Not Pretty Enough

by Jaimie Admans

  I’m a bit worried about my cover though. If that workman noticed me then it’s possible that Lloyd might notice me too. Obviously I’m not as inconspicuous as I thought. I dressed for the part this morning too. Head to toe black, which probably wasn’t the best plan for an August day because it’s getting pretty hot out here.

  I have to adopt a disguise, and although I don’t like stealing things, it’s just so tempting. I’m not really stealing it anyway, I’m just borrowing it.

  I creep closer to the roadworker’s truck, grab a white hard hat from the back of it, and quickly shove it on my head. I pull a neon yellow jacket from the bed of the truck and throw it over my arm. Then I run back behind my tree and hide.

  I pull the sunglasses I brought with me out of my bag and slip them on, then I work all my hair up underneath the hat and slip the sleeveless plastic jacket on.

  There. At first glance I look like I belong here.

  I look like a roadworker. I’m sure Lloyd Layton won’t recognise me if he happens to come out of his house today, which is seeming increasingly unlikely as it’s already way past lunchtime, and I can only really stand here for a couple more hours before I have to go home to make it back before my mother does. If he does happen to look over this way, he’ll just see the yellow clothing disguise and not give it a second thought. Then I can dump the yellow disguise, follow him wherever he happens to be going, and magically turn up there. Lloyd Layton will not only think we have the same interests, but he won’t forget about me over the summer holidays.

  Isn’t it ironic how workmen wear bright yellow clothes so that drivers notice them and don’t run them over, and I’m wearing them so I won’t be noticed?

  Or ran over, with a bit of luck.

  I really want to see Lloyd today. I don’t want to do all this again another day. I think there is a line you cross when stalking a boy, and spending one day outside his house is fine, but coming back for a second day is crossing the boy-surveillance line.

  The noise from the concrete cutter is driving me mad. It’s so loud that I think my brain hurts. I really wish I was here on a day when the road wasn’t being dug up, but then again, if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have my perfect disguise.

  I take a notebook from my bag and hold it in my hand. It is just part of the disguise. I figure that the workmen will know I’m not one of them, so I keep my notebook and pen in my hand, and if one of them notices me and thinks it strange that a girl wearing neon yellow clothes is hanging out behind a tree, I can just say that I’ve been sent from head office to observe them. I can say I’m an inspector and hopefully they won’t make a big deal out of it or realise I pinched these clothes from their truck.

  I’m just starting to get quite pleased with myself for thinking of everything when it becomes obvious that I didn’t. The one thing I didn’t think of is that Lloyd Layton might not be in his house. He might have gone out for a mid-afternoon jog and be coming in from the other direction.

  He’s seen me before I see him.

  “Chessie?”

  Oh, God. It’s over. He knows it’s me. I’m crap at doing accents so I can’t even pretend to be someone else.

  “Chessie, is that you? From school, right?”

  I have no idea what to do. I wish this was like a magic tree and if you leaned against it, it would just suck you in and you’d never be seen or heard from again.

  I turn to face Lloyd, put on my brightest smile and pretend to act shocked.

  “Lloyd? Lloyd Layton? What are you doing here?” I ask him before he has a chance to ask me. I act as if he is on my territory and I have every right to be here.

  “I live here,” he says. “What abo—”

  “Really? Where?” I interrupt.

  “Over there.” He points to what I already know is his house. “What are you—”

  “It’s such a surprise to see you here,” I say enthusiastically. “How’s your holiday been?”

  “Fine, thank you.”

  I’m trying not to let him get a word in edgeways, but I can’t think of what to say next. I briefly consider that it is probably not a good thing to run out of things to say to the boy you hope to marry one day, but I don’t have time to dwell on it because Lloyd finally gets his question in.

  “So, I thought you lived miles away. What are you doing here?”

  There really is no answer to that, is there? I think about the question for a moment, turning it over in my head. What are you doing here?

  “We’re moving,” I lie with a sudden burst of inspiration. “Thinking of it, anyway. I’m just checking out some places.”

