Memory: Volume 2, Trials to Bear, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice)

by Wells, Linda

  “Lizzy?”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “Did you ever desire another before me?”

  “Did you?”

  “That is not the question to be answered.”

  “I think that it is a perfectly reasonable one.”

  “No, it is a tactic of avoidance. You are swerving to dodge my fire.”

  “You compare me to a battleship now? That is hardly complimentary. I believe that I am quite offended.” She tried to retrieve her hand but was unsuccessful. “Mr. Darcy, unhand me.”

  “No.”

  Elizabeth whispered furiously, “Mr. Darcy, our family is on its way up the steps as we speak!”

  “Answer me.”

  “Would not my answer be suspect at this point? If I say no, you will think I am lying to appease your pride. If I say yes, you will think that I replied positively because my ire is raised.”

  “I still demand an answer.”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I do not respond well to demands.” She shook his hand and looked to the door. “Fitzwilliam!”

  “Answer me, Mrs. Darcy.”

  “No, sir.”

  “Sir?” He smiled, and relaxed his grip.

  “Sir.” She said under her breath as their family entered the room. “Are you satisfied?”

  “Oh, I will be love.” He moved behind her, passing his hand over her bottom as he walked, and bent to her ear. “And so will you.” Straightening, he smiled and bowed. “Mr. Gardiner, Mrs. Gardiner, how good to see you!”

  Her soft voice filled his ear. “You have not answered my question. Sir.” She walked away and Darcy stared after her.

  “What happened, Son?” Mr. Gardiner laughed as he watched Elizabeth hug her Aunt and Mary. “Lose an argument?”

  “I am not sure.” His head tilted. “I thought I had won.”

  “From the smug expression on Lizzy’s face, I would say you should rethink that supposition.” Mr. Gardiner smiled and clapped his back. “As well as your next move.”

  “I will lose no matter what I say.” He mused. “Yes will bring her indignation. No will bring her disbelief.”

  “Which is true?”

  Darcy chuckled. “The wrong one, I am afraid.” He sighed. “But I will do my best. Either reaction will be a pleasure to soothe.”

  “I have no doubt.” Mr. Gardiner saw Elizabeth shooting a glance at Darcy and smiled, then turned to him. “Bingley stopped by.”

  “Ah.”

  “You knew he would?”

  “It was time, do you not agree?”

  “Absolutely, it was time that some sort of a decision was made.” He smiled. “And the decision was no.”

  Darcy glanced out of the doorway to see Jane still at the bottom of the stairs. “Is she well?”

  Mr. Gardiner looked at her and shrugged. “She cried when he left, but I think that it was relief. I wonder though if there will ever be regret.”

  “Not if she is choosing for herself instead of pleasing others.” Darcy nodded over to Lucas. “If she would just come up here, there is a man who wishes to make her happy waiting for his chance. You did not tell her he was here?”

  “No, not knowing the situation, we felt it was better to let him do the talking instead of leaving her to speculate.” He glanced at the stairs. “Marianne is convinced that she loves him, I have always had a difficult time reading her.”

  “You and I share that.” He looked over to Lucas who was staring at the doorway, and catching his attention, signalled him to join them. “Well? There she is.” He smiled and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Just so you know, her answer to Bingley was no.”

  Lucas let go a stale breath. “She will not wait for him. She does not want him.” The three men looked down the stairs to where she remained standing alone, then exchanging glances with Mr. Gardiner, Darcy gave Lucas a little shove and stepped away to go join their family and friends.

  Jane listened to the greetings as the family met, and hearing the front door close behind her, startled and slowly walked up the beautiful staircase, and took in the understated elegance. Twice now she had been offered the opportunity to live like this, and twice she had not exerted herself to take it. Why, she wondered, was it that that despite the deceptive simplicity, she had never felt comfortable in this atmosphere? No, it was something more, it was not only her discomfort with the trappings of the life she would have with either Mr. Bingley or Mr. Harwick that she was rejecting, the men who offered it were lacking in something else she was seeking, something she had yet to define.

