by Kahlen Aymes
“I don't want to see you in that getup, Brook.”
I was taken about, perplexed. My expression twisted. “Is that what this is about? Why, for fuck's sake?”
“I just think that I should wait. For the film.”
I rolled my eyes and crinkled my nose, checking my cell phone for messages. “Cade. You're being weird. It's just a costume.”
Cade moved back onto the couch and retrieved his guitar from its resting place. “No, it isn't. It's you pregnant.”
I pulled on my grey zippered sweatshirt and plopped down next to him. “Are you serious? You weren't this goofy when I had to get the wedding dress fitted.”
He reached for my hand and brought it to his mouth. “Because I knew it wasn't something you'd really choose. Humor me. I just don't want to see you like that until we film.”
“Cade…for Only Us what's-her-name had a pregnancy suit. Were you this ridiculous with her?”
“Davina.” Cade supplied her name then bit his lip and his eyebrows lifted. “This is you.”
“Hmmp,” I sighed. “So you're planning on avoiding me during set up, too?”
He nodded. “Yeah,” was the simple answer.
“Why? Because I'll look like a whale? Next you'll be saying you don't want to rehearse.”
“That's not it, but probably not.”
“You're crazy.” I ran my hand through my hair and leaned in to place a quick kiss on his mouth. My heart thumped in my chest as I gazed at his handsome face in wonder. He was so damn romantic.
“Crazy for you.” I smiled and ran a hand through his hair before walking to the door.
“Love you.”
“I know.” He nodded with a brilliant smile and strummed Brahm's Lullebye on his guitar.
“Bleh! I hate that stupid song!”
His delighted laughter followed me into the hall where the bodyguards were waiting, as patiently as ever, as I shoved the sunglasses over my eyes.
IT HAD BEEN ONE hell of a week; the press junkets, the traveling, and the crowds. I'd just come off of presenting at the Oscars with Davina. Jesus, I was tired. I'd wanted Brook to meet me in Los Angeles for the awards, but she chose to stay in Vancouver. I missed her, but I couldn't really blame her. Even though it nagged in the back of my mind that she was still keeping us a secret, I realized with all the interviews I had on the radio and other media, I wouldn't have had time to be with her anyway. It was necessary, and I cared about this new film, but bloody hell it wore me out. The screaming fans everywhere I went, while a measure of my success, had gotten worse.
I was dreading the end of The Remembrance movies, as much as I was looking forward to moving beyond it. It had owned me for the past three years, but without it, my life would be so different without Brook's constant presence. Life would calm down as time moved on. I doubted that I'd ever see a greater success than I had with this job. To think I hadn't even wanted to move from action movies to romantic drama. I should thank Denise. Without it, without that obscure audition with an unknown actress my whole life would be so different. Meeting Brook was destiny. These books were written, produced, made and marketed, only for us, so we would meet, fall in love, be together. It was fate, pure and simple. I knew it as surely as I was breathing.
The end was emotional and bittersweet. I tried to be encouraging and supportive of Brook when she was feeling melancholy, but the truth was; I was a mess. I'd grown used to having her with me constantly, and even though we worked on other projects during breaks, there was always another of these films on the horizon that would bring us back together for months. Now, that was over.
I now had four journals sitting on my bedside table, one from each film, which held all of her notes. Director's notes, notes to me. The first was the most precious because it represented that first, fragile year, but the others were memory books of our time as a couple. She was amazing. Was then, was now, and would always rock my world without question.
I wasn't sure I was ready to see Brook in her pregnant costume. Even though I had it in my head that we'd be together, get married, and have kids, neither of us was ready to think about it. I wasn't sure how I'd react seeing it on her. On the plane, I'd re-read the scene in the book. I couldn't picture it, but I was certain, whatever it looked like, it would make me even more anxious for the charade to end, for the world to see and finally know without doubt, she belonged to me. Her choice was with me. I sighed deeply.
I was sick of the haters, the hackers, and all the bullshit. I was even sick of the jobs that would take us to different parts of the world. I wanted to be normal; with Brook.