  He nods slowly, like he doesn’t believe me.

  “So, what’s with the, er, gear?”

  Oh God, the yellow clothes. I’d completely forgotten I was still wearing them. But, let’s face it, it’s quite possible for me to forget my own name when Lloyd Layton is around.

  “I’m doing, um… I’m with my, er… uncle!” I say suddenly. “I’m with my uncle.” I wave my hand casually towards the group of workmen.

  “Oh, really? Which one?”

  “He’s the, er, one in the yellow jacket.”

  “They’re all in yellow jackets.”

  I look over like this is a shock to me.

  “He’s the one down the manhole,” I say. “He’s, um, clearing out some pipes down there. Won’t be up for hours.”

  “Oh, right. Is he local? Maybe I know him?”

  “No,” I say. “He’s from, um, Birmingham. You wouldn’t know him.”

  “Birmingham, huh? What’s he doing down here?”

  “Oh, you know. They get reassigned sometimes. It was a promotion.”

  “A promotion? He’s cleaning out drainpipes and that’s a promotion? What was he before?”

  “A dustbin man?” I lie. Crikey, what do I say to him? I need to get him off this topic of conversation. “So, this seems like a nice area?”

  “Yes,” he nods distractedly. “Very quiet. Usually, at least.”

  I notice that his attention is not really on me. It’s on the roadworkers.

  “What’s the matter?” I ask.

  “Chessie, I think there may be a problem.”

  “Really?” I ask innocently. “What kind of problem?”

  “Well, they’ve just covered the manhole but no one came out of it. I think they might have shut your uncle in. Do you think we should check?”

  “Oh no,” I say, thinking fast. “He’s busy. He’ll come up out of another one a few streets away.”

  God, how did I get into this mess?

  “That doesn’t seem very likely, Chessie. What if he gets stuck?”

  “He won’t. He does it all the time.”

  “Excuse me!” Lloyd shouts at one of the workers. Before I can stop him, he is jogging over to them.

  Oh my god.

  How the hell am I going to get out of this one?

  “Excuse me, sir,” Lloyd is shouting. “I think you may have left a man down there.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” The man with the Welsh accent who spoke to me earlier looks at him like he’s lost his marbles.

  Oh God. I can either run away or I can run over with him and try to get out of this.

  I dump the hard hat and yellow jacket on the ground and follow Lloyd.

  “Chessie, tell him.” He turns back to the Welsh bloke. “This girl’s uncle, we think he might still be in the manhole.”

  “I assure you, sir, there is nobody in the manhole,” the worker says patiently to Lloyd. Another two beer-bellied men in yellow jackets have joined them now.

  “Yes, there is. Chessie, what’s his name?”

  “Um… Earl?”

  “Earl. Earl Clemenfield, right?”

  I nod.

  “Can you account for an Earl Clemenfield?” Lloyd asks.

  “What’s your name, son?” One of the other men asks.

  “Lloyd,” he replies. “But right now I’m concerned that there is a man trapped down t
here.”

  “Lloyd,” the Welsh guy begins. “I myself have been down that manhole today. I assure you that there is no other person in there. It could not possibly be big enough for two people. I’m the only person who has been in there today. As you can see, I am the skinniest.” He pats his beer belly.

  Another man comes across with a clipboard. He is running his finger down it.

  Oh God, I bet it’s a roster of some sort. I bet it’s like school registration.

  The man is about to say something. “Lloyd,” he begins. “I assure you there is nobody by the name of—”

  “Well, look at that!” I yell, running over and waving my phone around. “He just phoned. He left without me. He’s in town now.”

  “What?” Lloyd looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

  “He left,” I say. “He’s waiting for me in town. You know, I should really get going.”

  “He left?” Lloyd asks incredulously. “He just left without telling you?”

  I nod. I walk away and beckon for him to follow me. He glances between me and the workmen but eventually comes over to me.

