by K E Osborn
“You know I love you, Indi,” I say and she exhales in frustration and turns away from me.
“You can’t love someone you don’t know, Caleb. You love Indi from six years ago—”
“You, yourself said you haven’t changed. I love Indi from six years ago, and I love Indi from six minutes ago. I love you, Indi—”
“Caleb, don’t! Please don’t ruin this. I can’t love you back like you want me too—”
“Why not?” I beg wanting answers that I know she probably won’t give.
“Because it will end us both, Caleb. Don’t you remember?”
“I remember all too well, Indi.”
She stands up and looks out across the river holding herself tightly.
“Just a kiss, Caleb,” she murmurs.
I exhale and stand up next to her and look out at the calmness that is the river, which is the polar opposite to how I feel inside. My stomach is churning and my heart is hammering in my chest. I feel like I’m fucking this up and I can’t lose her again.
“Just a kiss, Indi. That’s all this is,” I say and she turns to face me.
“You mean that? ‘Cause I can’t have it any other way, Caleb. It’s this or nothing,” she says and I look up and wonder if it’s the astrological state of the full moon that’s making her crazy tonight.
“Just a kiss,” I reiterate. If I can’t have her at all, then this…weird and illogical relationship is what I will have to go with. I need her in my life, but I will work at this. Hopefully, eventually, I’ll be able to show her that she needs me like I need her, but not in a suicidal way like her parents. We can be different, we can be amazing if she’d just let us. But for now, I’ll have to give her what she wants.
“It’s getting late,” she says and I lick my lips trying to taste her just once more.
“I’ll take you home.”
She nods and starts to walk back to the car. I exhale shaking my head and follow her, occasionally glancing at her arse. I just can’t help myself. We arrive at the car so I open the door for her.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you. It’s important that we know the rules before this gets any deeper than it’s meant to,” she says. I nod and she smiles while bringing her hand up to caress my cheek. I nuzzle into her hand and she looks at me like she’s sympathizing with me. She knows how hard this is for me and yet she’s doing it anyway. She leans in kissing me quickly on the lips and then slides into the car. I lick my lips and close her door quietly and then look back up at the full moon.
‘Fuck you, you crazy arse full moon’ I mouth and then walk over to my door and slide inside. Starting the ignition, I pull out of the car park and out onto the road.
“I’m sorry,” she says quietly.
I glance over at her and she’s frowning. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because you want more, I can tell, and while I’m around you won’t find happiness with another woman. Maybe we should just call this quits tonight?” she states and my heart begins to pound ferociously in my chest. I look at her and flare my nostrils. She can’t do this to me, not again.
“No Indi, we’re not ending this. I lost you once, I can’t do it again,” I say and immediately notice her tense up.
“Eyes on the road, Caleb,” she says. So I huff and look back at the road in front of me.
“Indi, don’t do this. I can handle just a kiss. I promise, just don’t end this—”
“There is no ‘this’ to end, Caleb. That’s what I’m afraid of that you’ll think there’s more to this than there is. This is purely friendship. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Not seeing you again, Indi, that would hurt me. Not this arrangement we have. If you want just kissing and nothing else, I’m fine with that. We don’t have to take it slow, we don’t have to see how things progress, we can just be friends who kiss. I’m down with that, okay?” I ask and then glance sideways at her.
She looks like she’s going to cry so I reach out and place her hand in mine and squeeze.
“Just friends, Indi,” I reiterate and she takes a deep breath.
“Okay, but the minute it develops into something more, Caleb—”
“It won’t,” I interrupt and she nods.
I look back to the road and she keeps her hand in mine as I intertwine our fingers. Her hand fits perfectly in mine and this is going to be so fucking hard, but anyway I can have Indi in my life is the way I’m going to have to do it. I can’t lose her, not now. Not ever.
We drive in silence and she directs me to her house. When I pull up, it’s tiny and in need of repair. It’s located in a less than perfect part of town, actually more like a slum. I instantly worry for her safety and don’t want her walking to her front door by herself. I get out of the car and we make our way up the path to her front door in silence. I look around at the litter in the street and the turned over garbage cans.
“So thanks for tonight. It was…” she trails off and then turns to look at me and chuckles. “It was interesting.”
“When can I see you again?”
“What do you want to do?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, I can come here and we can watch a movie and have some dinner. Or not. Whatever you want to do is fine by me.”
“Dinner and a movie sounds great.”
“So umm, when are you free next? Is tomorrow too soon?” I ask and then kick myself mentally because that did sound awfully desperate.
She giggles and leans into me wrapping her arms around my waist and cuddling into my chest. I close my eyes reveling in the contact while holding her close to my body.
“Tomorrow is great. I’ll let you know when I’m home from work and then you can come over if you like?” She’s still holding onto me, but pulling back so she can look up at me.
“Sounds perfect,” I reply. She smiles and leans up on her toes, but she doesn’t reach me. I lean down and meet her halfway pressing my lips to hers softly, because if I kiss her any more than a peck, I won’t be able to not go inside.
