Our Journey

by Tey Holden

  The years of medical school were difficult. As Kate had predicted, it demanded a lot of her time. She had to put in long hours of study sessions while Jo worked. There were never any complaints from either of them about their schedules, or any regrets, or demands from each other. Life happened, and they managed it the best way possible. Never, in all that time, did their love falter. Coming home and making love, whenever possible, was always the best part of their day, no matter the hour. Kate also made sure to spend all her free time with Jo. It was surprising to her that there was plenty of time to share, to the point that she began to wonder if Grace had cheated on her because Grace never had any time for her.

  When Kate began her clinical work and was assigned to shifts, things got even more complicated. There were times when their only time together was the few hours they shared in bed between the time Kate arrived home in the middle of the night, and the time Jo got up in the morning. Still, those few hours were always cherished.

  Needless to say, Kate was very successful in her studies from the start and thrived in her medical career. She had an advantage over all the other regular students because she was a registered nurse with experience. When Kate began her clinical work, she didn’t need the help that other students required from nurses or technicians because she already knew the ropes.

  The nurses and other medical personnel loved her because she gave them no problems and was pretty much independent. She was also a help to her fellow students showing them how to start IVs and to do other technical procedures. Attending doctors also liked her because she was already much aware of the medical drills and was always on top of things. The nurses and the doctors relied on her to lead the others in their tasks, which meant that it was less work for them.

  Kate loved and thrived on what she was doing and was comfortable knowing that Jo was always there to support and encourage her through everything. Jo loved to pump Kate’s self-esteem often and referred to her as Dr. Nolan, even when she was in her first year.

  Jo had also been very successful in her job. Because she was good at what she did and worked so hard, within two years, she reached the highest position available in the regional office. Because Jo made a good salary, which had increased with time, financial concerns were put on the back burner. Kate’s student loans were no longer a concern because they knew that the loans would be paid off sooner rather than later.

  ***

  One day, during Kate’s third year of school, she arrived home upset.

  “Jo, I have something to tell you.” Jo looked at her with concern, seeing the look on Kate’s face.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Grace is back at Vanderbilt. I came across her today in the cafeteria.”

  Jo grimaced with signs of worry. “What’s she doing here?”

  “She got a job at the hospital.”

  “Is she going to be working with you? Will she jeopardize your position in any way or form?”

  “No, her specialty is different than mine, so she would never be my attending. And she works on a different floor, so there’s no way that we would be working near each other.”

  “Would you let me know if she gets in your way, or if she tries anything with you?”

  “I will, but I want you to know that if she were to approach me, I’ll deal with her.”

  “Okay,” Jo said nothing else and went about her business. Kate was not satisfied with Jo’s response because she knew Jo was not as okay as she pretended to be.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with what I’ve just told you?” Kate sat next to her on the sofa and looked directly at her eyes.

  “As okay as I can be. I don’t like it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  “What don’t you like?”

  “I don’t like the idea of her being back and near you.”

  “I hope that you’re not implying that—.”

  Jo preempted Kate’s response because she sensed her upset tone.

  “No! It’s not that. I know that you don’t care for her. I just don’t like the possibility that she might mess with you.”

  “Mess? What exactly are you talking about? How do you think she might mess with me?”

  “The fact that she’s back here again makes me wonder about her motives. Maybe she hasn’t given up on you, and hopes that somehow you’d go back to her.”

  “Jo, please!”

  “Okay, so what if seeing that she can’t get to you she puts pressure on you by exerting her seniority over your performance? You’re doing great, and I don’t want anyone getting in your way. The worst part is that I can’t do anything about it!” Jo took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. “Did you ever love her?”

  The question took Kate by surprise. “Sometimes people end up together because they’re thrown into circumstances only to later realize that things didn’t work as expected. I think that’s what happened to me. Sure, I must have liked her in some way at first. To say that I didn’t would be a lie. But it didn’t take me that long to see the real her, to realize that it wasn’t working, and that I was not happy. I think sometimes people stay in a relationship because it’s the easy thing to do. Life takes control, and it’s better to go on with the charade than to rock the boat. Sometimes rocking the boat takes too much time and energy, and we settle for mediocrity. It takes an external factor to catapult you out of your own complacency. That’s exactly what happened to me, and I suppose the same thing happened to you with Lorraine.” Kate paused and got up from the sofa.

  Her pause gave Jo a few seconds to think about the reasons she had gotten together with Lorraine. She had never loved Lorraine. Living with her had been an arrangement of convenience, the appeal of the Bohemian life, and the sex. Disgusted with her thoughts, she kept them to herself. Her case was totally abominable. There was no other way to put it. At least Kate’s reasons to be with Grace had been the typical reasons why people get together. She liked Grace and thought it would work, and then it didn’t.

  From the kitchen, Kate continued. “The thing is that love and relationships are a two-way street, and both people have to work at it. Love is not just a one-time thing. It’s an every day thing. And if we can’t express it, or feel it every single day, it slowly fades away. When I first met Grace, we were in our twenties. We were young, looking for fun, and without a care in the world. It was later, when things got complicated and we had to make difficult choices that her true nature came out. Now all I feel is regret that I didn’t see her for who she really was from the start, and that I lost the time that I spent with her. However, it wasn’t a total loss. I learned my lesson. I’ll never make that mistake again.”

