The Broken

by A. L. Frances

  Becoming extremely intrigued as she peers over, Eve looks deeper and deeper as an abyss of darkness forms in her mind. She heads back to the bench, but then unexpectedly turns and, without so much as a second thought, quickly runs towards the edge. As she takes her last steps, there is a smile on her face, and as her feet clear the edge, Eve’s shouting, “I’m coming for you, Mum!”

  Reaching up to grab the clouds in the bright blue sky, she hasn’t felt this free for so long. She’s done it, she’s over the edge and totally unfazed by the irreversible consequences of this action. Now diving head first with her arms like wings, the picture of her and her mum still in her hand, gliding like a bird, Eve’s finally free. Free from the life she’d been forced to learn to live. Smiling, laughing and embracing the air as it hits her face, Eve gracefully glides down this magnificent cliff, accepting each second as the breeze gently kisses her face.

  But just before she hits the rocks at the bottom, she releases her mind from the visualisation process and opens her eyes. She’s still sat on the bench. She isn’t over the edge and it isn’t daylight. Looking down at the picture in her hand, Eve feels sadness and sorrow. The only thing that has ever stopped her from committing suicide is the unknown impact on her dad. Surely, he would suffer even more. Unanswerable questions begin racing in her mind.

  How will Dad cope? How will Dad deal with not only losing his wife, but losing the only person in his life who has a connection to her, me?

  Eve cares so much about her dad she chooses not to kill herself. Although she closes her eyes from time to time and visualises the run and jump, embracing how free she feels in her mind as her body makes its way down to the ground, this is nothing more than a thought. A sense of freedom when she’s completely trapped in an existence she just wants to run away from.

  Chapter Five

  What Happened?

  Matthew isn’t worried about Eve. He’s been here so many times before, when Eve’s stormed out of the house, and he knows she will come back home no later than her curfew time. His homemade specialty is thickening in the oven and the fragrance of chicken and casserole juices can be smelt throughout the whole house, making it feel cosy, warm and once again like a family home. Matthew and Jess are in the dining room, surrounded by walls painted the purest white. The only colour present in the room is on the expensive, thick gold curtains hanging heavy either side of the double doors that lead to just one of the many balconies overlooking the crisp English sea. An extravagant diamond chandelier hangs from the ceiling at the perfect centre of the room, refracting specks of light that glow like stars on the walls.

  They sit at the luxurious solid wooden table, which is surrounded by six high-back, expensive, black-leather chairs. At the centre of the table sits an old-fashioned white-lace cotton doily, on which stands a vintage, solid silver candle holder. The exquisite vintage piece holds a pure-white unlit candle in each of its six arms. Matthew and Jess’s wine glasses sit on black and gold mats. The rest of the table is bare.

  The minimalism is attributed to Matthew’s OCD, which he has developed since losing his wife. He can’t bear to have too many items laid out and surrounding him. His mind becomes confused and torturous as it feeds him words of destruction over the untidiness before his eyes. Often, Matthew struggles when he finds himself visiting family or at other people’s homes. If there are a lot of dissimilar items out in front of him placed in an unorganised fashion, his mind goes into overdrive, desiring nothing more than to place every item in a precise order. More recently, he has started to move items around until he is content and satisfied with their positioning. Most people no longer question this and simply leave him to it. It’s an ongoing psychological battle that only Matthew himself can conquer, but at least when he’s at home he can stay calm as nothing leans so much as a centimetre out of place.

  Caught up in the moment and appreciating each other’s company, Matthew and Jess laugh as they discuss how embarrassing their initial meeting was today at the café.

  “Oh, Matthew, don’t be so hard on yourself. I thought your response was cute, and I must admit I was very flattered. Personally, I think you are a very handsome man, and also, may I say, your style, Matthew, is exquisite. There is no greater attraction to me than a man who has his own style.”

  “You’re making me blush, but thank you – and, well, I beg to differ. Honestly, I don’t know what came over me, I couldn’t speak. I felt a right daft git. I could only imagine what you were thinking.”

  The wine is flowing and the evening progressing well, so Matthew is taken unawares by Jess’s next question.

  “Matthew, if you don’t mind me asking – what happened with you and Eve’s mum?”

  After the events that had taken place today and Eve’s continued protest, he knew this question would be asked at some point – but he truly didn’t expect to be answering it so soon. Closing his eyes if only for a brief second, Matthew takes a deep breath in, almost filling his lungs, then, as he exhales he opens his eyes. Jess is looking directly at him from across the table with a captivating expression, encouraging him to speak. She reaches under the table and holds onto his thigh with a firm grip.