She slowly pulls back and smiles. “Until tomorrow,” she says as she lets me go. Reaching down and fumbling around inside her large bag she finally pulls out her keys.
“Sleep well, sweet Indi,” I say and take a step back so she can let herself in.
“You too, Caleb.”
As she takes a last look at me, it’s like time stands still and we’re both staring into each other’s eyes. I could get lost in them forever feeling the love she has for me flowing through her eyes, and I know because it’s the same look I’m giving her right now. There’s a pulse in the air and I feel like I can feel her breath on me even though she’s far enough away for it not to be happening. I stare at her intensely begging for just one more kiss. Just one more kiss to tide me over until tomorrow. I lean in a little closer and she leans in matching me. Suddenly, a trash can tips over causing a loud crash and a cat screeches as it runs across the road away from the bin, breaking our trance. Indi jumps, and I turn around to see what’s going on making sure we’re not about to be mugged.
“Geez, that scared the shit out of me,” she says.
I turn back to see her breathing rapidly with her hand on her chest trying to calm her breaths. “Me too, better get inside before you catch a cold. Thanks for tonight, Indi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Rock Star.”
“Good night my sweet Indi.”
She smiles showing those perfect dimples, then turns and steps inside and closes the door leaving me feeling cold and lonely from the lack of her presence. I swallow hard and then lean against the door frame and take in some deep gasps of much-needed air. That moment was intense and if the cat didn’t break it up, I’m sure I would’ve been inside her house and inside of her by now. I felt the connection, and I know she feels it too. She just has to let me in. I have to find a way back, a way we can be together.
I take another deep calming breath and then turn and walk toward my car to drive home to dream about my sweet Indi.
I’ve just pulled up out the front of Indi’s apartment and I still can’t get over how small it is as I step out of my car and lock it. I can’t help but imagine that when I come back out, the doors and tyres of my much-loved car will all be missing, and my precious baby will have key scratches all over the surface of her bodywork. I cringe and close the door making sure to lock it as best I can. I take the bunch of flowers with me to the front door and knock twice. My heart is racing again, and seeing Indi two days in a row is an addiction I could get high on.
It takes a minute, and as I stand here at Indi’s door waiting for her to answer, I can’t help but wonder where tonight might lead. I try not to get too ahead of myself or bogged down in thoughts about the possibility of making love with Indi. I know thinking like that will only get me into trouble, so I’m trying to push it from my mind.
She finally answers the door in her work uniform. She raises an eyebrow at me and smirks.
“I rang you like ten minutes ago, you didn’t have to come over straight away. I still need to shower,” she says and steps back taking the door with her to let me walk inside.
I smile and hand her the bunch of flowers. She shakes her head but smiles at me.
“Well, I can help you in the shower if you like?” I tease and she slaps me on the chest.
“Behave. And thank you for these, they’re beautiful. And you shouldn’t have.”
“Just thought it was the right thing to do. Plus, you need something to liven up this place,” I say as I notice the paint seems to be peeling off the walls. Her furniture is really quite minimalistic and well, quite frankly boring.
“Thanks,” she says sarcastically as she closes the door behind me and walks with me through the miniscule lounge room and finally into the kitchen.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just you’re such an upbeat and bright kind of woman. I guess I just expected your house to look like you, not dark and…spacious,” I say and she fakes a smile as she pulls a vase down from her kitchen cupboard.
“I know it’s not much, but it is home. I guess I’m used to it now so…” she trails off and I feel an awkward tension filling the room.
“Okay, how ‘bout you go and have your shower while I make myself comfortable, and then we can go from there?” I suggest as she fills the vase with water.
“Sounds great,” she says while turning the tap off using a little too much force. I can see it’s still leaking, as she places the flowers in the vase and then puts it on the kitchen island. “I’ll try not to be too long in the shower. And don’t even think for one minute that you can come and join me, okay?” she says with a slight smirk.
Damn!
“As much as I want to see you naked and wet…wait, I have nothing to add after that. I really want to see you naked and wet,” I tease.
She rolls her eyes and shakes her head walking off toward another room. “Well stiff, you can now go and sit down in the lounge and watch television or something.”
I laugh and turn back toward the lounge room, but the heavy drops of the water dripping from her kitchen tap are screaming at me. As she walks off she slips her cardigan from her shoulders, I turn back toward the sink and shake my head.
How can she live like this? She deserves so much better. She’s worth more than this dump! I look around the small space at the rusted sink and the cupboard doors that don’t close properly and I decide I have to try and make this better for her. I know she won’t let me get her a new place, but the least I can do is fix the one she has. I open the cupboard under the sink hoping to find some tools, but I’m doubtful that I will. After searching through the endless cleaning supplies, I see a little rectangular box at the back so I pull it out placing it on the bench. Opening the lid, I smile when I see some timeworn and rusty tools. Ones that can help me with my plight. I sit myself down on the floor in front of the cupboard door that won’t shut properly. I grab a screwdriver and adjust the hinges. After a bit of a fiddle, the door now closes correctly. I smile and give myself an imaginary pat on the back. I smile again and listen as I hear the shower turn off. I quickly make my way to the sink and using a wrench, I start to fiddle with the taps. I adjust the first tap washer and then the second and it seems to have stopped the leaking, for now.
