Raven

by Allison van Diepen

  I return to the ICU, entering quietly so as not to disturb anyone. Through the curtain, I see Emily alone with Josh. She is whispering to him, pressing his hand over her heart. Before she can see me, I slip out of the room. She deserves to have a few minutes alone with him to say whatever she needs to say.

  I find my parents in the lounge next to the cafeteria. There’s a TV hanging from the wall, tuned to CNN. I squeeze in between them on the couch and curl up. I feel their arms around me.

  A few minutes later we get up on shaky limbs. Mom and I head back to the ICU, and Dad goes into the bathroom.

  Mom and I walk in—and stare.

  Josh is sitting up in bed, his arms around Emily. His blue eyes land on us. “Mom, Nic, join the hug!”

  BLESSED

  I’m too shocked to move.

  Mom rushes into Josh’s arms. “Oh, honey, we thought we’d lost you! It’s a miracle!”

  But it’s not a miracle.

  It’s Carlo.

  I fly to Josh, and we hold him tight, a circle of love. This can’t be happening, I keep thinking. But it is happening. Josh is back.

  “You’ll never lose me, Mom.” He kisses the top of her head. “You look like you’ve had a rough time these past few days. Em was just telling me it’s been touch and go.”

  Mom nods, too choked up to speak. She clings to him. I pull back, wiping my eyes. Josh reaches out and grabs my hand. “I missed you, Nic.”

  “Me too.”

  My dad walks in, stops dead. Then he rushes over, throwing his arms around his son. A nurse stands there, dumbfounded, before hurrying out.

  We all stand around Josh, hugging and crying.

  “You’re alive,” Dad keeps saying. I’ve never seen such joy on his face, never.

  “He healed me,” Josh says.

  “Who?” my parents ask.

  “I don’t know. I woke up and he was right there, checking that my vital signs were okay. It’s like he was a doctor . . . but he was wearing a suit.” He looks at Emily, who’s wiping her tears with a wad of tissue.

  “I don’t know who he was,” she says. “A faith healer, I guess. He told me to put my hands on his head. He put his hands over mine. Spoke in some language. There was this light. It went through us. . . . ”

  The doctor comes in, eyes wide behind his glasses. “This is incredible.”

  “Wouldn’t be the first time they called me incredible,” Josh says. “So, can I go home now?”

  “Uh, no, definitely not. I’d like to do some more tests, make sure you’ve completely stabilized.”

  We step out of the way so the doctor can approach Josh. He checks his pulse and blood pressure manually, amazement written all over his face. Then he examines the machines, as if there might have been a malfunction.

  He’s not going to find the logical explanation he’s looking for.

  Josh sits through this for a few minutes, then looks plaintively at the IV. “Can I get some real food?”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I wake up the next day just after one in the afternoon. Thankfully Mom and Dad didn’t wake me for school. They couldn’t have reasonably expected me to go after the exhaustion of the last few days.

  I hurry downstairs to find a note on the kitchen table.

  Hey, sleepyhead! We’ll be at the hospital visiting Josh until three o’clock. There are also visiting hours from six to eight if you want to stop by then. We’ll bring a pizza home for dinner. Love, Ma and Pop

  I exhale. It wasn’t a dream. Josh is okay.

  If being a Jiang Shi is okay.

  Carlo. I want to hug him. I want to slap him. I don’t know what I want, or what I should feel.

  Josh is alive. Alive and well.

  A feeling rushes through me. Joy.

  I call Zin.

  “It’s good to hear your voice, Nic. How is he?”

  “He’s great.”

  “Great?” He sounds surprised. Then I remember that my last text said we were considering taking Josh off life support.

  “He was close to death, but then Carlo showed up.”

  There’s a long silence.

  “Zin, are you there?”

  “You’re telling me he changed Josh.”

  “Yeah. You should’ve seen Josh yesterday. He was so alert and happy. He was even cracking jokes.”

