Beebo Brinker Chronicles 2 - I Am A Woman, In Love With A Woman

by Ann Bannon

  "No, no, oh Beebo, please! Not here, not here please."

  "Laura, darling.” Beebo kissed her again. “Not here is right. Come on.” She put an arm around her and led her away as she had before, and suddenly, strangely, Laura felt like running. She felt like running with all her strength until they reached Beebo's apartment. For there was no doubt about it any longer, that was where they were going.

  She wanted her arms around Beebo, their hot bare bodies pressed together as before. Almost without realizing it she began to speed up and then to run. Instantly Beebo was after her, then beside her, laughing that pagan laugh of hers. She caught a handful of Laura's streaming hair, silver in the street light, and pulled her to a stop, whirling her around. In almost the same gesture she swept her into a dark doorway and kissed her, still laughing.

  "You're wonderful,” she said in a rough whisper. “You're nuts. I love you."

  "No no no no no,” Laura moaned, but she returned Beebo's kisses passionately. It was Beebo who had to quit suddenly.

  "Oh, God, Laura, stop. Stop!” she said. “We can't come in the streets. Come on, baby.” She dragged her on for another two blocks. Laura walked if she were drunk. She had no liquor in her, but she was not sober. Not at all. She felt punchy. She half ran, half skipped, to keep up with Beebo's stride. For the last two blocks they ran as fast as they could go. Beebo led her into Cordelia Street, and through the green door into the court.

  Inside the door, standing in the little court, the urgency left Laura. She stood gasping for breath, leaning against the brick wall by the door. She was where she wanted to be, next to a fascinating woman whom she wanted to make love to. It was a huge physical need, an emotional hypnotism, that drew her to Beebo. After the wild race she had just come through Laura wanted suddenly to slow down. To tease, to tantalize. She felt like somebody entirely different. Not the tightly controlled Laura who lived anxiously with Marcie, with an uncertain job, with the spectre of a hated father. Not the nerve-tortured cautious girl her roommate knew, but a warm excited woman on the verge of the ultimate intimacy. She wanted it, she asked for it, she accepted it. She stood watching Beebo, her eyes enormous with it, her nostrils flared, her lips parted. Beebo came toward her, smiling, but Laura slipped away.

  She moved, almost glided, to a circle of benches in the center of the court. Beebo followed her. And again when she reached for her, Laura slipped around the benches. Beebo reached again, and Laura faded out of her grasp. And suddenly Beebo was on fire.

  "Come here, come here, baby. Pretty baby. Pretty Laura,” she chanted like a spell. But Laura eluded her, moving just a little faster each time, until they were running again, and Laura felt the laughter coming out of her, soft and light at first, but growing wilder, uncontrollable. She fled, inches from Beebo's hands, into the dark hallway, and scrambled up the stairs, losing her footing, and nearly losing her freedom, twice. Beebo was so close behind her near the top that she could hear her breath. With a little shriek of unbearable excitement, she fell against Beebo's door, and felt within a second Beebo's weight come hard against her. The laughter burst out of her again until Beebo got the door open and they almost fell into the living room.

  Nix was all over them instantly, but Beebo, dragging Laura by the neck and Nix by his collar, locked him in the bathroom. Then she turned on Laura. Laura, seeing her, suddenly stopped laughing. Beebo looked unearthly. Her black hair was tumbled, her cheeks were crimson, her chest. heaved. But it was her eyes that almost frightened Laura.

  Laura let her jacket drop from her shoulders slowly, provocatively, and Beebo approached her. They stood motionless, so close that just the tips of Laura's breasts touched Beebo, and they stood that way, without moving, until Laura shut her eyes, letting her head rock back on her shoulders, and groaned.

  "Do it, Beebo,” she said. “Do it I can't stand it, do it to me."

  "Beg me. Beg me, baby."

  Laura's eyes opened. She didn't know how hard her breath was coming, how strange and wonderful she looked with all her inhibitions burning up in her own flame of desire. “Beebo, Beebo, take me,” she groaned.

  Still Beebo didn't move. Her breath was hot and pure on Laura's face when she spoke. “When I start, Laura,” she said slowly, “I'm never going to stop.” She put her hands against the wall over Laura's head and leaned on them, her eyes boring into Laura's, her body closing gently in on Laura's, pressing. “Never,” she whispered. “Do it, Beebo. God! Do it!"

