by Lindsay Nall
“That won’t happen.”
“You don’t know that. You froze today and you didn’t even know the soul.” He had turned to look at her but she kept staring out the window at the people passing by on the next street.
“It was my first demon, I’ll do better next time.”
“If there is a next time.” She straightened at that and turned to face him. He couldn’t mean what she thought he meant, could he?
“What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe it is too soon for you to be in the field.”
“You’d send me back!?” She was yelling now and she hated it but the thought of being locked up again made her blood run cold.
“If it would keep you from getting yourself or someone else killed then yes.”
“You can’t do that.”
“Then you must promise me you won’t look for her under any circumstance.” Mari ground her teeth as she thought.
“She’s my…”
“Promise!” The volume of his voice made her jump and take a step back. There were a few times he had yelled at her and the thought of letting him down bothered her despite her anger at the moment.
“I promise.”
“Life is cruel Mari; the sooner you learn that the better off you will be.” She nodded and turned back to the window.
“Please leave.” Marinique nodded and started for the door but stopped just before it with his back still to her.
“I love you, no matter how cruel you may think me sometimes.” She nodded and he left her to her thinking. He was right, she knew that but still. There was a part of her, when it came to her Uncle, which made her feel like the younger girl she had been when he had first met her but there was another part that wanted to prove to him that she was a strong independent woman. Sometimes she wondered just how strong and independent she was though.
As Marinique walked out of the Inn he saw Nyght sitting on the steps watching the stars. He stopped behind him giving a quick glance to the window a few feet down the wall that Mari still occupied.
“You heard?” Nyght jumped to his feet shaking his head.
“No…alright yes, some but I wasn’t eavesdropping.” Marinique sighed under his breath barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
“You care for my niece don’t you?” Nyght sobered at his question.
“We all do, she’s a Shadow and a part of our team.” Marinique nodded.
“I must ask something of you Nyght. Keep her safe for me; she’s so much like her mother.”
“Marinique?” Nyght whispered confused.
“Oh and Nyght? If anything happens to her I’m holding you responsible.” Nyght’s eyes went wide at the subtle threat the man had delivered as he passed him and started down the street. He watched Marinique disappear down around a corner both worried and confused. The argument he and Mari had just had did not end well and now he was solely responsible for her well-being? If he was going to be responsible for anyone he needed the truth and there was only one place to get it.
Going back into the Inn Nyght knocked softly on the door to the room Mari still resided in. At a muttered ‘come in’ he entered and closed the door behind him. She was still leaning on the windowsill watching the town but not seeing it anymore.
“You okay?”
“He makes me so mad sometimes.” Nyght nodded, Vander had felt the same way multiple times. “The jerk…” She let out a long sigh and turned to lean her hip against the wall so she could face him but she looked to the floor. “At the same time, though I can’t blame him, we’re the only family each other has anymore.” She gave a weak smile at better memories.
“Mari…I have to ask…the promise you made?” She sighed again fiddling with the chain around her neck.
“A month before I transferred I was in Bart’s office looking for a file, he’s so unorganized sometimes.” She let out a quiet laugh. “I found my father’s file first though. They told me he had died in the crossfire between the Shadow he was accompanying and a demon but that wasn’t it at all. He had been tracking her all this time, marking down the sightings, tracking her through the world. I don’t know what he expected to find…or do. He was a field researcher, not a Shadow. It explained the sudden move to the Silhouette, why he never said she was dead only that she was lost to us.” A thought began to form in Nyght’s head as she spoke, if he was right it would make sense out of a lot of things. “Bart knew, he knew where my father went and why he let him go on a suicide mission.”
Nyght thought over things for a moment hesitating in his want to speak his worry. “Mari…you don’t mean…”
“My mother is a demon Nyght. Uncle Rayne thinks because she was my mother I’ll do something stupid but after today, after hearing what that spirit told me, how could I want anything but to kill her?” She looked to Nyght then, he expected to see tears or even pain on her face but he saw nothing but strength and determination. That alone put his mind at ease immensely. “Her soul’s been in torment for so long, I’m a Shadow, it’s my job to destroy demons. That’s why if I do come across her I can’t uphold that promise to my Uncle. If I find her I will kill her.” He thought about her resolve for a long time wondering how strong her mother had become. The more people demons killed the stronger they were and the higher they moved within the ranks and if her mother, this demon, was still around after this long it would be strong. Very strong. If they did come across her would they be strong enough to destroy it and set her soul free?
Seven
The Northern towns were experiencing an early winter and it had come hard and fast. Snow drifts were already piling high making it hard to find the road under the snow. The trees were bare and the lakes already frozen over. There was no trace of the woodland creatures that usually ventured out in the winter, even they had evaded this storm but the four trudged on. They were traveling along a route that would take them further north into the heart of the storm and the next town which was still two days’ travel away. None of them were looking forward to camping out tonight and had jokingly tossed back and forth the idea of just walking until they got there. Mari was glad for something to distract her from the cold when a demon attacked the four, a higher level with an exceptional attunement to the weather.
