The second collection of 3 great novels by Mary Burchell

by Burchell, Mary

  "Need we go into that now?"

  "I should be glad to know that you were just a little sorry," Thea saidslowly.

  "Want me to abase myself, eh?'' He looked amused.

  "Oh, no! No, as a matter of fact, I'd hate to see you abase yourself It wouldn't be—you. It was just that I'd like to be able to believe that what you did was so far removed from your usual behavior, that you were shocked and sorry about It yourself."

  "Oh, Thea dear, I don't think you'd better agonize over my * usual behavior.' It wouldn't meet with your approval, I'm afraid, so why bother about it?"

  "But—" suddenly she was arguing desperately "—what you did was so different from anything else, so out of character."

  "Not to anyone who really knew me, Thea."

  "But that isn't true! Mrs. Dorley says it isn't, and she knows you better than anyone."

  "Jeanette? How the deuce do you know what she thinks about it?"

  "Oh, she's home—back in England, I mean. And she'll literally be home here quite soon. She's just out shopping. I told her everything. I... I didn't really mean to, Lin, because it wasn't very fair to you or kind to her. But somehow, when I had to explain part, it gradually became the whole. And she says it's quite out of character.'

  Unexpectedly, this reduced him to silence for a moment, perhaps because he was so surprised at Mrs. Dorley's sudden return.

  Then he said, "Well, don't worry about these fine shades of meaning, Thea. We Ml get this annulment or divorce through as soon as possible. And once you're married to Stephen, you won't feel too badly about the past. He's home, too, I suppose?"

  "No," Thea said. "He's not home. And incidentally, there isn't going to be any *when I'm married to Stephen,' so please don't map out my future for me so exactly and— ana officiously."

  He looked quite unnecessarily taken aback by this rebuke, Thea thought.

  "What do you mean about not marrying Stephen?" he asked sharply. "Do you mean to say he's taken up with some other girl already?"

  "If he had, protests wouldn't come very well fiom you,^' Thea said gravely. "So far as I know, he hasn't. But I hope and think that, as he's staying on longer in the States, he may have a chance of setting over me."

  "But what is this self-sacrificing nonsense?" Lin sounded disproportionately irritated. "You are in love with him, so—

  " Who said I was in love with him?''

  "Well, you did yourself"

  "Idid?^'

  "In a sort of academic, roundabout way. At least, I asked you if you would have chosen to marry him if you hadn't already been married to me, and you finally said you would. I thought—why, good God, child! Don't you know what your own feelings are? Or can't you express them?"

  To her surprise, Thea felt a flood or sheerly furious color rush into her face.

  "How dare you say such things to me? What does it matter to you whether I love Stephen or not? It's not your business—/*wi not your business!

  "You are my business," he said suddenly and quite coolly. "You're my wife."

  Thea gasped.

  "It's a funny time to start being conscious of that, isn't it?" she said.

  "It's as good a time as any." She suddenly noticed the obstinate thrust of his lower lip. "If you're not going to marry Stephen—if he really means nothing to you and

  you *re just wandering around in a vague, unattached staterm damned if 1*11 give you up without a^truggle."

  " Wh-what are you saying, Lin?"

  **I don't know. Some confounded foolery, I don't doubt Too many words have been said already."

  And in one movement, he stood up and picked her out of her chair, and before Thea knew what he was doing, he had covered her face with kisses.

  "You—beast! "Thea said, and hit him.

  She was faintly shocked to find that it was his cheek she had hit, and that the blow made a ringing sound.

  "Damn!" Lin said, but he didn't let go of her. "Why shouldn't I kiss you, anyway?"

  "You know why. Oh, Lin, you might have sp-spared me this. You—you might have left me just a few silly illusions about you," Thea said, and a deep sob escaped her.

  "Darling, don't cry.'' He kissed her again, but this time it was much softer and on the side of her cheek. "What's this about illusions? Come, don't sob like that. Tell me."

  And he sat down in one of the garden chairs and drew her onto his knee, in spite of slight resistance.

  " Listen, my darling—''

  "I'm not your darlmg."

  "But you are, Thea."

  "Well, I don't want to be. Not now. There was a time when it would have made me so happy that I wouldn't have known what to do. It wasn't Stephen I was in love with. It was you—as you are not. I loathe and despise you as you really are, and I won't be darlinged and kissed and insulted by you. But I 'd like you to know that you could have had all my love and all my devotion. But almost before I knew myself that I loved you, I found out what the real you was like, and the silly, beautiful dream was over. In fact, I don't think I even knew how much I'd loved you until I'd lost you."

  She stopped speaking, breathing quickly and sobbing a little, thougli she was almost too angry for real tears.

  "Thea, please listen to me for a minute. Even the greatest criminals are eiven a hearing, you know—"

  "All right,' she whispered, with the fight suddenly gone out of her." I 'm listening.''

  "When I lied to you about Emma it was because I loved

  you. Yes—really loved you. You said just now that you hardly knew when it was you loved me. Well, it was the same with me, darling, except that I was quite sure when you put your arm around my neck and kissed me, that time m hospital. You would have put the other arm around, too— you even moved it a little—but your poor little hand was weighted down too much. I knew that I loved you then, and you had just promised to marry me."

  "Then?*'

  "Yes. All that while ago. And then, almost in the same moment, you remembered Emma and this house and suggested you should come here. I had to act on the instant. Perhaps it was caddish. Of course, it was reprehensible. But I couldn 't let you go again, then."

  "But afterward, you said—*'

  "I know. I'm coming to that."

