by Kahlen Aymes
"No. I trust you, but there will be women throwing themselves at you, and your new co-star will probably—"
He cut me off. "Stop it, right now. None of that matters anymore here than if you're right in front of me. Don't you know how much I fucking love you?" His voice was angry and shaking slightly.
"Calm down, sweetie. I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I guess I'm a little insecure. It's sort of me against the entire world when it comes to you."
He sighed loudly. "Yes it is. And the entire bloody world doesn't stand a chance in hell, Brook, okay?" He paused for a few seconds. "Just... please don't make me feel like you don't trust me. I've got issues too. David is in L.A. and I'm not. Don't think that hasn't crossed my fucking mind." I could hear the exasperation laced in his voice.
"David? Who is he again?" I tried to tease him and laughed quietly, hoping Cade would join in. He didn't.
"I’m trying to forget."
"Okay, baby. I'm sorry. Love you," I promised. "Go to bed now and tomorrow when you see pictures of me on those gossip bastard's websites, I'll be sending you a message, before and during the shoot, okay?"
He finally laughed then. "Yeah, okay, my love. I'll send you a song for when you wake up. By the way, I read the journal on the plane and saw the note in the margin about Ingrid Michaelson. We have that incredible love."
I remembered writing how my body and heart had ached for him while that song played in my room that night.
"I love that song. Fill me...” I moaned at the memory.
"Yes… Spill me..." he said softly in return, both of us echoing the lyrics.
"Oh my God. I have to go... you're killing me."
"What a way to die. I love you so much. Goodnight, honey."
"Love you... you hang up first."
"You hang up first...” he laughed.
"Okay, but only because you need to sleep. I really love you, Cade. Have fun tomorrow."
"Love you too, baby." I hung up the phone and rolled on my side and missed him.
THE DAY WENT BY relatively quickly, laced with hot text messages to and from Brook. I had a shit-eating grin on my face the entire day since this morning when I got that damn song.
Bloody Hell, it was hot.
It had me jazzing all day to see the damn photos as soon as possible. I never thought I'd be happy to have something leaked online, but I couldn't fucking wait.
The director, Alan Cortman, and I spent part of the day going over production and I had some wardrobe fittings. I didn't know why they bloody needed that shit, and wondered why I just couldn't wear my own clothes. The character was basically an unkempt slob and hell if I couldn't do that without any fancy help.
I was able to go back to my hotel late afternoon and went to PopSugar and Googled Brook. There she was in her signature tight jeans, and an I Love New York T-Shirt, sunglasses and her earbuds from her iPod hanging from her ears. She looked right at those damn paparazzi and smiled wide for the cameras.
The first message delivered to me and hinted to the world. I fucking love New York. Bloody Brilliant.
The earbuds were probably pounding out Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God... My body swelled and throbbed painfully at the thought. Damn if she couldn't make me come from three thousand miles away. I smiled to myself and tried to spend the remainder of the afternoon going over the script.
I wished I was able to run around the city, but I realized it wasn't possible. I'd asked Daniel to visit on the coming weekend and so maybe I'd get out a little then. I was trying to fill up what little free time I had so the time would pass more quickly.
The storyline of Only Us was a good one with many layers and I tried to look forward to it and dive into it full on. I ordered room service and went over the script for a couple of hours before my phone vibrated.
Shoot ended a couple of hours ago. Let me know when you see them. They're all for you. OMG! XOXO
I moved to the desk and turned on the laptop and Googled Brook and Allure Magazine. The pictures popped up immediately.
Holy Hell!
I sat down and stared. She was so fucking beautiful, her light eyes magnificent against her pale skin, dark eye makeup, and windblown hair. I felt my dick harden and I thanked God that she was mine. Shot after shot, she was smoldering, her lips full and open... wanting. Dear God. My mouth went dry and the blood raced all around my body at the speed of light. I sat mesmerized by her eyes, her hair and her bare skin.
