by Lindsay Nall
“Nyght…”
As the four made their way through the northern towns and back south into warmer weather Mari took up a habit of helping the spirits they set free from demons with tasks they wished they had done before dying. Most wanted words of love delivered to family members, secrets come to light, or heirlooms passed down but on a rare occasion, they would come across a request that was more in-depth or even odd.
“Letters?” Mari whispered to the woman’s spirit in front of her. The three men were all standing around listening to the only side of the conversation they could hear, Mari’s. “I see…” Mari cast a look to the others.
“What’s up?” Nyght asked seeing the confused look on her face.
“Family feud…sort of…” Nyght cocked an eyebrow at her.
“We’ll do our best,” Mari promised the spirit before turning back to the others. “the woman, she said she and her sister had a falling out about ten years ago, they haven’t spoken in that time but she wrote her every month. She asked that we take those letters to her sister.” Reagan was staring at Mari uncomfortably shifting from foot to foot.
“What’s up with you?” Vander asked noticing his fidgety nature.
“Nothing, it’s just…unnerving, I’m sorry Mari.” Mari blinked at him completely confused before he pointed to his eye.
“Oh! Sorry, forgot.” She closed her eyes and opened them a second later when they were back to their emerald green.
“Thank you.” Mari nodded but as the group set out for the woman’s house to collect the letters she fell in step next to Reagan. His short strawberry blonde hair was slicked back making his face seem almost boyish.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why does my eye bother you so much?” Reagan looked away from her and to the sky. “Reagan?”
“It’s nothing personal Mari. I know I’m a Shadow, I know that battling demons is my destiny but still…there are emotions I have about it sometimes…”
“Guilt,” Mari whispered. He looked to her with wide eyes. “it’s ok Reagan, it’s not a bad thing to feel guilty about killing something. Most people only think about the spirit that is bound to the higher demons, not the people it had killed before we released it.” He nodded.
“I just don’t want anyone to think I’m weak… I try my best to be strong and not think about it…but still. I don’t think I could live if I had the abilities you have.” That made her cock an eyebrow. “You can see the pain and torment the souls are in.”
“But I also get to see the peace they have when we release them.”
“Do you think they’re ever really at peace? Their spirit may be free but it still has to live with the guilt of all of the lives it took, whether it was their choice or not.” She knew now why this was bothering him. Coming to a complete stop she placed a hand on Reagan’s upper arm to stop him as well. He looked from her hand to her face expecting to find pity but only finding understanding.
“What was her name?” He gave a crooked smile, she was too smart for her own good. Pulling a small silver pocket watch from his coat he opened it to show Mari the picture inside it of a beautiful young woman.
“Tessa.”
“She’s beautiful.”
“She was. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever met… and then I killed her.” She closed her eyes at the sudden change in his demeanor and look. He carried so much guilt over her. Years before Reagan was found by the Silhouette he had been the last in a long line of a very prestigious and wealthy family. He had also been engaged to Tessa. She became deathly ill over time and required a blood transfusion to save her. Of course, Reagan volunteered but with his fracture and the poison in his blood it had ended up killing her. Her family had blamed him, labeling him as a monster and making sure he was ostracized from the town. He had lived in an abandoned Nolan cottage until the Silhouette found him five years ago.
“Did you know that every spirit I have talked to holds no anger towards the living? No matter how they died they don’t hate us.” He closed his pocket watch and returned it to his coat. “It’s odd, isn’t it? Maybe it takes death for forgiveness for some but maybe for others, it takes something else.” He gave a huff and started walking again. Nyght and Vander had gotten a pretty good lead on them while they had been chatting.
“And what would that be?” She walked with him with her hands clasped in front of her.
“Acceptance and maybe a little reassurance.” He made another scoffing noise. Mari shook her head, maybe there was nothing she could do to reassure him that those who cared about him didn’t view him as a monster, but then again maybe there was. “When I was younger, before I had control over turning my eye on and off people would call me a monster, they would scream and run away. It hurt a lot to be called names for something I had no control over, but at the same time I knew they were only saying those things because they didn’t understand, they didn’t think about the fact that I was just a little girl who had feelings that could be hurt, they only thought about how they didn’t know what was wrong with my eye so they feared it.” She watched her hands as they walked to catch up to the others. She had never told anyone that she had been picked on as a child, had never repeated the awful names and taunts she had heard growing up. She had just kept her eyes to the ground and repeated the words her mother had told her over and over again like a mantra. “Mother told me once that fear was the monster, not me. That it was people who had ugliness inside of them, those that let the fear take over who were the monsters.” Reagan watched Mari out of the corner of his eye as she walked beside him and told him her story. He had wondered at first if she was just making things up to try and make him feel better but the look on her face when she looked up to meet his gaze told him that every word she had spoken had been true. “I still try to remember that even now that I have complete control over my eye. Do you view me as a monster because of what I am?” He felt the color drain from his face at her question.
“Of course not.”
“Why not?”