I left Davina in L.A. the minute we were finished presenting. I had tomorrow off, but Tuesday we were filming the last scenes of A Love Like This and tonight, I wanted to see Brook.
The soft sounds of her breathing soothed me as I came in and threw my jacket on the sofa, followed quickly by my white shirt as I kicked off my shoes. I undid my pants on the way to the bedroom and shed them before lifting the covers to slide into the bed beside her.
Her body shone translucent where the moonlight landed on her skin. She stirred softly as I slid in next to her, letting her scent envelope me as I reached toward her, my fingers aching for her flesh.
“Cade?”
My heart leapt in my chest. Even asleep, my name was on her lips.
“Yeah, babe. It's me. Come here.”
I opened my arms and she curled up next to my body, her head coming to rest in the crook of my shoulder and her fingers playing lightly on my chest.
“I missed you,” she murmured softly and again my heart thudded inside me.
“Did you miss me enough to wake up for a minute?” I pushed her hair back and let my fingers twine around the silky strands. So soft. So Brook.
Brook propped up on one elbow and leaned in to kiss my mouth in a feather kiss. “Yeah. What's wrong?” She blinked twice and wiped her eye.
“I lied to you last week.”
I turned toward her and slid one leg between two of hers. She had on sweat shorts and a tank top, unsure if I'd be home tonight.
She was puzzled; her blue eyes almost black in the shadows. “What? About what?”
“I am not looking forward to this. I'm miserable.”
She let out her breath in relief before melting into me, our arms automatically closing around each other. She felt so damn good. “I know.”
“You do?” I asked.
She huffed in the darkness. “Cade, come on. We've been inseparable. I can barely breathe just thinking about it. We share everything so why would you think I couldn't tell?”
“I'm wrecked. I wanted to be strong for you, so you wouldn't see it.”
“You don't need to hide from me.”
“I know. I love you.”
Brook's fingers drew circles on my chest and I began to relax. I would miss this part the most. I took knowing she'd be in my arms every night for granted. I knew she was tired, and I was exhausted. Tonight it was enough just to hold her close.
“Me, too.”
I smiled into the darkness. “Did you want to rehearse the baby scenes, Brook? It was selfish of me to discount that maybe you needed to.”
She shrugged in my arms. “I don't need to. But winging it isn't what we do. We never have.” Her voice was sleepy.
“Yeah, but the script is weak in that scene anyway. Not at all the way I'd imagined it to be.”
She let out a soft sigh. “We'll be fine.”
“I've rehearsed it in my head a hundred times, Brook.”
Her fingers stilled and she snuggled closer, her arm going up around my neck. “Me, too.”
“Screw the script. We'll make it perfect.”
“Yeah. Just remember to call me Julia, Ryan.”
I couldn't help but chuckle and I felt her smile against my skin. I quickly flipped her on her back and lowered my mouth to the sweet skin of her neck, dragging my open mouth lower, tasting her so thoroughly, taking control and pushing away my exhausti
on. Jesus, I already missed her.
“How about a little love for your doctor, Julia?”
“Mmmm…Yeah, I need some medical attention.” We both laughed softly before our moods turned serious.
My body pushed into hers impatiently, seeking the amazing heat of her flesh surrounding mine. We were both so hungry, our bodies moving together in a familiar, yet desperate way. I'd never be able to live without this woman and it always felt like heaven and hell whenever our time together was dwindling.
“OH, MY GOD! Brook! I'm gonna cry like a baby for his momma's tit!” Mickey fanned at his face with his hand, and I burst out laughing. I'd just spent two hours in the makeup trailer where he'd shooed everyone else away while he worked to make me look all disheveled and sweaty, then patted my fake stomach. It looked real; I looked really pregnant, and now all that was left was to hit the set.
“Mickey!” I laughed some more. “I'm going to cry myself!”
“Bitch, don't you dare! I worked like a dog on that face! It's perfection!”
