Just Breathe

by Rachel Brookes

  I rolled my eyes at the smirk lingering on his lips.

  “Bra size is too big for you to handle. Favorite position? Really, just one? And you won’t be having an Australian any time soon,” I flirted in response while I glared daggers in his direction.

  His eyes darkened as he took in my response. We were engulfed in a glaring war of silence, with neither of us willing to back down. It was the hottest kind of confrontation I’ve ever had and my body knew it.

  His tongue licked the corner of his mouth as his eyes narrowed deeper into mine. “Is that a challenge? We’ll see, Savannah. Fine, tell me the boring stuff then,” he snorted with a roll of his baby blues.

  “Believe me, Tate, I am definitely not boring,” I scoffed and cocked an eyebrow in his direction. I placed my empty glass on the table, motioning to the tray of shots in front of us. “Game?”

  “You have no idea.” He grinned. His words were drenched with intention and the feeling of becoming his newest game excited me, little did he know I could play with the best of them.

  His eyes roamed over me in a look of pure enjoyment after we took our next shot. His intense gaze sent a rush of nerves to hit me. This wasn’t normal. I never got nervous around a guy, but here I was almost breaking my gaze with him.

  Two shots later and the familiar feeling of a tequila buzz swept through my body. Tequila, shoes and guys were my weaknesses, and I knew tonight wouldn’t be any different. I could tell the tequila was spreading quickly through my veins because a floating ice cube was now holding my attention.

  “Tate, seriously, get off your fucking phone.” Tanzi’s voice thundered through the apartment.

  Not lifting his eyes from his phone, Tate’s brow furrowed with intensity. “Screw you, Tanzi.”

  Jack shifted his attention to me and rolled his eyes at the scene unfolding in front of us. “Here we go,” he groaned as he grabbed the empty glass out of my hand and headed toward the kitchen. Taking it as my cue to leave, I quickly followed before making myself comfortable on the kitchen bench.

  “Tate, the fact that you are even concerned with what she is doing is unbelievable. Fuck buddies don’t keep in contact. She is in another country, and I know for a fact that you are screwing around with other chicks. She is ignoring your calls, so get over it. Find someone else to screw.”

  I looked over at Jack, who rolled his eyes and shrugged his broad shoulders. “Welcome to my world, Sav, the world of dating a twin and being caught in the explosion of a twin war.”

  “You don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about Tanzi, so just mind your own business and live your perfect little life,” Tate spat in reply to his sister.

  I lifted my head to the sound of heavy footsteps echoing in the air and coming towards the kitchen, where Jack and I were finding solace. My eyes greeted Tate’s as soon as he stepped through the archway, and for some reason the urge to give him a sympathetic smile overwhelmed me. His eyes were dark and intense and his chest heaved with anger. Forcefully pulling on his jacket, he grabbed his keys and wallet and marched toward the front door before stopping a meter away and turning back, his eyes directed at me.

  “You know what, Tanzi? I will find someone else to screw. Your new best friend might just do.”

  I looked at him with sickened eyes. Yes, I used men in my life, but I never blatantly told my prey they would just do. I could handle a guy with confidence, and I most certainly could handle a guy who knew what he wanted, but arrogance? I despised arrogance and now Tate was being swallowed by it. I knew the look in his eyes. He wanted to use me. I was his game and he was the game maker. With anger pounding through my veins, I glared at him with everything I had. How had this flirt turned to such shit?

  “That’s doubtful, Tate. I don’t screw arseholes,” I shouted as he slammed the apartment door.

  “Well, that was pleasant.” Jack laughed as he handed me another cocktail. I threw it down without hesitation. I needed to get drunk fast.

  Chapter Four

  Red Velvet was everything I loved in a bar. It was chic, very Hollywood and oozed mystery. The bar was stocked full of every spirit you could imagine, lights lined the shelves and the bar staff wore sophisticated black shirts with Red Velvet scripted on the pocket. Posters of some of my favorite bands lined the walls that were emphasized by the low lights, and most impressively, the atmosphere was electrifying.