  Hearing her sister’s laughter, Jane thought about her position. Elizabeth had taken to it so quickly, seemingly accepting and blending into the world she had been given. She was different now, assured, no longer the shy girl, insecure of her beauty or worth, she was becoming every day the woman who would undoubtedly be a force in London society, in whatever capacity she chose to excel. The pride that Darcy felt for her was evident no matter how it was displayed. He had chosen well. He knew he had found his future the moment he first saw her, and she knew the same. How did they know?

  Jane remembered that fateful day in Hyde Park, seeing the handsome, well-dressed man, and wondering over his status: bachelor, rich, gentleman … all of the qualities she had been taught by her mother to seek for her husband, and now she realized that Elizabeth had seen only the sorrowful man in need, and Darcy had looked to see only a girl and a smile. Jane’s hand came to her mouth as she finally understood; all of the riches in the world did not matter to them at all, and never had. They would have loved each other no matter where they had met.

  Arriving at the sitting room door, she saw a mixture of people from nearly all levels of society, comfortably talking with each other in the midst of the decoration of an affluent life, and her eyes fell upon the man in the simply-tailored suit who stood staring at her; and her alone. “Robert.” She whispered as his eyes lit up with hope.

  He watched her face transform as she exposed her heart. “Oh, Jane.” Lucas stepped across the room and took her hands in his. “My Jane?”

  Tears began to pour down her cheeks. “Why did I not see you months ago?” She demanded as he produced a handkerchief to wipe her face. “Why did I leave you? Why did you not stop me?”

  Laughing, he lifted her hands to his lips. “Because my Jane, I knew in my heart that you needed to forget before you could see clearly what was before you.”

  “What on earth does that mean?” She sighed. Hearing laughter around them they both blushed and looked down at their clasped hands. “I forgot that we were not alone.”

  “Shall I ask for permission to speak to you alone?” He said softly. “I think that you know what I would like to ask you.”

  “Yes. My answer is yes.”

  Lucas chuckled and smiled into her teary eyes. “Should I not propose first? Perhaps declare my heart and explain my feelings?”

  “Oh.” She blushed again. “What is wrong with me? I am never so impulsive!”

  “I like it.” He whispered. “I like that I manage to bring it out in you.” She looked up and he leaned to her ear. “I love you, and it has been such torture waiting to find out if … if you would finally see good sense and love me back.”

  “Mr. Lucas!” Jane whispered. “I have known that I loved you for quite some time.”

  “But you did nothing about it. You kept following through with others and their plans for your future.” He squeezed her hands and his eyes glowed with joy. “Because you needed to forget.”

  “What was I forgetting?” She asked desperately. “I do not understand.”

  “You were forgetting a lifetime of expectations that were heaped upon you.” He lifted her hands to his lips again. “I understand that all too well.”

  “I think that I understood that as I walked up the stairs.”

  “I watched you.” Lucas looked down at her hands in his. “I cannot offer you a home like this, Jane. I cannot even offer
you a home of your own until my Father is gone. But I am working very hard to make it better than it was when he bought it, and I promise to do my best to see that we are comfortable always. I want more than anything to make you happy. It is not much, but …”

  “Robert …you are the only man who has ever spoken of my happiness.” She lifted her hand to touch his cheek. “You are not seeking a conduit for producing an heir, nor an adornment to accompany you, you just want me.” He nodded. “That is why you take my breath away.”

  “Jane …”

  “Well are you going to kiss her or not?” Peter called out across the room. “Come on, I have a bet riding on this!”

  The room erupted in laughter and Lucas and Jane turned sheepishly to face them, still holding hands. Darcy was sitting on a sofa, Elizabeth beside him and clasped in his arms. Charlotte was beaming at them and wiping the tears rolling down her face. Georgiana and Mary were standing together and giggling, while the de Bourgh brothers stood a little away from the family gathering and looked expectantly at the couple, each holding up a guinea. Mr. Gardiner smiled at his wife and approached the couple. “Well, Mr. Lucas, as the duly appointed guardian of the unmarried Bennet daughters in London, I believe that a conversation is necessary between us, if our assumptions of your behaviour are correct? Or does Darcy need to dust off his duelling pistols?”