  Somehow gathering his strength, he begins to explain: “I met Lauren, Eve’s mum, in my late twenties. We were both young and travelling around the world. We didn’t know each other and yet we both set out on the same adventure, at the same time, with the same intention. We both wanted to take time out from education and work to embrace everything the world had to offer, including all the different cultures.” Trying to remain strong, Matthew continues, “Not too far into our individual trips we both ended up staying in the same hostel in Thailand. It was fate that brought us together. Lauren was travelling alone, as was I – we were a pair of loners and loved it. I’m not sure if you know this, but when you’re travelling, you stay in hostels, and more often than not you get mixed or single-sex dorms. I always chose the single-sex dorm, as did Lauren, but this hostel was fully booked and we had to sleep in the mixed dorm. I was on the top bunk when Lauren arrived. I saw her huge smile from the corner of my eye as soon as she appeared in the room; her natural beauty completely blew me away. I remember lifting my head out of the book I was reading and just looking over like, wow, who is she? Instantly, we became best friends. Honestly, I’ve never had so much in common with anyone, let alone a woman. Every day was a brand-new adventure, we had so much fun together. I knew, within a matter of seconds, that Lauren was my soul mate. A bold statement to make, but I just couldn’t ignore the intense connection, it was super powerful. It was too strong for either of us to pull away, and actually, we didn’t want to. We both decided to take a huge leap of faith – with multiple countries left to visit, we made a decision to only visit places that we’d never been to before. We spent the rest of our travelling days together. It was great and exceeded our wildest dreams.

  “When I set off travelling I had absolutely no idea I would meet my future wife. My intention was to be free and to see the world – and yet fate had different plans for me.”

  Matthew stops speaking. He realises who he is actually having this conversation with. It’s not a friend, or a family member, it’s a woman he’s only just met today. Does she really want to hear him declaring his love for his now deceased wife?

  “Sorry – I didn’t realise, I’m getting carried away with myself.”

  “No, please, continue – you loved Lauren dearly. It shows your vulnerable and sensitive side, and to me, Matthew, that just proves you are a man of integrity.”

  “Thank you, I think. I suppose sometimes I feel blessed to have found her and to have been able to share a section of my life with a woman who was so beautiful, inside and out. And yet, at the same time, it’s like a cruel curse. Maybe you’re right, I am slightly sensitive, but I’m still here and, well...”

  Matthew stares into Jess’s eyes from across the table. Standing, he makes his way aro
und the chairs. Sitting down next to Jess, he leans in and tucks her hair behind her ear. Unable to hold the words in any longer he says, “You are so beautiful.”

  Jess smiles. “You’re too kind. But thank you.”

  “What is it… I mean – why am I so drawn to you?”

  “Well, I’m not sure what it is that you are specifically referring to, but please, continue with your story…”

  Coughing, with a slight hint of embarrassment at his apparent rejection, he replies, “Yes, of course, sorry, I got slightly side-tracked, where was I?”

  “You were describing how you decided to travel together, and how fate had different plans for you both. I have a question, Matthew, do you truly believe in fate?”

  “Yes, I mean, most definitely. Fate is your life – and no matter how you try, you can never change it. Unfortunate or not, the cards you are dealt are the cards you must live with. I have visualised going back so many times to see if I could have changed my fate, changed what happened, and changed the tragic circumstance I now feel forced to live, and each time, there is nothing. Each time, I could say maybe this, or maybe that, but the facts are, if I went back it would all happen the exact same way. So why would I wish to go through such traumatic events all over again? Look at it this way – it was actually fate that I met you. I had an important meeting this afternoon. It was to be Eve’s first time attending an appointment with me as my assistant. She was so nervous, I could tell. We shared a moment this morning, thinking about Lauren, and so, to distract her and relieve some of the pressure, I suggested that we go to the café. Okay, so she didn’t attend the meeting, and things took an unexpected turn, but I wouldn’t have met you if I didn’t make that choice. You see, it was fate that I should be there to meet you.”

  “Your perception of fate is extremely interesting. I guess your acceptance of this is what drew me to your family. Sorry – now I’m side-tracking, please continue…”

  “Why’d you ask?”

  “No reason, really – well, other than I have actually been waiting a long time for a family dynamic such as this. Now that I have you… let’s just say, time will tell. After all, like you say, you cannot change your fate.”

  Matthew is slightly confused by Jess’s choice of words, but she seems somewhat eccentric, so he chooses to refrain from digging into what she means by this.

  “Please, Matthew, continue, I’m enjoying hearing your story.”

  “Erm, okay, yeah, sure, well… I think I understand what you mean. Would you like me to continue with how I met Lauren, or do you want me to skip to what happened?”

  “I am enjoying watching your face light up as you speak about her. I’m sure you will explain what happened to Lauren in your own time.”

  Matthew smiles as he continues, “You’re such a unique woman. This is always very hard for me and I truly appreciate your compassion and understanding.”

  “Thank you. I’m happy that you are able to be so open with me about such a sensitive subject.”

  “You just seem different. I feel as if I already know you, but I don’t. I can’t explain it, well, other than somehow it doesn’t seem awkward telling you this. It’s like you already know what I’m about to say. I don’t know. It’s all very confusing. I mean, take for instance this. When we were travelling, we came across an old gypsy lady’s stall. She was selling jewellery. Lauren instantly fell in love with a solid silver locket. It had a tiny little angel on it and was hanging from a delicate silver chain. I bought it when she wasn’t looking and gave it to her that same night as the sun was setting. It was my special token of thanks to her for lighting up my life. Lauren never took it off and, well, since she, you know, passed, Eve has worn the necklace and she’s never once taken it off. The necklace is very similar, if not identical, to the one you wear around your neck. Except, on your locket, your angel isn’t smiling.”

