Memory: Volume 2, Trials to Bear, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice)

by Wells, Linda

  “Have you escorted any other ladies?”

  “No.” He said softly. “But I have danced a great deal.”

  “And you continue to visit courtesans. That tells me that your heart is not engaged, Bingley.” He saw his friend stare down at his glass and continued. “If you take Netherfield, it will be a signal to Miss Bennet that you are more serious than you seem to be.”

  “You sound like Mr. Gardiner.” He looked up to see the older man raise his brows.

  “Well, I have been silent enough. I was waiting for Darcy to arrive before I said anything. You sir, are confusing my niece.” He said pointedly. “You smile, you laugh, you visit, but make no move to telling her precisely your intentions. You have spoken of liking her, you have asked the advice of every man of your shared acquaintance, what exactly are you waiting to determine?”

  “I am not sure.” He noticed the expectant stares of his companions and tried to explain. “She smiles at me, and I believe that she makes an effort to display her accomplishments. My sisters wish for me to marry an heiress, naturally, but Caroline cannot discount the attraction that me married to Miss Bennet would give her a solid connection to you.” Darcy grimaced. “Not that it would lead to an invitation, but still there is no denying family.”

  “All that is well and good Bingley, but do you feel anything for her? Do you feel love? Do you want to be with her?”

  “What does love feel like?” He asked quietly.

  “You know. I know that you loved one woman, or at least thought that you did once.” Darcy said just as quietly. “I believe though, that what you felt in that case was deeply caring for another person’s happiness, and a wish to contribute to that in some way. You have never felt what it is to want to give yourself to another person for the rest of your life; you may not have met that person yet. Do you feel anything that resembles that level of care, or are your attentions to Miss Bennet done out of some feeling of obligation? You felt her admiration and knew of her disappointment with Harwick, and you did not wish to be the subject of another heartbreak for her?” Bingley looked up to Darcy and he tried to read the truth in his friend’s eyes. “Whatever you do Bingley, do not marry because you feel an obligation to spare her feelings. This is a lifetime commitment, not a dance with an angel for half an hour. Regret will come fast and never be relieved.”

  “I do not know what I feel.” He heard Darcy release a frustrated breath and tried to put his mixed emotions into words. “I like her. She likes me. I know that she is not after my money, after all if that was her motivation she would have secured Harwick in a heartbeat.” Seeing Darcy nod his head thoughtfully he went on. “She is beautiful, which is no small thing.” He smiled to see the other men exchange glances. “Last autumn when I spoke to Elizabeth, Mrs. Darcy, about this, she asked me if I was lonely, and if that was my motivation. I am.” He sighed. “Everyone around me, my closest friends are married and happy.”

  “We are also older, and settled in our respective lives.” Darcy said seriously. “Are you considering Jane because you think that you will achieve the contentment that we have found?”

  “She is part of a wonderful family.” Bingley said quietly. “I speak of the Darcys, Fitzwilliams, and Gardiners.”

  Mr. Gardiner placed his hand on Bingley’s shoulder. “I consider you to be a great friend of my family, and I have enjoyed acting as a sort of father for you these past few months. I will not relinquish that relationship if you do not offer for Jane.”

  “You are also well aware that my friendship is unshakable, and that Elizabeth loves you as a brother, as does Georgiana, it seems. However, I will not lightly tolerate Jane being hurt should you play with her affections then choose against her. She is my sister.”

  “What should I do?” He looked between the men.

  “Have you shown Jane precisely the life you hope to achieve?” Mr. Gardiner asked seriously. “If you are undecided, it may be because you do not know if she will fit into the life you imagine. Now that Darcy and Lizzy are here, perhaps the four of you can go out together.”

  “Show her your world. If she rejects it on her own, she will not feel regret should you both decide against this possible alliance.” Darcy agreed. “I know that Pemberley is not to her liking.”

  “Yes, she mentioned that to me once.” Bingley said softly. “I could never afford it, but I love the estate.”