“Vander watch out!” Mari yelled pulling on the wind to give her speed and knock him out of the way of an attack. Unfortunately, it made the attack hit her sending her flying into the middle of a nearby frozen lake through the ice and into the frigid water. She fought with the water though its freezing temperatures burned her body making it hard for her to get her bearings back. She pounded at the ice over the lake searching for the opening she crashed through but not finding it and her fractures refused to help her. ‘My bodies shutting down…the fracture…my hearts slowing…’ Darkness pulled at her drawing her deeper into the water and consuming her mind.
Nyght jumped into the water without even thinking about the consequences, Vander and Reagan could handle the demon, they weren’t the ones that needed him right now. The water was freezing, so cold it burned. His lungs tried to fail him as he swam trying to find her in the inky ice but he fought on, Mari was somewhere in this lake, somewhere in worse pain than he was in from the frigid temperatures. It was getting harder to see, the water burned his eyes and his skin but he refused to give up. He wouldn’t lose her this way. Finally, after what felt like hours in the cold he saw Mari’s body floating against the lakes icy top. Grabbing her around the waist he used a dark incantation to break the ice above them and get them both to the safety of dry land. Setting her body in a clear patch of snow Nyght pulled one of his fire arrows out of his quiver using it to melt the snow in a large area. The wet warm ground was better than snow and ice. No sounds of battle reached him over the thundering of his labored breathing and pounding heart reassuring him that the demon was gone. He could hear Vander faintly calling his name in the distance, he returned the call then turned his attention to the limp form in front of him.
Quickly he checked Mari’s neck for a pulse but found nothing, her chest remained still, no breath came from her mouth.
“Nyght? Mari!?” Vander and Reagan broke through the snow-covered hedges as Nyght got Mari breathing again. She coughed a few times throwing up the water she had swallowed before her body began to shake, her lips were blue and her skin paler than usual.
“We’re alive but we need to get her warm,” Nyght whispered starting to unbutton Mari’s jacket. “she needs to get out of these wet clothes.”
“I’ll get a fire started.” Vander ran into the woods to try and find useable tinder.
“What can I do?” Reagan asked watching as Nyght threw Mari’s coat to the side then his own along with his shirt.
“Help Vander with the fire.” He pulled Mari to his chest wrapping his arms around her. She was shivering so badly it was hard to keep a grip on her. Reagan took a step to go help Vander but stopped and took off his coat handing it to Nyght. “Thanks.” Nyght nodded wrapping the coat around the two of them and tucking it under Mari’s chin. “Come on Marisol.” She was so cold, so pale, Nyght wondered if they would even be able to help her or if it would be better to call for help, for someone to come get her. He shook his head at that thought, they were too far out. “Hold on okay? Hold on.” He didn’t know if she could hear his plea but in a sense it made him feel better to think she could. To think that she knew there was someone here taking care of her, waiting for her to wake up.
‘Wanting her’ He growled at the demonic whisper. ‘Shut up.’
In no time Vander and Reagan managed to get a fire going and hung the wet clothing up to dry. Mari had stopped shaking as bad as she had been and her teeth had stopped chattering but her lips remained an unhealthy blue. Vander had given Nyght his coat to use to get the girl warm and it was helping along with the fire. Nyght curled up with her sandwiched between him and the fire and fell asleep.
In the middle of the night Mari woke from a cold draft on her right arm, she shivered a bit then looked up to see she was lying on top of Nyght and wrapped in what looked like jackets. Gazing around a bit more she saw Vander and Reagan curled up on the other side of the fire to her left both without their coats. She took a minute to think back on what had happened earlier that day remembering the demon and the attack she had intercepted. Looking to Vander she eyed him up and down but breathed a sigh of relief when she realized he was unharmed.
“Are you ok?” Nyght’s voice was sleepy but worried just like his eyes. Turning her gaze from her comrades to Nyght she nodded slowly.
“I’m alright, just a little cold.” He pulled her higher on his chest wrapping the coats and his arms around her tighter.
“Sorry it’s not much, all I can do is offer body heat.” She smiled and laced her fingers through his where his hand rested on her upper arm.
“I’m sorry I’m such a burden sometimes.” She whispered tucking her head under his chin.
“Mari?”
“I know I need to be more careful and I know you all look after me…I feel like the little sister sometimes.” She did. Some battles she was just fine taking on as many demons as she could handle but other battles she was reckless like today. She could have warned Vander some other way, she could have found a different way to deflect that demons attack but she didn’t. She threw herself in front of it without a second thought to her own life or to those who may end up having to save her because of her rash decision.
“You protect us just as much, you protected Vander today, you saved him from that demon. Protecting each other is an obligation that comes with being a Shadow.” Her eyes took on a pang of sadness at his words.
“Obligation…right.” Nyght thunked her on the back of the head with a growl.
“Idiot get that thought out of your head. If we’d met under different circumstances, I’d still want to protect you.” Her eyes went wide at his statement but she did not move to look up at him. “Get some sleep and wake me up if you get cold again.” She laid there for a long time thinking over everything Nyght had said and done. He had been the one that had pulled her from that lake, risking his own life to do it, and the one to take care of her, to make sure she was okay. Was that the obligation part of that job or was it something more? He said he would still want to protect her even if they weren’t Shadows, that statement made her worry. He was a Deus after all.
