by Karen Deen
“You have no idea of the different sides to her, Emily. We are either verbally sparring, or the heat is that hot we’re almost dragging each other behind closed doors. I have no idea how to handle her. I know one thing though, I want to try. How much do you know about her?” I ask, desperately wanting to get as much information as I can, to help me work out how I’m going to try and get Zara to at least give me the time of day. I’m also hoping to have this conversation finished before Zach returns with the twins. I love my brother, but he’s taking way too much interest and delight in this situation.
“Zara is a beautiful woman, Grant. She is an amazing dance teacher and Sophia loves her to death. I am eternally grateful for the confidence she’s helped build in Sophia. As for her personal life, I really don’t know anything. However, she did mention to me one day that she is auditioning for the New York Dance Company shortly. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that there is more to the audition than she’s letting on.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Just a feeling I got by the way her expression changed when she spoke about it. It is hard to describe but her face had a sense of longing, one that told me she had worked so hard to get to this point. But it was also one that showed pain. I don’t know what the pain related to, but there was definitely pain involved in getting her to this point with her audition. If I can give you any advice on how to get to know her, I would say to tread carefully. You can be sort of intimidating at times. Your family knows you’re a big softie underneath, but you don’t show that very often. So perhaps show Zara that side of you and not just the cocky, confident, verbal sparring man you tell me you have shown her so far.” With that, Emily looks at me with the biggest smile that has the sides of her mouth lifting up to her cheeks, and eyes twinkling. I can see she’s trying not to laugh at me. Right on cue, baby Thomas lets out a little whimper.
“Thanks for the advice. You know I can’t talk to my family about this. They will all be jumping on board and will try to have me hooked up and married before poor Zara has had a chance to even meet me properly. I have no idea what has happened to me since I’ve met her. Zara certainly has captured my soul and it is longing to get to know her more.
“I just need to work out how I am going to do that. Do you think it’s strange I feel this strong after one day? How long did it take you to know Zach was the one for you?”
Emily ponders her answer, her eyes full of the incurable love for my brother.
“If I am truly honest, I knew the moment he wrapped his arms around me on that first day and told me he would always be there to care for me. What really sealed it though, was the way he looked after Samuel and Sophia. For someone who had no children, he was amazing with them. You know the thing that really made me fall in love? It was that he saw me, the real me. The scared, lonely woman who just wanted someone to love her.”
Deep down in my heart, I want that too. I just want to be loved and wanted by that special woman who I can love with all that I am.
Just as I’m imagining Zara being that woman, the quiet is broken by Samuel and Sophia bursting into the room with bags held above their head, announcing they have enough donuts for everyone. I turn back to Emily and mouth thank you to her before stepping back and giving the kids space to see their mom and brother. By the knowing smile on Emily’s face, she knows how hard it is for me to share my feelings. I can count on her to keep our chat between us. We have developed that sort of relationship.
“So, what’s the gossip with you and Miss Zara, big brother? Are you going to tell me or what?” Zach waits for me to respond.
“Zach, let’s just say Miss Zara is a very interesting woman.” I turn and smile at Emily before leaning down to give her a kiss. Stroking little Thomas on the cheek, I smile at Zach. A smile that says straight up I won’t be telling him a thing.
“I have to get moving, kids. Uncle Grant has work still to do because Daddy has been lazy and didn’t finished his jobs.” The kids jump up and wrap their arms around me. Leaning down to pull them into my arms, I hear Emily laughing and Zach huffing.
He may think he has the upper hand at the moment, now he has his life on track. However, he’s forgetting I’m the one in charge and will only share my life when I feel it’s time, or with who I trust to share with. Nice try, Zach, but you will have to wait.
“I will see you two cheeky little ones tomorrow when I come visit. Be good for Mommy and Daddy, won’t you?” Sophia looks into my eyes with the biggest smile. This little girl makes me melt every time.