  “What mistake?” Jo asked.

  “To be taken for granted.”

  All of a sudden, Jo felt concerned wondering if Kate felt that way now too.

  “Have I done that?”

  “What?” Kate asked, not understanding the question.

  “Do you feel that way with me? Have I—.”

  “Oh, my God, Jo! How can you possibly think that?”

  “Because I don’t want to lose you, and because I need to know everything with us is okay.”

  Kate took Jo’s face in her hands. “Do you hear yourself? How could you possibly think that you’ve taken me for granted when you are, as we speak, worried about if everything is okay with us? Jo, you’re the most amazing, caring, loving partner any woman could ever wish for! My God, Jo! Sometimes I think that I’m living in a dream, and I’m afraid to wake up.” Kate kissed her again, full on the lips.

  Jo smiled, feeling more relaxed now. The truth was that she was often worried about Kate’s happiness, probably out of fear of her own ineptitude. She had always been successful at everything, but when it came to relationships, she was no expert. The debacle with Lorraine had left much to be desired. Granted that Lorraine had not been the typical partner and that there had been no love, still, it had been her only attempt to some sort of relationship, and it had been a f
ailure.

  “I love you, Katie, and I also don’t want anything getting between us.”

  “Nothing will. Don’t worry about Grace. I’ll handle her if she tries anything. A long time ago you asked for my trust, now I’m asking for yours. We’ve been together for some time now, Jo, and look at us!” They looked at each other and smiled. “You’re my love and my rock, McCallister. Don’t you ever doubt that for a minute!”

  “And you’re mine, and I’ve never doubted you. I just don’t like her. I’m just worried that she might pull something at work to hurt you.”

  “I’ll deal with that too. I want us to agree that we will never believe anything that comes from her. And if you’re worried about her attacking me professionally, don’t. People know me very well at school, and since she was here before, I believe they probably know her as well. Like I said, people show their true colors eventually. Besides, she and I don’t work together, or have any professional relationship. So forget about her. If I come across her, I’ll deal with her. I’m not a kid anymore. I know who I am, and what I want. You have nothing to worry about, and I need to know that you’re sure about that because I don’t want any doubts between us. I need to know that we’re strong and that nothing will rock our boat.”

  Jo got up and placed her arms around her and then smiled. “I’m solid, Katie. And I’ll be here for you as long as you want me.”

  Kate melted into her arms and kissed her. “You’re the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. You’re my everything.”

  ***

  Within the next two weeks, Kate ran into Grace several times. Every single time, Grace had invited her to coffee, lunch, or a walk to talk. Every single time, Kate turned her down and told her that she had no interest in having any type of conversation with her. Because Kate consistently turned her down, Grace eventually gave up, and she saw less and less of her.

  Having handled the matter, Kate did not see the need to let Jo know about the incidents, since it had all been resolved. However, two months later, Kate came home with some news. “You’re not going to believe what happened today.”

  “What happened?”

  “Grace was transferred to Memphis,” Kate laughed.

  Astonished, Jo grinned. “What? Why? Are you serious?”

  “I know! Who would have thought?” Kate continued to laugh. “And here we were just not long ago we were worried about her causing trouble for me at work, and now she’s gone, just like that!” Kate chuckled.

  “But she just got here! How could she be transferred so soon? Can that happen? Can they transfer people like that?”

  “I guess they can. She works for the hospital system, and they can send her wherever she’s needed.”

  “I didn’t know that could happen. Can she refuse to go?”

  “Maybe, but they can also fire her, I guess.” Then Kate looked at Jo thoughtfully. “Joelle McAllister, did you have anything to do with this?

  “With what?”

  “Grace’s transfer.”

  “How could I?”

  “You told me once you have friends in high places.”

  “In the Army and the Corps of Engineers, but not in the Vanderbilt medical system!”

  “Jo, I don’t like lies, even if they’re white lies for a good reason.”

  “I wouldn’t lie to you, Katie,” Jo said as she held Kate’s gaze. Kate couldn’t detect a single instance of hesitation in Jo‘s face. She was sure Jo was telling the truth.

  Although nothing more was said on the matter that night, it took Jo a while to fall asleep. The next morning, she shared her thoughts with Kate. “Kate, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  It was characteristic for Jo, to have a preamble to soften the blow when she had something to say that she thought Kate might perceive as negative. Having been together for a while, Kate already knew the drill, and she prepared for news that, most of the times, were only bad in Jo’s mind. “What is it?”

  “I did tell Mike about Grace showing up here. I was upset when he called, and I told him.”

  “And?” Kate was trying to figure out the relevance of Mike knowing that Grace had reappeared.

  Jo was searching for words trying to make something out of nothing. “He wanted to know why I was concerned. I told him that I was worried that she might interfere with your medical career if she was pissed off at you.”