  “Really? What a coincidence.”

  “Yes, and if I truly look into your eyes, and I mean deeply enough, it’s as though I can see Lauren. Like she lives on through you. I’m probably freaking you out now, aren’t I? See, I would never think about saying these things to anyone, ever, let alone a woman I’ve just met.”

  Jess smiles and says, “I’m here now. Maybe it’s a good thing I remind you of Lauren. Everything happens for a reason. You agree with me, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, we’re both in agreement that this, right now, is potentially happening for a reason?”

  “Yes. Why’d you ask?”

  “I, too, have been alone for a long time. I, too, have been wandering the universe lost, waiting for the right soul. Matthew Honey, we have been placed together for intentions that are yet to appear in our lives. I’m intrigued. Although you may think I know what happened to Lauren, I actually know nothing.”

  Matthew sighs deeply; his expression changes. Dread, fear and gut-wrenching pain are plastered across his face. Jess moves closer to him. Placing her hand on his shoulder, she gently rests her chin on top of her hand and quietly says directly into his ear, “Matthew, what happened to your wife, what happened to Lauren?”

  Closing his eyes, Matthew takes a deep breath in and as he exhales he slowly opens his eyes and begins, “It was just after six, evening time, over three years ago now. On the seventh of July. I’ll never forget it, the date haunts me – I remember it too well. The day surfaces in my mind at least once a day, every day, since it happened. Lauren and I had collected Eve from her music lesson.”

  Matthew looks to the floor. He’s struggling to hide his sorrow, less eager now to speak. This is his least favourite subject. Nonetheless, holding back his tears and regaining his strength, Matthew continues, “We would always collect Eve from her tutor’s home together. It was the same routine every Wednesday and practically like clockwork. Pretty much every step was taken at the same time every week. Anyone who was watching us would be able to predict our arrival time, it was that regular.” He laughs slightly as he realises how fixed his routine used to be.

  Coughing and attempting to resume his composure he continues, “We were making our way back towards the shops where we parked the car. Eve was telling us about the solo she had just learned.”

  Suddenly he lets out the biggest sigh.

  “My phone began to ring – you’ve heard how loud it is – and so I stopped to take the call. I was standing still in the street, concentrating on the call. There was a problem at work. One of the clients was requesting changes to the rough edit we sent across. Just as I was asking them to send confirmation of the changes to me via email, I looked up and could see Eve and Lauren had both carried on walking back to where the car was parked. It was still light-ish outside. Eve was full of life, chatting away.”

  With this image at the forefront of his mind, it’s almost too much for Matthew to bear, as only he knows what’s coming next. He raises his hand and presses his thumb and two fingers into his eye sockets to deflect the tears that are about to fall down his face at any given moment.

  Jess places her hand onto his leg. Matthew stays still for a brief minute, his face turning a deep shade of red as he holds on tightly to his emotions. He’s struggling to speak, trapped in the moment visualising random snapshots of that dreadful evening; he hears the screeching of car tyres and Lauren’s desperate scream over and over. He sees the fear on Lauren’s face as she watches her baby stand in the middle of the road like a statue. Squeezing his eyes tight and shaking his head, Matthew tries desperately to remove the visions and the noises from his mind.

  Once ready, he bravely removes his hand from his face, clears his throat and speaks: “I’d turned my back for a millisecond – the next thing, as I turned my head, I heard Lauren scream Eve’s name at the top of her voice. I’m partially deaf in one ear and this was the loudest scream I’ve ever heard. I felt the vibration ringing through my ears. I lie in bed at night and sometimes I h
ear the echo of that scream, as though it was uttered only a few seconds ago. Lauren’s desperate plea haunts me.

  “Eve had walked out into the road without looking. A car suddenly appeared and was heading towards her at high speed. Eve was stood completely frozen in the road.” A huge lump forms in Matthew’s throat and his voice changes slightly as he continues, “My wife – my soulmate – my beautiful Lauren, being the hero and the amazing mum she’d always been, ran into the road without a thought or a care for her own safety. She grabbed Eve and instantly threw her out of the way.”

  Matthew slumps, his eyes to the floor, reliving the moment in silence, a broken man. Aware there’s now no going back, he clears his throat once more, desperately attempting to be stronger than before. “Lauren was hit by the car with such force it snapped pretty much every bone in her body – as she came crashing down and hit the ground her skull cracked, causing brain damage, and the amount of blood lost resulted in instant death. All I could do was stand by and watch as this happened. It was like my life had developed into a slow-motion movie scene. I could see the look on Lauren’s face as she flew into the air. The car hit her legs with such a forceful impact, in milliseconds it had thrown her up onto the bonnet with the biggest bang – it was unbearably loud. By this point, Lauren wasn’t even screaming, it was as though she had accepted her fate. She hit the windscreen, and I still hear the crack in my mind as it breaks into a thousand pieces. Her body was thrown up into the sky. Immediately, my body went into shock, and I couldn’t move. All I could do was stand still, in total disbelief at what my eyes were witnessing. I did nothing to save my daughter or my wife.”