“Because you have no control over your fracture ability.” She winked at him then ran up ahead to catch up with Nyght and Vander. Reagan hung back for a moment almost frozen in place as he watched her. This woman had told him a painful memory from her past and had somehow made him more accepting of himself at the same time.
Once the four had acquired the letters from the spirits house they set off for her sisters. Standing outside the front door of a very nice looking two-story house Mari took a deep breath and walked up to the door. She knocked three times before a gentleman dressed in black slacks and a crisp white shirt answered.
“May I help you?”
“Um…we’d like to speak with Rosey if she’s available?” The man stepped to the side motioning for them to enter. Leading them down a tactfully decorated hallway and into a small sitting room he ordered them to wait for the lady of the house and closed the door behind him. The house gave Mari the creeps with its pristine furniture and perfectly hung pictures that looked like they cost more than her entire wardrobe. The sitting room was decorated in varying shades of pink from a light mauve to a dark burgundy. Eyeing the two couches that had those weird little decorative pillows on them she wondered what people did with them when the company wanted to sit down.
“Ritzy places like this always creep me out.” Nyght whispered gazing into a china cabinet full of little figurines with a shudder. Mari laughed quietly, apparently, she wasn’t the only one who found this room uncomfortable.
“Can I help you?” A pretty young woman in a pink sundress came into the room looking the four of them over curiously. Mari stepped towards her away from the others and explained the situation about the demon, her sisters' spirit, and the request but the woman in front of her seemed to grow angrier with every word. “After all this time…even going so far as enlisting Shadows to help her…I won’t have it!” Rosey yelled taking everyone in the room by surprise.
&n
bsp; “She wanted you to know…” The sound of skin hitting skin echoed through the room cutting off Mari’s statement.
“Hey, you can’t just slap people!” Nyght took a step towards the woman but Mari held out a hand to stop him. Vander also placed a hand on Nyght’s shoulder to keep him at bay.
“It’s ok Nyght.”
“How? How is hitting you ok?”
“She’s not angry.” Everyone stared at Mari. “Your sister, her spirit was beautiful but I didn’t know her. I don’t know the history of you two and it may have taken her until her death to deliver her apology but secretly, over the last ten years, she wanted to see you. She wanted to set things right but she was afraid to just like you’re afraid now.”
“I’m not afraid!” Rosey slapped Mari again and once again Mari held out a hand to keep everyone else back. Despite the growl Nyght let out he stayed where he was with the help of Vander and now Reagan’s restraint.
“If you weren’t afraid you wouldn’t be lashing out at me. It took death for your sister to realize that her fear was what kept her away. Fear of your anger, fear of the pain she caused you…”
“I don’t want to hear this!” Rosey tried to slap Mari again but this time Mari caught her by the wrist.
“It’s time for you to face your fears now Rosey.” Rosey stared at Mari for a moment trying her hardest to ignore everything she had said but slowly tears clouded her eyes and she wavered on her feet. Mari steered her over to one of the mauve couches helping her to sit down before her knees gave out from under her.
“Oh, Lily…Lily…” Mari kneeled next to the woman and handed her a handkerchief. Rosey looked up surprised at the smile of understanding on Mari’s face.
“Your sister loved you very much, try to carry that memory above all else.” Rosey took the handkerchief drying her eyes careful not to ruin her makeup then took the box of letters Mari was holding out to her.
“I can’t believe she wrote this many,” Rosey whispered opening the lid to leaf through what was more than one hundred letters. “I’m such a fool.” Mari patted Rosey’s hand twice then stood signaling for the others to follow her. “Wait!” The group turned back to the woman who hadn’t moved from the couch. “How can I repay you?” The three men looked to each other quizzically and then to Mari who just shook her head and smiled.
“Have you forgiven her?” Rosey thought for a moment looking back to the letters but nodded. “Then that’s all the payment we need.” Mari led the group out of the large house and onward in their journey not glancing back once.
As evening fell the four camped out relaxing under the stars. It hadn’t been a rough day when you compared it to some, not one demon had attacked them today but the ordeal with the sisters had everyone’s minds occupied. Reagan approached Mari who had been sitting off to the side under a large oak tree by herself as she played with Marclay.
“You ok?”
“Yeah…just a little worn out I guess.” She shrugged. He took a seat next to her not sure how to voice any of the thoughts rolling around in his head. “Are you?” It was his turn to shrug followed by a shake of his head then a nod. “Which one is it?”
“How are you so understanding of everyone?” She wasn’t expecting that.
“What do you mean?”
“That woman, she hit you multiple times but you never got angry.” She thought back over the day rubbing her cheek where Rosey had struck her absentmindedly. “Earlier today when you told me about when you were younger… how do you know what to say to make people accept themselves?”
“Did you not accept yourself before?”
“I thought I was a monster.”
“And now?”
“In the back of my head the thought is still there but it’s quieter now.” Mari nodded reaching out to run a finger down Marclays back from where she was resting on Mari’s knee.
“It’s not so much I know what to say it’s just the way I look at things I guess. Maybe it makes me odd.”