  “He left you on a strange street, in a place you don’t know, without telling you?”

  “It’s just a practical joke. He does this sort of thing all the time. Just to tease me, you know?”

  “That’s not a very good joke.”

  “Oh, he would have come back soon enough,” I say. “Or phoned. He does that sort of thing. He thinks it’s funny and I don’t like to tell him otherwise.”

  “I didn’t hear your phone ring.”

  “It’s on vibrate.”

  Lloyd nods slowly. I can tell he’s trying to work out whether to believe me or not.

  “Look.” I make a show of digging in my bag for my phone. “Don’t you believe me? Do you want to see my last numbers?” Of course I am completely bluffing, and I just have to hope that he doesn’t say yes.

  “No, it’s fine,” Lloyd says. “It just seems a weird thing to do.”

  I shrug. “That’s Uncle Eddie for you.”

  “I thought his name was Earl.”

  “Earl, yes.” I say. Oops. “We call him Eddie as a joke. He hates it.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Er… Because he’s like Cousin Eddie from the National Lampoon movies.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s a family thing. Those Clemenfields.” I fake a laugh.

  Lloyd is looking at me like I’ve got a screw loose.

  “Well, it was great to see you,” I say, hoping to get away before he can question me any more. “I should go and find my uncle. He’s in, um, McDonalds. He’s waiting for me.”

  “Do you know your way back to town?”

  I nod. “Enjoy the rest of your summer.” I walk away as fast as I can. I have to get out of here before he asks any more questions.

  “Wait up.” He runs after me. “I’ll walk with you.”

  He will?

  Oh, God.

  Oh, crap.

  Yes, Lloyd Layton walking into town with me is my idea of heaven, but Uncle Eddie is supposed to be waiting for me and I don’t have an Uncle Eddie. Or Earl. Or whatever the hell my non-existent uncle’s name is supposed to be.

  Although it’s hard to do so, I turn to Lloyd and say, “You really don’t have to, you know. I know my way perfectly well.”

  I can’t believe I’m voluntarily giving up time with him.

  “It’s okay. I need to pop into the phone shop anyway.”

  I nod. Okay. I guess I’ll just have to get rid of him before we get to McDonalds. Not a problem. I think.

  But I have no idea what to say to him. I tell myself that it’s because I’m nervous.

  “What are you up to for the rest of the summer?” he asks.

  “Nothing much,” I say. “Hanging out with Debs and Ewan. You?”

  “I’m going to Hawaii for two weeks. I leave on Monday.”

  “Oh, right. With your parents?”

  “Yes.” He nods. “It’s awesome there. Have you been?”

  “To Hawaii?” Hah, not much chance of that happening on our budget. “Er, not lately.”

  “How many other places are you checking out?”

  “What?”

  “Other places? To move to?”

  “Oh, right. Um, a few,” I lie. “We’ll probably stay where we are though. My mum doesn’t want the upheaval.”

  “Yes, moving is quite a task, I gather. We just paid people to do it for us.”

  “Ah, well, some of us don’t have it that easy.”

  Lloyd smiles. “I know I’m lucky.”

  “You are,” I say.

  We’ve reached the town by now.

  “Well, it was great to see you. I can take it from here.”

  “No, no, I insist on making sure you get to Uncle Earl-Eddie safely. I think I should give him a piece of my mind about leaving young girls on their own in strange areas. It’s not safe.”

  “No, it’s fine,” I say. “I’ll tell him you said so.”

  The yellow M is looming in the distance, and I know I have to get rid of Lloyd pronto.

  “You know, you should get to your phone shop,” I say. “They must be closing soon.”

  “Chessie, it’s not even four yet. They’re open until eight.”

  Oh. “Well, um, my uncle and I have to get the bus home. I don’t think he’ll want to hang around chatting for ages. He doesn’t like crowded places.”

  “But he likes manholes?”

  “I’m not sure that anybody likes manholes, but at least they’re not crowded.”