  Unexpectedly, the slight, resisting pressure of herself against his arm relaxed, and she came close against him.

  He smiled down at her and, for the first time, a slight, pale smile appeared on her face.

  "Will you believe me when I say I often felt conscience-stricken about tricking you into marrying me? And it was all the more trying because my conscience is not a well-oiled organ, you know."

  She really smiled then, and slightly shook her head. Then she was surprised to find she had done so.

  "It was true that I regarded you as a girl who couldn't be rushed, but not quite in the way I implied to you before." Thea looked rather grave again. "I thought that even if I had to do my wooing after the wedding, I would give you time; but I felt pretty confident of winning you. At least—" he looked thoughtful "—sometimes I went hot and cold with the fear that I wouldn't be able to. But it was really with the idea of winning your love, Thea, now and for always. I wanted you for my wife, darling."

  "Oh, Lin, why did you have to make me so miserable by telling me all that stuff about a legalized affair?" she cried reproachfully.

  "That was your phrase," he reminded her. "And a very nasty phrase it is for such a little innocent." He smiled down at her.

  "As a matter of fact, it was Geraldine's phrase," Thea said thoughtfully.

  To which he replied, with unwanted violence, "Oh, blast Geraldine.'*

  "All right.*' Thea smiled up at him. "But no matter who originated the phrase, you did accept it, Lin. Why did you do that?"

  "Why did you tell me you would have married Stephen if you'd been free?" he countered.

  "Was that what put you wrong?''

  "Yes. Who told an unjustified lie there?" he asked teasingly.

  "Lin, it wasn't quite th
at. In fact, it wasn't that at all. It was the plain truth that if Stephen had proposed to me first, I would probably have married him, because he's a perfect dear ana I 'm very fond of him and—''

  "Don't say any more, sweetheart. I'm really of a rather jealous disposition," Lin said. "Besides, I know Stephen is a good boy. He wrote me a most generous letter, wishing me well and owning that he had hoped to marry you himself, but only wanted you to have the man you really wanted. Which has led me to hope since that he would find someone else. Because if one can be quite so objective and noble—"

  "And what were you but objective and noble—" Thea wanted to know "—when you went to all that trouble to make yourself appear a villain in my eyes, so that I wouldn't have any remorse about leaving you? For I suppose that was your silly idea."

  "That was my silly idea," he agreed. "But it wasn't objective and noole. It was merely a belated attempt to right a very grave wrong I had done you."

  "And what was that?" inquired Thea interestedly.

  "Well, what we've just been discussing, you goose. Tricking you into marrying me.''

  "Oh, that? That was the most sensible part of the whole proceeding,'' Thea said.

  He laughed then in the way she loved to hear him laugh. As though he had no more cares or experience than a boy.

  "If I kiss you again, do I risk having my face slapped?" he inquired.

  "Oh, Lin, I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you?" She put her hand up against his cheek.

  "Yes, badly/' he told her with a teasing smile, and they exchanged a long kiss.

  Then, after a contented silence, she said, *'Lin, is it going to be all right, after all?"

  "If you mean, are you going to stay married to me—you are. Thoueh of course it isn't especially suitable. Tm too old for you—

  "You're not!"

  "—And I'm not an ideal husband for an innocent young girl, but-"

  "Lin, please tell me now, and then let's never speak of the subject again. Are you the sort of philanderer tnat people like to make out?"

  " If I tell you, will you promise never to give me away? "

  "I promise," she said rather apprehensively.

  "Well, my darling, I'm quite distressingly respectable in most ways, as women—with notable exceptions—bore me extremely. But I had a few wild months when I first came back after the war, and few of us were normal while we were gradually lowering the pitch of our nerves after grueling air warfare. That gave me the first label, I suppose, and believe it or not, i found it good 'box office' and—

  "Stephen always said you did!"

  "Well, he was right." Lin smiled.

  "And the—the 'notable exceptions?' " Thea said nervously.

  "At the risk of destroying my last shred of glamorous wickedness, love, I must admit that the notable exceptions are friends, or women I admire from the intellectual point of view, and certainly not the heroines of amorous adventures," Lin said gravely.

  "Oh, I 'm so glad!" Thea threw her arms around his neck. "But I'll never tell anyone,"she promised.

  He was still laughing and kissing her for that when Mrs. Dorley came out into the garden, with the express intention of rescuing Thea from a wretched and embarrassing interview.

  "Dear me!" She stood regarding them with amusement and satisfaction. "This is a funny way to discuss divorce, isn't it?"

  They both jumped to their feet, laughing a good deal, and Mrs. Dorley and Lin kissed each other very warmly.

  "Everything's all right," Thea explained with naive comprehensiveness. "Most of the trouble was a mistake and—oh, anyway, I expect you want to talk to Lin. I'll go and help Emma with the tea."

  For a moment Lin detained her by holding her hand, as though he could not quite bear to part with her even for so short a while. Then he smilingly released her, and Thea ran into the house.

  "Oh, Emma, everything's so lovely!" she exclaimed as she came into the kitchen, and she picked up Darry and hugged him, though he indicated by majestic unresponsiveness that he considered she was taking liberties.

  "Ah, well. Miss Thea, that just shows.'

  "Shows what, Emma?"

  "That if you're meant for each other, it will work out that way somehow."

  Thea smiled.

  "Meant for each other? Yes, perhaps that's what we were." And she rubbed her cheek contentedly against Darry's soft fur, and because he was very kind at heart, for all his dignity, he responded with a pianissimo purr.

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