  “That’s good to hear.” But his voice is restrained.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing. I know how much you love him. I can’t blame you for doing what you did.”

  “It wasn’t my choice. I told Carlo not to change him, but he went ahead and did it anyway.”

  “You’re serious.”

  “Yeah.” Tears fill my eyes. “Josh would be dead right now if Carlo had listened to me.”

  “It took a lot of strength to say no.”

  “How could letting my brother die be the right thing? I’m glad Carlo didn’t listen to me.”

  “You believe in an afterlife. So do most people. There’s no reason you should feel guilty.”

  “Josh is different now. We have him back, really back, the way he used to be.”

  “That’s wonderful, Nic.”

  But his voice isn’t convincing. I can tell he thinks changing Josh was a bad idea. “You don’t sound like it’s wonderful.”

  “Just give me some time to wrap my brain around this. Carlo hasn’t changed anyone in two hundred years, and he only changes . . . certain types of people.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? Josh isn’t good enough to be a Jiang Shi?”

  “I’m not saying that. But you know as well as I do that Carlo carefully chose everyone he’s changed. He never changed anyone who wasn’t mentally well before.”

  “Josh can handle being a Jiang Shi. You’ll see.”

  “I hope you’re right. We won’t know for sure until he takes his first soul. But that won’t be for a long time.”

  A long time. When I’ll be long dead.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  When I arrive at the hospital, Josh is sitting up. His scraggly goatee is gone—and so are the sunken cheeks, the purple shadows under his eyes, the scabs on his skin.

  He looks young and fresh-faced. Healthy.

  But the most startling difference is his eyes. They’re clear and with-it, and they light up when I walk into the room. “Hey, Nic! I was hoping you’d stop by.”

  I hug him, then sit on a chair by the bed. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like I should be running a marathon, not cooped up in this room.”

  “You look good. When can you come home?”

  “Doc says tomorrow, if all the tests come up okay. He’s just stalling because he can’t explain my turnaround. He doesn’t believe that a faith healer was here. It’s still hard for me to believe. But this man, whoever he was, saved my life. I have to find him and thank him. And I want to ask how in God’s name he pulled it off. Do you believe in angels?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Me neither. I just keep thinking, why did he choose me? Why have I been given this second chance when so many other people, so many good people, die?”

  “You’re a good person, Josh. You always have been. It’s just that . . . you got addicted and everything went downhill. It doesn’t change who you are.”

  “I remember him, the way he thinks. He didn’t deserve a miracle.”

  “Josh, you were an addict. It’s a disease. You can’t blame yourself.” But my words don’t feel true. I blamed him for destroying himself, for destroying our family. Who else could I blame?

  “You don’t need to say that, Nic. I made my choices. I’ll make different ones this time.” He gives me a reassuring smile. “When God gives you a chance like this one, you can’t waste it.”

  Soon he’ll know the truth about why he’s still alive. Carlo is going to crush his idea of God.

  DAYS OF YORE

  It’s sheer cruelty that I’m expected to go to school the next day. I want to be at the hospital
with my parents when Josh gets discharged. I want to keep pinching him, and myself, to be sure it’s real.

  There’s no chance of relapse now. No chance of disaster. There’s not even a chance that some random accident will steal his life away. I can actually sit in class and think about Josh and not have a tense, ominous feeling in my stomach.

  I feel lighter, so much lighter that I bet Zin will notice it in my soul.

  Couldn’t Zin just be happy for me? I’m surprised that he, of all people, is questioning Carlo’s judgment when he’s only alive because of it.

  At lunch my friends are hesitant to ask questions. They know the reason why I was MIA for a few days—I gave Zin permission to tell them about Josh’s overdose.

  I decide to come clean. Officially. “He’s had a problem for a while. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys.”

  “You didn’t need to tell us anything,” Slide says. “It’s a family thing.”

  Chen slaps me on the back. “Yeah. We all got family things. He gonna be okay? He can’t fall back into the coma, can he?”