  Lucas laughed and smiled down at Jane. “I have not formally asked the question sir, although I believe I have been accepted.” He then turned and knelt down on the floor. “Miss Jane Bennet, will you please do me the honour of accepting my hand?”

  “Yes, Mr. Lucas.” She laughed as he kissed her fingers and rose to his feet. “I will be honoured to make you happy.”

  Lucas smiled and leaned forward to softly kiss her lips. Jane gasped and melted into him for a second, longer kiss. In the background, Peter groaned and handed his brother the coin, and while the attention was directed to the men, Lucas whispered in Jane’s ear. “Now, do you see why I wanted to be alone?”

  “I do.” She was blushing furiously.

  “But at least everyone knows that you are mine.” He stepped back a little and smiled as the family began to advance to offer their congratulations. Wiping the tears that were flowing down her cheek he leaned forward as she wiped his. “And the next time I kiss you, we will be.”

  13 JUNE 1810

  Last October, my uncle took me aside at Pemberley and asked what is in the air because clearly it inspires a desire for connubial bliss. I admit that I found the notion laughable, after all how could the mere air of our beloved home inspire three couples to form, four if you include the early beginnings of Bingley and Jane. But now, when my uncle hears the news that not only has Jane become engaged to Robert Lucas, but that her future sister Miss Lucas has discovered previously unknown abilities to charm a gentleman under my roof, I am afraid that he will instead take great delight in telling all who we know to steer clear of our homes, unless they have a distinct desire to fall madly in love with someone unexpected. Perhaps it is true; the tendrils of love from Darcy House followed me into the park each time that I encountered my Elizabeth there. I am being fanciful, I know. I blame it on the air.

  Bingley’s talk with Jane was well-timed, it seems. It was precisely what she needed to hear, and finding Lucas here waiting for her seemed to be the answer she had been seeking. I wonder now if she would have been so quick to realize her heart had she come to Darcy House and not found him here. I wonder if she would have instead endured the remainder of the Season, searching, perhaps successfully, for a man of higher worth. To witness the warmth in her eyes when she looked upon Lucas, and the unhidden elation in his, confirms all of my suspicions. Jane belongs in Hertfordshire. I sincerely believe that her time in London with her aunt and mine, and her time spent with us at Pemberley were beneficial to her, not only so she could see what she did not want, but also to help her see who she was. I have no doubt that one day she will be quite content to be Mistress of Lucas Lodge, and no more. I am happy for my sister.

  “I am as well.” Elizabeth said as she closed the journal. She turned to see Darcy laying on his stomach on the bed, propped up on his arms and blowing kisses on Rosalie’s belly while she giggled and clutched his hair. “What a picture you present!”

  Darcy lifted his head and grinned. “I cannot resist. Her laughter is as contagious as yours, love.” Hearing a squeal he returned to his duty, blowing again to the delight of his daughter.

  “You will have her excited and then she will never sleep.” Elizabeth lay down next to him and started nibbling toes. Darcy gave her a sidelong glance and she shrugged. “She is irresistible.”

  “Just like her mama.” He kissed her and smiled when his nose received a kiss in return. “Are you truly happy for Jane?”

  “Of course.” Elizabeth played with Rosalie’s curly hair and watched her giggle. “I never thought she would be happy with Mr. Bingley, well perhaps she would, but they are both so …nice.” Darcy’s chuckle made her look to him and smile. “You know what I mean.”

  “They would dare not ever argue with each other for fear of giving offence?” He kissed her. “But Jane had no problem offending when it came to us.”

  “That was because she was jealous and felt threatened; it was not her true nature.” Elizabeth studied him. “You never took to her, even before she veered from herself.”

  “No. I was never attracted before she veered, as you say, but then when she did, I … I like her now.”

