Tess and the Highlander

by May McGoldrick

  Tess gave a nod of resignation. “Will you ride with me?”

  Colin’s tender look of agreement—the way he reached over and gently squeezed her hand—only managed to confuse her more. She loved him so much that it hurt to be around him, knowing the end of their days together was in plain sight. Everything about their situation was baffling. One moment, he was so aloof and distant, and the next he could be so warm and compassionate.

  “Can we see Ravenie Castle and then come back and leave by the way of the village?” she asked finally. “When we leave here, I want the last image I carry with me to be these people and this place that I want to come back to. Not the place I have been having nightmares about for so many years.”

  He nodded. The devil take him, he thought, if he didn’t win a prize for understanding. If he didn’t get a chance soon to talk to her, though—to tell her how he felt—he’d surely explode. By ’sblood, he’d felt like a tongue-tied fool yesterday when she’d asked him to stay! And then, once he’d gathered his wits about him, Tess had avoided him. It was obvious she had made herself unavailable for the rest of last evening. And the night had been hell. He had tossed and turned until almost dawn.

  Colin looked around at the other men gathered nearby. Now was not the time, either. Bloody hell. Shaking off his brooding thoughts, he tried to focus on what they had ahead of them this morning. Perhaps once she’d seen the castle, they’d have a chance to talk.

  After asking James to keep the men in the village, the two of them rode up toward the castle.

  Ravenie Castle was built on a rocky ledge surrounded by a dry moat that surrounded the stout curtain walls. To get to the bridge that led to the low arched entrance, they rode up a long and winding road.

  “Some of the history of this place will never be truly known, I fear.” She spoke quietly, taking in the wild terrain of the surrounding hills.

  “You are talking about the attack on the castle. About the night of your father’s murder.”

  She nodded. “I asked Bella. There never have been any credible answers to it. The Lindsays were not feuding with any of our neighboring clans. As far as the villagers knew, Sir Stephen was well liked and respected in the Highlands. Even more strange, the attack came only on the castle and not on the village. In fact, the people down there didn’t know anything about it until someone saw the flames mounting up to the sky.”

  “One would think that the castle would have been better protected. I went up there last night.” Colin said. “There is this ditch to cross, then a banded oak gate and a portcullis, and armed gatekeepers. How could a group of men get inside the walls unnoticed?”

  “They didn’t just get inside the castle walls. They were inside the laird’s chambers.” She shivered uncontrollably. “My father was stabbed in the back. That tells me that they…they were waiting for him. Maybe they were even there before he arrived that night.”

  “I have been asking some questions of my own since yesterday, too.” Colin added. “Amid all the chaos of the fire and the shouts of the laird’s murder, there was very little fighting. This wasn’t a case of the castle coming under the siege and taken by force. Nothing was taken. All that anyone remembers seeing afterward was a half dozen men dressed in an array of Highland gear fleeing into the night.”

  “Unidentifiable Highland gear,” she repeated. “Bella said no clan could be accused afterward. ‘Twas as if a band of outlaws just appeared in the castle, murdered my father for no apparent reason, and then disappeared.”

  Their horses had slowed. Tess saw the drawn portcullis and open gate of Ravenie Castle, and her heart started drumming in her chest.

  There were dark, pungent pools of stagnant water in the ditch around the castle. She remembered the smell from her childhood. As she started slowly toward the bridge, her gaze traveled up the two stone towers facing the valley. The west tower was visibly burned. That was where her father had been killed. Her gaze never wavered from the blackened stones—from the slits of windows where she could see the sky peering through from the other side.

  The wind blew in from the west and brought with it the earthy smell of stables and horses. Smoke from a wood fire in one of the chimneys reached Tess, and suddenly she found herself drifting back in time.

  She could smell the smoke—taste it, even. Tess looked at the window where the laird’s chamber had been and could see flames racing out. There were cries for help. Chaos surrounded her with darkness and flashes of torchlight. Terrified, she wanted to run.