“Uncle Grant, I have dancing tomorrow, can you pick me up again, so I get to see you? I don’t want to miss out seeing you when you visit Thomas and Samuel.” How can I deny such a beautiful request? Those sweet eyes looking at me with hope.
“I think you better check with your mom and dad if that’s okay. Daddy may have already organized who is picking you up.”
“Please, please, please can Uncle Grant pick me up?” Sophia swings around to beg Zach and Emily who are trying hard not to laugh.
“Of course, Uncle Grant can pick you up from dancing, Sophia. I’m sure he’d love to see his friend, Miss Zara. Wouldn’t you, Grant?” Zach smirks at me to let me know, even if I thought I had shut him down, he isn’t letting up. “Maybe he could pick you up and then bring you to the hospital and see us all as well. Is that okay with you, Uncle Grant?”
“Yes, perfect, I’d love to pick up my princess. Perhaps this time, however, you can let the security warden, Miss Zara, know she has your permission for me to pick up Sophia. In fact, give her the whole list of family members for future reference. It will save me a verbal battle before we even leave the building.” Both Zach and Emily look confused but nod in agreement.
“I will be there early, Sophia, so I can watch you dance a little bit. Is that okay with you?” Her eyes light up like a Christmas tree and she bounces up and down. “Looks like that’s a yes then?”
“Yes, please, Uncle Grant. I want you to watch me. See you tomorrow.” She plants a big kiss on my cheek then skips across to her mother, climbs onto the bed, and reaches out to hold baby Thomas’s hand. She’s going to make the best big sister. I can’t leave Samuel out.
“Hey, Sammy, do you want me to pick you up from school tomorrow and we can go and play in the park with the ball until it’s time to pick up Sophia? That way it will give Mom and Dad some quiet time with Thomas. What do you say, buddy?” I hit a winner with him if the large smile is any indication.
“Cool, Uncle Grant, can we get an ice cream too?” Always thinking of his stomach, this kid.
“If you’re good, we might, okay?” The nodding of the head is happening again. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was going to fall off.
“Okay, that’s settled then. I will see you two rascals after school and then I will bring you to the hospital later. Does that sound all right with you two?” I turn to see Zach and Emily, both wearing a stupid grin.
“I don’t want to hear it, Zach. I’m just trying to help you out and keep my niece and nephew happy. I’ve already spoken to Mom and Dad about helping out with the kids tomorrow. That’s it.” I know in my head that’s only half of it. Of course, I’ll jump at any excuse to see Zara. She’ll have to talk to me if Sophia and Samuel are around.
“Mmm, of course that’s what you’re doing, Grant. Let’s go with that shall we. But make sure you say hello to Miss Zara for us, won’t you?” The smartass wears a smirk that says he’s onto me. Well, he won’t be getting anything from me. Not until I have Zara on my arm and in my bed. However long it takes, I’m determined to make it happen. Talking to Emily has helped me organize my thoughts. I don’t deal well with not having a plan. It’s time to work out how I’m going to show Zara that dating me is the best idea she’s heard in her whole life. Then I will make her mine.
Chapter Eleven
Zara
Days like today, I am so glad my apartment has a large, deep bath. It’s the type you can sink ri
ght down under the water while you let it fully envelope you.
I can’t wait to get through the front door and when I reach into my handbag, I find everything but my keys. I really must clean it out at some stage. Everything I own has found a home in my handbag.
I hear the keys moving around in the bottom of my bag but can’t make contact. Damn it! I just want to get inside out of the dark night, and out of the weather which looks like it might storm. I’m nearly at the point of frustration and about to tip my bag upside down to shake the hell out of it until everything falls onto the sidewalk.
Just as I’m about to give up hope, I finally feel the jagged edges of the keys. As I pull them from the debris in my bag, I can’t help but smile. Out popped the key chain my mom gave me the day I moved into this apartment after my injury. Other than the keys, there’s two items attached to it. The first is a silver ballerina so I never forget who I am. The other is a plastic square and written on it in bright yellow it reads, “No matter what, the sun will always rise again tomorrow. Make sure you get up to enjoy it. Never give up.”