  “Always honest.” Elizabeth caressed his hair.

  “My opinion has improved.” He said softly.

  “There is no need to explain. After all, you clearly were making amends for it by encouraging both Mr. Lucas and Mr. Bingley to act.” She kissed his cheek. “I thank you for that.”

  “I do not want your gratitude, dearest.” He rested his head on his arms and they watched Rosalie’s eyes close. “She will do well with Lucas, I think. He is not a man to always agree. I think that will be good for her.”

  “Jane will have to learn to defend her opinions then.” She rested her face on her arms and they looked at each other nose to nose. “Mama will be angry she let Mr. Bingley get away.”

  “But she will remain close to home. That must count for something.”

  “Papa will be happy.” Elizabeth said softly. “We will not see each other very often will we?”

  “We will stop at Longbourn whenever we go to and from town.” He reached out to caress her hair.

  “But they will not be able to afford the journey to Derbyshire. Not often.” She buried her face in her arms and he drew her close and kissed her. She lifted her head and smiled a little. “That would not have happened if she had married Mr. Bingley. I had hoped that Mr. Bingley would be our brother, even though I knew they did not belong together.”

  “Why?” Darcy asked quietly.

  “Why did they not belong together?”

  “No. Why did you want him as our brother?”

  “Because I feel his need to be part of a family.” She smiled and curled up next to him and kissed his lips. “We have a wonderful family.”

  Darcy looked at Rosalie and smiled. “Let me put her to bed, and when I return, you and I can discuss family.”

  Elizabeth watched him carry their sleeping girl away. When he returned, he closed the door to the mistress’ chambers and pulling off his nightshirt, walked around the room, blowing out the candles. He climbed into the bed and sat up against the headboard, and held out his arms. “Come.”

  “What do you have in mind?” She laughed as she crawled over to him and kissed his mouth. Darcy tugged at her night dress and she lifted it off then straddling him, slid down his length. They both sighed and kissed slowly, allowing their tongues to explore each other’s mouths, and their lips, warm and soft, slid as they savoured each other. Darcy drew away first and rested his forehead to hers, then cuddled her head against his neck while holding her body. Elizabeth wrapped her arms aroun
d him.

  “Are you comfortable?” He whispered and kissed her ear.

  “Very.” She squeezed his hard shaft buried deep inside of her, and she felt his answering twitch. “Very, comfortable.”

  “What shall we talk about first?”

  “Well, we did have a disagreement before we were distracted by an engagement.” She murmured against his neck. “What frightened you today? What made you so demanding on such an inconsequential subject?”

  “So if I told you that I felt desire for another once in my past you would deem it inconsequential?”

  “You are not answering me.”

  Darcy sighed. “Do you realize that our anniversary is approaching?”

  “Of course. We will be married one year on the twenty-first.”

  “Not that anniversary, while unquestionably important, it is not the one I refer to. I mean that extraordinary day when I first saw you.” He kissed her softly. “That day.”

  “Yes.” Elizabeth stroked back his hair. “I feel it is more important than the wedding day as well.”

  “When you spoke of Georgiana being attracted to men, and she is just fourteen, it suddenly struck me that you were just fifteen when we saw each other, and I was ready to marry you there and then.”

  “I was nearly sixteen.”

  “Dearest you were nonetheless close to her age, and the thought of you smiling at anyone else as you did to me that day …” He rested his head in her hair. “I do not like sharing your smiles with anyone.”

  Elizabeth hugged him with her arms and her body, and he moaned softly in her ear. “I understand, and the answer is still no, although I admit to experimenting, just as Georgiana is doing now.”

  “Please do not tell me more.”

  “And you?”

  “I may have looked with lust, but there was no desire for love behind it.” He added quietly. “I was a boy.”

  “When did you become a man?” Elizabeth looked up to him and kissed his temple and his chin. “And do not tell me when we met.”

  “It is true.”

  “It is not.” She laughed. “You were a man before you left to tour the continent.”