  Her horse pawed the ground, snapping Tess out of the nightmarish state.

  “I don’t think you shall want to desert this place completely,” Colin offered, waving to servants who were coming out of the doorway that Tess now remembered led to the Great Hall. She touched her brow and found it covered with sweat. “Where ‘tis, sitting here on the hill, the castle offers a clear view in every direction. You need this for your own security and for the people who live in the village below.”

  She somehow managed to respond to the people’s greeting, but remained on her horse, telling them that they needed to be riding to Benmore Castle and wouldn’t be going into the keep. As the workers moved off, Tess could feel her heart continuing to pound. She turned to Colin.

  “Do I need to do anything to the castle if ‘tis just to be a place to keep watch?”

  “Nay, you don’t need to do anything, but—”

  “Very well. I have seen enough. Let’s go.”

  He reached over and took the bridle of her horse before she could turn away. “Your face is flushed. You are upset. Talk to me, Tess.”

  “I have nothing to say. Not here. I just want to leave.” She could hear the note of terror in her voice. The courtyard was too small. There wasn’t enough air. She tried to wrench his hand off the bridle, but he wouldn’t let go. “I don’t want to be here, Colin. I didn’t want to come. I want to go now.”

  “Come, Tess. Let’s get down from our horses. Show me around this place.”

  Temper arose in her. “I want to leave.”

  “Aye. And you will…in time.” Completely disregarding her anger, he dismounted and lifted her from her saddle, as well.

  As soon as Tess’s feet hit the ground, she started walking straight for the gate. She heard his steps behind her, and she broke into a run. He caught her just as she entered the stone archway of the gate. She looked wildly toward the opening at the other end. She could see the iron points of the portcullis hanging ominously from the top.

  “Let me go. I want to leave.”

  Colin’s grip on her tightened. Tess felt trapped, and she immediately became a wildcat in his arms. Punching him, kicking him, she tried to break free, but he held her even tighter.

  She did not scream, as she didn’t want anyone to hear them. She didn’t want her people to know that she was afraid of this place.

  “I’ll kill you when I get out of here,” she hissed under her breath when he turned her in his arms, so she could face him. “I will take you onto a ship and push you overboard myself. And this time, I’ll let you drown.”

  “Is that a promise?” The villain had the nerve to taunt her.

  Instead of answering him, Tess kicked him hard on the shin. He winced but still did not let her go. Rather, he pulled her deeper into the darkness of the entryway and pushed her back against the hard stone. His body followed, pressing against her. She tried to struggle again, but then stopped as the tears began.

  It was like an explosion of emotion in her, and one she could not control. One moment she was fighting him, hating him for bringing her here, and the next she was a sobbing mess, holding on to him and burying her face against his chest.

  He let her cry. He held Tess in his arms and let her pour out the raw feelings. After some time, she realized that her misery had found a new fuel.

  She was taking comfort in another human being. She was feeling the warmth of Colin’s touch on her back, and she was nearly overwhelmed by the power of her own need. Holdin
g him tightly, Tess stared at the glimpse of skin beneath the open collar of his shirt, at the solid pillar of his throat. Her hands inched their way across his broad and muscular chest, feeling his strength and his warmth.

  And then she cried even more, knowing she couldn’t have him.

  It was some time before she became aware of the ridiculousness of her thoughts and pulled back. “I…I am...so sorry. I don’t know what…what came over me.”

  Colin tenderly lifted her chin until she was looking into the deep blue of his eyes. “This is all part of settling the past behind you, Tess. Seeing, remembering, and then letting go.”

  “Remembering and letting go are the hard parts,” she said brokenly.

  His thumb gently brushed away the wetness beneath her eyes. “You need good memories of this place to replace those others.”

  “Nothing can wash away the nightmares from that night. Nothing!”

  Colin looked more closely into her face. “Would you allow me to prove you wrong?”