  I gripped on to Tanzi’s hand tightly as we weaved our way through the bar with the crowd bumping into us as they swayed along to the music. I had been hit by the sound of live music the moment I stepped through the doors. My ears followed the loud pulsating music and I zoned onto a rock band with an incredibly sexy lead singer that was mesmerizing the crowd from the stage at the back of the bar. I was instantly hypnotized by his smooth voice.

  The cocktail lounge was our destination tonight, and I was happy to see that the table we were heading toward allowed me a direct line of vision to the stage. The view of Mr. Rock Star was inviting, and I knew he would be in my sights all night. One last guy wouldn’t hurt…right? Mr. Davenport would never know.

  “Cocktail?” Tanzi asked with a beaming smile as if she could read my mind, and I nodded enthusiastically in response. She strutted effortlessly through the crowd toward the bar, stopping to talk to people. You could tell she was known here and I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself at the number of guys that stopped talking mid-sentence as she strutted past them.

  I froze as the same feeling that engulfed me in the foyer hit me, the feeling of being watched from a distance by the set of eyes that mesmerized me. A feeling of excitement, frustration and irritation flooded me, and I could feel his eyes boring deep into me from somewhere in the bar.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tate leaning against the main bar with his eyes watching me like a hawk, fixated on me like he was trying to work me out. The way his perfect pout was pursed and his arms crossed against his chest made him look like a threatening presence. I swallowed hard as I recognized the look on his face, it was a look that I was often guilty of—he was looking at me like I was the new toy, the new prey and the new game. The intensity of his gaze made me lose all confidence and sent a shiver up my spine. This guy, who I had met a measly three hours ago, made me unbelievably nervous but in all the right ways. I was always the overconfident one, the one who would make my intentions clear, but here I was swamped by nerves and my confidence was shattered by a complete stranger. I couldn’t help but feel like he was a light and I was the moth being drawn in and I didn’t like it, I didn’t like the feeling of losing control and I didn’t like not being the one to call the shots.

  “Wow, you ladies are looking mighty fine tonight.” My attention of Tate was broken by the sound of the husky voice echoing from the stage. My eyes scanned the crowd and I smiled when I found the lead singer looking directly at me with eyes of intention.

  I bit my lip and raised my eyebrow in his direction, giving off the clear sign that I was interested. My inner goddess came alive when a smirk lurked on his lips as he looked me over. Ding ding ding! We have a winner. He was going to be the perfect distraction for the night and he most certainly ticked all the boxes. I felt a pinch of unease flash through me at the thought of what I was going to do. Was that my conscience yelling at me? I had been in the country for less than twelve hours and I was already planning on going back on my promise to myself and Mr. Davenport. This was a new all-time low.

  My eyes were drawn back to where Tate had been only minutes ago. A buxom blonde was now by his side and was hanging on his every word like an excited puppy. I watched as her manicured fingertips scraped up the back of his shirt while his hands hung on her hips. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear, which I knew was suggestive by the giggle it caused to fire out of her mouth. I couldn’t look away. I watched as he grabbed her hand and moved behind the bar, opening a door and directing her into a room. I could only assume it was an office, his office. I swallowed hard as his eyes cau
ght mine. He hesitated and narrowed his eyes at me, and for a moment I saw them soften. I couldn’t break his gaze. His eyes flickered quickly between me and the girl who was inside his office and then as if he made his decision he fired a wink in my direction before closing the door and disappearing with his game for the night.

  “You okay? You look pale,” Tanzi said in concern as she placed a colorful cocktail in front of me. I grabbed the pink straw and started stirring. I needed a distraction and once again I was choosing to use alcohol and men.

  “Yeah, I’m fine I’m just trying to let everything sink in. I am in Los Angeles, sitting in a bar with you and about to have cocktails. It’s surreal,” I admitted softly. The past twenty-four hours could only be described as overwhelming, but here I was about to start a whole new chapter of my life and I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

  “I am so glad you are here. It kind of gets lonely when it’s just Jack, Tate and me. It’s too much testosterone for one girl to handle. I don’t have many girlfriends besides Ali, who I can’t wait for you to meet.”