  "I'll never stop. Never.” Her lips grazed Laura's brow.

  Laura shook all over. She couldn't talk, except to repeat Beebo's name over and over and over, as if she were in a trance. Beebo's hands came slowly over her hair, her face, her breasts, her waist, her hips. And then one strong arm went around her and Laura groaned. They sank to the floor, wracked with passion, kissing each other ravenously, tearing at each other's clothes.

  They never heard Nix's indignant barking from the bathroom, or the phone when it rang a half hour later. They never felt the chill of the rainy night nor the hard discomfort of the floor where they lay. Or the phone when it rang again. And later, yet again. It was not until late morning and brilliant sunshine invaded the room that they were aware of anything but themselves.

  Once again it was Laura who woke up first. She was too bewildered to think “straight at first, and the sight of Beebo, turning over slowly and opening her eyes, did nothing to straighten her out. Physically she felt wonderful. For a few moments she luxuriated in her body, letting her mind go blank.

  She rubbed her hands gently over herself and discovered a bruise on her thigh. The little ache gave her a sudden hard thrill and she remembered how Beebo made the bruise with her mouth. She had to fight hard against the need to roll over on Beebo and start loving her all over again. She touched the small bruise once more and felt the same shameless pleasure. She stretched, more for Beebo's benefit than her own.

  Beebo caught her and pulled her down and rubbed her black hair against Laura's breasts. Laura laughed and struggled with her. “Beebo, I've got to get up. I have to get to work."

  "To hell with work. This is love."

  "Don't keep me, Beebo. This job means the world to me. I don't want to be late.” She spoke the truth, yet she had no idea of how she was going to get up and get out. “What time do you think it is, baby?"

  "I don't know."

  Beebo peered over her head at the dresser clock. “Eleven-thirty,” she said.

  Laura gasped and tried to get off the floor, the surprise giving her impetus, but Beebo held her. “You're going nowhere, Bo-peep,” she said. Her tone, her self-assurance, brought out the fight in Laura.

  "I've got to get there. You don't know how far behind we are. I could lose my job. And if my father ever—” She stopped, still squirming to get up. She got as far as her knees but Beebo grasped her wrists and held her there.

  "I said, you're not going anywhere, baby,” she said, and she wasn't kidding.

  "Beebo, be reasonable. Please. You can't know how important it is to me.” It was suddenly important in a new way, too; it meant distance between her and Beebo. She was vaguely afraid that Beebo was strong enough to overwhelm her, to dominate her life. She needed something else to keep her perspective, her independence.

  "You don't know how important you are to me,” Beebo returned. “What the hell-, you're half a day late already. Call ‘em and tell ‘em you're sick."

  "I can't."

  "Why not?"

  "I can't lie worth a damn, Beebo."

  "You can say ‘I'm sick’ can't you? It's a cinch, I do it all the time. Come on, let me hear you say it."

  "I can't. I turn bright red when I lie."

  Beebo released her and turned over on her stomach, laughing. “Jesus, Laur, you could turn bright green. Who's going to see you over the phone? Do your damn radiologists have X-ray eyes?"

  Laura was on her feet and heading for the phone in Beebo's kitchen. She dialed the office, while Beebo got up and followed her
to listen. “Sarah?” Laura said. “Laura! Are you all right?"

  "Yes. I'm all right. I'll be down as fast as I can get there. I'm terribly sorry. Is Dr. Hollingsworth mad?"

  "No. You know him. He's awfully nice about these things. He did ask if you called in, through. He asked twice. Are you sick?"

  She looked at Beebo, who grinned at her. “Yes, I'm sick,” she said, setting her chin. “Well, gee, maybe you'd better not come in, then."

  "No, I'll be all right.” She glared at Beebo who was laughing at her red cheeks. “I'll be in right away.” She hung up and brushed past Beebo haughtily without looking at her.

  "Laura,” said Beebo, coming after her, her arms crossed over her chest. “You're not going to work."

  Laura picked up her wrinkled clothes and said, “Do you have an iron?"

  "You won't need it."

  "I can't go out like this.” Laura held up her rumpled dress, trying to shake it out.

  "Then you just can't go out.” Beebo stretched out on the bed and made a clucking noise at her. “Poor baby,” she said.