  “I don’t understand where you’re going with this conversation?” Kate turned to look at her while Jo was trying to formulate some kind of theory.

  “He and Todd know a lot of people.”

  “And, you think—?” Kate already knew where the conversation was going.

  “Maybe he might have had something to do with Grace’s transfer.”

  Kate chuckled, seeing Jo’s worried face. “How and why?” Kate asked.

  “Don’t laugh. I’m serious. Let me see if I can explain this to you.”

  “Please do, I’m all ears.” Kate raised an eyebrow and smiled.

  “I don’t know if this happened, or if it was just a joke, but I wouldn’t put it past them.”

  “What?” Kate asked impatiently, seeing that Jo was taking her time getting to the point.

  “After the accident in Afghanistan, a bunch of the guys came to see me. Out of appreciation, I think. You have to understand that those guys had been badly hurt.” As usual, Jo did not give specifics related to the incident.

  However, Kate was surprised that Jo had raised a subject related to her memories in Afghanistan on her own. Other than that time, when she spoke to Grams a few years earlier, Jo never talked about the matter unless Kate specifically brought it up to get her to talk.

  No matter what Jo had to say now, the fact that she was finally able to talk about her memories, without feeling the pain that normally came with them, was an enormous breakthrough. Kate smiled and listened, amused by the story, still not understanding how any of it related to Grace’s transfer.

  “Todd and Mike came to the meeting. They were not on the convoy the day of the incident because they were given a temporary assignment with another unit, but they knew all the guys in my unit. We had a good time at the meeting. Some of them were drinking, some drank more than others, of course, but it was there where they talked about starting what they called the McCallister Squad.” Jo looked at Kate and grimaced. “This was a joke, of course, but they still went ahead with it and pledged their commitment to me.” Jo paused and chuckled, feeling awkward about her story. After her pause, she continued. “They said that if I ever needed anything, all I had to do was to contact any of them. Now, I’m wondering if that pledge was a joke or not.”

  “You mean the pledge to help you?”

  “Yes.”

  Kate was serious. “So, now you think it might not have been a joke, and that it’s real?”

  “I don’t know, but weird things have happened that I’ve never been able to understand.”

  “Like what?”

  “For instance, when I started that fundraiser for Poppy’s kids, money poured in from everywhere to the point that in three weeks time, I had collected enough money to put both kids through college. I thought that was incredible.”

  “Well, Jo, I can see how people would want to help the kids. That was not for you, it was for Poppy’s kids.” Kate tried to explain the matter as she interpreted.

  “Yes, but I got donations from people who didn’t even know Poppy, or me!”

  “I don’t see that as a strange thing. You were collecting money for a good cause for a man who was also their friend. Anything else?”

  Kate’s statement was not all true. The truth was that Poppy was not everyone’s friend. He had been Jo’s friend since their West Point days, but she often thought that their friendship was based only on Poppy’s competitiveness.

  Poppy had a constant need to compete with her on things that came without effort to her. Also, Poppy was not well liked. His competitiveness and need to be the best, took the best of
him. He was known for putting people down in order for him to excel. So, it was not for Poppy that the money had poured in, it was simply because she had asked people to help her raise the money. However, as her friend was now dead, Jo didn’t see the need to tarnish his memory, and she didn’t go into any more explanation.

  “When I started my construction company, I always found jobs and projects to work on.”

  “That can also be explained. You have an outstanding resume. I can’t see why people wouldn’t hire you. So, I don’t find that strange either.” Kate concluded.

  “What about Grace’s sudden transfer?”

  “Coincidence. You can’t possibly think that Mike knows people at Vanderbilt that he could persuade, out of the blue, to take action regarding a person they don’t know on behalf of a person they also don’t know. Do you? I’m sorry, baby, I think you’re over-estimating your friends.”

  Jo looked at her wanting to believe her, but she knew the people that she was talking about, and Kate didn’t know half the circumstances that had united them. Still, she felt relieved in that she had at least told Kate her concern.

  “Maybe I should call Mike and ask him.”

  “Jo, let it go. Don’t call Mike. If it’s a coincidence, it will be awkward, and if he had anything to do with it, you would be putting him on the spot, and for what? Grace is already gone, and it’s not like she was sent to Angola. She’s just outside of Memphis.” Kate then chuckled. “Which may not be as bad, but bad enough for her.” She chuckled again. “In any event, I don’t feel sorry for her, and I feel better now that she’s gone. So, let this matter go.”

  Then Kate looked at Jo straight in the eyes. “One of these days, you’re going to have to tell me what was it that you did over there that would make people pledge that kind of unconditional allegiance to you.”

  Jo remained silent. Kate continued to voice her thoughts because she took every opportunity to have Jo open up about her past in order to come to terms with it. “I think your talking about your friends today was a good thing. I still keep the journal about your nightmares, which by the way, don’t happen that often anymore. I still feel there’s a lot that I don’t know and would like to know. I’ve never told you this, but before Grams died, she asked me to help you overcome the hurt in your life.” She took a deep breath. “I promised her I would, not because she asked me, but because it’s what I want also. I love you, and I want you to heal, but I need to know everything.”