  I grabbed my cocktail and took a long comforting drink. The taste of a cosmopolitan soothed my anxiety. I looked over the table at Tanzi and couldn’t help but smile. I was in the same boat as her, I didn’t have many girlfriends. I had my party friends, but I never had a girlfriend I could just hang out with and not have to be Savannah, the party girl. It was the simple things about having a normal friend that I craved. I wanted to be able to go shopping, to have nights where we ate junk food and watched chick flicks and to spend days lazing at the beach. I could imagine this with Tanzi and it excited me. It was the type of friendship that I had always wanted and Tanzi was the reason I couldn’t let Tate get to me. He may have been too gorgeous for words and I desperately wanted him to get into my pants but I knew I couldn’t.

  Red Velvet was the perfect setting to get to know Tanzi. I listened intently as she spilled too much information about her highly sexual relationship with Jack, told me that she and Tate grew up in San Diego where her mother still lived, but it was when she started talking about Tate that I really zoned. My mind ignited when she told me he had moved to Los Angeles three years ago, after what she called the worst year of his life. I couldn’t help but be intrigued with what could have happened and why it was the worst year of his life. Tanzi must have known she had said too much because she began focusing on the stage and I knew the conversation regarding Tate was over although it didn’t stop my brain from ticking over.

  I was fixated on the man onstage and scoffed at the way he was gripping the microphone tightly and thrusting his hips toward the girls panting at the front of the stage. His voice was low, rough and powerful, and the sweat pouring off his body made his shirt cling in all the right places. The glisten of the sweat made his tattoos pop under the bright stage lights and I couldn’t help myself as I licked my lips in anticipation. Sure, tequila, shoes and men were my weakness but throw tattoos in the mix and I was anyone’s.

  Throughout the set his eyes found mine and I drank him in while he memorized the crowd. I smiled in response every time he looked at me and raised my glass in his direction. I continued to be distracted by Mr. Rock Star, who soon announced this would be their final song and thanked the cheering crowd. He looked in my direction, offering a cocky grin before launching into the song.

  “Wanna dance?” Tanzi asked the moment the DJ started his set when the band finished.

  I turned to her and smiled widely. “Hell yeah!” I grabbed her hand and we maneuvered our way to the middle of the dance floor as the loud music pumped out of the speakers and the crowd around us started dancing.

  I could feel the crowd engulfing me the moment Tanzi and I reached the middle of the dance floor. The heat that was circling my body and the lights that were burning into my skin only intensified the atmosphere surrounding me. Throwing my hands into my hair, I lifted the sticky mass from my neck and slowly began to move my hips along to the beat and completely gave myself to the music. The alcohol swimming through my veins hit every inch of my body, encouraging sassy Savannah to arrive. At that moment I didn’t care about a thing. I disappeared into a trance and I was taken back to the innocence of my youth, when nothing or no one mattered.

  My mind flashed alive and my eyes were pulled toward the bar. I froze and my breath escaped me as my eyes found Mr. Rock Star and Tate leaning against the bar, both with their eyes burning into me. Mr. Rock Star pointed in my direction as he leaned in close to speak with Tate. I held my breath as Tate’s gaze met mine over the dance floor. My eyes disobeyed me and I couldn’t look away from Tate, his Red Velvet shirt clung to him perfectly allowing me to see the distinct curve of his muscular chest and the way his pants hung off his hips was almost too much to fathom. Tate broke his gaze from me and turned his attention to Mr. Rock Star and began to shake his head aggressively at something he was hearing. His eyes flashed back to mine before he storm off toward his office. I turned back to Tanzi and realized she had left sometime between the songs and I was now alone in the middle of the dance floor, slightly turned on by the fact that Tate and Mr. Rockstar were both staring at me so vividly.

  “Hey,” a smooth voice said from behind me while a hand swept the small of my back. I turned around slowly to be greeted by Mr. Rock Star himself. My eyes roamed over his face and body, while a smile tugged on my lips. He was sexy on stage, but he was electrifying standing in front of me with his hundred-watt smile. He would be the perfect distraction for the night.