  "Why is it you're such an angel in bed and a bitch out of bed?” Laura snapped.

  For answer, Beebo only lay on her back and laughed at her. Laura looked at her lithe body and after a moment she had to turn away to keep from lying down beside her. “I don't even like you, Beebo,” she said harshly, hoping it would hurt. “I don't know why I can't keep away from you."

  "It's because I'm such an angel in bed, Bo-peep,” Beebo said. “That's all you care about. That's all you want from me."

  Laura whirled and threw one of her shoes at her. “Bitch!” she exploded. The hurt had backfired. Beebo spoke the truth. And then Laura turned away to hide the surprise she always felt when the passion in her burst to the surface. In silent embarrassment she slipped into her panty girdle, burningly aware of Beebo's amused stare while she pulled it over her hips. “I wouldn't bother, baby,” Beebo said lazily. “Why not?” Laura wouldn't look at her.

  "Number one, I hate the damn things. Number two, you don't need one. Number three, you can't go to work in a girdle. Period. And that's all the clothes you're going to get."

  "What?” Laura turned around.

  Beebo had gotten off the bed and with two or three, sweeping gestures she grabbed Laura's clothes and headed for the bathroom.

  "Beebo, what are you doing? What's the matter with you? Give me those things! Beebo!” Laura tugged at her but Beebo, laughing, was too much for her. Nix burst out of the bathroom as Beebo shouldered in. She turned on the shower full force and threw the clothes over Laura's head into the drink. And while Laura was still spluttering at her she threw Laura in, too, gently, dumping her on the clothes. Everything, everybody, was soaked.

  "Beebo, you animal! You're impossible!” Laura said furiously. She turned off the water angrily and snatched up her clothes, wringing them out into the tub. She was trembling with anger. She faced Beebo with a crimson face and threw the clothes at her.

  "Take the girdle off, Bo-peep,” said Beebo with unconcern. She threw the clothes over a wooden drying rack. “It doesn't do a thing for you."

  Outraged, Laura tried to scratch her, but Beebo pinned her back against the bathroom door and kissed her. Laura bit her and only made her laugh. With a feeling of excitement so strong it almost made her sick, Laura knew what was coming.

  "No!” she exclaimed, suddenly sobbing. “No, I won't! No!” But it was submissive, helpless. Beebo forced her to her knees. Standing spread-legged beside her, she put her strong hands behind Laura's neck and pressed Laura's face into her belly. “I said I'd never stop, Bo-peep. I said never, remember?"

  "Please, Beebo...” Frustration and desire were both so strong in Laura now that she was nearly out of her mind. Her weakness had got her again, and Beebo would make the most of it.

  It was late afternoon before she called Marcie. She had left under such peculiar circumstances that she was afraid of what Marcie must be thinking. She didn't want to call. Marcie was angry with her, to Laura's surprise. “You told me you were coming right back,” she said.

  Laura was bewildered. “I meant to,” she said. “I swear, Marcie."

  "You lied to me."

  "No, I didn't, I just didn't know-I mean—"

  "Don't lie to my any more, Laura. It makes me sick. I thought we were finally getting close to each other. I thought we were finally going to be friends.” She sounded upset. “But Marcie, we are."

  "I know where you went, Laura."

  Laura went white, and Beebo, who was lounging around the kitchen making dinner, turned to watch her with a frown. “What do you mean, Marcie?” Laura said.

  "I nearly lost my mind,” she said. “I would have called the police and made a fool of myself. But I called Jack first, thank God. Laura, why won't you tell me the truth? Why won't you just admit that I make you nervous? This isn't the first time I've driven you over to Jack's. If you don't tell me what I'm doing wrong how can I ever do anything right?” Her voice broke. “I feel as if I'm making your life intolerable. As if you'd rather move in with Jack and live in sin than put up with me. You might as well, you spend so much time in his bed."

  "Marcie! Marcie, I don't!” Laura was thunderstruck. “I've already talked to him, so don't deny it, Laura."

  "Marcie, honey, listen to me. I—” She looked up at Beebo and the look on Beebo's face silenced her. “Marcie, we'll have a long talk tonight. I'll try to explain it to you. We can't talk over the phone."