I can always count on my mother to be that person. The one who is always there. On the days I need her and the days I don’t even realize I need her, she is there anyway. Growing up Mom was my biggest cheerleader in everything I tried. I always danced no matter what but kept trying other things. When I thought I wanted to be a peewee hockey player, she washed the jerseys and cheered at every game. Art classes led to exhibitions every term and she’d buy every one of my painting, even if they were terrible. Finally, when I realized my dream of dancing was the only thing that mattered, Mom gave a sigh of relief. Costumes weren’t half as bad to wash as the whole team’s hockey jerseys.
Even when you’re an adult, there are times you still need your mom. The day I injured my leg, I cried on her shoulder. I yelled at her in frustration. I put bruises and scratches on her hands from my nails when I gripped hard from the agonizing pain. It never mattered, because she was there ready to hug me, love me and tell me it would be all right. I hope one day when the time eventually comes, I can be a mom just like her.
Dad was amazing too, but always quiet in the background. He gave the most amazing hugs, ones that felt like you were safe from the world. As a little girl, I remember sitting on his lap on the back steps of the house. Him telling me stories about his life and adventures, which looking back now, I’m sure were exaggerated for my benefit. By the end of the story, he’d have me giggling from endless tickles until I nearly peed my pants. They’re special memories that I will always treasure. I’m blessed as far as parents go.
Opening the door to my apartment, I feel the stress of the day start to ease. Some days are just crap no matter what you try to do. It just never goes the way you want. Dropping my dance bag in the laundry, I head down the hallway to my bedroom, already removing items of clothing along the way. All I want is to soak my weary body in a nice hot bubble bath with lavender oil. It’s the best thing to relax not only my muscles, but my mind.
I love my students, well most of them, most of the time. However, some of the parents know how to grate my nerves. I’m pretty sure I am slightly more qualified than they are to teach dance to their little cherubs. Pity they don’t see this. The same mothers let me know each week what they think I should be doing in class or how their child should be moved to the front of the group. They think their child is too talented for the class they’re in, so I should move them up a level. I mean, what would I know? Seriously.
Today after the normal morning conversations, or rants I should call them, the day just continued to get worse. Little Johnathan was being silly and not listening and kept climbing up on the chairs. Of course, he fell and knocked loose his front teeth. His mom was less than impressed.
During my lunch break I spent an hour on the phone to the electricity company who were threatening to cut off my power. They’d lost the record of my payment I made a month ago.
Needless to say, I was pushed over the edge and not ashamed to say voices were raised, with a few choice cusses thrown in if they didn’t promise to fix the situation. It must have worked because my power is still on. For how long, I don’t know. Who knows what I’m going to find when I open the studio tomorrow morning.
But that wasn’t the end of it. The cherry on the top for today, was when one of my twelve-year-old girls told me she felt sick as she projectile vomited across the dance floor, sending screaming dancers in every direction.
By the time I reach the bathroom and turn on the taps, I’m standing in only my panties and bra. I lean on the counter and look in the mirror. Looking back at me is a woman I no longer recognize. A week ago, she was a driven, focused dancer who wasn’t even looking sideways. Her only concern was being completely ready for this audition.
Today, I see someone who still wants all of that and is working her ass off to get there, however there is a little glimmer in her eyes. One that is telling her that perhaps there is something more she wants in her life. Or actually, to be honest, someone. No one has ever made her lose focus before, ever. Yet here I am, staring at this woman who has a small fire smoldering in her belly for the most arrogant man she has ever met. That woman in the mirror is me. The confused woman who has never felt like this before.
The aroma of lavender circles me as I turn off the taps. Slipping my bra off for the day is the best feeling. Being a dancer, I don’t have huge breasts, but they are an average C-Cup. Slowly, I run my hands over them, thinking how it would feel to have Grant’s hands touching me. Would he be gentle and soft? Or would he be rough, taking my breath away with pleasurable pain? While my mind drifts off into my fantasy world, I slowly slide my panties off. The water’s hot and welcoming as I lower my aching body into the bath. This is exactly what I need, to lay here and continue dreaming of Grant and his hands touching my body in wicked ways.