Fuck me.
Every shot was hot and showing skin. Her shoulder was bare in some of them, but the ones with the short skirt and the thigh-high boots were my undoing. I saved all of them and put one on my desktop and just stared at it, until I remembered that she wanted me to play that song as I looked at them.
I opened iTunes, started the song and then took out my phone to text Brook.
Oh my fucking God. You are the hottest, most beautiful thing I've ever seen... I love you so bloody much. I'm such a lucky bastard.
Forget the bloody script. I wasn't moving from this computer for the rest of the night. The song flooded through my head... and I sat back in the chair and ran my hands through my hair, my body throbbing to the point of pain. The song was sex set to music, and Brook was smoldering in the photos.
Jesus Christ. She knew how to torture me, and make me want so fucking bad I could barely stand it. She was a temptress and I loved every bloody minute of it. She made me happy, despite the distance. My heart was so full, thudding so fast it would fly from my chest and my body so turned on, I couldn't bloody breathe.
My phone vibrated on the desk next to the computer and I opened the message from Brook.
That's what you do to me. Oh my God'em, oh my God'em... OH MY GOD!
The breath rushed from my lungs and I smiled to myself as I searched for a song to send her that would make her scream for me.
Two could play at this bloody game.
THE NEXT TWO WEEKS passed by in a blur of music, tears and hard work. The day after my Allure shoot, I had my hair cut and dyed. I tried to be brave about it, but afterward, I fucking lost it. Cade's sexy song selection for the day hadn't even helped. He'd sent me Freek by George Michael in response to the Pink song I'd sent him the day before. It was super hot, but I was in a funk over my stupid hair.
The dark color made my skin look even paler and my blue eyes pop, but I hated it. I never wanted to go out in public again. The paparazzi followed me out of the salon and were relentless, asking me personal questions about whether I had relationship with Cade.
We both decided that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stay together in Beverly Hills in light of the new wrath of shit raining down on us about it, but I wouldn't trade one minute of it for anything. It was beautiful and painful, but like everything else with Cade, completely worth it. That night he listened to me cry on the phone for two hours, telling me I was beautiful over and over again, his velvet voice trying to comfort and reassure me. We hadn't had more than a ten-minute conversation since that one, and I was missing him in a major way.
He’d been very busy and so had I, meeting with Patrick Armstrong and some of the cast, getting final costume fittings, makeup tests and fitness training for hours on end. I spent endless hours trying to get the mannerisms, facial expressions and general quirks for my character down and it was time-consuming and exhausting.
Cade's friend, Daniel Mayfield, came to the States to spend his first weekend with him so he’d have someone to explore New York with. Cade said it had been a good time and the first and last time he'd been able to go out without huge mobs of girls chasing after him. It was completely insane and I worried about him.
He'd seen some of the Internet pictures of my new look, for lack of a better word, and he'd been so supportive. Deep down, I knew he had to hate it. Hell, I hated it, so how could he help it?
Our schedules were so nuts that we lived on the song exchange and countless text messages. Our managers were working on the plan to distance me from David
publically at the same time as Pinnacle was doing their best to hook Cade up with his new co-star, Davina Duchman. It was expected to promote his new film,, but it literally made me crazy.
It was weird seeing “Cade gives Brook an Ultimatum!” on the same rack as “As things heat up with Davina, Cade dumps Brook!”
Fucking polar opposite bullshit. Could that be more of an oxymoron? I wouldn't be surprised if Davina were chasing after Cade, but the less I knew about it, the better. It didn't help my piece of mind that she dumped her husband just in time to hit the set of Only Us.
Hello? Coincidence much? Hardly.
I couldn’t help the insecurity that made my heart drop. She was beautiful and worldly in a way that only age and experience could create, but I had to focus on my own film and did my best not to think about it.