“How can I look any worse? I'm gonna have to cry during the scene.”
“I'd be crying my ass off if I were having a baby with that, too. Jesus fucking Christ! I've been crying for almost three years already! Maybe he'll let me touch up his makeup?” Mickey wagged his brows and sighed. “At least I might get to touch him one more time. Maybe I can kiss him goodbye!”
I laughed harder, knowing what Cade's reaction would be. Priceless.
“Uh, probably not?” My eyebrows shot up in amusement.
“Nom, nom, nom….God. I have to stop! I'm going to hyperventilate and have to do something in the back!”
I was dying to the point of holding my fake belly as it shook against me. The tears started to accumulate, threatening to spill from my eyes. “Stop, Mickey! My stomach hurts!”
“You're still the luckiest bitch on the planet! The lovemaking scenes, oh my God! I swear I'd give anything to be you.”
I wiped at my eyes and hugged him. He hugged me back full force. “I love you, Mickey! Thank you for making this so much fun. I've been a little sad.”
“Awww, baby, I can understand, but you're takin' Cade home with you, so what's to be sad over?”
“Just the end. You know. I'll miss everyone. I'm certain I'll never have so much fun in hair and makeup as I've had with you.”
“Just name your first born after me! I don't ask for much!”
Sally came in to get me. “Martin called. They're ready for you.” She smiled. “Are you ready to have a baby?”
My heart fluttered. “Ready as I'll ever be.”
Soon she had me into the cotton hospital gown costume over a flesh-colored camisole and boy shorts. I looked like a whale, no getting around it.
The birth scene was intimate and since it was the last scene we were shooting, I knew I'd be an emotional mess. Cade asked that the set be on lockdown, as if it were a love scene. It was 2 AM and I hadn't seen Cade all day. He'd stayed away from me all day, saying he was working on music, but I knew he was dreading tonight's shoot as much as I was.
As I walked toward set, Martin and two or three crewmembers were checking the lighting, but nothing existed but the beautiful man that waited for me, dressed in surgical scrubs and hat. His eyes on fire, with the love I knew was more real and sacred than anything I'd ever hoped for, never left my face.
Cade took my hand when I was close enough. “This is it,” he whispered, too soft for the audio to catch. My heart swelled and fell all at the same time, the moment so bittersweet. My throat hurt and I struggled not to cry my eyes out. “You look perfect.”
I shook my head, a tear slipping from my eye. I quickly brushed it away, managing a tumultuous smile. “I'm fat.”
His hand squeezed mine, he smiled, and shook his head. “You're beautiful.”
Cade was as perfect as the character he'd embodied, even more so. I'd known it the moment I met him.
And the miracle was, he really was mine and would be forever.
WHAT THE HELL KIND of a name was Sheldon for a man? I wondered in irritation. The name was weird, though it was my abhorrence of the man that dictated my disgust. I'd just arrived on the set of Brook's new movie, and Pinnacle didn't want me to be there, but I didn't give a rat's ass. The studio's reign over my relationship with Brook was coming to an end, but the contracts still bound us until A Love Like This released three months from now.
I'd always found the sod irritating, but now I hated his guts. My eyes narrowed as I watched from behind the director's chair, following his every move as he leaned in and spoke to Brook. She was beautiful, her cheeks flushed pink, and she was laughing at something the wanker said. The skin on my neck and face began to burn uncomfortably, and my fists clenched involuntarily.
My presence at the screen test should have told the other actor to keep his distance from Brook when they weren't on set, but the familiarity between them grated on my nerves. I was in physical pain; as if a knife had been pushed into my gut.
I'd wanted to surprise Brook, and so I'd jetted off my own set the first chance I had without telling her to expect me. I missed her and the late night Skype sessions helped but didn't take the place of holding her and waking up beside her. It had been three weeks since we'd been together in Los Angeles and I could barely stand still in my anxiousness to let her know I was there, but I'd agreed to wait until this scene was wrapped. Maria Denton, the director on this gig, was particularly anal, and while she produced quality on film, she was annoying as hell to work under with. I'd done one film with her three years before, and I couldn't wait for the damn thing to wrap.
