Dear Mother: A gripping and emotional story that will make you sob your heart out

by Angela Marsons

  Secretly she had hoped for a day like yesterday, grey with rain and mist, so that their activities of the previous day could be repeated. Maybe it would rain later, she hoped, glancing out of the window. The air looked cold and fresh but no clouds cluttered the clear blue sky. Damn.

  The sandwich was hovering above the bin as she closed the bathroom door behind her.

  ‘Just in time.’

  ‘Give it here.’

  ‘You haven’t forgotten about tonight, have you?’

  Alex’s blank look said that she had.

  ‘Jay and Nicolas?’

  ‘Oh yeah.’ She had recalled that they were coming over some time, but she’d been wrapped in a blanket of contentment that had precluded everything and everyone else.

  ‘Must we let the real world back in?’ she whined.

  Nikki came up behind her and put her arms around Alex’s waist. ‘I’m afraid so, sweetie, but always remember that they have to go some time and you don’t. You’re here, inside your home, and the day we had yesterday can happen any time you want. Including this,’ Nikki said, biting suggestively on Alex’s ear.

  Alex dropped her bacon sandwich. ‘Now?’

  Nikki roared with laughter. ‘You’re insatiable. What time did we get to sleep last night, or rather this morning?’

  Alex shrugged. ‘Five, I think.’

  Nikki moved away. ‘After a walk in the cold, bright air I always fancy a nice hot shower, shared, of course,’ she teased.

  Alex finished off the bacon sandwich. ‘Hang on, I’ll have my trainers on in ten seconds.’

  Alex turned and stood and walked straight into the waiting embrace of Nikki. She returned it hungrily, savouring the feel of the woman she loved in her arms as though it might be lost to her any minute. Occasionally she caught her own surprise at how easily they had fallen back into the best time of their relationship.

  There were shared glances and looks that only they could translate. They could barely pass each other without touching, just a shoulder, arm, hand. Alex knew it was better than it had been, no longer clouded by self-doubt. She now knew that she deserved to be happy, just as Nikki deserved it too. And she was going to make sure that they both got what they deserved.

  ‘I love you more than anything,’ Nikki whispered.

  ‘And I love you more than that.’

  Their embrace was disturbed by the doorbell.

  ‘Jeez, Jay wouldn’t be this early, surely?’

  Nikki answered the intercom as Alex headed to the bedroom to change for their walk. The temptation of the shower was just too much to argue with. She stopped in her tracks when she heard Catherine’s voice.

  Nikki pressed the button to let her in and within seconds she was knocking on the door.

  Alex saw immediately that Catherine’s face, devoid of make-up, was troubled and drawn.

  ‘I’ve just had a call from Alan Wilkinson, Beth’s doctor. He’s asked if we can go to Beth straight away. He wouldn’t say why.’

  Alex’s heart caught in her throat. She looked to Catherine for reassurance but her eyes danced with fear. She looked to Nikki.

  ‘Hurry, go get dressed. Beth needs you.’

  Alex sprang into action and was dressed in record time. She hugged Nikki and then followed her sister down the stairs, taking them two at a time.

  ‘Didn’t he say anything?’

  Catherine shook her head as she pulled the car away from the kerb. ‘He just said that Beth needed us to come straight away.’

  The roads were almost empty, families taking advantage of the extended festive period. They talked of their activities since Christmas Day when they had last been together but both barely listened to the other, each aware that the sound of their voices was only filling the distance between themselves and Beth.

  The street was quiet as Catherine parked the car. As she stepped out Alex felt a spot of rain on her hand. She looked up to find that the clouds had gathered and in their whiteness had blocked out any promise of a bright, fresh day.

  ‘Alan, what’s going on?’ Catherine said, finding the doctor sitting in the front room, awaiting their arrival. The room looked unchanged from two days earlier yet the house held a quiet, eerie quality. No noise from the television or radio lifted the atmosphere. ‘Is Beth ill?’

  He stood and Catherine tried to see around him, to find Beth.

  ‘Please sit down.’

  ‘Where is she?’ Alex demanded.

  ‘If you’d just—’

  ‘We don’t want to sit down, for God’s sake. Just tell us what’s wrong,’ Alex barked, her eyes flashing.

  He nodded his solemn understanding and remained standing despite his whole demeanour shouting that he needed to sit. ‘Beth called me last night. It was a surprise. I hadn’t heard from her for weeks. Not since she turned me down.’

  ‘Turned down what?’

  He removed his glasses and wiped at his eyes. ‘I asked her to marry me.’

  Alex’s gaze met with Catherine’s and it was communicated between them by a look that Beth had not mentioned this to either of them.

  ‘She told me that she needed some space and that she didn’t want me to contact her any more. I tried to reason with her but eventually I did what she wanted in the hope that she would realise I truly loved her and could make her happy.’

  Alex was in no doubt that this man she barely knew could make her sister happy. She made a note to try and talk Beth into rethinking her decision. It was clear that the doctor loved Beth very much.

  Catherine urged him to carry on.