  Darcy tried again. “Perhaps you are lost in her beauty but have not looked at the woman beneath the face. I do not know, but in my experience, when I first saw Elizabeth, I knew that she was the one, even though I thought that she could never be mine. I suppose not every love match happens at first sight.” He sighed when he saw Bingley’s creased brow. “Tell me, what do you want out of your wife? Someone to run your household and be pleasant, to be pretty to look at and compliant to your desires? Someone who never bothers you with the details of children and servants? Someone who does not question your activity during the day, but is there to serve you when you return? Someone to ornament your arm when you go out together?”

  Bingley’s mouth opened and closed. “I … well, is that not … from your description it seems that wishing for those things is wrong? I was not raised in a gentleman’s household, but certainly …” He looked at Mr. Gardiner. “Does not Mrs. Gardiner work to make your home as pleasant as possible for you when you return from work?”

  “Of course, but I also married her to be a companion of my mind as well. Just as Darcy has chosen Lizzy.” Darcy smiled and looked down, and Mr. Gardiner chuckled. “Well I suspect that Darcy’s choice of my niece is rather more complicated than that.”

  “It is.” He met Mr. Gardiner’s gaze then looked back to Bingley. “So you need to decide not only if you wish to marry, but what sort of a life you wish to lead. If you are seeking a woman to please you, I have no doubt that Jane is ideal. If you are seeking a woman to stimulate more than your libido …” He grew silent for a moment. “I do not have an answer. Jane must decide what sort of a life she wishes to have, and as the wife of a man like you, she could lose herself in the social whirlwind or take the path that I suspect Elizabeth will, dedicating herself to good works and becoming a formidable woman in the society she chooses to inhabit. We will be glad to go enjoy some evenings with you both, and then there is the ball at St. James’s. Be yourself, completely yourself, and then she can decide. I will ask Elizabeth to give Jane the same advice, and you can decide as well. But only you can decide. And my friend, it is time that you do.”

  “Very well then.” Bingley lifted his glass in a toast to the air. “To honesty.”

  “SO?” Elizabeth looked over to the corner where Mary and Georgiana were delighting in the baby then back to Jane. “How are things with Mr. Bingley?”

  “He is a very kind man.” She said softly. “He comes and visits; and we have been dance partners many times; and … Oh Lizzy! I do not know what to think!” Her hands twisted and she looked at Mrs. Gardiner for help.

  “He is a good man, of that I have no doubt at all. Edward has spent a great many hours with him over the past months; I would say they have almost a father-son relationship. When Mr. Bingley was working so hard to assure his sister’s suitor was right and then to accomplish the wedding, he was a nervous wreck. It was good that Jane was with us in the end, to provide him a warm smile when he would emerge from the study.”

  “Are you courting?” Elizabeth asked.

  “No.” Jane sighed. “He has not asked, he … He has so much on his mind.”

  Again Mrs. Gardiner stepped in and spoke to Elizabeth. “You know that he is considering leasing Netherfield?” Elizabeth nodded. “We believe that he is hoping to conclude that transaction before he settles into any other commitments. With him right there, Jane could return home and they could court easily. Of course after marriage they would split their time between Netherfield and London. He seems to slowly be making inroads into society; at least he is receiving invitations on his own now.”

/>   “He seems to be very interested in enjoying all that London offers.” Jane added.

  “Does that appeal to you?” Elizabeth grasped her hand. “I know that you are more of a homebody.”

  “I am, but so are you and Mr. Darcy, and you seem to manage quite well.”

  “Yes, but Fitzwilliam has no need to establish his name. He is already a powerful man, but he chooses not to exercise it, and does not wish to deal with the ton any more than necessary. I am enjoying caring for him, our child, and our home, but I am also taking on duties related to our tenants, and eventually I hope to follow Aunt Helen in her work with the many charities that can use our attention.”

  Mrs. Gardiner returned to the subject. “Do you like him, Jane?”

  “Very much.” She smiled. “How can I not? He can make the lowliest maid feel good.”

  Elizabeth glanced at her aunt then back to her sister. “Your letters have not spoken of deeper feelings.”

  “No.”

  “From either of you.”

  “No.”

