlessly. However, no doctor was able to uncover a single reason why Nina did not become pregnant.

  She and Elan wanted a child even though they both realized that it was a selfish wish. Not only because of Elan’s age but the career they were committed to left them constantly at risk. Their child could easily become an orphan, and that wasn’t fair.

  So in case they did conceive, Elan finally made peace with his brother, Aryeh, and his sister-in-law. Of course, Nina and Elan could not discuss their work in detail. So one night as they all shared a quiet meal, Elan had asked Aryeh and his wife to answer an important question.

  “I know this may sound crazy, but I need an honest answer,” Elan said as they sat by the fireplace. “If Nina and I were ever to have a child and for some unfortunate reason we were both killed, would you take our child? Raise it as your own? Could I be sure that I could count on you?”

  “Do you expect such a thing to happen?” Aryeh asked.

  “We are Israelis, Aryeh, and we don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  “Are you still working with Mossad?”

  “No,” Elan lied. “But anything can happen at any time, and I need an honest answer from you, a true commitment.”

  Aryeh looked at Brenda. She nodded. “Can we expect the same thing from you for our child?” Aryeh asked.

  “Of course,” Nina said without hesitation.

  Aryeh looked at his brother then at Nina, and then his eyes went to those of his own wife. Brenda nodded in agreement.

  “You are our family, our blood. If, God forbid, something terrible happened, Brenda and I would raise your child like our own.”

  “Thank you,” Elan said.

  “Is Nina pregnant?” Aryeh asked.

  “No,” Nina said. “We were just asking, for the future…”

  Later, Brenda and Nina were cleaning the dishes in the kitchen while the two brothers were in the living room, talking and drinking a shot of cognac. The women had become good friends over the years. Brenda never liked Janice, but she liked Nina.

  “Brenda, I need someone to talk to.”

  “You know I’m here for you.”

  “Elan and I want a child, but I can’t seem to get pregnant. The harder we try, the more impossible it seems to be.”

  Brenda nodded. “I think maybe you both work too hard. You’ve never just taken some time to relax and be together. Did you even have a honeymoon?”

  Nina laughed. “Honeymoon? Are you kidding? We had a night, if you could call that a honeymoon, but we have never stopped working.”

  “Maybe that’s what you need, a little rest and relaxation. Go away for a while, maybe go to Paris. They don’t call it the city of love for nothing.”

  Nina laughed again. “Yes, I think that’s a great idea. I’ll talk to Elan tonight. We could use a little break. I’d love to go to Paris. We’
ve been to France but only for work. I have always wanted to spend some romantic time in Paris, but I doubt we could afford that. Still, any vacation time alone together might be just what we need.”

  ***

  Elan thought it would be nice to be a father, to leave a small part of himself behind when he left this world. But at forty-three, he would be an old man when his child was a teenager. That was the only regret he had with marrying a woman of twenty-four. Nina was still young. She wanted a family of her own, and she deserved to be a mother.

  Sometimes he would think back and remember how he had felt that night when Janice told him that she was pregnant. Looking back now, he had to admit that he’d never really been in love with Janice. But in spite of everything that was wrong with his first marriage, something inside of him had been elated at the prospect of being a father. Then when he had received the letter from Janice asking for a divorce and informing him that she’d miscarried their baby, he’d felt a kind of emptiness inside of him.

  Although he knew in his head that it was probably for the best. After all, a child without a father growing up with its grandparents in America was not an optimal situation. It still felt like a loss to him.

  Now he decided that if Nina ever became pregnant, he would request that both of them be released from their services in Mossad and their commitment to Operation Wrath of God. Once they had a child, he felt it was only right to be as careful with their lives as possible. Even now, though she was not pregnant, he wished that Nina would quit.

  The thought of something bad happening to her was unbearable to him. Yet he knew she was too devoted to Mossad to leave unless she had a very good reason. And he had known from the beginning of their relationship that she was a highly-trained and invested agent. So he could not ask her to give up the life she chose just because of his fears. He knew she would laugh at a request like that.

  That night, after they’d both showered and made love, Nina was breathing deeply, lying in his arms. She reached up to take the hair out of his eyes. He took her face in his hands and gently kissed her. After the kiss, she broke away slightly, but her face was still very close to his, close enough that he could feel her soft, sweet breath on his skin.