  ‘Last night she called and asked me to come over for breakfast. She said she wanted to talk to me about something. I hoped that finally she had changed her mind…’

  ‘And?’ Alex felt sorry for the man standing before her. He was obviously in great pain but she wanted to know about Beth.

  ‘I arrived at nine thirty as she’d asked me to and there was no answer. I knocked for a while and then remembered I had a key from when I used to treat your mother. I let myself in.’

  He looked to them for approval of this decision. Alex nodded when all she wanted to do was shake him. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and she could see that Catherine wanted to lay him down to cut him open and surgically extract the information from him.

  ‘The house was so quiet. I called to her but there was no answer.’ He rubbed his forehead, confused. ‘I couldn’t understand it. She’d invited me over so she couldn’t have gone out. I mean, why would she…’

  Alex moved forward but Catherine held her back. ‘And what did you do?’ Catherine asked. Her voice was gentle but covering a hard edge of impatience and fear.

  Alan shook himself back to the present and realised who he was talking to. ‘I went looking for her.’

  ‘And did you find her?’ Alex asked, fearfully. The house was eerily quiet around them.

  Alan nodded slowly and raised his eyes upwards. ‘I found her in the bedroom.’ His eyes widened, physical pain accompanying his next words. ‘She’s dead.’

  Alex barely heard the last two words as she tore past Alan, almost knocking him to the ground. She heard Catherine one pace behind as she mounted the stairs three at a time. She pushed open the door to their old bedroom, which now housed one single bed, Beth’s old bunk.

  The scene that greeted her was a vision that imprinted itself on her memory via and would stay with her for the rest of her life. A second later Catherine came to a halt behind her and made a noise of surprise mixed with pain. Alex approached the bed softly, not daring to believe the validity of what she could see with her own eyes.

  Beth’s hair was fanned out across the pillow framing her face like a warm mist. Her eyes were closed with a finality that Alex found hard to understand. Her face appeared soft and smooth, and Alex had the strange feeling that she could see a half smile playing on her features.

  Alex stayed still as Catherine moved around her. Catherine reached out and gently touched the bare skin
of Beth’s arm. Alex guessed that her sister needed no further proof that Beth was gone.

  ‘Why?’ Alex murmured, before the rising tears arrived at her throat and strangled her.

  Catherine stood beside her, tears streaming over her cheeks, shaking her head silently.

  Alex fell into her sister’s arms and cried hot, bitter tears for the sister they couldn’t save.

  The sun came out for Beth as she was laid to rest in the place she had requested, close to where her mother’s ashes had been scattered.

  Catherine felt it was because it was where she had always felt comfortable, but Alex had other ideas. She sensed that Beth wished to haunt their mother for all eternity and never leave her alone until she understood what she had done wrong. Alex hoped that there was an afterlife and that Beth would find there what she had never found in life.

  The service was beautiful and attended by them all, Alan and a few well-wishing neighbours. At twenty minutes to four only Alex and Catherine remained by the graveside.

  ‘I don’t want to leave her,’ Catherine said, her voice thick with emotion.

  ‘She’s no longer there. Remember what Father Stevens said, the body is just a jacket that you throw off when you no longer need it.’

  ‘Are you ready?’ Catherine asked, reaching into her handbag.

  Alex nodded. Two letters had been found beside Beth’s bed. The first one had been to Alan giving instructions for her burial and, they hoped, words that would comfort the man who had loved her. The second one had been addressed to them both, but neither had felt strong enough to read their sister’s words and by silent agreement they had both known they would read it on this day.

  Catherine opened the envelope and moved closer to Alex. They each held a top corner of the single page and read:

  To you both,

  Please don’t blame yourselves for what has happened. There is nothing you could have done to stop it. Your actions at no time have contributed to my decision to leave this world. I have felt warmed by your love my whole life.

  Catherine, you protected me with your big heart and your fierce loyalty to the bonds that held us together. You shielded me from as much evil as you could and absorbed it yourself. You made my childhood bearable.

  Alex, you would have fought lions to protect me. Your fierceness and spirit were a daily inspiration to me. Even when you were no longer there I felt your love reaching out to me and always knew that we would be together again.

  Since remembering the horrors that we lived through I have understood that I do not fit into this life and will never be able to adjust myself to the world around me. I do not view it as you do. My place is no longer here and I have grown comfortable with that. I am not frightened and welcome the next stage of my existence. Please do not be sad for me. I believe I will be happy with the choice that I have made.

  I ask only one thing of you both. Stick together and take care of each other. It is my only wish as I leave you both that you will always take care of each other and will be separated by nothing again.

  My love to you both, always.

  Beth

  Catherine’s hand shook as they reached the end of the letter. Her sister’s tears matched her own in the understanding of Beth’s words. Even at the last, her thoughts had been for the both of them and not herself.

  ‘She did it, didn’t she?’ Catherine asked, folding the letter. ‘She brought us back together.’

  Alex nodded, wiping viciously at eyes that had barely been dry during the last week. ‘It was always her that got us talking again when we were kids. She hated it when we fought and always took responsibility for making the peace between us.’