  “Allow you?” She gave a small laugh. “I would give anything to have something good to—”

  The next breath was caught in her chest as his lips crushed hers. Then she forgot to breathe. For a mindless moment all she was conscious of was the consuming fire that was racing through her. This kiss was so unexpected, and yet so stunningly wonderful. She was afraid to move—afraid to think—for the fear of breaking this magical moment.

  Colin’s mouth grazed the skin beneath her ear as her arms wrapped tightly around him. He kissed the hollow of her neck. He could feel her pulse fluttering wildly beneath his lips. There was so much that he wanted to tell her, about how he felt and what she meant to him, about how he could think of nothing else but her. But to his continued chagrin, Colin knew this was not the time. She already had too much that she had to deal with here at Ravenie.

  His mouth returned to her lips, and he kissed her again before pulling back. “Come with me, Tess.”

  This time she walked with him into the bright, sunlit courtyard. She already knew that she would walk with him to the end of the world if he asked.

  “Will you tell me what you have been hearing about this place?” Tess asked.

  Instead of taking her to the burned section of the castle, he started toward the east tower.

  “Forget about the place. Let’s begin with its mistress. From all I heard down in the village, you were a wee faerie sprite when you were young.” He gave her a devastating smile, and one arm wrapped around her waist, pulling Tess snugly against his side.

  His smile was contagious, and Tess found herself relaxing a little. They walked up steps hewn out of solid rock.

  “Now, what do you recall of where things are here?”

  Finally being here, it was amazing how much of her memory was coming back. She told him what she could recall of the castle. They walked through the kitchens, looked at the old bread oven. She showed him the large stone trough for making bread dough. Here, the damage from the fire had obviously been repaired by the steward since, other than some blackened stones around the doorway, there was nothing else indicative of the tragedy.

  “I have a vague recollection of this place with dozens of people bustling about and boys and dogs running in every direction.” Tess moved away from him and ran her fingers along the edges of tables and hearths. “I can almost smell the bread in the morning. Robbie the cook, now I can almost see him, waving his stick about like a chieftain directing his warriors in battle. I also think that I wasn’t supposed to come here. I think I was forbidden by my mother to roam around the castle by myself.”

  But Tess kept coming back. She was sure of that.

  “Maybe I can convince Robbie to tell me some more stories of the mischief you got into when you were a wee bairn.”

  “I can save you the trouble.” She moved into his open embrace. “I was a perfect child.”

  Colin kissed her again. But this time it was only a brush of lips—a teasing growl in her ear—before leading her into the next section of the keep.

  The Great Hall spread across the area between the two towers. Two of the people who had greeted them outside came over now, obviously delighted to see that Tess had stayed.

  “I couldn’t let your mistress leave without showing me around this place first.”

  Tess was grateful for his explanation and for the way he engaged the old pair by asking a series of questions about the keep itself.

  The Great Hall was older than she remembered, and the years that she’d been away had not helped it at all. A heavy blanket of dirt covered everything. There were birds nesting in the rafters and surly dogs eyeing her from dark corners. She glanced at the long trestle tables. Some of them were overturned and broken up. She spied the remainder of one in the huge fireplace by the dais.

  Suddenly, the noise of the warriors coming back from days on the road filled her head—the clatter of dishes—laughter—the music of pipers. The warm amber light of torches and a log fire. A piece of her childhood, Tess thought, a fragment of long forgotten years. She wandered toward the dais.

  The woven rushes on the floor were torn and filthy and reeking with disuse. Huge sections were missing completely. She looked for the colorful tapestries that once adorned the walls. Most were gone, though the badly tattered remains of one still hung between two windows. The Lindsay shield above the hearth was missing, too.

  A strong draft swept through the room. Tess rubbed her arms to ward off the sudden chill…and then her gaze was drawn to the hearth. In her mind’s eye, she could see herself—a young child again—frightened and uncertain. Her nursemaid had forced her to come downstairs and greet her father, who had been away for months. She drifted into the past.