  “No. He’s being released from the hospital today.”

  “Must’ve been a hellish few days,” Slide says. “Guess you won’t be up for Hip-Hop ’n Bowl tonight.”

  “Yeah, I’d better stay in. Some family time is called for.”

  “We’re so glad he’s okay,” Kim says. “Have you talked to him about rehab? Or maybe it’s too early, if he’s just being released today.”

  “I’m sure my parents will talk to him about it.” Though he won’t need it, I don’t say. “I have a feeling that this experience has woken him up. I think he’ll turn around. And it’ll be for real this time.”

  My friends are nodding, but I bet they’re skeptical. I don’t blame them. I would be too.

  They don’t know what I know.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  When I get home, Mom is in the kitchen cooking mac and cheese, Josh’s favorite.

  “Yum.” I hug her. “Where is he?”

  “In his room.”

  I run upstairs. It’s surreal, seeing Josh in his old bedroom. He’s sitting on his bed, tearing his old posters into strips. His walls used to be plastered with heavy metal posters, and now they’re completely bare.

  He looks up. “Do you think I can recycle these? I’m not sure if you can recycle paper with a glossy finish.”

  “I’m not sure either.” I plunk down on his bed. “Redecorating, I see.”

  “I’ll be happier without these all around me.” He tears another poster, right through Marilyn Manson’s demonic eye. “I’m fine with the walls being bare right now. I’ll paint it white. I hate this navy.”

  “Me too. It’s not you anymore.”

  “It was never me. I don’t know who the hell that other guy was . . . I just hope I never meet him again.”

  I can see the flicker of doubt in his eyes, the fear that he’ll slide again. He has no idea that he can’t become an addict, because Jiang Shi are immune to disease.

  “You’ll have to get used to sharing a bathroom again,” he says.

  “Damn.” I grin, remembering how we use to fight over it. He was always the one who took forever. I’d accuse him of being prissier than a girl. Come to think of it, he wasn’t any worse than Rambo.

  “How was school?” he asks.

  “Blah.”

  “You’re graduating in a couple months. That’s pretty cool.”

  “I guess so.”

  “Your enthusiasm is contagious. Mom says she doesn’t know your plans for next year. She’s afraid to ask you about it.”

  “I got into a few places, but I know there isn’t money. Maybe I’ll go to City College . . . or maybe I’ll take some time off.”

  “I know it’s my fault there’s no money. I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t seem like enough.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy you’re well.”

  “Thanks. If you do end up going to City College, we’ll probably be on campus together. Hope that doesn’t cramp your style. I called a few minutes ago and an adviser said that with my SAT scores I should have no problem getting in.”

  “You’ve decided this already?”

  “I figured it all out last night. The only way I’m going to be able to pay Mom and Dad back before they retire is if I get a high-paying job. That means going back to college right away. We can’t afford Columbia anymore, so I’ll go to City College. If my marks are as good as I think they’ll be, I’ll be able to get into a decent law school.”

  “Wow. You’ve planned out your future in less than twenty-four hours, and I’m still confused about what to do next year.”

  “You know I always intended to go to law school. If I hadn’t screwed up, I’d be halfway through my BA by now. But I’ll catch up. That’s what night and summer classes are for. I was thinking I’ll spend my early career in corporate law, then later, once I’m set financially and I’ve paid Mom and Dad back, I’ll move into human rights law and legal aid.”

  “That’s quite the plan.”

  Same old Josh, planning and obsessing. I guess that part doesn’t change when you become immortal—your personality stays the same. Still, he shouldn’t be able to drive himself over the edge this time. Not when there’s no edge for him to go off.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I am at the dinner table with my family. We’re chatting, laughing. It’s as if we’ve reverted back to the old days, the days of potential.

  Josh still drowns his mac and cheese in ketchup. I still tell him it’s pointless, because you can’t taste the cheesiness. He still doesn’t listen.

  My parents are on a high. They’re smiling so much they can hardly keep the food in their mouths.