  “I know that you feel that you should not display your preference for a gentleman first …”

  “I used to feel that way, Lizzy.”

  “So if you felt something for Mr. Bingley …”

  “We were both in town on May Day.” She smiled a little. “But I did not take advantage of it and express feelings of love for him.” Elizabeth looked at her seriously. “As I said Lizzy, he is kind and lovely to everyone.”

  “But he does not pay you particular attention?”

  “He is not at my side every moment.”

  “Do not compare him to Fitzwilliam.” Elizabeth said seriously. “He is the exception to the rule.”

  “No, I know that.” Jane sighed. “I do not know what it is precisely. It is almost as if he is fulfilling an obligation by coming around.”

  “Fitzwilliam has mentioned that Mr. Bingley has an appreciation for lovely women.” Elizabeth said carefully and met Mrs. Gardiner’s eye.

  Jane did not catch the silent communication between the married women and continued musing, “I wonder if his appreciation is short-lived and I have given him nothing to particularly desire for a lifetime, but he continues with me …”

  “Because he sees your desire for him?”

  “I thought that I desired him.” She said softly.

  “But now?” Mrs. Gardiner prodded.

  “Perhaps I am the one that feels an obligation to continue. Lady Matlock is quite determined to succeed with this match. She is difficult to resist.” She looked up to see Elizabeth roll her eyes. “You agree?”

  “I had a discussion with her this morning about my choices for caring for my daughter and husband. The trick to managing Lady Matlock is to stand up to her. She respects that.”

  Mrs. Gardiner nodded. “I agree, Jane. She is a forceful woman, but she appreciates anyone who has an opinion and states it. However, she has put a great deal of effort into your improvement, and I understand her desire to see you achieve what she perceives as an ideal match for you.”

  “I think that it would be an ideal match except … Well you already said it, Lizzy. I am a homebody. I see your life and it overwhelms me. Pemberley, Darcy House, the responsibility, the duties, the prestige, the social obligations, and you and Fitzwilliam do not even participate as you could. Mr. Bingley wants an estate, a townhouse, and the social whirlwind as well. He says outright that he intends to enjoy all that London has to offer and what comes with his position. I … I comprehend the security and the advantage I would feel with him, as well as for my children, but I just cannot see myself spending the rest of my life in this social fray that Lady Matlock has demanded I experience.”

  “My goodness Jane!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “That is the most fervent declaration I have ever heard from you about your desires! Lady Matlock is rubbing off on you!” The three women laughed and the tension eased a little. “Now, tell me of Mr. Lucas. How does he figure into this?”

  Jane looked at her hands. “He takes my breath away.”

  “He reminds me of Fitzwilliam.” Elizabeth smiled. “Fitzwilliam with a small estate. He is hardworking and determined.”

  “Yes.” Jane blushed. “I like how strong he is.”

  “He is a man.” Elizabeth smiled. “I appreciate that of Fitzwilliam so much.”

  “Mr. Bingley is sweet.”

  “He is, and I care for him, but do you want someone sweet or do you want a man?”

  “In a few years …”

  “Mr. Bingley will be a man, too.” Mrs. Gardiner said softly. “Do you want to wait, or return to the man who is ready for you now? Would you regret not adapting your feelings about the social life Mr. Bingley desires and losing him? With marriage and children that activity may decrease significantly if he is the man I believe he will be. I wonder how much of that desire to be a part of society is really him attempting to fulfil his father’s wishes that he become a gentleman? It would be an entirely different life with Mr. Lucas, perhaps even less than what you know at Longbourn.” Mrs. Gardiner held her hand. “You have to choose between two homes that are not just miles, but worlds apart.”

  “DARCY, CONGRATULATIONS!” Peter de Bourgh smiled and shook his hand. “How is your lovely bride?”

  Darcy smiled. “My wife is showing off our daughter to the ladies and is radiant. How are your ladies? I understand that your sisters are both engaged?”

  “Yes.” He chuckled and accepted the glass of wine that Bingley poured for him. “Mother hoped that they might change their minds, now that they are gentlewomen, and quite young, but their hearts are set on marrying navy men.” His chest puffed. “I cannot help but be proud of them.”