“It makes you special.” She froze for a second at his statement but then continued petting Marclay.
“If you say so.” Reagan cocked his head in her direction noticing the change in her posture and tone at what he had said.
“Mari, if I said something…” She held up a hand and cut him off. They sat there in silence for a long time switching between watching the stars and watching Marclay who was now dive-bombing the bugs above them.
“You alright?” Nyght’s voice was quiet as he approached the two but she still jumped. “Sorry.”
“I’m fine.” He squatted down in front of her reaching out to take her chin in his hand so he could tilt her face to see any damage Rosey may have caused. “I told you I’m fine.” He nodded but noticed the look in her eyes, something was bothering her.
“You realize if she had been a man things may have ended differently.” She knew that without a doubt. Earlier in Rosey’s house, she could feel Nyght’s need to protect her and she knew if Rosey would have been a man that Vander and Reagan both could have gotten hurt trying to hold him back. Marclay spiraled down from above the three nailing Nyght in the head. “What the!?” He had to pull on Marclay a few times to get her little claws disentangled from his hair. “Why do you feel the need to attack me?” He eyed the Wigget in his hand whom he swore shrugged then flew off. Looking down he realized only Reagan sat under the tree now. Somehow Mari had signaled Marclay to distract him so she could get away.
“I think I said something wrong.” Reagan whispered looking to the ground. Nyght took a seat next to him where Mari had been knowing if she used Marclay as a decoy then she needed to be left alone for a little while. Asking about the conversation Reagan reiterated everything that had been said between the two.
“You called her special.” Nyght sighed keeping his eyes focused on the area around them trying to figure out which direction she had run off in.
“What’s so wrong with that?” There were some things Nyght could tell Reagan about her aversion to the word but there were others that he couldn’t, it wasn’t his place to tell her life story. He told Reagan what he could about her ability to use other Shadows fractures, how she came to have her second fracture and how in turn everyone had treated her because of them. Reagan let out a low whistle then ran a hand through his hair. “I had no idea…”
“She’s been through a lot and there’s still a lot about her I don’t know.”
“But you want to.” Nyght looked to Reagan tempted to slap the grin off of his face at first but then he just shrugged.
“Yeah, I do.”
Eight
Two weeks of traveling passed for the four as they made their way first further east then south into much warmer weather. Demon attacks had become fewer and fewer over the last week making the three worry that something big was in the works with their kin but at no words from Headquarters or any of the other Shadows they trudged on. They were in a small town when Mari realized where their current track would take them. There were still two small towns along their route they wanted to go through but after that they would hit the eastern valley, crossing it was easy enough but if they traveled through it she knew someone would realize where they were and want to visit. She stopped as they walked through the town acting like she was admiring the goods in a small bakery window but really she was trying to figure out a way to make her group shift course to avoid the eastern valley altogether.
“Yo Mari?” She didn’t even register Vander’s voice when he called out to her making him stop his two comrades and start back for her. “You alright?” She jumped when he nudged her arm with his elbow. “Sorry.”
“No, my fault.”
“What are you staring at?” Looking over the window full of fresh-baked loaves of bread and sweets he gave her a wary eye. “We just ate breakfast.”
“Oh I know I just like baking. I used to make all the birthday cakes for my father and last year I got to make Uncle Rayne’s.” Was there anything she couldn’t do?
“So just getting some ideas for Nyght’s birthday?” She cast a confused glance at him then shrugged and began walking to catch up with Nyght and Reagan.
“Maybe I was getting ideas for yours.”
“Really!?” Vander ran to catch up with her making her laugh at the excited look on his face at the idea of a birthday cake.
“You act like you never had a birthday cake before.”
“I haven’t.” He shrugged but never faltered in his step as he carried on, Mari on the other hand almost tripped over her feet.
“You mean uncle never…?” Vander shook his head. “I’m gonna kill him.”
“It’s ok, I never really missed it.”
“Tell me he at least did something special for you.” Vander nodded reaching under his coat to pull out one of her uncle’s pewter throwing knives engraved on the blade with Vanders' birthday.
“He got me this on my last birthday before he dropped me off at HQ.” Well her uncle may be an idiot but it was nice to see she wasn’t the only one who got to see his human side once in a while. “It was weird, it was like a birthday and farewell present all in one.” Vander shrugged returning the knife to a small sheath he wore on his back, she had never even noticed it before.
“He never told you why he left you there?” He shook his head. From what Mari had heard and read Marinique just up and left Vander at HQ without so much as an explanation. He just handed him off like he was an unwanted pet.
“Don’t be mad at him.” Eh? Vander seemed completely carefree in the way he was walking as if the subject of Marinique abandoning him didn’t bother him at all. “I didn’t understand it at the time and honestly I still don’t but if he hadn’t left me there when he did then I wouldn’t be who I am today.” Mari said nothing else about the subject and neither did Vander but still, she wondered if he was really that at ease with it or if he was just hiding his emotions from her.