Jeanne and Denise had the ultimatum article leaked so there would be sufficient time until Comic-Con and getting back to the set of A Love Like This next September to make it all more believable. They were planting the seed that David and I were finished and then bracing the world for Cade and me to come out as a couple when we got back to set. It would appear that I made the choice to be with Cade after enough time had passed to realistically put Pinnacle's botched beard scheme to bed.
The real ultimatum was the one Cade gave Pinnacle to let us be together by the time the third film went into production, but what the hell? Whatever worked so that we could eventually be more open about our relationship was fine by me. All of this crap was exhausting and I was so over it.
I was on a break with another young actress; Stacy Mills. We were sitting on the ground in the shade sipping cokes and going over our next scene, when my phone rang. It was Cade, but it was unusual he’d call in the middle of the day. He never did that so I answered as fast as I could. I stood up and moved away from Stacy, making sure she didn’t see Cade’s name flashing on my phone and careful to turn my back so she wouldn’t hear the conversation.
"Hey...”
He was breathing hard. "Cade?"
"Brook, thank God. I really needed to hear your voice." I could hear the tremors in his tone but his voice was quiet.
"What's wrong?" He didn't answer and I felt the panic beginning to rise inside my chest. "Babe, are you okay?"
He sighed and I knew he was either running his hands through his hair or covering his eyes with them. I'd seen him do it so many times when he'd been frustrated or anxious.
"Not really, no. Bloody hell! The fans here in New York are complete lunatics. The security team has tried to keep them off of me, but they are fucking everywhere." His voice was loaded with incredulity and a hint of anger and even fear.
"Oh my God. Do you want me to have Joel call Pinnacle? I mean... what can we do? What just happened?"
He laughed nervously and took a deep breath.
"Where are you?" The questions spilled out of me.
"All I was doing was going to the set, Brook. Hundreds of bloody girls started screaming and running after me down the bloody street. The guys had to get physical with them. One of the guys shoved and literally pinched them to keep them off of me. They were touching me, pulling, and clawing at my clothes... Jesus, I've never seen anything remotely like it. It's... madness. I utterly hate being here."
I let my breath out in a rush and I felt my eyes begin to prick. "Oh my God, Cade, I'm so sorry. I wish I could come up there and beat their moronic asses!" My heart was breaking for him and I couldn't stand the thought of all of those women treating him like that... like he wasn't a human being, but just an object that they wanted a piece of. I tried to joke to help him relax.
He laughed softly, finally calming down a little bit. "I'd love to see that Brook. Actually, it is weird that when you're around, the girls are more respectful. Why do you think that is?" I pictured the soft smile I knew would be turning his mouth up at the corners as the soft words tumbled from his beautiful mouth.
I struggled to swallow the rising lump in my throat, although I didn't have much luck. My skin flushed with warmth. "Because their stupid fantasies die with a dose of reality, maybe?" I knew my voice was trembling but there wasn't a fucking thing I could do about it.
"Hey... don't get upset. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you with this, sweetheart. You definitely are my reality, my love."
I was feeling anxious, afraid for his safety and my mind raced on what could be done or how in the hell I could get out there. I needed to wrap my arms around him, to stroke his hair back and feel his heart beating next to mine. Like I was the strong one; what a gigantic joke.
"Brook, are you still there?"
"Yes. Sorry, sweets. Of course you should have called me! I'm just... so scared and just... pissed that this is happening. What a hellacious nightmare! I wish...”
Cade sighed and finished my thoughts, "We could be together? Yeah, me too. I miss you," he said softly.
"Would it help if I came out there? I mean... I can't promise, but I can try."
He groaned. "God, that would be amazing, but don't jeopardize your film, babe." A few seconds ticked by in silence and I wondered what was happening. I could hear the screaming in the background and I grimaced. "Denise is trying to get some time off for me too, but I don't know when it will be. I bloody hate not knowing when we'll see each other again."
"Yeah. It hasn't even been that long and I'm not doing so well. The songs are helping, but I miss being with you." The cast was moving around and my production assistant was waving me back from break.