The next morning Mari woke still against Nyght’s chest but when she sat up she realized she was straddling him.
“Not the good morning I was expecting but…” She glared at Nyght as he wiggled his eyebrows at her. Standing quickly she pulled on the wind sending him flying back a few feet.
“Pervert.” She grumbled.
“Mari? How do you feel?” She turned and came face to face with Vander and Reagan who both had similar looks of worry on their faces. Immediately she felt bad about making them worry about her.
“I’m ok now, thank you for worrying about me.” Carefully she folded the two coats her and Nyght had been using as blankets and gave them back to their respective owners.
“Nyght’s the one you should thank,” Reagan whispered buttoning his jacket. Nyght had come back and was checking on how dry the clothes were hanging by the fire. “although I have to admit I thought he was being a pervert at first, getting all naked like that…”
“Hey, I wasn’t naked!” Nyght yelled shaking the coat in his hand at Reagan.
“I kind of thought so too at first now that you mention it.” Vander whispered.
“Oh come on! Not you too!” Mari snickered making Nyght turn on her. “Besides she was the one straddling me!” She sobered and glared at him.
“I did that in my sleep! I didn’t mean to!”
“Well, unconsciously you did!”
“You’re insufferable!”
“You think she’s going to use him like a kite again?” Reagan asked Vander making the arguing two turn to glare at him.
“It doesn’t matter what happened,” Nyght growled turning back to the coats and putting his shirt on. “you’re ok now, that’s all that matters.” Mari sobered once more and watched Nyght continue to check the coats over for wet spots.
“You guys catch up when you’re ready.” Vander whispered shooting Mari a knowing look and ushering Reagan down the road. Mari watched them for a second then turned to Nyght who held out his coat for her.
“Put this on.”
“Eh? What’s wrong with mine?”
“It’s still wet.”
“So?”
“Do you want to get sick?!” She flinched at his tone and put her arms into the jacket. Grabbing her coat he turned for the road. “Let’s go.” Mari fiddled with one of the buttons on Nyght’s jacket for a second as she thought. When he took a step away from her she reached out and grabbed his wrist making him stop.
“I…” She couldn’t find the words to explain what was rolling around in her head.
“What is it?” His voice still sounded so angry, she didn’t want him to be angry with her, she never wanted him to be angry with her but she still couldn’t find the right words. “Mari?” The words he had said last night came back to echo in her head. ‘Different circumstances…’
“Do you feel sick?” He turned and put a hand to her forehead then her cheek. “You don’t have a fever.” She put a hand over his and held it to her cheek. “Are you still cold?” He was so worried about her; stepping forward she wrapped her arms around his waist. Not sure what to do he just stared at the top of her head with his arms to either side of her.
“I want to ask you something.”
“What is it?”
“Being a Deus are you…I mean can you…” She fought with the words. Somewhere in her mind she knew the answer but didn’t want to believe it. She knew the question was odd to ask and when she did she would give away a large part of herself with it.
“Can we what?”
“Can you love people?” Nyght blinked at the top of her head and let out a
little laugh.
“We’re human, aren’t we? Well, …mostly human.” He felt her nod lightly against his shoulder.
“But…are you allowed to?” The question stopped Nyght, he thought back to all the times Alto had repeated over and over that it was their duty to document, nothing more, no involvement, no attachment, that getting involved with anyone on any level would be detrimental to their mission as clansmen. Her words stung him bringing questions to his mind that he hadn’t thought about in years, questions he hadn’t needed to think about in years. He pulled her to him tightly wanting nothing more than to lie to her, to tell her he could love anyone he wanted to but knowing she would see right through it. ‘Lie to her.’ The demon voice whispered in his ear.
“Mari…”
“I see…” She tried to pull away from him but he just held her tighter. ‘She’ll just leave you in the end. You know that women are only meant for one thing…’ It took all of his strength not to physically react to the voice in his head.
“Let me hold you a little longer.” He heard her smile in her next words.
“You held me all night.” His breath ruffled her hair when he let out a small sigh.
“Yes but the difference is now you’re holding me too.” Her eyes saddened at his statement but at his soft words she clenched the back of his shirt in her fist. She wanted to protect him as much, if not more than he had protected her. “Being a Deus…we’re trained to observe…to not get attached to people, to never let our emotions interfere with our work. People are just ink on paper; they’re not supposed to have names or connections to us. We’re not supposed to feel sympathy or remorse about the people in our pages.” Mari was quiet for a moment thinking over what he had said.
“It sounds so lonely…”
“It is, but it’s not when you’re around. That’s why I’ll always want to be near you, always want to protect you, always want to keep you safe. I’m not supposed to want those things; a true clansman wouldn’t want those things…” She squeezed him tighter. She knew it had been hard for him to admit all of those things, to tell her in his way how he felt he was failing as a clansman. She wanted to help him, wanted to keep him from ripping himself apart at the thought that she was affecting his duties but she didn’t know how. She couldn’t think of a single way to help him without breaking her heart or his.