  “I suppose that you hope for something of that dedication in a lady one day.” Bingley smiled.

  “I can only hope. Well, at least my sisters are safe now. I will always have a home for my mother and I am proud that I can assure her and my sisters security should something befall their husbands.”

  “That is a sad reality.” Mr. Gardiner murmured.

  “One I am fortunate to escape.” De Bourgh agreed without emotion.

  Darcy broke the silence that fell between the men. “George Wickham sets sail to Australia next month.” He said grimly. “What do you know of the passage south?”

  “It is not trouble-free, but the winter storms should be subsided by the time they arrive. It takes about four months; I have made the trip myself a few times over the years. It is not comfortable for crew or cargo, but it is in the captain’s interest to keep them alive. He earns a bonus for live bodies to sell.”

  “I wonder what would be preferable, to die on board the ship or be sent to a colony for my sentence.” Bingley mused. “Neither is appealing.”

  “Then do not commit a crime.” De Bourgh grinned and looked up when the ladies appeared. Elizabeth was arm and arm with Mary. “Who is that?” He said softly.

  Darcy looked between de Bourgh and the ladies. “My wife and her sister.”

  “She is lovely.”

  “My wife or my sister?” Darcy asked pointedly.

  Mr. Gardiner chuckled when de Bourgh startled. “Answer quickly sir, Darcy is not patient with gawkers.”

  “Seriously man, would I openly comment on your enchanting wife? In your presence? I gave up my sword with my uniform. That is Miss Mary, correct? Well she is different from a year ago, cannot a man notice?”

  “I suppose.” Darcy growled.

  “She attended school with Miss Darcy this year, as I recall.” He tilted his head and smiled at her. Mary’s brow creased and she whispered to Elizabeth. De Bourgh looked to Darcy. “Seventeen?”

  “Almost. In August.” He said quietly and darted a look at Elizabeth who was watching de Bourgh.

  “Ah.” De Bourgh grinned and decided to fluster Darcy some more. “Well then, I will have to refrain from paying a call for another month.”

  “See that you do.”

  “What is all this?” Fitzwi
lliam’s voice boomed. “Darcy, your hackles are raised. Do not tell me you are going to call out our cousin?” He entered with Evangeline and turned to de Bourgh. “What have you done to our host?”

  “Not a thing.” He smiled. “I only enquired after his sister. In fact, perhaps I should leave him and go greet Mrs. Darcy.” He winked at Fitzwilliam and bowed over Evangeline’s hand before departing.

  “Which sister?” Fitzwilliam said under his breath. “Georgiana?”

  “No, Mary.”

  Evangeline rolled her eyes. “Richard.” He turned to her. “Behave.”

  “Of course, my dear!” They watched her walk over to greet Elizabeth and put their heads back together. “Well?”

  “He noticed that she was … improved in looks.” Darcy said delicately. “She is a bit.”

  “She is no Elizabeth or Jane.” Fitzwilliam said softly. “But …”

  “I like Mary very much; I do not wish her to be hurt by an ex-navy man who undoubtedly knows his way around the world.” They looked at each other and Fitzwilliam grinned. “You have exchanged stories, I suppose.”

  “We have.” He shrugged. “What do you expect? Neither of us likes to discuss military battles, but battles female, that is something we can share without difficulty, at least when my lovely wife is not present.” He smiled and Darcy let down a little. “Come on, if he pays her a little attention it will do her some good, do you not think so? Boost her morale and all that?”

  “I suppose.” Darcy said cautiously. “She is my responsibility for the foreseeable future, and I have a feeling it will be until she marries. If she does.”

  “The man has two sisters, Darcy. He knows what he is doing, neither of those girls are goddesses, he got all the looks in that family. I think that he just might be bestowing some brotherly attention to a plain girl.” Darcy sighed and Fitzwilliam grinned. “Besides, Elizabeth is there. She would throttle him.”

  “So true.” Darcy shrugged and smiled at Elizabeth. She raised her brows at him and her lips twitched when she saw him relax, then turned back to the conversation.