  “Did you enjoy our set?” he purred into my after stepping closely to me. His body pressed against mine.

  I stood on my tiptoes and whispered into his ear. “Most definitely, you are just what I need tonight.” My words were saturated with intention. My flirting was obvious and the alcohol was giving me more confidence than I could ever need.

  “I love your accent.”

  It was at that moment I knew I had him. My accent was my secret weapon; I would have to keep that in the memory bank for later conquests. God bless being Australian.

  I looked at him, pursing my lips. “Let’s get a drink and you can listen to my accent a little closer.”

  As we walked to the cocktail lounge, I couldn’t help but look at the closed door of Tate’s office. I was half expecting to see a plethora of women go in and out of the door but I didn’t see any. The giggling blonde was nowhere to be seen. I took a seat and watched as Mr. Rockstar retreated to the bar. I closed my eyes and sighed. I was tired, jet lagged and drunk, but I knew my night wasn’t going to end any time soon. Loneliness was swarming me at an alarming rate, and when loneliness hit my memories ignited which I was trying so desperately to forget. I needed a distraction from reality, and as usual, I had found a man to distract me. Mr. Rock Star seemed to be the perfect participant.

  “What are you doing? You should get out of here while you can.” I recognized the voice immediately. I opened my eyes to find Tate slumped in the chair opposite me with his jaw clenched and his eyes dark and intense. He lifted the glass in his hands to his lips and took a swig, his glare at me never faltering.

  “Drinking on the job? You aren’t setting a good example for your staff,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

  “It’s my bar and I can do whatever and whomever I want.” He smirked as he took another swig of his drink. “Seriously though, you should get out of here.”

  I looked at him in astonishment. Who the hell did he think he was? “Are you kicking me out?”

  “No, I’m just informing you as the caring brother of your new best friend that I know a thing or two about the regulars at my bar and it would be best if you got out of here.” His eyes travelled to where Mr. Rock Star was now making his way toward us through the crowd, his eyes narrowed in on Tate. What was it with these two?

  “You need to leave,” I exclaimed. I tried to glare at Tate, but I knew my eyes were softening and I hated it.

  At the sound of my words, he shook his head in defeat. He opened his mouth to
say something but shut it just as fast, deciding otherwise. He gave me one last pleading look as he stood from his seat before stalking toward the blonde who accompanied him to his office earlier. He wrapped his arms around her neck and pulled her toward him, his mouth landing on hers in full view of the bar. My stomach dropped at the sight of them.

  I shook my head to forget all thoughts of Tate Connors and turned my attention back to my acquaintance for the night. I smiled halfheartedly and moved my chair toward his, my knees touching his giving just a little more indication on how this night was going to end. “My name is Savannah.” I grinned and held out my hand to him. Why did I use my real name? Usually I was Tanya or Stacy.

  With a smile and a kiss on my hand, he introduced himself. “Blake Ryan, vocalist of The Fallen, California born and bred. Here to be at your service, Miss Savannah.”

  The night continued without a hiccup. Tate stayed away and I continued my verbal assault of flirting with Blake. Tanzi had come and said goodbye, giving me a wink and a thumbs up as she left.

  The crowd in Red Velvet was dispersing, leaving only the fan girls who were hanging around and obsessing over the thought of a band member taking them home. The girls’ skirts had gotten significantly shorter, and their tops were barely covering their breasts. I shook my head and turned my attention back to the cocktail in front of me. I lost count of how many I consumed, but the fuzziness of my head told me it had been too many.

  I was mesmerized as I watched Blake rush toward the stage to say goodbye to his band mates. It was closing in on the time of night when I went home with the guy.

  Once again I found myself hiding behind one-night stands. They were the one thing that provided me with comfort for a couple of measly hours, but in those hours I was everything to the man I was with. In that moment I knew I wouldn’t be abandoned, I knew I wouldn’t be hurt and I knew I wouldn’t be alone. I had rules I would never break though: I always left before they woke; I never took a guy back to my house; and it was only ever a onetime thing. It was a crazy thought, but in a way one-night stands had become my unconventional security blanket.