I rest my head back on a folded towel on the edge of the bath. Closing my eyes, I picture Grant’s dark eyes full of lust and heat. Just like in the studio when I was nearly naked. The look of wanting to devour me, telling what he wanted to do to me and his seductive promises if I went along with it. He had me hot and bothered. My hands continue kneading my breasts, water lapping over the top of them. My nipples are hard and erect, letting me know I’ve woken them up and they want more. They want Grant sucking them into his strong mouth and biting down. A slight moan escapes my mouth. I started something and there’s no going back until I find relief. My right hand starts the slow decent from my breasts to the top of my pelvis. I hesitate. It’s been a while since I touched myself like this. No one has put me in the mood... until Grant. Every time I close my eyes, he’s there
I creep my fingers down into the hair above my clit, dipping down between my legs where I wish Grant was. Dragging two fingers up the length of my slit and brush over my hard nub, it has me moaning again, this time intensely. I can’t deny my arousal. I want Grant and I want him here in the bath touching me and fucking me, hard. The more I think of the different positions he would want to take me in, the harder I rub myself. My hand works feverishly to bring me to the climax my body needs. I slide a finger into my vagina where my muscles tighten and scream for release. My thumb presses firmly on my clit, my hips moving rhythmically in the water. I’m so close to tipping over the edge, I pinch my nipple, twisting enough for that pleasurable pain. Just as I climax, one name screams from my lips. The name belonging to one man I can’t have.
This was the only place I could ever indulge in my fantasies of Grant.
In the privacy of my own home.
As my body slowly starts to come down from the release, I feel my muscles finally relaxing. No amount of alcohol, laughing with friends, or eating chocolate can ever make me feel as good as a nerve-tingling orgasm. Well, except for that orgasm personally handled by Grant which I know will never happen. Closing my eyes, head back, I drift off to a place where my worries aren’t welcome.
Grant, why did you have to choose now to come into my
life? Right when I can’t do a goddamn thing about it.
Focus is what I need. But I just can’t seem to focus on the right thing. I need to remember, tomorrow is a new day and I can try again then.
Let’s face it, tomorrow has to be a better day than today.
Grant
Sleep is certainly not my friend at the moment. For a man who has never had a problem sleeping, these last few nights have been killing me. I end up getting out of bed while it’s still dark and head out early for my morning run. It’s 4:30AM and all I can think about as I pound the pavement is seeing Zara today.
She totally consumes my thoughts and I need to get a handle on it. I’m getting desperate to get her in my life and the lack of restraint I have over my thoughts is so out of character. It’s pissing me off. Every time I think of Zara, it’s the vision of her wet, standing before me in only her towel, one that barely covers her body. How my dick didn’t punch out of my pants right then is a miracle. The drops of water slowly running down her chest and disappearing between her breasts nearly killed me. I would’ve liked to use my tongue to lick her dry.
For God’s sake, I need to stop replaying that vision. Zara deserves more respect than to be the subject of my fantasies. As much as I want her body wrapped around mine, her sassy attitude and her bravery to stand up to me is just as much a turn on. No one has ever challenged me the way Zara does. I want more of that.
Showered and dried, I stand in my walk-in wardrobe with just a towel around my hips. Looking down at my sculpted body, I consider what Zara thinks of me. Whether she likes what she sees or whether she prefers the body of a lean dancer. I am sure they are strong, but they’re not as big as me or my brothers. We have been blessed in the size department. Not just the width of my shoulders or the muscles and abs I work so hard on in the gym, but one thing I can guarantee is that no dancer would be able to hide a dick my size in any dance tights. Especially if he was dancing with Zara at the time. If it was me dancing with her then it would be very obvious what my dick thinks about her.