  There was a brief pause on Marcie's end. Then she said, “Are you at Jack's now?"

  "I-no-I'm at the office."

  "You must have just gotten there. I've been trying to get you all afternoon."

  Laura got more bewildered, more tongue-tied, the more she lied. “Marcie, I can't talk now,” she said urgently. “Please. I'll come right home. I'll explain."

  "All right, Laura. But I'll tell you right now, I'm ready to move out if you want me to. I'm sick and tired of getting on your nerves and not knowing why.” Laura shut her eyes and tried to control her voice. “Laura? Are you still there?"

  "Yes.” She cleared her throat “I'll see you tonight, Marcie.” She hung up and turned a pale face to Beebo.

  Beebo snorted and opened the refrigerator door. “She still straight?” she asked sarcastically.

  Laura was stung. “No,” she flung at her. “She's falling in love with me."

  "Don't kid yourself, Bo-peep."

  "I'm not kidding. And I'm not blind .She's jealous of Jack. She thinks I spent the night with him and it's her fault She wants me home."

  "How sweet,” said Beebo and chucked her under the chin. Laura pushed her hand away impatiently.

  "My clothes should be dry by now,” she said, getting up.

  "Call Jack,” said Beebo. “Ask him what he told your roommate."

  Laura hated to do anything Beebo suggested, just because Beebo suggested it. But Beebo was right. Laura called him at the office. She got him five minutes before closing.

  "I found out from Mortin-the bartender at The Cellar,” he said. “And if you pull another fast one on me, Mother, by Jesus, I'm going to let you stew in your own juice. I called you a dozen times last night. You must have been out on Cloud Nine. Marcie's mad as hell. She thinks I'm corrupting you."

  "I know. I'm sorry,” Laura said earnestly. “Jack, what would I do without you?"

  "I don't know. But I wish to hell you did. Marcie'd like to see me behind bars."

  "Jack, isn't that a good sign? I mean she seems almost jealous."

  "Oh, Christ,” he said, and then he laughed. “You're really goofy for her, aren't you?” Laura looked up at Beebo. “Yes,” she said. “I am."

  "Well, watch it. I don't know what to tell you. Nothing seems to register. If I say ‘she's not gay’ to you once more I'll sound like a broken record. But she's not. I don't want to see you get stabbed, that's all. Better you should blow off steam with Beebo until you get over Marcie."

  "I've bl
own off about as much steam as I can stand,” Laura said, and Beebo laughed. “I'm through."

  "Don't be so dogmatic, Mother mine. You'll only have to swallow your words and you'll look like an ass doing it."

  Laura wouldn't believe him when he told her Marcie was straight. She wouldn't because she didn't want to. She had told him, she had even told Beebo now, that Marcie was falling for her. She didn't dare believe it herself, but if somebody else did, maybe somehow that would help. Her desire, her pride, trapped her. “Thanks again, Jack,” she said. “One of these days I'm going to do the same for you. I swear."

  "One of these days you may have to. And Laura—"

  "Yes?"

  "Watch out for Burr. You're on his black list."

  "What'd I do?"

  "He thinks you're turning his pretty little sex-pot into a neurotic. He's jealous.” Laura smiled, surprised.

  "Well?” said Beebo, when she hung up. “Going home to your little wife?” She grinned. “Beebo, sometimes you make me sick."

  "I know. I'm enough to make you go straight. Go sleep with Jack tonight, it'll do him a world of good."

  "Oh, shut up!"

  "At least it'll give him a whopper to tell his analyst."

  Laura turned on her heel and left the room. She felt her clothes, hanging in the bathroom. They were still damp, but dry enough to iron. She brought them into the kitchen. “Where's the ironing board?” she said. “Pretty determined, aren't you?"

  "I certainly am."

  "I've got dinner ready. You can eat before you go.” There was a faint tone of pleading in her voice, as if she knew the time had gone when sheer force was useless. Laura had made her mind up.

  "I don't want another thing from you, not even dinner."

  "No, not for another day or two,” Beebo said and her voice became rougher as she talked. “You just want to run down for kicks once or twice a week. I'm pretty damn convenient, aren't I?” She pulled the board out from the wall and plugged the iron in, her movements sharp and angry. Laura felt a little afraid of her. Her blue eyes snapped and there was no trace of her usual humor in her face.