  ‘She was such a generous person. I’ve often wondered from where she inherited that trait.’

  ‘Maybe we should have done more.’

  Catherine reached for her hand. ‘We did everything we could. We tried to get her to see someone but she refused. I think she had already made up her mind. The memories of our mother were much harder for her to bear. Not only because she had buried them for years but also because she took care of the woman until she died. Her brain gave her the memories back when it thought she could deal with them, but it would never have been the right time. The enormity of it was always too much for her to bear.’

  ‘We have to make her proud.’

  Catherine nodded and squeezed her hand tightly. ‘We will.’

  Alex knew that life was not going to be easy. There were still the memories of their childhood that she had to come to terms with without the assistance of alcohol.

  Her insatiable need for a drink was something she would have to battle every day. She also understood that she had to let her barriers down. She had lived too long behind the safety of solitude and misunderstanding. She had to take risks and open herself to the world and all it had to offer. But somehow, Alex knew that she would make it. Her life was not being handed to her on a plate but she had been given the tools to forge it.

  It would be hard to put the past behind her and learn to trust the people she loved. She had to leave behind the safety of having nothing in case her mother returned to take her life away. It was within her control now and she would get there because she would do it for Beth and she refused to let her sister down.

  ‘Beth deserves to be remembered,’ Alex said, staring down at the coffin covered with handfuls of dirt. ‘I’m going to write about her loving nature. I’m going to tell our story, her story. I shall write about “The Middle Child”.’

  A Letter From Angela

  First of all, I want to say a huge thank you for choosing to read Dear Mother. I hope you enjoyed the story of the three sisters despite the emotional ride. There are many types of childhood abuse and all are damaging. I chose to explore the subject of physical abuse in this book.

  This story burned inside me for a number of years after reading much about being a ‘middle child’. The story of the three sisters became so clear in my head that I just had to commit it to paper.

  Although much of the book focusses on the stories of Catherine and Alex I wanted to emphasise Beth’s role in reuniting them.

  If you did enjoy it, I would be forever grateful if you’d write a review. I’d love to hear what you think, and it can also help other readers discover one of my books for the first time. Or maybe you can recommend it to your friends and family…

  Thank you for joining me on this emotional journey.

  I’d love to hear from you – so please get in touch on my Facebook or Goodreads page, twitter or through my website.

  And if you’d like to keep up-to-date with all my latest releases, just sign up at the link below:

  Angela Marsons’ new releases email

  Thank you so much for your support, it is hugely appreciated.

  Angela Marsons

  @WriteAngie

  angelamarsonsauthor

  The Forgotten Woman

  Two ordinary women. Two damaged lives. One friendship that would save them both.

  Kit Mason has lived a life of unimaginable pain. An ex-prostitute, she has fled the clutches of an abusive pimp and now finds herself living hand to mouth in a new city, without anyone to help her.

  Frances Thornton seems to be living the perfect life. A lawyer from a privileged background, her perfect façade hides the painful secrets that still haunt her.

  Brought together by their attempts to conquer their addictions in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, the two women strike up an unlikely friendship.

  But can they find strength in each other – or will the demons of their past catch up with them?

  A compelling, moving and ultimately uplifting novel about overcoming the very worst life can throw at you and starting over. The perfect read for fans of Jodi Picoult and Amanda Prowse.

  Originally self published as MY NAME IS.

  Silent Scream

  Kim Stone Book 1

  #1 BESTSELLER

  Even the darkest secrets can’t stay buried forever
…

  Five figures gather round a shallow grave. They had all taken turns to dig. An adult-sized hole would have taken longer. An innocent life had been taken but the pact had been made. Their secrets would be buried, bound in blood …

  Years later, a headmistress is found brutally strangled, the first in a spate of gruesome murders which shock the Black Country.

  But when human remains are discovered at a former children’s home, disturbing secrets are also unearthed. D.I. Kim Stone fast realises she’s on the hunt for a twisted individual whose killing spree spans decades.

  As the body count rises, Kim needs to stop the murderer before they strike again. But to catch the killer, can Kim confront the demons of her own past before it’s too late?

  Fans of Rachel Abbott, Val McDermid and Mark Billingham will be gripped by this exceptional new voice in British crime fiction.

  SILENT SCREAM IS OUT NOW

  What people are saying about Silent Scream

  ‘A superb debut by an assured new writer. Blending sharp wit with emotion, I thoroughly enjoyed the ride alongside DI Kim Stone and look forward to the next outing.’ Mel Sherratt

  'I absolutely loved it! ... This one is one of the best crime thrillers I've read in a long time, and that includes mainstream authors such as James Patterson! I would seriously put this book in the same league.' Fiona’s Book Reviews

  ‘I have not been so impressed by a debut novel in a long time, and I'm actually now itching for more from D.I. Kim Stone and the rest of her squad… D.I. Kim Stone is like the British Jane Rizzoli… I can't wait for the second book, because this one was a top-notch crime thriller.’ Leah Loves