  For some reason Lloyd finds this funny and cracks up laughing. If I can make him laugh then surely he must like me a little bit. I’ve read that boys like girls who can make them laugh.

  “You know, I never noticed how funny you can be, Chessie,” he says.

  Wow. Was that a compliment? Did Lloyd Layton just compliment me?

  I love this. I love talking to him, and laughing with him, but I have to get rid of him. It kills me, but I have to. Otherwise he’ll find out I was stalking him and he’ll never so much as look at me again, let alone laugh at me.

  “Well,” I say. “It’s been great talking to you but I should really run into Superdrug before I meet Uncle Eddie.”

  “You’re not buying more hair dye, are you?”

  That stops me in my tracks. He remembers that? Damn. I was hoping he’d forgotten the little axe in the head hair disaster of mine.

  “No,” I say cautiously. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t like your hair dark like that. You looked better as a blonde.”

  Oh my god. He thinks I looked better before? Oh my god. He thinks I looked better blonde. That means he has actually noticed my hair colour and thought about it. I thought it had all been in vain. Debs is going to die when I tell her.

  Now I really do have to go into Superdrug. To buy some bleach.

  There’s just one problem. Superdrug is right near McDonalds. In fact, it’s a bit too near.

  As we approach I wonder what the hell to do. I do have one idea but it’s not something I would say to Lloyd out of choice. It’s not really something I would say to any boy out of choice, but I know it will send him running for the hills.

  First things first though, Uncle Earl. I think fate is throwing me a bone, because right outside McDonalds there is a forty-something looking bloke, who is looking at his watch.

  “That’s Uncle Earl,” I say to Lloyd. I wave in the man’s direction. He sees me waving, looks around blankly to see who I am waving at and then point blank ignores me. “Oh well, he didn’t see me. But at least I won’t lose him again. Anyway, thanks for your help.”

  Lloyd is staring intently at the bloke waiting outside McDonalds. I have to make him leave before whoever the bloke is really waiting for turns up.

  “I don’t mean to be rude,” I say. “But I need to go in here. I need to buy some, um, you know, women’s things
.”

  “Huh?”

  “You know… Unmentionables. Time of the month and all that.”

  The effect is immediate and exactly as I expected.

  “Oh, right,” Lloyd says, instantly backing away. “Well, it was good to see you. I do need to get to that shop before it shuts.”

  “Have a good holiday,” I say.

  “You too. Bye.”

  With that, he is practically running down the street as fast as his legs will carry him.

  I slip into Superdrug and start looking at the hair dye.

  Could this day have gone any better? I mean, apart from the whole thinking my uncle was trapped down a manhole part. That aside, I not only got to talk to Lloyd Layton and have an intelligent adult conversation with him, but I have a clear mission as well.

  I have to go blonde.

  It can’t be that difficult, right?

  CHAPTER 18

  September.

  Now that I have my brand new blonde hair – I still can’t believe it went right, by the way – I’ve decided that I am going to be a little bit more experimental with it. I’m going to be more daring. Not a single teacher ever commented about my brown hair or the fact that I’d dyed it, so maybe the school rules aren’t as important as they used to be.

  Debs and I just happened to have found some semi-permanent bright coloured hair dyes on sale on our last shopping trip before school starts again, and I got one of each colour.

  It’s September, the year is nearly over, and so far I haven’t achieved a single thing I set out to achieve. Okay, Lloyd Layton knows who I am, but he knows me as The Crazy Girl (and that’s being kind) rather than His Future Wife, so there is work to be done. I have to do something bold. Something daring. Something that will make him notice me. Plus he’s been to Hawaii on holiday, probably surrounded by hot, blonde surfer chicks for weeks on end, he’s hardly going to notice me after them, is he?

  So, I am going to dye my hair blue.

  Only the ends though. About two inches or so up from the bottom. It’s not like it’s going to be that drastic or anything, but I need an edge. Just a little something to make me stand out from the crowd and make Lloyd look at me. Make him think that maybe there’s more to me than he thinks there is.