During my break between films, I'd managed to purchase a house in L.A. and Brook and I covertly moved in together. Denise and Jeanne did an excellent job of scouting properties and arranging for Brook and me to check them out during a few middle-of-the-night shopping excursions and Joel had drawn up a non-disclosure for the real estate agents and agencies were required to sign before they were even told who the client was.
By some miracle, we'd managed to skirt the paparazzi's intruding lens for most of it, though when the bill-of-sale was recorded on public record, the tabloids blew up in speculation. Brook and I didn't go out together, but they became merciless in chasing us around Hollywood individually. I expected it; it was my property, but in the five years I'd been working in Hollywood, I hadn't moved from London, so there were sound bites, articles and magazine covers screaming everywhere I looked.
The Pinnacle execs weren't happy that I didn't wait until the last movie premiered, but screw it. It was much more likely we'd be discovered if I were constantly sneaking in and out of her condo or parent's house. The privacy fence and lush foliage of the property would help. The amped up press made Brook wary and she was still wavering on keeping the relationship a secret, though Joel assured me the most the studio could do was keep a chunk of the salaries.
Standing here watching this sod move in on my girl, made me all the more determined to come out with it. I was fed up.
“Maria, how many more takes will be necessary?”
She was a small woman, dressed in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, her hair pulled into a knot at the top of her head, and tortoise shell glasses sitting on her pert nose. “Who knows? If I didn't know better, I'd think Shell didn't want to finish. But my production budget for the day is basically blown, so I need to get it done.”
“Shell,” I murmured in disgust. “What kind of fucking name is that for a man? His manager did him a disservice by not suggesting he change it to something tougher. I'm surprised he even gets cast for characters who have a dick.” I ran a hand through my hair, in exasperation.
Maria laughed out loud. “If we don't get it this time, I may call it a day and just see what we can piece together in editing.”
“I know that's not how you work.” I smirked at her.
“True.” She shoved her glasses further up her nose. “Fall back into the shadows, please. I don't need another inte
rruption so I'd rather Brook not see you until we're finished.”
“No problem.” I took four steps back until I was cloaked in shadows. The scene was an office scene and while Brook had mentioned the script, I hadn't read it through. She was dressed in a business suit, as was the wanker to her left, though Brook's jacket was fitted, hugging her curves and topped a short pencil skirt and stiletto heels. She looked amazing as the makeup artist came to retouch her face and fluff and spritz her hair.
“Do I want to watch this?” I murmured under my breath.
“Places!” Marie called loudly and the crew got ready and the support staff left the set. “Quiet on set! Action!”
As the scene unfolded in front of me, I became more agitated, though I put on a good front; my hands in my pockets and my stance full of forced nonchalance. This was just another job; my mind screamed as his mouth smashed down on Brook's, one hand fisting in the back of her jacket and the other sliding over the curve of her ass. My heart tightened and my lungs constricted inside my chest. My expression tightened and the muscle in my jaw worked overtime as my teeth clenched. I tried to inhale deeply, hoping to ease the feeling of claustrophobia I felt. This was an open set, on a big soundstage, but I felt like I was in a coffin.
“Mr. Carlisle, would you like anything? Coffee? Soda?” A soft voice whispered.
I glanced down at a young production assistant, clearly star-struck. I noticed the name on her badge and shook my head. “No thank you, Sharon. I'm good.”
“Okay. Do you think I could get an autograph? When the scene wraps?”
“Sure.”
The girl smiled brightly and scurried away after one of the producers shot her a dirty look.
The next thirty minutes moved at a snail's pace as it became apparent to me that Sheldon was throwing his lines. Apparently, he was enjoying kissing and feeling up his costar.
When the director finally called it a day, it was my opportunity to move into Brook's eye-line, and I didn't waste any time doing so. Making sure Sheldon Richards was aware was almost as much a priority as getting my arms around my girl.