  The large man was pacing impatiently before the hearth. Though he wore no armor, she could see the stains of chain mail and leather clearly inscribed on the padded black tunic. A knot of fear tightened in her belly.

  Sir Stephen Lindsay ceased his pacing as soon as he saw her.

  “Tess!” he called out.

  The young girl kept her gaze riveted on the man’s heavily stained boots and wondered if the dark patches might have been someone’s blood.

  “Come closer, child.”

  Her feet would not move. Tess saw the laird’s giant fist open and extend toward her in welcome. She shivered involuntarily at the memory of the stories she’d heard from her mother—stories of the furious killing of hundreds of men by these same hands.

  “By the saint, my own Tess. Lord, you’ve grown so much since I last laid eyes on you.”

  He came across the rush-strewn floor, and Tess’s eyes stung with tears. She had refused to see him the last time he’d come to Ravenie Castle, and there had been a price to pay for that. A young dog she had come to care for as her own had simply disappeared when the laird had gone back to the wars. Her father’s punishment for loving an animal better than her own kin. Her mother had told her so.

  “I’ve good news for you, Tess.”

  She stared at the boots moving closer, and the tears uncontrollably rolled down her cheeks.

  “This time, I’m home to stay for a while.”

  The moment he laid a hand on her shoulder, every inch of the young girl’s body went rigid. She bit her lip to keep from running.

  “What’s wrong, lass?”

  He crouched before her, and she glanced up into his face. She wasn’t prepared for the hurt she saw in those dark eyes that Elsie said were the exact match of her own.

  “Why are you crying?”

  Tess winced when she saw his large hand coming at her face. But the gentle brush of a callused thumb across her cheek was another surprise.

  “I know you have not seen much of me, child. I’ve been doing the king’s bidding for so long that you have every reason to think me a stranger. I even have a wee suspicion that you are afraid of me. But I plan to make up for the time we’ve missed, Tess. I am…”

  He continued to talk, but the young girl’s attention
was fixed on her father’s face. He didn’t seem too frightening this close. She could smell leather and horses and salt air, and found herself oddly comforted by the scents. And then there was his voice, the way he was talking to her now. The gentle hush of it stirred in her mind a memory of a time when she’d been younger and he had been around more. She couldn’t remember ever being terrified of him back then.

  From the door of the Great Hall, her mother’s exclamation was sharp “Theresa Catherine!”

  “Tess?”

  She jerked around and looked in confusion at Colin for a moment. The castle workers were gone.

  “What’s wrong, Tess?”

  “We were here. My father…my mother. She was angry because I had come down to see him.” She looked back at the hearth. “I remember. He gave me a gift before I was sent back to my room. He gave me the jeweled cross for my sixth birthday that was the next day. He told me he would see me in the morning.”

  Tess didn’t realize she was crying until Colin’s arms wrapped around her. “They were all here.” She looked up at him urgently. “I’m starting to remember.”

  She glanced nervously at the doorway that led to the west tower. “Will you come with me there?”

  Colin’s hand enveloped hers tightly.

  Her steps were sure when the two walked to the ground floor of the tower. As they passed through the doorway and moved into the tower itself, she found herself in a great open space. Looking up, Tess saw that the upper floors were completely gone. But she could still see the weathered stubs of floor timbers protruding from the walls and the large fireplaces against the blackened stone walls.

  “Our bedchambers were up there,” Tess heard herself explaining. Even as she spoke, the past began to unfold, and she began to shiver. Pushing back the fears, though, she held tight to Colin’s hand and continued. “It all started in the middle of the night. I woke up scared, thinking I’d heard a noise. But I wasn’t sure. There was a faint smell of smoke in the air.”

  Colin’s strong arm wrapped around her shoulders. He drew her against his side. “What did you do?”