"Ugh! There are no words. It's only been eight days. I say only because I’m counting down to the end. Eighty-one days to bloody go."
I closed my eyes at his words, before opening them and running after my cast mates.
"I do know, I'm counting, too. Shit, Cade, I have to go. We're being called to set. I'm... scared for you, I wish we could talk later, but I'm working late tonight. I'll send you a note and a song when I'm finished, but you should be sleeping by then. Should I call Jeanne and tell her to get on Pinnacle?"
"Honey, there’s no need. Denise already called them, but we may need to call Joel if they don't increase security."
"Okay. I'll have him call you. Please be careful. I love you."
He sighed. "I love you, Brook... and you look hot in those leather pants. I'll ring you tomorrow, love. "
I laughed, knowing which photo he was referring to. "You Googled."
"Of course," he chuckled, and I could hear that he was more centered and felt better from our talk. I felt a great deal of pride that I had the ability to calm him and make him smile. My heart swelled with emotions. Jesus, I missed him.
"Love you. Bye."
"Bye, love."
THE REST OF THE week Brook and I barely spoke, but the songs kept coming. Sometimes I was so tired at the end of the day I just wanted to fall into bed, but I always found myself looking up whatever I could find of her online, new pictures and news about her film, and I never missed a day of sending her songs. Each and every morning I would wake up and find a note and song from her too, but I missed her voice and the feel of her soft skin beneath my lips. I sighed as I opened the newest one. It was short, but the words overwhelmed me, and my heart ached.
-C
My arms may be empty and aching, but my soul is so full of you. I'm yours & you're mine. I love you...
-B
The song is... Soulmate by Natasha Beddingfield
I closed my eyes. Jesus, she was amazing. In all the madness and despite the distance and our incredibly crazy schedules, Brook was still my center; the anchor of my chaotic existence.
Only Us was going well. The days were packed and long. Only one thing was missing. The director had bounced me about the obvious lack of chemistry with my co-star, insisting that the fans would be looking to see the screen set ablaze like they did in The Future of Our Past.
Bloody Hell. I couldn't fucking manufacture it, but if I were honest, I didn't want to get to know her. I didn't have the same desir
e to spend time with her like I had with Brook. Frankly, she left me cold, and I couldn't even be sure it was because of my blazing love for Brook that kept me distanced or just the fact that Davina had such a plastic personality. Either way, it didn't matter.
Davina tried to talk to me and break the ice on several occasions and I'd been avoiding her. We had a kissing scene coming up in filming this Friday and I knew I'd have to try harder if it was to be at all believable. Leave it to Pinnacle to make sure the kissing rubbish was scheduled at the front of the production so it would hit the stands as soon as possible and they could start weaving their hype and lies.
My heart constricted. I had to tell Brook because I didn’t want her bombarded with the press and Internet barrage, and no doubt Wendy wouldn't pass up that opportunity to bring it to her attention. Brook would say she was fine with it, but I knew it bothered her just like it would me if she were making out with some other bloke; on screen or off. We could say it a million times... It's just a job, but it was still hard to see it unfold.
Brook's movie, was coming out around the time Only Us was, and I'd have to watch her naked with some other guy, so maybe a kiss or two wasn't so bad. I tried to rationalize it all away. She was almost nude with me in our series, so it wasn’t likely Jeanne would be able to negotiate her out of nudity for this film. Ugh! I should have thought of that.
I clicked reply on the email and attached the song.
B-
You give me crazy love, Brook... It makes me crazy and makes me calm, it's everything... all I need in the world is you. Listen to the lyrics, love...
The song is Crazy Love, by Van Morrison.
-C
I took out my phone and dialed Denise on my way down the hall to the elevator. I knew when the doors opened John and Brian would be there to ward off the screaming masses, so I stood and looked out the window of my hotel as I waited for her to answer.