Hearing Indi singing softly as she dresses while I replace the box of tools back under the sink makes me smile. It was good to have something to keep my mind occupied while trying hard not to think of Indi being completely naked and dripping wet only a few metres away from me. I must admit, I did want to run in there and shower with her a few times, but being here and hopefully improving her living conditions is important to me.
She walks out into the kitchen where I’m leaning against the island and she smiles as she rubs her wet hair with a towel. She doesn’t seem to want to impress me with her choice of outfit as she’s put on some flannelette pyjama bottoms and a plain purple long sleeved top. She actually looks really comfortable, and that in itself makes her look sexy. Her face is free of makeup and her short blonde hair damp with water, still looks like perfection to me.
“Why are you smirking?” she asks while continuing to walk up to me.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I found your tool box under the sink. I fixed the cupboard door and the leaky taps for you,” I say unsure of what her reaction might be.
“You went through my cupboards?” she asks looking a little pissed off.
I tense and frown. “Yeah, but only to look for the tools, I promise.” Her hard glare softens and she giggles as she slaps me on the arm. “I’m only kidding, you big goof. Don’t look so petrified,” she says continuing to rub her hair as she walks over to the previously broken cupboard door. She opens and closes it like she was waiting for it to fall off its hinges or something.
“Wow, you did a superb job.”
“What, you think I don’t know how to fix things? I’m an excellent handyman to have around.”
“I don’t really imagine most rock stars are able to handle tools as well. I thought all you know how to do is play the guitar and sing really well.”
I shake my head and smile. “There’s lots of things I can do other than play guitar and sing. I would like to show you if you’ll let me?” She walks over and wraps her arms around my waist holding onto me tightly. Her wet hair resting against my chest and sending a chill right through my centre. I hold onto her firmly.
“You’re a man of many talents, so it would seem,” she says and looks up at me with her sparkling blue eyes.
“Many, many talents, my sweet Indi.”
She giggles and leans up on her toes. I meet her half way and bring my face down in line with hers.
“Is kissing one of those talents?” she asks and I smirk and nod.
“How ‘bout I show you and you can tell me?” I suggest. She leans up further pressing her lips to mine tenderly. I run my hand up her back and into her hair and hold her to me as I slide my tongue against hers. It feels like the world slips away and it’s just me and Indi standing in her kitchen kissing as we should be. She pulls back and puts her feet flat on the ground. She’s a fair bit shorter than me, but I don’t mind.
“Hmmm, I guess your kissing might be considered a talent. But I wouldn’t get too carried away thinking you’re God’s gift to women or anything,” she teases and I lean down kissing her forehead.
“You, Indi, are a tease.”
She feigns shock and shakes her head. “Me? Never!” Then she smirks and let’s go of me and walks over to her fridge. “Thank you for fixing those things for me. I was thinking something quick and easy for dinner. Pasta okay?” she asks. I nod and move across to her as she pulls the ingredients out and hands them to me. I place them on the island and watch her arse as she bends over in the fridge. I swallow hard trying to stop myself from running forward and grabbing her arse tightly in my hands.
She turns around and smirks. “See something you like there, Caleb?” she asks snapping me back into r
eality.
“Sorry, just when you’re flashing it in my face like that it’s hard not to want to grab you and…” I pause and shake my head trying to rid myself of the inappropriate thoughts that are racing through my brain.
“Okay, well, how ‘bout you piss off to the lounge room and I’ll make us dinner without you feeling the need to grope me.”
I grab the packet of pasta from her and turn her toward the lounge room. “How about I make us dinner and you watch television after a long day at work and then I can grope you after?” I suggest playfully and she chuckles.
“You? Make dinner?” she asks looking like she actually doubts my skills.
“Indi, I’ve lived on my own for a while now. I know how to cook.”
She purses her lips together trying to stop herself from laughing. “Well, how about we cook together?”
“Okay, but I get to make the sauce,” I reply and she giggles and nods her head.
“Right, where are all your pots and shit?”
“Over there.” She points so I walk over grabbing a frying pan and a pot for the pasta. “Okay, Mr. Chef Extraordinaire, what would you like me to do?”
I look over and smile while placing the pot and pan on the stove then walk over to her, wrapping my hands around her waist and hoisting her up onto the island bench.
“Whoa, Caleb!” she shrieks and giggles as I spread her legs and stand in between them.
“I would like you to watch and learn, my little pixie,” I say and she giggles and wraps her arms around my neck while I lean down and kiss her gently. She wraps her legs around my waist pulling me closer and I smirk against her lips then slowly pull away.
“If it’s just kissing you want, then you better stop grinding against me.”
She fakes a salute. “Yes, sir.”
I lean down kissing her forehead and then walk away to the stove. While I get everything ready, Indi sits on the bench just watching me. Occasionally giggling and making strange noises like she’s impressed with how I’m cooking the food. I add all the spices to the sauce and pull out a teaspoon to taste it and like always it is delicious. “Mmm, yum,” I say as I swallow it down.