  “Emily’s coming over at eight,” Josh says. “She’s bringing a movie and Jiffy Pop. You guys up for it?”

  “Sure,” Dad and I say at once.

  Mom nods. “Sounds good!”

  Is this my family?

  Dessert is Josh’s favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s, Chunky Monkey. Josh has three huge scoops. He’s been eating like he hasn’t seen food in decades. There’s no question he’s a Jiang Shi.

  “You’ll have some weight on in no time,” Mom says.

  “I hope to gain twenty pounds by September.”

  “That would be a fun goal to have.” Mom laughs. “Some of us need to go in the opposite direction.”

  It’s good to see that Mom can laugh about it. She must have gained twenty pounds over the last couple of years, and I know it’s because of her worries about Josh. But now that Josh’s back, she can focus on getting healthy again.

  Josh grins. “Yeah, there are worse things than putting on weight, but I’m going to do it right. I’ll eat healthy and go to the gym. You go to the Y, huh, Nic? It’s decent?”

  “And cheap. I have a few guest passes I can give you.”

  “Great.”

  “Just be careful not to put too much strain on your body too quickly,” Dad says.

  “I will.”

  After dinner Josh gathers the plates and starts washing the dishes. My parents look at each other. Even when he was well, Josh never helped out.

  Josh laughs. “What are you staring at? Since you’re not charging me rent, I’m going to pull my weight around here. Nic, you wanna dry?”

  Emily shows up just before eight, and we start watching the movie. It’s a Will Ferrell comedy that cracks us up from the first scene. I can’t remember the last time I hung out with my family.

  For the first time in a long time, I don’t want to be anywhere but here.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Around eleven thirty p.m. my phone lights up. I was hoping it would.

  “You weren’t sleeping, were you?”

  It’s just a formality; Zin knows I’m never in bed before midnight. “No. You on break?” I can hear the street behind him.

  “Yeah. I wanted to find out how things are going.”

  I picture him outside Evermore, wit
hout a coat despite the chilly night, and I can almost catch the scent of him. “It’s been great. We had a family dinner just like old times. You should’ve seen him eat. He’s worse than you.”

  He chuckles. “He’s got some catching up to do.”

  “Yeah. And get this, he’s already planning for the fall. He wants to go back to college.”

  “You always said he was driven.”

  “Definitely. I was thinking . . . what about you telling him that he’s a Jiang Shi? Maybe it would seem less scary coming from you.”

  “It should really be Carlo. He changed him, and he knows why. He can make sense of the Jiang Shi existence better than any of us can, especially me.”

  Maybe he’s right. Zin, with his suspicions about Carlo, might confuse Josh.

  “Have you heard from Gabriel?” I ask.

  “Not yet.”

  I take a breath. “I hope he finds the answers soon.”

  “Me too. I want to trust Carlo. But I mostly want to know the truth. And listen, I’m sorry I didn’t react the way you hoped to Josh being changed. I guess I wasn’t ready for there to be another Jiang Shi.”

  “It’s okay. You know I was against it at first. But now that I have him back, I can’t question it. I love him too much to wish it hadn’t happened.”

  “You’re an angel, Nic,” he says softly.

  “Thanks. Actually, Josh thought Carlo might have been an angel.”

  Zin laughs. “Now that’s funny. I’d have thought an angel is the last thing Carlo would be mistaken for.”

  “I can see it, though. He’s so dark, but there’s something ethereal about him.”

  “Ethereal? You sound like you have a crush on him.”

  I laugh, and he does too. Jealousy could only ever be a game between us, because he knows my soul. And he knows there’s no one but him.

  “So you’re coming in to work tomorrow night, right?” he asks.

  “Yeah.”

  “Feels like I haven’t seen you in years.” He pauses, and I know he’s thinking of our last moment together on the balcony. “I really wanted to call you earlier, see if you wanted to get together . . . but I knew you’d want to spend time with your family.”